


Forget Me Not

by HeavenlyDisaster



Category: Gestalt - Fandom, Mystalt - Fandom, The Rook (TV 2019)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hive Mind, Hope You Like Smut Instead, I Tried To Make It Slow Burn, It Gets Smuttier As I Go, Multi, My Personal Obsession With Ronan Raftery's Hair, One Mind Five Bodies, Smut, i suck at slow burn, this is not a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2020-09-23 09:17:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 98,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20337754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDisaster/pseuds/HeavenlyDisaster
Summary: After the events of Starz The Rook (Season 1) Conrad decides Myfanwy needs a little R&R to hopefully recover some of her lost memories.  For her protection, he decides to send half of the Gestalt with her.  Reluctant to be sent away at first, Myfanwy soon finds there are benefits to being cooped up alone with the hive mind she just can't stop thinking about...."So good! Eager to read more. Cheers!"- HarlequinWantsToWrite"Can't wait for the next chapter!!"- Lola"Damnnnn"- Anongirl





	1. Leave

“Medical leave? I’m not sick! The opposite, in fact. I feel better than ever.” Myfanwy insisted.

Conrad looked positively bored by her reaction. He didn’t look up from the file he was reading. “I cannot have an employee with clearance as high as yours roaming the office with no memory of how to do her job.”

“I seem to do my job just fine for the past week. Took you days to even notice my… problem,” she argued.

“Yes, because Ingrid is very good at your job.” Conrad sighed and looked up at last. “I’m not firing you. Not yet, at least. And medical leave is just the professional term for hoping that a few weeks of relaxation will give your mind time to recuperate and maybe get your memory back.”

Myfanwy gritted her teeth. “So, what? I’m just supposed to sit at home and hope I remember my life before last week?”

Conrad pressed his fingers into the space between his eyes. “No. You’ll be staying at one of our rehabilitation facilities. As for privacy, you’ll have one of the outer houses entirely to yourself. Think of it as a vacation.” He looked at her again. “Just two days ago you were attempting to leave forever. Surely two weeks away is a nice compromise.”

“You’re forgetting what happened when I tried to leave two days ago. I was almost sold to the Chinese!”

Conrad scratched his temple before holding out his hands palms up. “The facility is very carefully monitored and protected, but if it makes you feel better I am sending Eliza and Robert with you. You’ve known them for almost as long as you’ve been at the Chequy. They might even be able to jog some of your memories.”

Myfanwy opened her mouth to argue further, but Conrad put his hand up to stop her.

“It’s done, Myfanwy. Now you can use this time as it’s intended, to help you recover some of your lost memories and restore your position as a valuable asset of the Chequy, _or_ you can continue fighting me until I’m left with no choice other than to fire you.” 

Myfanwy stared at him without moving. She had been avoiding telling him or anyone about her newly tapped power. Her control was still rocky at best. And the idea of her being used as an assassin made her more than a little queasy.

“Gestalt is waiting downstairs.” Conrad said dismissively, turning back to his files.

Defeated and pissed off, Myfanwy stormed from the office and down the stairs. Eliza met her at the end of the stairs.

“It really isn’t as bad as you’re making it seem, you know.” Eliza offered as they led Myfanwy down to the car park.

“And if I just can’t remember anything?” Myfanwy challenged.

Eliza frowned and looked away. Not before Myfanwy caught a glimpse of the distress in their eyes. She suddenly wished Conrad hadn’t decided to send any of them with her. They couldn’t hold a conversation with her for more than two minutes before they got that aggrieved look in their eyes that made Myfanwy want to roll over in her grave.

Robert was in the driver’s seat when they reached the car. A sleek, black sedan. Nondescript as most Chequy assets were meant to be. Myfanwy got in the front passenger seat and crossed her arms. They fought a grin at her childish behavior.

“Put your seatbelt on, please.”

Myfanwy glowered for a second longer before pulling the seatbelt over her chest and clicking it into place. She slouched down in her seat and crossed her arms back over her chest. Eliza and Robert shared an amused look in the rearview mirror as Robert pulled out of the car park and onto the road.

After a few silent minutes, Myfanwy took note of their direction. She sat up and frowned at the street signs.

“Why aren’t we going back to my apartment?”

“I thought Conrad told you that you were staying at one of the Chequy’s rehab facilities?” Eliza said from the backseat.

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “Do I not get to wear my own clothes then? Can I not pack a bag?”

“I’ve already packed some of your things,” Robert said.

Myfanwy narrowed her eyes at them. “You went into my apartment?”

Gestalt pressed their lips together.

“You went through my closet?” She insisted. Embarrassment welled up in her chest. She knew it was irrational. Just days ago the entire Chequy had gone through every inch of her apartment when they assumed she was a spy for the Lugat. For some reason when it was Gestalt she felt… violated. Betrayed.

“It’s just clothes, Myf. It’s not like I walked in on you naked,” Robert said. Then, both Eliza and Robert blushed and pressed their lips together again. 

Myfanwy knew what they were remembering. She just didn’t remember it herself. Their shared night together. Was it just one of them? Was it all four at once? And the logistics of it. Five people on one bed…. Or was it a bed? Myfanwy found herself blushing, too.

The safest course of action seemed to be riding in silence for the next hour. The rehab facility looked more like a detention center for all its guard towers and barbed wire. Robert held out a plastic I.D. card to the guard at the entrance. He scanned it before hitting a button and opening the gates.

They didn’t go to the main house. Myfanwy stared up at the great, gleaming white house as they passed. She remembered where she’d seen it before. At least, an imitation of it. In the pictures on that first day. When Farrier had taken her to the Chequy’s doctor to determine the severity of her condition. She stared at it until it fell out of sight.

Robert finally stopped the car in front of a much smaller house. A cottage, really. Not unpleasant in appearance. It almost reminded her of something. A nudging of familiarity. Something she should know. Her brow furrowed as she tried to force herself to remember.

“Are you alright?” Gestalt asked as one snapping Myfanwy out of her daze.

She nodded and unbuckled her seatbelt. Eliza was already at the trunk pulling out suitcases. Myfanwy turned away from the cottage and tried to glimpse the main house from where she stood. 

“Where are we?”

Robert took three of the bags from Eliza. “About an hour north of London,” they said cryptically.

Myfanwy sighed and followed them into the cottage. She recognized her suitcases in Eliza’s hands before she took them into a back room. Robert took their things into the other bedroom.

“Hungry?” Eliza asked, moving toward the kitchen.

“No.”

Eliza stopped in her tracks and frowned. “Oh. Alright.”

“You should eat though. If you’re hungry.”

They smiled and shook their head.

“What would you like to do then?” Robert asked, emerging from their bedroom.

“Go back to my flat and resume my life.” She muttered.

“You know you can’t do that unless your memory comes back.”

“I don’t see why it really matters. I fooled you all long enough without it. If I never told you, you’d all still think I was the other Myfanwy.” Myfanwy tossed herself onto the couch and folded her arms over her stomach.

Gestalt was quiet. It took her a second to realize what she’d said. She sat up. “Sorry. That was mean.”

Eliza licked their lips and shook their head without looking at Myfanwy. Robert crossed their arms. Not in anger more like he was holding himself together.

“You did tell us,” Eliza started.

“Because you were a suspected spy for the Lugat,” Robert continued.

“Because your strange behavior _was_ noticed,” Eliza added.

Robert and Eliza moved to sit across the room from her. “I just never thought this would be the cause,” they finished together.

It was quiet again for a long while. Somewhere nearby a clock ticked through the seconds. Myfanwy stared up at the ceiling because looking anywhere else meant seeing Gestalt. She knew they were looking at her. And she knew that if she looked at them she’d see that same pained expression on both faces.

“What are Alex and Teddy doing?”

“I don’t think –”

“Oh, come on. You can’t even tell me what you’re doing? We’re miles away. What am I going to do?”

Gestalt gave a small smile. “Teddy’s running interference for Conrad regarding the Russia incident and Alex is at the hospital with Monica,” Robert conceded.

“Monica’s in the hospital? What happened to her?” Myfanwy sat up in alarm.

“She went to ask Nazim to erase her memories of Marcus Kevler. Something happened and Monica had a brain bleed and went into a coma,” Eliza explained.

“Nazim did that to her?”

“He didn’t mean to. He’s torn up about it. Hasn’t come out of his room since after it happened.”

“No, of course he didn’t mean to! He’s a good kid.” Myfanwy dropped her head into her hands. “God! He must be so terrified.”

Myfanwy didn’t have to imagine how he was feeling. She was all too aware of the way it felt to realize you were a danger to everyone around you. The desperation to feel like anything other than cursed. The impulse to lock yourself away in a dark room and throw away the key.

“I need to speak to him.”

“You can’t,” Gestalt barked.

“Please,” Myfanwy begged, “I’m the only one here who knows what he’s going through.”

Gestalt frowned and narrowed their eyes. “Do you?”

“Yes! Just… give me a phone or something.”

“Nazim doesn’t have a phone.”

“Then give him one of yours.”

Gestalt traded another look. They had their orders, but Myfanwy had a feeling they would give her what she wanted.

“Please, Gestalt.”

“Just this once.”

Myfanwy smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

“We’ll be monitoring the call the whole time.”

“Whatever you need to do.”

Gestalt sighed and Eliza pulled their phone out of their pocket. She found the number for Alex’s phone and paused. Myfanwy stared at them in anticipation. When nothing happened she became impatient.

“Did you change your mind?” She demanded, readying herself for further argument.

Robert shook his head. “No? I’m driving back to New Glengrove.”

Myfanwy sagged back into the couch. “Oh.”

A few minutes later, Eliza pressed send on the phone and handed it to Myfanwy. She took it and pressed it to her ear, turning her body slightly away from Gestalt. A small act of privacy she knew would do absolutely nothing.

“Myfanwy?” Nazim’s small voice came through the phone. She could tell he’d been crying.

“It’s me. I’m sorry I couldn’t come see you in person.”

Nazim sniffled. “You heard about what I did.”

“You were trying to do something good, Nazim. Like what you did for the little girl at that camp in France. Like what you were trying to do for me.”

“So why did you become empty and Monica….” Nazim choked on a sob and Myfanwy’s heart broke for him.

“I’ve actually been thinking a lot about that. The memories you took from the little girl were all bad memories. Like removing a… a malignant tumor. But my memories weren’t all bad. The feelings I get when I see things and people from my old life are happy. When you removed those it was like removing a heart or a lung. For Monica, too. She loved Marcus. She had a lot of good memories with him. Removing him was the same as removing a part of her.”

“You’re saying I took away your heart when I took away your memories?” Nazim sounded horrified.

“Like I said, you thought you were doing something good. You couldn’t know what you would be taking away from me.” Myfanwy explained hastily.

“I could, though. Memories feel… different. The bad ones and the good ones when I touch them they have different feelings. I could have known. I could have stopped it.” Nazim’s voice grew far away.

“No! That’s what I’m saying, Nazim. Even if you did know happy memories from sad ones, you wouldn’t know the effect it would have on the person you’re removing them from. All you can do is keep practicing. Work at it until the only people you’re a danger to are the ones that are a danger to you.”

“And if Monica never wakes up?”

“I never blamed you for what happened. Monica wouldn’t either. She knew there were risks.”

Nazim was quiet for a few moments. “Alright.”

“Alright? So will you do something for me? A favor. Will you take care of yourself? Eat all your meals. Shower, go to school, play with your friends. Monica would appreciate it too. She went through a lot to keep you safe. It’d be downright rude to throw all her hard work away.”

“I can do that.”

“Good. I’ll talk to you soon. I promise.” Myfanwy hung up and handed the phone back to Eliza. She stood up and stretched.

“Well, I’m starving. What about you?”

Myfanwy opened the refrigerator and frowned at the meager contents. She stood upright and shut the door again.

“I don’t suppose we could order pizza?” She suggested.

“I’ll go pick some up.” Eliza said hastily.

Myfanwy watched her snatch the keys up from where Robert had left them by the door and leave. She heard the car start up and pull away. 

“Something I said?”

Robert didn’t respond.

“If it was going to upset you, why listen at all?” She muttered.

Myfanwy turned back to the cupboards. Most of them were empty. Two were stocked with canned foods and one with military rations. Myfanwy slapped the doors shut in irritation. If they were going to lock her up there they could at least spring for some decent food.

“What are you looking for?” Robert finally asked.

Myfanwy got to her feet to search the taller cabinets. “Conrad said this was a vacation. Last I checked, people are allowed to drink on vacations. So where’s the liquor?”

She heard him sigh heavily. Myfanwy stopped what she was doing and turned around to face him.

“What?”

“You’re supposed to be trying to get your memories back.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “I’m _supposed_ to be relaxing.”

She turned back to the cabinets and went up on her tiptoes to try and see into the backs of the cupboard. There, right up against the wall, she spied a bottle of what looked to be tequila. She stretched as far as she could, her fingertips just brushing the glass bottle. She didn’t hear him move, but he was suddenly behind her. His height gave him an advantage and he easily grabbed the bottle out of the cabinet.

Myfanwy felt warm all over. She always did when it came to Gestalt. A feeling she spent most of last week tamping down with the fear that they had been the one to erase her memories. Not easily done when she felt a burning desire to grab onto them all and never let them go.

“Here.” He handed her the bottle. 

Myfanwy tamed the blush rising in her cheeks. She wanted to remember whatever it was she had with Gestalt. She’d told them as much. Ever since they’d found out about her memory they’d pushed her away. Maybe it was too late. Maybe she’d never know. Maybe she’d be stuck with these burning feelings whenever she saw them. Forever.

She took a large gulp of tequila reveling in the burn as it moved from her mouth to her throat to her lungs. She grabbed a tumbler from the cabinet and went back to the couch.

“I remember drinking,” she started, “when I was a kid, I mean.”

Robert looked up at her wonderingly. It felt awkward telling them the hazy pieces of her life she found hidden beneath her childhood bedside table. Awkward, but it also felt right. Like it was only natural to tell Gestalt everything. Spending the past week keeping secrets from them was the strange part.

“I had a lot of friends and they all came over to my house and we sat in the backyard talking and drinking and playing around. It felt… warm. It felt like being with you.”

Robert stared at her with his mouth partly open. She took the opportunity to take another gulp from the bottle while he contemplated his next question. Or statement.

“Did you remember that the night Farrier told me to pick you up from the bar?”

Myfanwy smiled sadly. “No. No, that night I was drinking because I _couldn’t_ remember. I was just so… frustrated. I tried retracing my steps. I tried being around things that should have been familiar to me. I tried everything and I was still a blank. The only thing I did know was that I killed ten people somehow and I didn’t know how to stop it if it happened again.”

“Ten people who were going to hurt you.”

Myfanwy took another drink. “I didn’t know that then, did I?”

After a long look at Gestalt, Myfanwy set the tumbler down on the coffee table and poured a splash of tequila into it. 

“I have a question.”

“I’d imagine you’d have several.” They replied dryly.

Myfanwy smirked and nudged the glass of liquor toward them. “If you drink that and one of your other bodies is driving will they be driving under the influence?”

Robert leaned forward and picked the glass up off the table. Maintaining eye contact with her, he downed the entire contents and leaned back. 

“Four bodies means four different metabolisms. The rest of me is fine.” 

She leaned back again. Pensive. Her thoughts were starting to swirl the way she intended. She hadn’t bothered with breakfast that morning. Not with the Russia threat looming. She hadn’t slept the night before either. Every time she shut her eyes the Lugat were lunging for her. Sticking her back in that horrid box. Auctioning her off.

“Is it my turn to ask a question?”

Robert was still leaned toward her. His green eyes wide with interest. She was almost afraid of what they might ask. She knew she’d answer whatever question they had as best she could. She gave them a tight smile and nodded.

“You told Nazim there were things that gave you feelings about memories. I just wonder what some of those things might be.”

Myfanwy swallowed and took a steadying breath. “Um, just the diary I kept when I was a teenager. It was about the only thing in my whole childhood home that gave me anything. Um, there was a box in my apartment that gave me a bad feeling, though that’s no surprise. Oh, and there was a dress in my hamper that felt good. Blue, silky, smelled like….” She dropped her eyes and blushed.

“I remember that dress,” Robert whispered hoarsely. 

“You said something to me that bothered me.” Myfanwy brought her hand to the back of her neck.

“I’ve probably said a lot to bother you in the past week seeing as you had no idea what I was going on about.”

Myfanwy shook her head. “No, it…. Do you remember the day you came to my apartment. Right before you found out about my memory?”

Robert nodded.

“Well, you said that you thought that I only fucked you to get you out of the way, but I don’t think that’s right. Of course I don’t _know_ if it’s right or not, but I don’t think I’d feel so…. Well, I don’t think I’d feel like I do when I’m around you if it was.” She scratched her ear and wrinkled her nose self-consciously. “If I felt nothing for you that wouldn’t be true. My feelings for you had to be deep or I don’t think I’d still feel them without my memories.”

“You also said you didn’t know what feelings you had for me,” Eliza said, opening the door. “The very next day.”

She set the pizzas down and dropped the keys by the door before going to sit beside Robert.

“Because I was _scared_.”

“Of me?” Gestalt said as one. 

“Of all of it! You were so angry. Of course you had a right to be, but I was angry too. I was so mad about all of it. I was mad I couldn’t remember anything. I was mad I couldn’t remember you. I was mad that I had put that look on your face. The whole week! You were so hurt and I told myself that there was a chance you had something to do with what happened so I kept it to myself. Then I worked it all out and it was too late to do anything else about it.” 

She set the bottle down on the coffee table and walked around the couch.

“Where are you going?” Eliza asked, gently.

“To bed. I need to be alone.” 

“Aren’t you hungry?” Robert called.

“No!”


	2. Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy makes a prison break and realizes the danger her EVA poses to those around her.

Of course she didn’t sleep. She couldn’t. As soon as she tried closing her eyes the smell of Latex had her bolting upright. She could hear Gestalt moving around occasionally, but she’d stirred that hornets’ nest enough for one day.

She gave up around midnight and flicked on the lamp next to her bed. If only she had word from Farrier or Bronwyn she might be able to relax. Even a little. Something to know that they were truly safe.

Her stomach growled. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten anything. Sometime before the Lugat had kidnapped her, but she couldn’t narrow it down. The pizza in the kitchen was calling to her.

She pulled her door open slowly and peeked down the hall toward the living room. No sign of Gestalt. She let out her breath and tiptoed toward the kitchen. Gestalt’s door was open. Myfanwy’s curiosity stopped her. She edged the door open just a bit further.

They slept on the same side of the bed leaving half of it free. Eliza slept on her side while Robert slept on his back. She wondered how Alex and Teddy slept. Or if it bothered them to sleep apart. She tucked those questions away and continued on to the kitchen.

She was halfway through her second slice of cold pizza when she spied the car keys still on the table beside the door. Unguarded. She finished her pizza and wiped her hands off on a napkin. She was wearing night clothes. Nothing fit to be out and about in. If she went back to her room to change the chances the Gestalt woke up doubled. If she went out as she was… well….

She would risk it. 

She walked on the balls of her feet to the door. She carefully lifted the keys from the table. Slowly so they wouldn’t make so much noise. She turned the doorknob, but it didn’t budge. She tried again. There was no lock on it so it didn’t make sense. She pulled experimentally. Nothing.

“Doors lock automatically at nine.” 

Myfanwy gasped in surprise and whipped around to face Gestalt. She dropped the keys on her foot. The edge of one dug into her skin and a small pucker of blood formed in the next second.

“Shit.” Myfanwy bent to retrieve the keys and throw them back onto the table before examining her foot.

Gestalt was there as quickly. Eliza’s soft fingers pet the area around the tiny wound. 

“It’s nothing. Doesn’t even need a plaster,” Myfanwy assured them.

“Was your great escape plan to wait until I fell asleep and try to leave?” Robert asked.

Myfanwy frowned insolently and refused to answer.

“What were you going to do about the guard at the gate? You don’t have clearance identification. They wouldn’t let you out.” Eliza reminded her.

“It wasn’t a plan. I got hungry and I saw the keys just lying there….”

Eliza pulled Myfanwy to her feet. “For someone who keeps insisting they enjoy being in my company, you certainly don’t waste any time trying to get away from me.”

Myfanwy scowled. “Some things aren’t about you, you know.”

Eliza dropped one of Myfanwy’s hands and brushed the back of her fingers across her cheek. “No?”

“Conrad tells you that you’re going to spend two weeks alone in a cottage with no one but me for company and you act like it’s the end of the world,” Robert bemoaned.

Eliza toyed with a strand of Myfanwy’s hair. “Barely two days ago you were begging me to help you remember what we had.”

“Yes, but by taking me somewhere that meant something to us. Not… rehab.”

Eliza dropped her hands and took a step back. “You really don’t remember _anything_ about this place?”

Myfanwy paused. There was _something_. She felt it when she’d gotten out of the car. She just didn’t know what it was. It didn’t feel especially good. She couldn’t put her finger on it. But it wasn’t all bad either.

“I don’t remember.”

That pained look was back in Gestalt’s eyes. Like she’d kicked their puppy into the river. Just as her heart was starting to ache again, Myfanwy yawned. She would sleep if she could remember how. At least how without the nightmares.

“You should go back to sleep. It’s the middle of the night.”

Myfanwy chewed at the inside of her lip and nodded.

“Something wrong?”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to confess her fears to Gestalt. Not when she was here because Conrad worried that she couldn’t handle her job. Telling them she was so traumatized by the Lugat that she couldn’t sleep was not going to help her get back to normal. Or as close to normal as she’d ever been.

Myfanwy moved around Eliza and walked back down the hallway and into her room. After a few minutes, she heard Gestalt go back to their room and the creak of the bed as they lay back down.

Myfanwy investigated the bookshelf against the wall separating hers and Gestalt’s rooms. There were about a hundred books. All of them literary classics. She ran her finger across their spines as she read the titles in the dim light from her lamp. She selected _Frankenstein_ and went to read on her bed.

Her eyelids grew heavy after two chapters. She slumped forward as she succumbed. It was dark for a long time. She was alone in the darkness. Or she thought she was, but a creeping feeling was tickling up her spine. She started to run. Whatever was in the darkness with her was behind her. 

Hands grabbed her out of the darkness. No faces. Gloved hands pulling her back. Myfanwy screamed, but the sound wasn’t coming out. Out ahead of her she could see Gestalt turned away from her. They couldn’t hear her. She cleared her throat and tried to scream again.

“Myf, wake up.” 

The hands didn’t leave her like the darkness did. She jerked away from them and promptly fell off the bed. She leapt back to her feet with her hands held out in front of her. The lights flickered and she could feel the familiar energy of her EVA surging.

“Myfanwy, it’s just me,” Eliza said from the other side of her bed.

It took her another second to separate this Gestalt from her dream Gestalt. When she did, she dropped her hands and the energy dissipated. She was still breathing hard. Like she’d been running. 

“Are you okay?” Eliza asked carefully.

Myfanwy took a couple shaky breaths before trying to answer. “I’m fine. You just surprised me is all.”

Eliza narrowed her eyes at her. “You were screaming.”

“Was I?”

She frowned. “You were screaming my name. Like I was torturing you or something.”

Myfanwy winced. “No. No, it wasn’t you that was…. Look, I don’t really want to talk about it, okay?”

For a second she thought they might press the issue, but they sighed resignedly and nodded. “All right, well, I’m almost back with breakfast if you want to shower and change.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

She truly didn’t know which was worse; the nightmare where she woke again and again in the rain surrounded by the bodies of people she’d killed or the nightmare of being kidnapped by the Lugat. She contemplated this as she washed her hair and changed into fresh clothes.

Eliza smiled tensely at her when she finally emerged from the bathroom. Myfanwy looked down at her hands. She had come terrifyingly close to hurting them. She’d have to figure out how to control herself better.

She looked into the kitchen at the bag of bagels on the counter. “Alex? Where’s Robert?”

“He was needed at the Chequy,” Eliza supplied.

“Don’t worry, we’ll swap back tomorrow.”

“I wasn’t worried. I was curious. Maybe confused,” Myfanwy corrected. “If you’re here, who’s watching over Monica?” She took a bite of her bagel.

“Monica’s in a coma. She’s got a whole fleet of doctors and nurses monitoring her condition at all times. If anything changes they have orders to call me.”

Myfanwy nodded distractedly. Her mind was still on her nightmares and her unpredictable powers. Fear was a big trigger, she knew that much. So what if she had another nightmare and her EVA was triggered, but she didn’t wake up in time to stop it? Gestalt was sleeping barely ten feet away from her and she knew she’d affected things through walls before. Bristol had told her as much.

“If the Chequy needs you all so badly why is Conrad making you waste your time babysitting me?”

“I don’t think of this as wasting my time,” Gestalt said at once. They seemed almost offended that she would suggest that.

Myfanwy pulled her bagel apart in her hands. “I only meant to say that you don’t need to stay here with me.”

Gestalt was quiet for a minute. “Is this another escape ploy?” Alex suggested.

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “No. You’ve already made it very clear that that wouldn’t work anyway.”

“Then why are you trying to get rid of me?”

Myfanwy dropped her bagel onto the counter and dusted the crumbs off her hands. “Just forget I said anything, okay?” It wasn’t like she planned on falling asleep again anytime soon anyway.

Eliza turned on the television to the news and Alex pulled up something on his phone. Two news anchors were arguing over whether they believed the P.M. was qualified to handle his position or not. It became background noise as Myfanwy spiraled in her worry.

If there was only one Gestalt body with her and she hurt or even killed it, what would that do to the rest of Gestalt? Would all of Gestalt die? Or would it be like amputating a limb for a normal person? Does that make it worse if there are two Gestalt bodies? Worst case scenario – she kills Gestalt in her sleep. Best case scenario – she figures out how to control her power so it doesn’t fire off while she’s unconscious.

“Can I go outside?”

Gestalt looked up at her, “Of course. You aren’t in prison. You’re free to walk around the grounds as you’d like.”

“Though I’d suggest you steer clear of the main house. They like to assume anyone who isn’t staff is a patient.”

“They’ll lock you away for real.”

“I’d get you out, of course, but the less time I have to spend talking to the Matron the better.”

Gestalt grinned at her like there was some great joke there she wasn’t getting.

Myfanwy nodded and returned a tight smile of her own before pulling the door open and stepping back outside. She was surprised when Gestalt didn’t immediately follow after her. Maybe they had realized just how much danger they’d been in this morning and wanted to distance themselves too.

There was a trail that led into the woods behind the cottage. It was narrow and clearly hadn’t been used for some time. She was glad she had had the foresight to put on sneakers in place of her typical dress loafers. She walked for a ways before she found a squirrel hugging a tree.

Myfanwy took a deep breath and focused, trying to draw that familiar surge up from wherever it slept. It was a tightness in her chest. She could feel the electricity. That wasn’t exactly right. It was near indescribable. She felt it all around her, swirling and churning like a storm. She knew what would happen if she released it. She had seen the aftermath plenty of times.

Bringing her attention back to the squirrel, Myfanwy directed her energy straight ahead of her. It was hard. The energy fought against her. It wanted to spread out in every direction, not just straight ahead. She kept herself focused and watched the squirrel go completely still. It let out a choked squeal and fell from the tree. 

Myfanwy gasped and let go of the energy she was building. It disappeared back to wherever it came from as she hurried forward to see what she had done. The squirrel lie in a puddle of its own blood. Its black eyes were rolled up into its head.

“Shit!”

“You’re using your EVA at will?” Alex said behind her.

“God! Gestalt! Quit sneaking up behind me will you?” She cried standing up.

“Sorry,” Alex said without sounding remotely sorry. “You can really control it now?”

Myfanwy looked down at the dead squirrel. “Does it really look like I can control it?”

She didn’t wait for him to answer. She stomped around him and headed back to the cottage. Alex didn’t follow her again. At least, not right away. She glanced back over her shoulder to see him crouched down examining the squirrel.

“How did you figure out how to tap into your EVA?” Eliza asked the second she stepped back into the cottage.

Myfanwy huffed and stepped around her toward the kitchen. She scrubbed at the weird dirt that collected on her hands whenever she used her EVA. “When I knew it was my only chance to save myself and Gemma.” She flicked the excess water off and dried her hands on a paper towel.

“Gemma?”

Myfanwy took a slow breath and turned to Eliza with her hands on her hips. Bracing herself for the conversation. “The little girl I was being transferred with. After we were sold by the Lugat.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because whatever you think you saw in the woods, that was _not_ control,” Myfanwy snapped.

Eliza flinched at her tone and Myfanwy immediately regretted it. 

“I’m sorry,” she said on a sigh, “it’s just been a lot lately. You understand?”

Eliza nodded. “Of course.”

Myfanwy went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Eliza kept glancing up at her, but it was obvious she was trying to give her space. Alex came back in a few minutes later behaving the same way. With the two of them, there was hardly a second where one of them wasn’t looking at her.

Myfanwy sighed. “So, can I ask why you had to switch out bodies?”

Alex and Eliza looked at themselves. “There are certain assets who don’t know what I am. What they can be persuaded to tell one body, they wouldn’t to another.”

“You mean like a honey pot.” Gestalt blushed and Myfanwy’s eyes widened. “Interesting.”

Eliza cleared her throat. “You know, Conrad can put you back at New Glengrove to work on your EVA control. You could be retrained as a field agent.”

“Don’t tell Conrad,” she blurted. She took a breath. “Please? Not yet. I don’t want him to know yet.”

Without waiting for an answer, Myfanwy took her water and went to hide in her room. 


	3. Things I almost Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy has a memory.

Hours later, there was a knock on her bedroom door. She was a few pages from finishing _Frankenstein_. 

“Come in,” she called without looking up from the book.

Alex opened the door and stepped inside. She continued reading, aware that he was watching her. She frowned. They always distracted her so easily. Old Myfanwy really should have given her warning about that.

She turned the page and continued reading. Alex moved over to the bookshelf and looked over the titles. She stared at the final page a few minutes after she finished reading it wondering how long Gestalt would continue to stand there in silence.

Myfanwy stood from the bed and went to return the book to its proper place on the bookshelf. Alex looked down at her hand, letting his fingers whisper across the back of it. Myfanwy looked up at him expectantly. Was he going to give her a pep talk? Or a scolding? Or something worse?

“This morning you said you wanted me to leave,” he murmured.

“I only suggested you might be happier back at home and the Chequy.”

Alex brought his hand to his mouth and started to chew at his thumbnail. Myfanwy grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away. An automatic response. Muscle memory. 

“You wrote me a letter before that whole mess with you at the Lugat.”

Myfanwy blushed. “You got that?”

“You said you needed to be alone to figure out who you are without me around. If that’s what you’re asking for I can do that. I just thought…. Well, when you came back to the Chequy instead of trying to leave again I suppose I hoped maybe you’d changed your mind. But I realize now that that might have been my own selfish assumption and you just didn’t want to hurt my feelings telling me I was wrong.”

Myfanwy frowned. “Do you still want me?”

Alex’s eyes widened in confusion and embarrassment. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you did say you didn’t know me.” Myfanwy shrugged. “The way you said it sounded a lot like, ‘You’re dead to me.’ So I just assumed you didn’t… feel that way anymore.”

Alex swallowed. “So you’re the only one that’s allowed to lie?”

Myfanwy became acutely aware of the lamp flickering. She felt the energy swirling. Not as powerful as it had been in the woods, but the risk of it growing out of control was there. Along with the fear of somehow hurting Gestalt in any way.

“Is there any pizza left?” She asked backing away. She saw the confusion in Gestalt’s eyes. Instead of waiting for them to voice their confusion, she hurried to the kitchen and pulled a piece of cold pizza out of the box. 

“You make it so difficult to think properly around you,” Eliza announced.

“I’m not having such an easy time of it myself.”

Eliza gave her a sad smile. “I’m not helping, am I?” It wasn’t a question. “No more memories of us running up a hill in the rain or flashes of emotion.”

Myfanwy swallowed a bite of pizza. “I didn’t say that.”

Eliza’s brows drew together. “Have you remembered something?”

“Not anything so concrete as a memory, but I have had flashes.” Myfanwy looked around the cottage as she chewed her pizza. “I should remember this place. I know I should. I just don’t remember what it is that I’m supposed to remember.”

Gestalt chewed on their thumbnail. “This is where Farrier put you after Glengrove.”

Myfanwy tried to remember that. But, like the actual Glengrove incident, she found herself staring at a blank wall. There was nothing there. 

“You were catatonic for almost a month. Scared me to death, but Farrier wouldn’t let anyone come see you. She insisted you needed time to process it alone. I nearly hunted Bristol down and strangled him for what he’d done to you.”

“You sure it wasn’t out of jealousy?” Myfanwy teased.

Gestalt rolled all four of their eyes making Myfanwy grin wider. “Never understood your interest in him.”

“I think it was because he wasn’t you.” She saw the pain blossom in Gestalt’s eyes. “Let me finish.” They eyed her skeptically, but waited for her to continue. “I had flashes of Bristol when I went to see him last week. I knew I’d had a relationship with him, but there was something strange in the memories I couldn’t work out right away. 

“The memories I’ve had of you were… something else. Something more. I felt more. So I think one of the biggest reasons for involving myself with Bristol was because I was running from the feelings I had for you.” Myfanwy tossed her pizza crust in the bin and wiped her mouth. “I think you were mistaken when you said I’ve always known the way I make you feel. I don’t think I had any clue at all back at Glengrove.”

Something flashed in her memory then. The cottage was there. She was lying on the bed in the dark. All alone. She felt almost exactly like when she had woken up on the bridge. She had been alone for weeks. Farrier had come and gone a few times, but she’d never spoken to her.

It was dark outside her window, but she didn’t sleep. Just like now, nightmares plagued her. Then, a bright beacon of light in the darkness, Gestalt’s face appeared in her window. It was Teddy, she could tell even in the dark. Even in her depressed haze.

He grinned at her easily. A smile that could make her forget about the monster she was. It was the first time she’d actually gotten out of bed since she’d arrived. Gestalt waved her back and held up a hammer. The windows locked along with the doors every night. For her protection, of course.

Myfanwy ducked behind the bed and shut her eyes as the window shattered beneath Teddy’s blow. He shouted at her to grab her shoes and coat. Robert and Alex met them in the woods. Eliza was distracting the guards up front, but an alarm was going off so they had to be quick.

“Interesting that you went from prison break to prison guard.” She murmured.

“What?” Gestalt asked in surprise.

Myfanwy smiled. “I’m surprised you didn’t take your hammer to Bristol’s glass birds.”

The smile that spread over Gestalt’s face was warming. She was proud of herself for remembering. Even more proud for putting a happy expression on Gestalt’s face for a change.

“Well, the prison break didn’t last very long. Farrier had the window repaired by the time they dragged you back. And I got a very stern talking to. But they let us see each other after that. Though you had to stay in quarantine.”

Myfanwy nodded. “I got better, but I wouldn’t use my EVA. Farrier told me.”

“Am I allowed to tell Conrad you’re remembering?” Alex asked.

Myfanwy arched a brow at him. “Does that mean you haven’t been keeping him apprised of the situation this whole time?” She gave a little half smile at their confused expressions. “All this time I thought the purpose in splitting you up was so he would have a Gestalt radio relay. Two here to keep an eye on me and two there to keep him informed as to what I was doing.”

“That may have been his intentions,” Eliza said, “but it wasn’t mine.”

“I only wanted to help you. Be with you.”

“And if you really do want me to leave, I will.”

“Conrad can kiss my arse.”

Myfanwy smiled at the counter between them. 

“Ah!” Gestalt gasped suddenly. 

Myfanwy looked between them in alarm. They looked like they were in real, physical pain. Myfanwy’s stomach dropped clear out. She didn’t feel the swirling energy, but could she be hurting them anyway? She didn’t feel like she could breathe.

“Are you alright? What happened?”

Eliza turned for the door and grabbed the car keys. “It’s nothing.”

“I have to go.”

“What? Both of you?”

They were out the door and hurrying toward the car in the next second. Myfanwy followed helplessly. She didn’t think she was the source of their pain. Nevertheless, seeing them hurt made her stomach twist.

“I’ll send someone to bring you food.”

“If you go anywhere make sure you’re back inside before nine or you’ll be sleeping outside.”

“Gestalt, wait! What’s happening?”

They didn’t answer. Eliza threw the car into gear and sped back down the dirt road and away from her. Myfanwy stayed there a few seconds longer. Some part of her hoped it was just a sick joke. They’d come back and laugh and say, ‘Gotcha!’

It was amazing how empty the cottage felt without them. Even if she had secluded herself for most of the past two days, it was a comfort to hear the occasional shuffling of feet or clearing of a throat and know that Gestalt was just through her door. Now she was completely alone. The ticking of the clock the only sound and instead of comfort she only felt agitation.

They hadn’t left her with a phone or any means to contact the outside world. They hadn’t left her with anything really. She hadn’t needed anything when Gestalt was with her. Now she felt abandoned.

She didn’t sleep once again. Even if it was relatively safe to do so. The nightmares didn’t let up. In fact, they were added to with visions of her torturing Gestalt with her EVA until they were a gasping puddle of blood gurgling at her feet. She was torn between wanting them to come back and wanting to protect them by keeping them away.

Some white clothed nurse came by in an electric cart the next morning to bring her breakfast. Not bagels. It looked like it was a standard issue breakfast for the hospital patients. Congealed oatmeal. She threw it in the bin without touching it.

She read through _Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde_ that day and turned on the television in hopes of clearing her thoughts. The worry was gnawing at her relentlessly. She left the television on some black and white musical and fell asleep on the couch.

She jolted awake only an hour later shaking violently and covered in sweat. The musical had finished and an old episode of some sci-fi show had started up. Myfanwy flicked the television off and went to shower.

She heard the door lock click at nine o’ clock on the dot and resigned herself to the fact that Gestalt would not be making appearance this day either. She pulled another book from the shelf at random and sat on her bed to read it. _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_. Myfanwy sighed and tossed it back toward the bookshelf. 

There was an unbelievable amount of books about monsters for a place they sent her to recover from her monstrous act. She leaned back against her pillows and closed her eyes. She shied away from the memories of the Lugat and tried her best to ignore the burgeoning feelings that she was a monster like all those in the stories.

Myfanwy shifted down in the bed. She was exhausted. She couldn’t deny that. Sleep had been practically nonexistent for as long as she remembered. Granted, that wasn’t a very long stretch of time, but it was enough. 

This time, when the hands came in the darkness, they were different. The Lugats’ gloved hands dug into her skin like talons. They felt like they were determined to rip her apart. These new hands were gentle. Stroking not clawing. They felt so nice Myfanwy could just melt.

It took her a minute to realize that it was Gestlat’s hands. All eight. Roving her body like a miracle. Myfanwy sighed and found Teddy’s lips. She was still in the dark, but she knew. Like she knew it was Eliza’s hands sliding up her thighs. Like she knew it was Robert’s tongue between her legs. Like she knew it was Alex’s mouth on her neck.

She didn’t know how. It was practically instinctual. She turned her head and traded Teddy’s lips for Eliza. Teddy’s mouth moved to her bare chest just as Robert started using his fingers to go with his tongue. She gasped into Eliza’s mouth and moaned in pleasure.

In that second she felt worshipped. Like she wasn’t a monster, but a goddess. She moaned and twisted deeper into their hands. She needed more. Selfish as that was. Insane as that was. Eight hands, four bodies, and she still wasn’t satisfied? It was almost embarrassing. 

“Gestalt….” She moaned.

And from all around her she could hear her name whispered back to her like a prayer. 


	4. Three Quarters Short of a Quartet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt is back, but... What's this?! Angst!?

When she woke up, the sun was streaming through the window. She was tangled in her sheets like she’d been wrestling an octopus. For the first time in over a week, she felt rested. And embarrassed.

She decided a walk would be best. She’d kept herself cooped up in the house since Gestalt bolted two days earlier. The nurse left her breakfast on the counter. Myfanwy didn’t even look at it before heading out into the woods.

Another memory came to her then. She was young. They all were. Camped out in the woods, three Gestalt and two other kids whose names Myfanwy couldn’t seem to remember. Survival skills. If they found themselves alone in the wilderness they needed to be able to fend for themselves.

The tents they were supplied with only slept two so Eliza slept with Myfanwy. She remembered touching her soft hair and immediately hiding her hand in her sleeping bag and pretending to be asleep out of embarrassment. When she opened her eyes seconds later she saw Robert and Alex staring at her.

They hadn’t made sense to her then. She didn’t realize they all felt what one felt so when she’d brushed her hand through Eliza’s hair, Robert and Alex felt it, too. Doubly embarrassing. She turned over and tried to avoid their eyes.

The trail ended at a tall fence topped with barbed wire. There was a bench there, overgrown with vines and moss. Myfanwy sat on it anyway. She didn’t know how long she stayed there, but by the time she spied the back of the cottage, the sun was high in the sky.

The sight of the sleek, black sedan made her heart lurch. She scrambled for the door and threw it open. “Gestalt?”

She smiled broadly when she spied Robert’s back turned to her in the kitchen. She shut the door and started for him when he turned around. Myfanwy’s smile died on her face. His left arm was in a white, plaster cast and held in a sling to his chest. In his free hand he held a crutch to support himself. His left pant leg was bunched up around the top of a matching white cast below his knee.

“Oh my god!” Myfanwy cried reaching out for him, but afraid to touch him. “What happened? Oh, god! Your arm! Your leg!”

Robert laughed easily. “Calm down, Myf. It’s fine. I’ve still got seven more of both.”

Myfanwy pressed her lips together and nodded. She stupidly felt like crying at the sight of him. She settled her eyes on his face and noticed the dark bruise around one of his eyes and his split lip. Her fingertips brushed the bruise before she’d really thought it through.

“What happened?” She asked again on a whisper this time.

Robert caught her hand up in his and smiled at her gently. “I underestimated my opponent. To be fair, he underestimated me, too. Didn’t expect there were more of me.”

“So when you left the other day? When you were in pain?”

Robert winced. “Yeah, I’ve never had my arm broken like that. Dislocated my shoulder too.”

Myfanwy looked at the sling and followed it over to his shoulder. “You must be in so much pain.” She said softly.

“Haven’t noticed it the past couple of minutes actually.”

Myfanwy fought a smile and lost. “You want to know something interesting that I’ve noticed?” Myfanwy asked taking a step back.

“Of course.”

“Almost every memory I have recovered so far has had something to do with you.”

Robert’s eyebrow twitched upward in interest. “Oh?”

Myfanwy nodded. “For instance, I remembered this survivalist training we had in the woods. Us and two others minus Teddy. And Eliza ended up sleeping in my tent with me. I thought you were asleep and I reached out and ran my fingers through her hair.”

Myfanwy bumped against the counter. Robert reached out with his right hand and grabbed her waist to steady her. Or to keep her close. Whatever the reason, Myfanwy was reminded of her dream. She sucked in a breath.

“I remember. I was desperate for you to do it again. When you didn’t I thought I would burst.”

Myfanwy’s eyes dropped to his lips briefly before jumping back to his eyes. So close. So tempting. 

“Where’s the rest of you?”

Robert licked his lips drawing her attention back to his mouth. “Almost back to London by now. The Russian matter is taking some… unfortunate twists.”

Myfanwy nodded at his arm. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Robert grinned moving closer to her. The plaster of his leg cast scratched against her bare leg. She reached up and ran her fingers gently through his hair. His lips met hers not a second later. She could taste the iron of his blood from where his lip was split. She pulled back.

“Wait. I don’t want you to get in another wreck.”

Robert pressed his forehead against hers and shut his eyes. “You’re right.”

Myfanwy started. “You didn’t?” She asked with a tinge of panic in her voice.

Robert smiled and shook his head. “No, but I’ll admit it was a bit close.” He inhaled deeply through his nose. “Something to work on I think.”

Myfanwy disentangled herself from where she was pressed between Robert and the counter. That was when she noticed the bags of food. She pulled one towards her and inspected the contents. Cartons of Chinese food.

“That’s a lot of food for just two of us.”

Robert turned around carefully to face her again. “Plans have changed. Just a bit. We’re staying here until my bones have mended.” He picked his crutch back up from where he’d leaned it against the counter and moved himself to the couch in the living room.

“We?”

“You and me. I hope you’re alright with taking care of me for a change. Think of it as repayment for manipulating and lying to me most of last week.” 

Myfanwy shot a panicked look in his direction, but he was smiling good naturedly. Myfanwy rolled her eyes and reluctantly smiled back. She rummaged through the Chinese food until she found barbecued beef and a set of chopsticks.

“Do you mind bringing me the vegetable medley?” Robert called.

“Am I meant to be your servant now?” Myfanwy challenged, half joking.

Robert turned to her and stuck out his bottom lip. “Please? I’m hurt.”

Myfanwy barked out a laugh. In all the time that she’d known Gestalt – really known them not hazy memories of them from a different life – she’d never seen them behave this way. Childlike. Amusing. Especially not Robert.

She found the requested carton and a second set of chopsticks before making her way to the couch. She sat beside him instead of moving to the armchair like she had the first few days. She took a bite of the barbecued beef and watched him struggle to open the container for a few seconds.

“Let me.” She reached over and opened the carton for him. He smiled and started in. She watched him for a minute. Something niggled at the back of her head.

Robert fit a green bean into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. “What?”

Myfanwy shook her head as if to clear away the dazed feeling. She smiled and took another bite. “Nothing, just… felt familiar.”

“Good.”

Myfanwy looked back at him curiously. “Good?”

Robert used his chopsticks to tap the side of his food container. “It’s sort of meant to, I mean.” He took another bite. “This is what we ate about three weeks back at your apartment. We always ordered in when it was us.”

Myfanwy nodded and they ate in silence for a time. Robert finished his food and set the empty container on the coffee table. His left leg hung off the couch as he leaned his back against the armrest. Myfanwy closed her container and took it to the kitchen, grabbing his trash as she went. 

“I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure you’re meant to elevate broken limbs.”

“Yes, but then you wouldn’t sit beside me.”

Myfanwy swallowed and came back around the couch into the living room. She studied it for a moment. The couch was on the smaller side. If he put his leg up like he ought she would have no room to sit on the couch. He was so long. She pursed her lips.

“Here, move that way.” She pointed towards where she’d just been sitting. Robert eyed her curiously, but did as she asked. “Now put your feet up on the armrest over there.” As he did, she went and sat in his old spot. “There. Now you can lay back.”

Robert held himself up on his right arm and turned to look her in the eyes. Myfanwy nodded down toward her lap. Keeping his eyes on hers, he slowly, carefully lowered himself until he was lying on her lap. Myfanwy smiled down at him and put her fingers back in his hair.

Robert’s eyes fluttered shut and he hummed low. “This isn’t going to distract you, is it?” One of his eyes popped back open to look at her again. “Make it difficult for you to compartmentalize I mean.”

He smiled. “Everything about you makes it hard for me to compartmentalize. But you don’t have to worry about me crashing another car or anything.”

“If you say so.” She stroked her fingers through his hair again. Eliza’s hair felt silkier, but Robert’s felt the softest. Like touching a cloud. Alex’s hair was bounciest now, but she knew Teddy’s used to be the same before he started gelling it back all the time. 

“Do you have any idea how amazing that feels?” Robert murmured.

“Good enough to make you forget your injuries?” She teased.

He grunted in response keeping his eyes closed. She wondered if Gestalt had arrived back in London yet or if they were still driving. The last thing they needed was to be down any more limbs via a car accident.

She decided to distract herself with some television. She flicked through the stations idly until she came to some romantic comedy she thought she might have seen before. She looked down somehow expecting Robert to be asleep only to be surprised at finding his eyes open and trained on her face.

Myfanwy touched her cheek self-consciously. “What?” She rubbed the side of her hand over her lips. “Have I got food on my face?”

The corners of his lips tipped up and he gave a slight shake of his head. She frowned at him. 

“Quit looking at me then.” She ordered, flustered. “Watch the movie.” When he didn’t comply right away, Myfanwy grabbed his chin between her fingers and gently turned his head towards the television.

He gave a great sigh and started to turn to his side. Obviously he forgot his injuries because he gave a sudden cry of pain and sat up. Myfanwy jerked her hands away from his hair and held them up uselessly in front of her.

“Don’t you have medication? Something to help you with the pain?”

“Of course I do!” He snapped.

Myfanwy stood up to start searching the kitchen for the meds. Robert grabbed her hand with his good hand.

“Sorry,” he sighed. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t go.”

Myfanwy slipped her hand from his. “I’m only going to find your pain pills.”

“Don’t bother. Really. I’m fine.”

Myfanwy cupped his cheek in her hand and pulled his face up so that he would look at her. “Your arm is broken, your leg is broken, your shoulder was dislocated, you are _not_ fine.” She stroked his cheek with her thumb and smiled gently down at him. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you right now, isn’t that what you said?”

She dropped her hand and went into the kitchen to go through the bags he’d brought. They’d brought fresh bread and actual food along with the take out. She’d have to remember to put it away once she found his pills.

“They’re in a bag on my bed,” Robert said at last.

Myfanwy dropped what was in her hand and rounded the counter for his bedroom. She found it easily, but there were three prescriptions there. She sighed and decided to just bring all three and let him tell her which he was supposed to be taking.

“Do you need water?” She called as she came back down the hallway.

“Please.”

She stopped at the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water before taking it all to him on the couch. He turned the bottles so he could read the labels before settling on one. She saw him start to try opening it on his own so she snatched it from his hand to do it herself. The child seal made it hard for her to open it with two good hands. She didn’t need him hurting himself any worse trying to do it on his own.

He pulled one white, ovular pill from the bottle and popped it in his mouth before draining half the bottle of water. Myfanwy collected the pill bottles and returned them to the bag in his room. Robert was staring at her when she came back down the hall. She ignored him and went back into the kitchen to put the food away.

She put the leftover Chinese food in the refrigerator and made note of the carton of eggs inside. The prospect of a real breakfast was exciting. She turned back for another bag of groceries.

“What are you doing?” Robert called.

Myfanwy stowed a box of crackers in the cupboard with the bread. “Putting the food away.”

“Oh. Right.”

Myfanwy turned for another bag and smirked at the pouting look on his face. She pulled three boxes of biscuits from the bag and smiled. She held two of them up.

“Sweet tooth?”

Robert frowned. “Those were your favorites.”

The smile dropped off her face as she took another look at the boxes. She turned and stowed them away in a cabinet with the crisps. Three different flavors. She frowned thoughtfully.

She finished putting the groceries away and went to stand in front of Robert on the couch. “You did get food _you_ like, right? Not just stuff you remember me liking from before?”

He shrugged his good shoulder. “I’m fine eating anything.”

Myfanwy frowned and looked back at the kitchen. Something tugged at her blouse and she looked down to see Robert pinching the fabric gently between two fingers. She furrowed her brow at him in silent question. He ducked his head.

“Would… do you mind sitting with me again like earlier?” He dropped her blouse and brought his thumbnail to his mouth. “I’ll keep my eyes shut if it makes you more comfortable.”

Myfanwy looked at the spot he had deliberately left empty for her. She stepped around the coffee table and sat down. Just as slowly as the first time, Robert leaned himself back until his head was resting in her lap.

“Put your legs up,” she ordered, nodding at where his legs were still on the floor. He obeyed at once.

The movie was still playing as she relaxed back into the couch. When she looked down she saw his eyes shut just before she met them. She smiled to herself. Bits of memories flashed through her mind. Eyes meeting fleetingly before promptly looking away. The flips in her belly whenever she realized they were watching her. Pleased that they found her interesting enough to stare at even when they shouldn’t.

“Myfanwy?” Robert said quietly.

“Hmm?” She looked down to see his eyes still shut as promised.

“Will you play with my hair like before?”

Myfanwy smiled again. “So needy.” She teased, but put her hands back in his soft hair.

A soft smile pulled back the corners of his mouth and she felt him relax into her. The love interests in the movie were arguing on screen. The man had been lying to her about who he was the whole time. She couldn’t help but draw similarities to her own life.

Robert snickered from her lap. Myfanwy looked down at him wondering what it was he found so amusing about the heartbreak happening on screen. His eyes were still shut.

“What’s so funny?”

He gave a little shake of his head. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Myfanwy frowned. She pulled her hands away from his hair and crossed them over her chest. Robert’s eyes snapped open at once. Myfanwy stared at the television.

“Alright. I was laughing because I apparently look strangely at ease for being in the middle of an interrogation.” He said quickly.

Myfanwy looked down at him and frowned. “Who’s being interrogated?”

Robert nodded at his broken limbs. “The Russian. You didn’t think he got away, did you?”

“Why are you interrogating him? Don’t we already know about the Lugat? And Lorik is dead.”

Robert sighed. “Someone else has taken over his role.”

“Oh. Right.” Myfanwy frowned at the television as she processed this new information. 

“Myf?”

She looked down and met Robert’s eyes again. “Yes?”

He reached toward his hair. “Would you…?”

“Oh. Yeah.” She ran her fingers back through his hair, still thinking about the new leader of the Lugat. How many kids like Gemma had they already gotten their hands on? All while she sat in the middle of nowhere reading and watching television.

“Are you angry?”

She slowed her path through his hair. “Not angry. I just feel like I should be _doing_ something.”

Robert caught one of her hands and pulled it down to his cheek. “You are doing something.” He turned his head and pressed his lips into her palm. “I could hardly function the past two days for the pain.”

“Maybe if you took your medication like you’re supposed to instead of trying to tough it out,” she muttered.

She felt his smile against her palm. He lifted her hand back to his hair. “It’s a little more than that, you know. It’s like I can’t breathe when you’re somewhere I can’t see you.”

“You can’t see me now. Your eyes are shut.”

He turned his head in toward her belly and inhaled deeply. “No, but I can feel you. Hear you. Smell you.”

Myfanwy felt her heart speeding up. Her breath came shorter. She realized what he was doing. “Oh, you’re very good.” She breathed.

Robert opened one eye to look at her. “What do you mean?”

“Distracting me.”

He pulled his head back and looked at her in surprise. “Am I?” He asked delightedly.

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “Don’t pretend you didn’t do it on purpose.”

His eyes widened innocently. “Honestly I didn’t. I didn’t even know I could.” He laid his head back in her lap and chewed at his thumbnail. “You’re always so in control. Felt like I was the only one….”

Myfanwy pulled his hand away from his mouth. They stared at each other for a few seconds. Myfanwy could feel the electricity stinging the air. She wondered if Gestalt felt it too. She gave in and bent her head until her lips brushed his. He leaned up towards her, locking their lips together more firmly. His right hand tangled in her hair.

Suddenly, he wasn’t close enough. She moved one of her legs up and underneath her so she could get to a better angle. Robert turned to his right carefully until she was pressed back against the armrest. She cupped his face between her hands and held him to her. 

Everything went clear out of her mind. All she wanted was to feel them in every inch of her. Unthinkingly, she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him closer. He jerked away from her cursing.

Myfanwy blinked in confusion at first. Then she realized what she’d done. “Oh, God, Robert! I’m so sorry.”

He put his hand to his shoulder and grimaced. “It’s alright. I know it was an accident.”

“No, that’s twice now.” She covered her face in frustration, embarrassment, and shame. 

Robert’s hand closed lightly around her wrist and tugged her hand away from her face. He brushed a knuckle across her cheek tenderly.

“You know I’d dislocate all eight shoulders if it meant I got to kiss you like that,” he said quietly.

Myfanwy smiled and sighed. “Be that as it may, it’s probably a good idea to wait until you aren’t so fragile.”

Robert scoffed.

“At least this body.” She amended.

They stayed on separate ends of the couch after that. She insisted it was best they not tempt fate. It was near impossible to touch Gestalt without succumbing to her desire to kiss him. To weld herself to him completely until she was hardly more than a fifth body in their hive mind.

When the lock on the door clicked, she stood up. Robert moved like he was going to rise with her, but his crutch was up against her side of the couch. She turned and grabbed it for him and helped him to his feet. 

“I’m going to change for bed. Are you alright to get to your bedroom alone?”

Robert rolled his eyes. “I’m not completely incapable. This body still has a working arm and leg.”

Myfanwy smiled. “Just shout if you need anything.”

It was becoming obvious that Gestalt hadn’t packed enough clothing for her. She was down to her last three pairs of underwear and she was already rewearing her used pajamas. She made a note to ask Gestalt to bring her additional clothing. She frowned. Maybe she could talk them into letting her go shopping.

She had just sat down on her bed when she heard a reluctant, “Myfanwy?” from Gestalt’s room. She jumped back up and padded to Gestalt’s closed door. She raised her hand to knock with her other hand already on the doorknob.

The subsequent, “Come in,” was muffled by more than just the door. She opened the door and saw Robert sitting on his bed with his good hand over his face. She saw the cause for embarrassment immediately. His pant leg was bunched up and caught on his cast. She was amazed he’d managed to get his shirt off on his own.

“It’s a wonder you didn’t just put on a pair of Alex’s pants,” she commented as she set to work pulling the fabric over the cast.

She glanced up at Robert’s face to see him scowling. “We were trained to differentiate ourselves to blend in.”

The plaster of the cast skinned her knuckles. “Yes, from normal people who aren’t supposed to know what you are. Not from me. And you have to admit, it would make this a lot easier.”

She managed to free the pants from his leg and she stepped back proudly. Filthy thoughts ran through her mind at the sight of him practically naked in front of her. She put her back to him and concentrated on turning the pants right side out and folding them up neatly.

“Thank you.”

Myfanwy turned around and smiled warmly. “No problem.”

The air was still between them. Myfanwy cleared her throat and made for the door. “Well… good night.”

“Good night.”


	5. Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast is made and Gestalt makes some temporary wardrobe changes.

It was the bridge dream again. She was covered in blood as rain poured around her. Instead of eight dead Lugat, the bodies of Farrier, Conrad, Ingrid, Monica and Gestalt surrounded her. All dead by her hand.

Teddy’s body was closest. She didn’t want to believe they were dead. She knelt beside him and shoved at his body, praying he would cough or groan or anything to signal that there was still life in him.

“Whoever did this tortured them to death,” the coroner said behind her. “They died in excruciating pain.”

She felt like she was going to be sick. “No,” she sobbed as she stared at Teddy’s grotesquely purple face.

Myfanwy stood up and was suddenly face to face with herself. It would have been like looking in a mirror if the other Myfanwy weren’t glaring back at her so fiercely.

“If I knew you would be responsible for all this I never would have tried to spare you,” Old Myfanwy snarled.

“No, I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t know!”

“I never should’ve invited you into my life! You don’t deserve a second chance!”

“I didn’t know!”

“Monster!”

Myfanwy woke up again. Rain was pouring onto her face. She didn’t have to look to know what she was going to see. She looked anyway. Against her will. All four of Gestalt’s bodies were twisted and mangled horribly. Alex’s eyes bugged out of his purple face. Blood leaked out of Eliza’s eyes, nose, and mouth. 

“No,” she whimpered. “Please, no.”

“Murderer,” Old Myfanwy hissed. “Murderer.”

“No!”

Myfanwy jolted awake panting. It was still dark outside and a storm was raging, but she was dry. No dead bodies surrounded her. She was fine. There was a knock at her door.

“Myfanwy?” Robert called. “Myf? Are you okay?”

Myfanwy hastily brushed away the tears that had leaked out of her eyes and cleared her throat before standing and going to her door. Robert was leaning against the outer wall bracing himself with his right arm. The sling was gone from around his shoulders and she could see the large black bruise that covered his left shoulder even in the low light.

“You know you shouldn’t be walking around unnecessarily with your leg the way it is,” she accused.

Robert frowned and studied her face. “You were having another nightmare.”

“Yeah, I was.” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “They’re just dreams. Nothing to worry about.”

“Myf, you know I’m not just going to do nothing when you’re screaming like that.”

Myfanwy gave him a tight smile and shook her head. “There’s nothing to do. I’m awake now.”

The concerned look didn’t leave his face. Myfanwy sighed and leaned her head against the doorframe. She shut her eyes, but the vision of them dead on the bridge had her snapping them open the next second.

She frowned at Robert’s empty hand. “Where’s your crutch?”

He followed her gaze down and closed his hand into a fist. “I didn’t have time to bother with it.”

“Gestalt!”

“It’s fine.”

Myfanwy huffed. “You need to take care of yourself. I’m sorry I woke you up, but honestly you should have just stayed in bed.”

Robert brushed back a strand of her hair from her face and smiled softly. “I’ve always had a hard time putting anyone above you, you know. Especially myself.”

Myfanwy pulled back and he dropped his hand. She sighed and put her hand around his waist.

“Come on then. Let’s get you back to bed.”

She knew he wasn’t putting even half of his weight on her as they struggled back to his bedroom. When he was back in bed Myfanwy headed back for her own room. She stopped at the door and gave him one last look.

“Stay.” She pointed her finger at him and gave him her most serious face.

Robert fought a smile and nodded in equal mock seriousness. “Yes, ma’am.”

She didn’t try to go back to sleep. Instead, she found another book – this one was not about monster – and sat down to read. She was about twenty pages into _Pride and Prejudice_ when she realized she had read it before. Years ago. She had an idea of how it ended at least.

At the first hint of daylight, she got out of bed and started on breakfast. Eggs and toast. It was only after she’d accidentally turned a couple sunny-side up eggs into scrambled that she realized she didn’t know how Gestalt preferred their eggs. Or if they liked eggs at all. Just to be safe she decided to fry up a couple of each kind she knew how to make.

Robert emerged wearing a white undershirt and his boxers. Myfanwy raked her eyes over him while she picked at her eggs. His arm was back in the sling, but she wondered about his lack of proper clothing.

“I’m bringing myself out a set of looser clothes. Do you need anything?” He said, sitting down at the barstool on the other side of the counter.

“Yes, actually. I don’t have….” Myfanwy stopped. The last thing she wanted was to invite Gestalt to rummage through her underwear drawer again.

“What?” Robert pressed. When she didn’t answer immediately, he guessed. “Tampons?”

“What?” Myfanwy flushed a deep red.

Robert gave a breathy laugh. “I don’t know what you’re so embarrassed about. You know I menstruate, too.”

Myfanwy’s brow scrunched together.

“Eliza?” He reminded.

Myfanwy’s eyes went wide. “Oh. Right. But, no. No I don’t need that.”

“Then what?” He insisted.

Myfanwy used her fork to push her eggs around her plate. “Actually, do you think it’d be possible to go into town? We don’t have to go all the way back to London. We could just go somewhere local. It’s just… I’d rather buy some things myself.”

Robert was staring at her with that assessing look of theirs. The one where they’re trying to figure her out. Myfanwy sighed.

“We’ll come straight back here when I’m through. I swear.”

“Fine. Give me an hour and you can go with a body that won’t slow you down.”

“You know I don’t care about that.”

“I’ll feel better about it though.”

Myfanwy shrugged and took a bite out of her toast. Robert examined the plates spread over the counter. Myfanwy blushed at the mess.

“You were hungry.”

Myfanwy shook her head as she swallowed down her toast. “I didn’t know what kind of eggs you liked. Or even if you liked eggs at all. And I didn’t want to wake you up so I just decided to make some of everything I knew how to make.”

Robert’s brow furrowed. “You made me breakfast?”

Myfanwy gave him a wry smile. “Or tried to anyway.”

She watched him slowly pull a plate of eggs over easy in front of him. She pulled a fork out of the drawer and handed it to him. He took a small bite and smiled. It was a contagious smile since it spread to her face.

“Toast?” She offered, holding out the plate for him.

He had to set his fork down to take the offered plate. “Thank you.”

Myfanwy put her plate in the sink and went to fetch her book from her room to read on the couch while Robert finished eating. She watched him stand up from his spot at the counter and limp to the armchair across from where she sat. He flicked on the television and turned the volume down low.

An hour later, the door opened. Myfanwy turned and closed her book on her finger. Teddy nodded at her and went to set a bag in their room. Myfanwy stood to get her shoes when Teddy came back out.

“Do you mind waiting a bit?” Teddy asked.

“I need to shower.”

Myfanwy almost asked why she needed to wait for that and stopped herself. Of course showering would be a two body job when one of the bodies was down half their limbs. She sat back on the couch and reopened her book.

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

They smirked at her before Teddy grabbed Robert around the waist and walked himself down the hallway for the bathroom. She was at the proposal scene. Elizabeth was scathingly explaining exactly why she would never marry Mr. Darcy. Despite the obvious attraction she felt for him. She was sad to read it, but she knew it had a happy ending. She knew they would be together in the end. Happily ever after.

Gestalt came back into the main room half an hour later. There was something about Alex’s loose fitting workout suits on Robert’s body she couldn’t put her finger on. It had been her suggestion. She didn’t have room to complain about it now. She didn’t even think she wanted to complain about it. Even if it was jarring.

“Make sure you keep your leg elevated.”

Gestalt nodded. Robert eased himself onto the couch beside her. She shut her book and dropped it on the coffee table standing up. She went to grab her purse from her room and met Teddy at the door. She paused at the kitchen counter.

“Did you eat?”

Teddy nodded. “Cold cereal. Not as good as your eggs.”

Myfanwy pressed her lips together to stop herself from grinning. “You’re just saying that because you’re hoping I let you lay your head on my lap again when I get back.”

Gestalt averted their eyes and Myfanwy knew she’d hit the nail on the head. She didn’t even bother listening when they tried to tell her they ‘really were the best eggs over easy they’d ever had.’ 

A black Range Rover was parked outside behind the Mercedes. She looked over her shoulder to make sure he was following her before she rounded the hood and climbed in the passenger seat. She frowned as she stared at the dashboard. Strange to miss driving her own car of all things.

“Where’re we off to?” Teddy asked, starting the SUV.

Myfanwy pulled on her seatbelt. “Oh, you can just head to the nearest department store.”

Myfanwy fiddled with the leather strap on her bag as they drove up toward the gate. She had secretly hoped it would be Eliza’s body escorting her. She knew it was foolish. She knew it didn’t really matter which body went with her. She even knew that it didn’t _really_ matter whether they looked in her underwear drawer or not. There was just something comforting about the illusion of privacy. Of shopping with a girlfriend.

Teddy looked over at her while the guard scanned his credentials. He squinted at her expression as if he were trying to read her thoughts. He gave up when the guard returned his documents and opened the gate.

It was almost painfully quiet. Especially after yesterday. 

“Am I allowed to ask about your nightmares yet?”

Myfanwy stared down at her hands. She supposed it couldn’t be helped. She had already woken them up twice with her screaming. Why couldn’t she just have a nice dream for a change? A dream like she’d had the night before Robert had shown back up. Her cheeks heated at the memory. Maybe not that nice.

“Didn’t think so,” Teddy answered himself.

“Sorry I keep waking you.”

“I don’t care about that. I care about you. I want to be able to help.”

“And what is it you think you’ll be able to do about it? Have Nazim take away what few memories I have so I don’t see them in my dreams?”

Teddy winced and rubbed the side of his face with his hand. He clearly didn’t have anything to say to that. Myfanwy didn’t mean to snap. If anyone asked, she’d blame the exhaustion.

“There are other ways to get rid of nightmares,” Teddy argued quietly after a minute. “I might be able to help. Probably. If you’d let me.”

Once again, Myfanwy felt that part of herself fighting with her. The part that told her she was meant to tell Gestalt everything. She pushed back against it and kept her lips sealed shut. There was absolutely no good way to tell someone that you dreamt about torturing them to death every night.

Myfanwy had decided not to tell him and she wouldn’t. They finished their ride in silence.


	6. Spree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy and Gestalt go shopping!

As soon as Teddy parked the SUV, Myfanwy jumped out. The silence was stifling. She needed to breathe. And it felt good to be out among the masses again. She felt like it’d been years since she’d seen another person that wasn’t Gestalt.

It didn’t matter how long Teddy took to get out and lock the car. One of his long strides matched three of hers. He caught up to her before she’d even made it to the sidewalk. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets as he followed after her. As relieving as it was to be out among the people again, it was comforting to have Gestalt with her. In any body.

He pulled his hand out of his pocket to hold the door for her and shoved it back in as soon as they were inside. Myfanwy looked up at the directory. Women’s clothing was on the second floor. She eased her way through the throng of people to the escalator. Teddy followed silently. No doubt he was questioning the reason behind the excursion.

Myfanwy was torn between wanting to grab what she’d come for quickly and go and wanting to savor whatever semblance of freedom she had. She stopped at the small loungewear section and looked at a pair of grey sweatpants.

“Please tell me we didn’t come all the way out here for clothes,” Teddy whined in her ear.

Myfanwy scowled at him. “I’d appreciate some space to shop, please. If not breathe.” She flicked her fingers at him to go away.

Teddy scowled back at her. He let out a great huff of irritation, but he took three of his great steps back and even pretended to look at other things while she shopped. Myfanwy returned her attention to the loungewear. She didn’t really have any reason to get dressed up while she was cooped up in the cottage.

She moved from pants to shirts slowly amassing an arm full of potential clothing items. The lingerie section was back by the fitting rooms so she decided to stop by there last. She was trying to figure out just how many pairs of panties she needed to buy. It’d be so much easier if there was a washing machine at the cottage.

She paused. She actually didn’t know whether she had access to laundry facilities at the cottage or not.

“Teddy?” He was at her side as soon as she called his name. “Are there laundry facilities at the cottage?”

“Not at the cottage, no, but there is at the main house. Why? Do you need me to send someone? They’ll come pick it all up, wash it, and bring it back.” He looked down at the stack of clothes in her arms. “Honestly, I don’t mind bringing you clothes from your apartment. I’ve been keeping it tidy while you’re away anyhow.”

Myfanwy froze. “What?”

He didn’t pick up on her distress. “And if you’re just embarrassed about me seeing your underwear or the dirty clothes in your hamper you should keep in mind that I’ve seen a lot more of you than that.”

Myfanwy stared up at him wide eyed and slack jawed. She couldn’t believe they could be so tactless. She was suddenly angrier at Gestalt than she ever remembered being. Her face twisted up in rage. She mashed the heel of her foot into Teddy’s toes. He let out a small grunt of pain as she quickly strode away and locked herself up in one of the empty dressing rooms.

She was just pulling on the first pair of trousers when there was a knock on her door. She growled in irritation. “Go away, Gestalt.”

“Alright, I was just checking.”

Myfanwy fired off a stream of curse words directed at them and every body they possessed. She heard Teddy’s low chuckle as he moved away and it only made her angrier. She snatched her shirt over her head to pull on one of the new ones.

She spent almost a half an hour in the fitting rooms trying on clothes. In the end, she settled on two pairs of sweatpants, both in muted, neutral colors, and five loose fitting t-shirts. Teddy was standing a few feet down the aisle when she emerged. He looked down when she caught his eye and he pretended to be _very _interested in his cuticles.

She went through the lingerie section leisurely. She had mostly forgiven them already, but she wanted them to stew over what they’d said a bit longer. That is, if they even realized what they’d said to upset her. She picked out ten pairs of panties, two of which she’d admit were a bit too lacey to be practical.

Teddy maintained his distance as she waited at the checkout. There were three people ahead of her so she occupied herself with the spur of the moment items they had set up in the lane. She felt her cheeks heat as her eyes landed on a section of condoms. She glanced behind her. Teddy was chewing on his thumb and looking out the window.

She didn’t intend to use them. At least, that’s what she told herself. She was just getting them for emergency situations. She chewed at the inside of her bottom lip. Okay, so there wasn’t exactly an emergency situation where that made sense. She had almost talked herself into putting them back altogether when the cashier called her forward.

Myfanwy didn’t think she’d ever been so tense. She kept throwing looks over her shoulder to make sure Teddy hadn’t moved closer and gotten a peek at just what she was buying. She only relaxed when everything was bagged up and she was sliding her plastic card through the reader.

“Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

“Oh, bag’s fine,” she replied.

Before she could pick up her singular bag, Teddy was there again. He picked it up and moved out of the checkout lane. Myfanwy steadied herself. The unmentionables were buried beneath her sweatpants and shirts. He’d have to dig to see anything she didn’t want him to.

Teddy let her lead the way back to the Range Rover. He stowed her purchases in the boot while she slid back into the passenger seat. Any and all trace of earlier humor had left them completely. By the time they reached the guard post at the rehabilitation facility they hadn’t said a word to one another in almost an hour.

Myfanwy was starting to doubt the silence had anything to do with her at all. Two bodies were back in London at the heart of the Russian problem. One was half broken on the couch at the cottage. Anything could have happened. Alex or Eliza could be hurt like Robert was. 

Myfanwy paled. “Oh, God!” She shot Teddy a worried look. He wrinkled his brow at her confusedly. “I didn’t even think earlier! Did I really hurt you when I stepped on your foot? You all feel the same, right? So I step on your left foot it’s like stepping on Robert’s. Oh my God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

A surprising smile jumped across Teddy’s face at her outburst. He let out a deep chuckle. “Myfanwy, relax. Break one leg it hurts, sure, but it doesn’t feel like you’ve broken _both_. I told you, I still have seven to spare.”

Myfanwy blinked. Of course that made sense. Now she felt foolish for having panicked.

Teddy pulled to a stop behind the Mercedes. “At any rate, it’s me who should be apologizing to you.” She watched him swallow hard before continuing. “Sometimes it’s too easy for me to forget you don’t remember our closeness. Though, to be fair, you never would’ve thanked me for going in your flat uninvited. Logic and reason just stop existing for me whenever you’re involved.”

He climbed out of the car before she could think of a good response. She shook herself from her thoughts at the sound of the back hatch opening. She slid out of the car and started for the front door.

Robert was sitting on the couch. Not exactly where she’d left him. He was leaned against the armrest on his right arm. His left leg was propped up on a pillow on the coffee table. Some old movie Myfanwy couldn’t place was playing on the television. He gave her a sheepish smile.

“No disasters while I was out then?”

He smiled. “Well, I haven’t been able to get up to get any of my meds.”

Myfanwy’s teasing smile dropped. “Oh, sorry! I should’ve realized….”

“It’s fine. I can take them now if…?”

“Right!” Myfanwy ducked into his room to retrieve the three prescription bottles. She went straight to the kitchen for a bottle of water. She heard Teddy come in and walk briskly down the hall. 

Robert took the bottle of water and waited for her to open the child locked bottles one by one. She frowned then. Teddy had taken an awful long time to bring in one shopping bag.

She narrowed her eyes down at Robert. “Did you go through my stuff?”

Robert’s eyes widened. He shook his head quickly. “No.”

Myfanwy scowled in disbelief. “Mhm. So what’s taking you? Suddenly having a hard time carrying one clothing bag?”

“Made a mess of these in the boot,” Teddy said from the hall. 

Myfanwy looked over to see him clutching a bouquet of baby blue flowers in his fist. They looked a little worse for the wear. A few had broken or wilted already. Myfanwy moved around the couch toward him.

“Where’d those come from?”

Teddy smiled shyly down at his feet. “Bought them while you was in the fitting rooms. That’s what you’re supposed to do, yeah? When you’ve got a girl pissed at you?”

Myfanwy blushed and took the offered flowers with a restrained smile. She couldn’t remember ever being given flowers before. Not that that was saying much all things considered. Still, it didn’t make her appreciate them any less. She sniffed them curiously.

“Are these violets?” She asked. She could count on her hands the number of flowers she knew on sight. The basics; roses, sunflowers, tulips, and daisies. She was guessing since she didn’t remember what violets actually looked like. Just the rhyme; violets are blue.

“Forget-Me-Nots,” Robert supplied from the couch.

Myfanwy looked between them, cheeks red, heart pounding. She smiled down at the bouquet. Gestalt must’ve taken the smile as a good sign because Teddy moved in closer, edging her toward the counter.

“I am sorry, Myfanwy.” A chill raced down her spine at the tender way they said her name. “You’re owed your privacy. I know that. Will you forgive me?”

Myfanwy pinched one of the flower petals between her fingers. Anything to avoid meeting their eyes. The silkiness reminded her of how soft Eliza’s lips had been against hers in the Checquy’s infirmary. She set the bouquet on the counter and turned to face Teddy. He was standing so close that her body slid along his as she moved. She tipped her head up and looked down her lashes at him.

“I forgive you.” She curled her fists into his shirt collar and pulled his mouth down to hers. Gestalt made a noise of approval as they gave themselves over to the kiss.

It was nice to have a body she didn’t have to be careful with. She welded herself to Teddy’s chest. Releasing his shirt collar, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. His hands slid down her body sending jolts of lightning coursing through her. It swirled in her belly and settled between her thighs.

Teddy lifted her up and sat her on the counter. His fingers threaded into her hair. One hand cupped the back of her neck while the other worked at the buttons down the front of her blouse. He pulled back slightly, breaking the kiss and focused on relieving her of her shirt.

Myfanwy kissed his neck, fumbling with the buttons at his throat. He pulled her arms back around his neck before she could undo even one and picked her up again drawing their lips back together. She was aware of him moving her, but she couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to where.

Not until she felt Roberts legs appear beneath her. His right hand skimmed her bare stomach sending thrilling shocks straight to her crotch. He had moved to the middle of the couch at some point. Now Teddy half-knelt, half-stood at the end of the couch with Myfanwy in Robert’s lap.

She felt his lips graze her shoulder moving in toward her neck. She twisted her head to give him better access, deepening the kiss with Teddy as she did.

Their hands were like fire searing along her skin. Robert’s lips were at her jaw then. Without breaking the kiss, Gestalt traded off from Teddy kissing her to Robert. They moved her arms from around Teddy’s neck to her lap. Then Teddy was gone.

Myfanwy was too consumed in the kisses to be bothered at first. She twisted in Robert’s lap minding his injuries until she was straddling him. She braced her right arm on the back of the couch above Robert’s left shoulder. She stilled when she heard the distinct jingle of keys.

“Where are you going?” She murmured against Robert’s lips.

“Nowhere. I’m right here with you,” Teddy replied easily.

Robert kissed her again as if to prove his point. His warm tongue traced along her bottom lip. It was almost enough to make Myfanwy forget what she was saying.

“You know what I mean,” she grumbled reproachfully.

Gestalt snickered. Robert tried to kiss her again, but she pulled back. The pouty look on his face just about made her drop her argument. Her eyelids were heavy as she stared at his lips waiting for an answer.

“They need me back at the office. Don’t worry. I’ll still be here with you.” Teddy confessed.

Myfanwy took a breath and sealed her lips back over Robert’s. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Gestalt chuckled and Robert nuzzled her neck just under her jaw.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Be safe.”

They rolled their eyes. “I always am.”

Myfanwy slid her hand from the back of the couch to lightly touch Robert’s left shoulder gently. Just enough to remind them. They grunt and Teddy reached over and rubbed his left shoulder as if it were the one in a sling.

“Point taken.”

She watched through her lashes as Teddy disappeared out the door. She tilted Robert’s head back up and captured his mouth with hers again hungrily. It was the hospital bed all over again only better. There were no wayward nurses here to interrupt them.

She broke away and gasped for breath. Her chest was heaving. Her whole body wanting. Robert’s teeth grazed the tender skin of her neck. Myfanwy shut her eyes giving herself over to the pleasure. Trying to ignore the disappointment that had come when she had gone from three hands roving her body to one.

She gripped the back of Robert’s head with both hands, holding him to her. A sigh morphed into a moan as Robert found her nipples through her sheer bra. She ground herself down onto his erection. Only the thin material of his tracksuit and her trousers separated them.

Robert’s whole body locked up. He pulled his head back and gently moved her off his lap. Myfanwy dropped onto the couch beside him feeling jilted.

“Sorry,” Robert said at her expression. “I need to compartmentalize. To… think. You make it near impossible for me to do that.”

Myfanwy nodded. It’s not like she could argue. It was dangerous for them to lose focus. Even though she knew that, she was still irritated.

Her eyes dropped down to Robert’s lap. A sly smile spread over her face. She nodded down at where the loose track suit fabric was jutting up like a circus tent. She licked her lips.

“At least part of you can stand up on your own,” She teased. 

Robert followed her eyes down. His cheeks flushed red. Myfanwy snickered as he pulled one of the pillows from behind him on the couch and settled it over himself. The annoyance didn’t fade. Neither did the need for their touch. Their searing kiss.

Myfanwy stood and retrieved her shirt from where it had been discarded near the kitchen counter. She noted with surprise that the dishes she had left in the sink were all cleaned and put away. God, she wanted to kiss them again.

Instead, she turned and started down the hallway.

“You don’t have to leave,” Robert pouted.

“Yeah, I do.” She looked over her shoulder and nodded at him. “After that? I need a cold shower.” She started down the hall. “But one of these days I’m going to have your undivided attention,” she called back over her shoulder.


	7. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt feels just as jilted as Myfanwy.

This was how it was supposed to play out a month ago. When she’d been cross with them after they’d brushed off her paranoia. Though, they couldn’t really blame her for that. Especially not now. How were they to know psychics actually existed?

The idea of Myfanwy losing any part of herself was laughable. She was the epitome of control. Everything in its proper place. Arranged, cleaned, organized. And beneath her anxieties, she was fierce. They knew that. They had always known that.

So they’d brushed off her fears. Even Farrier had laughed at the notion. Not laughed. Farrier didn’t know how to laugh. Still, there was no way anything bad was going to happen to Myfanwy Thomas. They wouldn’t let it. So there was no way her fears were founded.

And that pissed her off. 

So they did what all the movies and magazines and romance guides tell you to do. They bought her flowers. Roses, of course. Myfanwy loved the smell of roses. Perfect white roses. White, not red. Red would be too obvious. Myfanwy wouldn’t like that so they picked white. Flowers that would look perfect in her neat, orderly apartment. 

She’d actually laughed when they had presented them to her. Like it was a ridiculous thing to do. But she had kissed them on their cheek and let her lips linger there for three and a half seconds. Gestalt had counted. And when she pulled back, she moved and quickly pressed her lips to theirs for another fleeting second.

They were so surprised they hadn’t had time to react. It was chaste. A child’s kiss. Likely it meant nothing to her. And the world to Gestalt. But before they could try to take it further. To tell her – really tell her – how they felt for her. How they craved her. How she invaded all of their thoughts. She had moved away and changed the subject.

But _this_. This was how it should have happened. They should have moved in and she could have pulled them down and kissed them like this. They made the Alex body and Eliza body start counting. Just to keep their focus. They had made a mistake before. They were ill prepared for just how the feel of her lips on theirs would affect them.

“Gestalt,” Conrad barked at the Alex body, “get the surveillance operatives moving on the CCTV footage. Make sure they know exactly what we’re looking for. No mistakes.” He paused and looked around. His wide brow drew up in confusion. “Where’re Teddy and Eliza?”

“Eliza’s sparring downstairs.” _And Teddy’s kissing Myfanwy like she’s better than oxygen._

“Fine, then have Teddy run up the lead in the East End.”

Gestalt could’ve strangled the King then. Asking them to just stop what they were doing and drive back to London? Their hands were full. This was important.

The switch from Teddy to Robert was easy enough. She only complained a bit. Far less than they had anticipated. And they were doing leagues better at compartmentalizing while Myfanwy was in their arms. Or, at this point, arm. 

Teddy was even able to focus on driving. No mistakes. No accidents. They wouldn’t be able to explain that. Not this time. No more ‘strange after effects of the sedative’ to excuse any accidents. 

Eliza flipped the low rank officer she was sparring onto his back. He glared at their grin, obviously thinking it had something to do with him. If he only knew how little he was on their radar. How insignificant. And not just because he was so low in the Checquy hierarchy.

Alex managed to start the small meeting of surveillance operatives. He pulled up the pictures of their four targets. A bright red circle was around the most important find. The woman who had been running the auctions for Lorik and the Lugat when they’d taken Myfanwy.

Everything was perfect. They were proud of themselves. They knew they’d only needed a bit of practice. And they had been so worried Myfanwy would be the end of them. To be with her meant the end of their compartmentalization. The basis for their very careers. To be without her meant the end of themselves.

But they were good. Better than good. They were the best. A little concentration and perseverance and who said they couldn’t have it all?

Then Myfanwy ground herself down against them. Teddy slammed their foot down on the brake just in time to avoid hitting the guard post. Eliza’s sparring partner clocked them in the jaw and dropped them to the ground. Even then they didn’t get up. Too dazed to even feel the sting. Alex stopped mid-sentence in the conference room. They could hardly remember why it was they were in there in the first place.

“Sir?” One of the surveillance operatives called carefully. “Are you alright?”

Robert moved Myfanwy away. It was the only way to keep their bodies separated. Impossible when she looked at them like they’d betrayed her in the worst way imaginable. They craved to take her back in their arms. Soothe her. Love her.

They could only apologize. It was impossible to explain exactly what it was she did to them. At least, in any way she would really understand. How she made them forget that they had four bodies because her touch was always felt _everywhere_. 

“One of these days I’m going to have your undivided attention,” she called out on her way to the shower.

_Oh, my love, you always do_.

* * *

They settled into a routine of sorts. Myfanwy would see to it that Gestalt took their medications and ate. For a few hours they would lounge in the living room watching the news or whatever movie or television show happened to be on. Always on opposite sides of the room.

Around ten every morning, Myfanwy would go out to the woods and try to work on controlling her EVA. She’d seen in Bristol’s videos that using it did not always mean killing. She’d only made the bird open its wings. That was her goal. Control without killing.

It sounded demented.

It was good to get out of the house anyway. The sexual tension between her and Gestalt was reaching a fever pitch and she didn’t know how much longer she could last. Not when Robert spent most of his time in Alex’s athletic pants and nothing else. 

He claimed putting the shirts on and taking them off hurt his shoulder. Even after the first week when he was allowed to take the sling off and return to normal uses. Myfanwy suspected it was a ploy. A tease. A taunt. _Come and get me_.

It only got worse on the evenings she helped him start a bath and wrap his casts in cling wrap. Myfanwy gritted her teeth and averted her eyes. She wasn’t going to give into her urges. They’d made it clear they planned on taking things slow.

She was holding a grudge for being jilted. She knew it was unfair, but she also knew that she wasn’t going to be the one to start anything up again. Even if she did keep the box of condoms on top of her dresser in full view of anyone who might walk into her room.

And they did walk in. A lot. Near to every night. And it might have been sexy if it hadn’t been because she was screaming bloody murder.

The nightmares were always different, but the same. No matter what happened, in the end, she was always the villain. Even with the Lugat. In her desperation to escape their hands she often found herself killing other EVAs. Many as young as Gemma. Too many nights she killed Gestalt.

It was a comfort regardless of her embarrassment to see their face upon waking. To be so instantaneously relieved of her terror. Her grief. She would scream and they would be there.

After dinner, they would sit in the living room. Myfanwy usually read while Robert put something on the television and zoned out. She could occasionally get him to tell her what they were doing. What was going on at the Checquy. They would even update her on Nazim and Monica.

The second the locks clicked at nine, Myfanwy went to her room. Robert never needed much help getting from point A to point B and even less so now that he could move his left arm for balance. She would sit in her room and read until she could fight her exhaustion no longer.

The Lugat dreams had shifted from the fear of being snatched to her desperation to escape the transport truck. The box was always so vivid in her mind right down to the smell. Her jaw was tight. Behind her she could hear the crying of children. She pulled at the plastic cuffs around her wrists. The edges cut into her skin and made her bleed, but they didn’t budge.

The serum was wearing off. She could feel her EVA returning. She focused on the current coursing just beneath her skin. The children were crying louder now. Louder and louder. Screaming in her ears. She had to protect them. She had to get them free.

All at once her EVA shot out from her like a storm. In that instant three things happened; her cuffs fell away from her wrists, the box disappeared, and the children stopped screaming. The silence was deafening.

Myfanwy turned for the children to make sure they were alright. Her stomach twisted. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to scream. Four small children were crumpled in the back of the trunk. Their blonde hair was unmistakable.

As soon as she recognized them, they changed. All at once she was staring at the present Gestalt in place of their childhood bodies. Dead. Mangled. Myfanwy sank to her knees and screamed.

She snapped herself from sleep. Her body shook covered in sweat like ice on her skin. She sat up and looked at the door. Waiting. She stayed there for five minutes. She assured herself that any second now, Gestalt would knock on her door and ask if she was alright.

The door remained untouched. Myfanwy’s shaking grew fiercer. She got to her feet and swung the door open. A hopeful part of her prayed to see him on the other side. 

Her mind went numb. It was a protective measure. She didn’t want to think about what she might have done. Not until she had proof. She couldn’t stay in her nightmare. She had to wake up sometime. Didn’t she?

Gestalt never shut their door all the way. It was always cracked just a bit. Not tonight. It made Myfanwy’s stomach clench. She grabbed the doorknob firmly in her hand. It rattled quietly as she shook.

Taking a deep breath, she twisted the doorknob and shoved the door open prepared and unprepared for whatever lay on the other side. Gestalt jerked upright at the noise and stared at Myfanwy with bleary, sleep filled eyes.

“Myfanwy?” Robert’s voice was husky with sleep.

Her relief ran deep. Tears sprang up as she dropped to her knees, still holding the doorknob for support. He was alright. Gestalt was fine. She hadn’t hurt them. A sob escaped her throat.

Robert scrambled to the edge of the bed. His plaster cast thunked onto the floor. Myfanwy shook her head at them.

“No!” She managed through her tears. “I’m alright. Don’t… don’t get up. It’s fine.”

“Come here,” Robert ordered.

Myfanwy shook her head. “I’m alright, Gestalt. I’m s-sorry I woke you.”

“Myf, either you come to me or I go to you. There’s no third option here.”

Myfanwy took a shaky breath and used her grip on the doorknob to pull herself to her feet. Her legs felt strange beneath her. Like they didn’t belong to her even as she used them to steer herself to Gestalt’s bed. She dropped like a stone onto the mattress and Robert’s arms were around her at once. The rough feeling of the cast on his arm soothed her somehow.

Slowly, Robert drew them back onto the mattress until they were laying down. Her head was pillowed on his chest. His strong arms wrapped securely around her. His right hand rubbed soothing circles over her shoulder. Myfanwy tried to put an end to her tears.

Gestalt waited until she’d calmed down at last. It took a while. She’d been holding in so much that when the dam finally broke her body wouldn’t be satisfied until it was emptied of all of it. 

“Tell me,” he said so softly she could almost cry all over again. “Please?” He insisted.

Myfanwy searched for the words. Any words. Robert’s arms tightened around her.

“Is it the Lugat? Or Lorik?” He pressed.

Myfanwy turned her face into his chest and squeezed her eyes shut. “No. Not anymore.”

“Not anymore?”

Myfanwy took a shuddering breath. She pressed her ear against Robert’s chest and listened to his heart beating for a few seconds. “Mostly it’s me and… you.” Gestalt was quiet. She didn’t blame them. There wasn’t much to be said to that.

“Do I hurt you?” Gestalt asked at last. The horror in his voice made her heart break.

“No. No, never.” She remembered their bodies in the back of the transport truck. The knowledge that she had done that to them. “I hurt you. Kill you. All of you. All the time. And I can’t stop. And then the Old Myfanwy comes and…. I don’t mean to do it. I can’t… I just….” She had run out of words.

Robert drew her closer tucking her head up under his chin. “Shh, shh. They’re just dreams, Myf.”

“I know that!” Myfanwy snapped bitterly. She sighed then. “But they always feel so real.”

Gestalt didn’t say anything more. They turned their head and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. Myfanwy slowly found herself falling asleep again. Something she had never been able to do after one of her nightmares. She was just so comfortable.

She woke up in the morning curled tightly into Robert’s right side. Her head was still pillowed on his chest and her arms had snaked their way around his waist. Both of her legs were twisted around his right. His arms were around her still. The hard cast of his left arm rested on her waist.

They were awake. She knew because his right hand was tracing light circles over her bare shoulder. A debate was waging in her mind. She could get up and pretend it never happened. Like they had both remained fastidiously in their rooms all night. She had never had her nightmare and subsequent panic attack and he had never pulled her into his arms in his bed and held her all night.

That was option one.

Option two was to squeeze them a bit tighter and lose herself in their fiery kisses. Forget about grudges or jumbled memories. They were already half naked. It wouldn’t take much at all. All she had to do was turn her head a bit.

“What are you thinking about?” Robert asked blowing her cover.

Myfanwy swallowed any verbal answer. She turned her head and kissed his neck. She felt his body go rigid beneath her. She moved her lips up to skim his bristly jaw before she landed on his mouth. His right hand slid up into her hair as he kissed her back.

Myfanwy shifted until she was over him completely. Gestalt seemed more than content to have her there. She felt so needy. Like an addict being teased with their next fix. She sighed into his mouth and slowly pulled back again.

Robert stared at her with heavy lidded eyes. His arms were tight around her waist. She gently pushed them away fighting a smile at the small resistance they put up. She crawled off the bed and started for the door.

“Hold on! What did I do?” Robert cried.

Myfanwy smirked to herself before turning around with an indifferent look on her face. “I told you. Undivided.”

She reveled in the look on their face as she left to get in the coldest of showers.

* * *

Infuriating. It was a long count down from one hundred. They were down to fifty before the need for the pillow was gone. Thinking of her in the shower did nothing to help. They decided to focus on their other bodies.

Teddy made it to the East End to run up Grantchester’s lead. Eliza took some of the frustration and turned it against their sparring partner. Alex barked orders at the surveillance operatives like they had a personal hand in their anger.

The next few weeks were torture. She wouldn’t touch them any more than strictly necessary. She spent most of her days outside where he couldn’t see her doing God knows what. They were losing their minds.

Almost every night they would wake to her screaming. Terrified, desperate screaming. That was when they’d noticed the box of condoms she had laying on her dresser. They’d pushed down that information as they worked to soothe her from her terror, but thoughts went back to it constantly.

When had she bought them? Had that been her secret purpose in going to the store after all? And if she’d gone through the trouble of buying them, surely that meant she intended to use them. Right? Or maybe she’d only intended to use them with Teddy. Was that why she hadn’t made any further moves? Had she changed her mind? Or was it this body she rejected? If they brought the Teddy body or even the Alex body would she be more inclined? It had never bothered her before….

The questions haunted them. They wondered constantly. Soon they, who had up until then always slept motionlessly, were tossing and turning restlessly. They craved answers. They craved release. They craved her.

They turned to themselves when they could bear it no longer. Something they seldom allowed themselves. Not since they were pubescents at Glengrove. They made sure to close the door to their cottage bedroom. They had no plans to touch the Robert body. No, they would keep to the bodies safely secured in their London loft. That didn’t mean slip ups wouldn’t happen. The last thing they needed was for Myfanwy to wander past on her way to fetch a glass of water only to spy them with their hand down their pants.

Back at Glengrove, when Gestalt had hit their teen years, they could hardly walk for their hormones. Every puberty addled teenager had to deal with the sudden increase in libido. Gestalt’s was four times that. Male and female hormones spiraling wildly out of control. It only got worse when Myfanwy arrived. It was a relief when they managed to get a hold on their urges at last.

They thought of her lips first. Warm, roving things. The Eliza body touched her breasts and they tried to imagine they were touching Myfanwy’s, but it was all wrong. Their breasts were too large and the muscle was too firm. Myfanwy was svelte. Dainty. 

They brought up the memory of the couch. Her grinding down over them again and again. They took their memories back to the counter after they’d given her the flowers. The way her legs had locked around their waist as she kissed them. Further back, the couch when she’d played with their hair and kissed them stupid. The infirmary with Eliza before they’d known about her condition. The coat room. Gods, that coat room. Where their wildest fantasies had been made reality at last.

Three bodies came messily, but Robert’s body felt release just as strongly. They lay panting on the bed in the cottage praying Myfanwy hadn’t heard their cry of ecstasy. They panted and gasped for breath and cleaned themselves off in the shower. They changed their sheets quickly before going to bed.

They were awoken hours later by their bedroom door flying open. She looked terrified. Her eyes were bloodshot. Gestalt tried to work through what they might’ve done to warrant such a visit.

“Myfanwy?” They croaked.

She sank to her knees. Her whole body shook and shuddered. They hadn’t heard her scream. Gestalt’s stomach twisted in fear and concern. They couldn’t remember the last time they’d seen her so rattled. Not even when she’d told them about that damned Josie Fairburn.

They made to get up, but she stopped them. It took no small amount of doing to get her to come to them instead. They took her in their arms, furious that the casted arm was preventing them from holding her properly. They waited until her breathing became quieter. Her sobs less heart wrenching.

“Tell me,” they begged, “please.”

She didn’t answer. They had to know. What was it that terrified her so much? 

“Is it the Lugat? Or Lorik?”

“Not anymore.”

So it had been them at some point. What was it now? What was more terrifying than being abducted and sold off?

“Mostly it’s me and… you.”

They were her nightmare? They thought back to that first night. The night she had woken them up shouting their name.

_“Gestalt! Help! No, stop! Please, Gestalt! GESTALT!”_

She’d said they hadn’t been torturing her, but she may have been lying to spare their feelings. The idea that Myfanwy dreamt of them harming her in any way was lead in their gut. And to think they’d pleasured themselves to thoughts of hers only hours earlier. They felt sick.

“Do I hurt you?” They were afraid of her answer, but they needed to know nonetheless.

“No. No, never.” She said quickly. Maybe too quickly. Then she continued more slowly. Reluctantly. “I hurt you. Kill you. All of you. All the time. And I can’t stop. And then the Old Myfanwy comes and…. I don’t mean to do it. I can’t… I just….” She was crying again. Babbling as if she needed to make excuses for her actions within her nightmares.

They pulled her in close knowing there was nothing they could do to really help. “Shh, shh. They’re just dreams, Myf.”

“I know that! But they always feel so real.”

Gestalt had no more words of comfort to offer her. They held her tighter hoping that was enough. When she fell asleep against them, they felt a small sense of pride. They knew she did not often sleep after nightmares if ever, but she slept with their arms around her. They felt powerful.

She was still wrapped tightly around them when they woke in the morning. Miles away in London, their three other bodies had shifted in bed to accommodate the extra body. They curled in towards her as if they could reach out and touch her as easily as Robert.

They felt when she awoke. The sudden heaviness that shrouded her. They waited to see her reaction. They thought they could be patient, but she was quiet and still for so long. Their other bodies got up to dress for work. Only Wednesday, but they had been in the office every day since Van Syok’s.

“What are you thinking?” They murmured.

Alex had been helping Eliza with dressing in Robert’s place. The space the lack of body left was hard felt. The feel of Myfanwy’s arms around them made it easier. Pleasant almost. They hoped they hadn’t scared her away.

To their surprise, Myfanwy turned her head and pressed her lips very deliberately against their chest. Her lips began to move upwards. All four bodies were covered in goosebumps. By the time her mouth had reached theirs, their mind had rebooted enough to kiss her back.

It felt so nice. Like drinking a jug of water after being in a desert. Gestalt had trouble concentrating on leaving for work. They were hard pressed not to simply take the morning off. Reluctantly, they filed out of their apartment and to their cars.

Then, as suddenly as she’d started, she stopped. Myfanwy slipped off the bed and went to the door before Gestalt could find their voice.

“Hold on! What did I do?” All four voices asked though she could hear only one.

Myfanwy was frustratingly unbothered by the situation. She gave them a small frowned. “I told you. Undivided.” And she disappeared down the hall leaving Gestalt to count backwards. _Again_.

That was it. They decided then and there. They were taking the weekend off. All of them. Grantchester be damned. Myfanwy wanted undivided? They’d give her undivided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sudden POV switch! Lemme know if you liked it or not!


	8. Undivided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt gives Myfanwy their undivided attention.

She’d been improving. She was proud to say that she had managed to control two birds into flapping their wings and a squirrel into climbing a tree and hanging upside down from one of the branches. It was exhaustive work. The level of focus necessary was unbelievable for the meager results.

An orange tabby cat was sitting on the bench when she walked down the path that day. She stared at it debating. The success with the birds and squirrel was punctuated by the accidental deaths of four times as many creatures. She had a small graveyard established in front of the great tree. The odds she killed the cat were just as high as if she managed to get it to do something she wanted.

Still, she couldn’t ignore that it might have been a sign. She built her EVA up just as she’d been teaching herself to do over the past two and a half weeks. She gritted her teeth and focused on the cat. She remembered a funny cat video she and Gestalt had seen on television a few days back. The cat had reared up onto its back legs and walked several steps like that.

That became her goal. She focus first on getting the cat to go up on its back feet. She nearly cried with joy when it did. She kept her head. Her focus went first to one foot then to the other. The cat was mewling like crazy. No doubt it was scared out of its mind. Myfanwy couldn’t pity it now. She’d made that mistake too many times before and those animals all ended up buried beneath the great tree.

The cat walked all the way over to her on its back legs, wobbling as it went, but it made it. Myfanwy broke into a wide grin and dropped the EVA. The cat curled up at her feet hissing. Myfanwy knelt down and gave it a pat. When it didn’t move or try to scratch or bite her, she pulled it into her arms.

An impulse struck her and she turned and bolted back to the cottage with the cat. She burst through the front door smiling like a mad drunk.

“Gestalt! You have to see this!” She stopped as she registered the four bodies where there was usually only one. “Oh. All of you is here.” She shook herself. “Whatever, you have to _see_ this!”

“Is that a cat?” Alex asked.

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “No, it’s a goat. Focus please.”

She set the cat down on the floor in front of the coffee table and stepped back. Gestalt exchanged uncertain glances between their bodies. The lights flickered around her as she gathered up her EVA. She bit her lip as she focused. She hadn’t used it in front of anyone since Alex had snuck up on her the second day on in the woods.

She had to focus so she blocked out Gestalt and focused only on the cat who went up on its hind legs again. She didn’t make it walk as far this time. Only four steps. She dropped her EVA and the cat scurried off somewhere in fear.

Myfanwy was breathing heavily as she turned to look at Robert on the couch. She couldn’t keep the grin off her face. 

“That’s incredible, Myf,” Eliza praised from behind the couch.

“I’ve only done it with birds and squirrels before today. A cat is twice their size. I didn’t know if I could, but then I did and I just had to show you!” She gushed. She felt high. Giddy.

“That’s where you’ve been disappearing every day?” Alex asked.

Myfanwy nodded, hands on her hips as she calmed back down. She should find that cat before it peed in the house.

“Are you hungry?” Teddy asked from the kitchen.

Myfanwy looked over at him. He was wearing an apron and an oven glove. Behind him on the stove was a pot. On the other burner was a pan she spied red sauce simmering in. 

“What did you make?”

“Spaghetti.”

Myfanwy moved around the couch. She was starving. She sat down at the counter as Teddy set a plate in front of her. She took a small bite and smiled in satisfaction.

“So did something happen?” Myfanwy asked when her plate was almost cleaned.

Gestalt looked between themselves again. “The Russian issue is being dealt with. Things at the Checquy are starting to get back to normal. Grantchester is hopeful that you’ll be able to return to full duty soon.”

“No, I meant, what are you all doing here?” She picked up her empty plate to rinse it in the sink.

Gestalt was quiet. She washed her hands and wiped her mouth on a paper towel before turning around to face them again. None of them were looking at her which was a first. She couldn’t be in a room with more than one of them without them staring at her through one body’s eyes or the other.

She moved back into the living room her anxiety building. Whatever it was must have been really bad to bring out all of Gestalt in full force. There might have been some complication with Monica. Or Nazim might’ve gotten himself into trouble. God forbid anything had happened to Bronwyn.

“How bad is it?” Her hand shook as she pressed it against her forehead. “Is someone dead? Who is it?”

“What?” Teddy stared down at her bewildered.

“No one’s dead,” Eliza said.

Myfanwy threw her hands out. “Then why are you here? What’s so important that it takes all your bodies to tell me?”

Alex crowded her backing her against the kitchen counter. “You asked for this, Myf. You wanted my undivided attention.”

“Well, here I am.”

“All of me.”

“Undivided.”

Alex reached out and touched her bare arm lightly. Testing the waters. But the waters were too shocked to react in any way. She _had_ said that, she just hadn’t expected Gestalt to take her at her word. Or listen to her.

She needed to say something. She could see the worry in Gestalt’s eyes. The fear that she no longer wanted them. She’d seen it before too many times. Every time she’d seen the hope die in their eyes she wanted to die herself. She took a deep breath.

“I don’t think I thought this through enough.”

She winced at the pain and disappointment on Gestalt’s faces. Alex took a step back. Myfanwy grabbed him back by the sleeve of his tracksuit jacket.

“I meant that in a logistics way. I’m not changing my mind, I’m just not certain how to proceed with….” She sighed and wrinkled her nose as she tried to articulate her thoughts. “Well, there’s four of you and one of me. I just don’t know how….”

Gestalt grinned at her. Alex slipped his hands around her waist and bent to press his forehead against hers. “You only have to do what you’re comfortable with. If you want one of me, you can have it. If you want more, ask.”

Myfanwy considered that. “Well, how did we do it before? You said I reached inside all of you. Was that… I mean did we….”

Alex leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling in thought.

“It’s a bit hard to explain,” Eliza said across the room.

“Can you try?”

Gestalt shuffled uncomfortably. “I think it’d do better to show than tell.”

Myfanwy took another deep breath and let it out slowly. She met Alex’s baby blue eyes and nodded her consent. Alex leaned forward slowly. She tipped her head to meet his kiss. Light, barely more than a brush of the lips. In the same second the kiss was deepened into something more animalistic.

Alex’s hands tightened on her waist. She leaned into him digging her fingers into his loose curls. She broke for air and had a flash of red joy flit through her mind. She resealed her mouth over Alex’s eager for more flashes.

Myfanwy’s fingers moved from his head to his chest where she unzipped the tracksuit jacket and pushed it from his shoulders. He pulled her sweater over her head. She hadn’t bothered putting a bra on that morning so she was quickly bared from the waist up.

Teddy materialized on her left and Eliza on her right. Alex lifted his shirt over his head and leaned in to kiss her again. Eliza’s delicate fingers began stroking her bare skin on one side while Teddy’s calloused fingers whispered across the other. She tried to twist in a way that would make them both use more pressure. She was aching for them to hold her more tightly. Squeeze her. Wrap her up in their arms.

She turned and kissed Eliza’s waiting mouth and grabbed her hand to force her to touch her more firmly. They started moving her. Walking her towards the hallway. Her foot caught one of the stools and sent it crashing to the ground. Myfanwy jumped away. She started to try and right the toppled seat when Gestalt let out a frustrated growl.

Teddy grabbed her around the waist and lifted her into his arms. Her eyes widened in surprise as he carried her down the hall to her bedroom. He dumped her onto the bed and followed after her. Myfanwy kissed him stupid before wriggling out of her spandex yoga pants.

“You’re over dressed, Teddy, and I’m not feeling especially patient. Where’d Alex go?”

Teddy smiled and pulled away from her replaced the same instant by Alex, already naked like she was. Alex’s mouth closed around her nipple and her back arched. She held his head to her as his fingers delved between her thighs. Myfanwy gasped as his fingers slid into her. His thumb rolled her clit expertly.

Alex released her nipple to kiss her again. A second or an hour later, she came hard. The lights blinked off and back on three times before she settled back down. She kissed everywhere she could reach.

“C-condoms. Condoms on the dresser,” she gasped.

Alex held up a foil square and smiled at her. “You really think I didn’t notice your box of condoms this whole time?”

Myfanwy frowned at him. “You never tried to use them.”

Alex lifted one of her legs up to his shoulder and pushed inside her. Myfanwy let out a loud moan and dug her nails into Alex’s shoulders. He bent and nipped at her neck. More flashes. Red and yellow and filling. He was moving too slowly.

“Faster,” she ordered breathily.

Alex complied immediately. The lights were flickering overhead dizzyingly. She shut her eyes and moaned again. Alex let out a grunt as he came. Myfanwy felt a bit disappointed, but it didn’t last long. Gestalt switched out their Alex body for the twin Teddy body. Within seconds she was coming again.

Teddy bent and kissed her as she came back around. He didn’t last much longer than Alex had. He pulled out and lay on the bed. Alex on one side, Teddy on the other. Her legs felt like Jell-o. And much like her dream, she still wasn’t satisfied.

“Eliza,” she murmured. “Where’s Eliza?”

She felt Eliza’s soft hands on her, sliding up her sweat slicked body. Myfanwy forced herself to sit up even though her body demanded she never move again. She pulled Eliza into her lap and kissed her languorously. She unclipped the silk bra and pulled it away so she could take one of her perfectly pink nipples between her lips.

Eliza’s fingers wove into her hair. Gestalt groaned around her. Myfanwy turned Eliza over so that she was where Myfanwy had been lying moments before. She slipped Eliza’s pale pink panties from her hips and kissed down her toned belly before reaching her cunt.

“Myfanwy,” Gestalt rumbled around her.

Myfanwy slid a finger into Eliza and pulled her clit between her teeth to suck. Eliza’s back arched and her fingernails dug into her scalp. Myfanwy reveled in the feeling. She added a finger and began working them in and out similar to how she’d done it to herself before.

Eliza threw herself back into the mattress and let out a low cry of pleasure. Myfanwy pulled her face away and nuzzled her slender neck. Eliza turned her head to kiss Myfanwy. Myfanwy lifted herself up until she was sitting again and looked around.

She eyed the three Gestalt’s in her bed with a frown. “What happened to undivided? You’re one short.”

Gestalt gave a tired laugh. “Give me a minute, I’m wounded.”

“And exhausted.”

Robert was in the room then, shirt off wearing Alex’s tracksuit pants. Myfanwy stood and pulled his face to hers. Flashes went off. The smell of flowers and the feel of velvet. Robert’s tongue over her scars. Just flashes. Not real memories.

Myfanwy turned Robert’s back to the bed and pushed him so that he would lay down. He was injured. She wasn’t taking any chances. He sat up and slid his pants off while she retrieved a condom from the box. She smiled as she straddled him. His cast scratched against her back as he held her.

She sealed their mouths together again as she rolled the condom down his cock. His fingers were already working inside her. She kissed his neck and moved his hand to trade fingers for cock. She shut her eyes and sighed into his neck. 

She set her teeth against his shoulder as they worked together to build their climaxes. She came first again. Shaking against him as he held her. It wasn’t long before he was shaking and shuddering beneath her with his own release.

She moved off of him and dropped onto the bed heavily. There was a strange blend of satisfaction and dissatisfaction swirling within her. It took her a while to understand why. She had secretly been hoping that the sex would unlock some hidden memory. Some piece of the old Myfanwy she craved so deeply.

Instead, she had only opened a new part of herself. A part that wanted absolutely nothing in the world more than to live in a bed with Gestalt forever. She curled against Eliza’s chest. Gestalt was quiet around her, but Alex, Teddy, and Robert all had a hand touching her somewhere. Myfanwy smiled tiredly and let the exhaustion take her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the happiest with this chapter. I think the transition from talk to sex was to abrupt, but it is what it is.  
Read Sing Me to Sleep if you want some of my quality smut!! Lol   
Thanks for reading!


	9. Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet revenge is a dish best served cold.

Something crashed in the kitchen. Myfanwy jolted upright, bleary eyed and panicked. An arm snaked around her waist and pulled her back down into the bed. It was still pitch black outside.

“I’ll get it,” Robert mumbled into her hair.

Teddy rolled off the bed and headed off in the direction of the noise. Myfanwy rolled and pressed her face into Gestalt’s neck. She felt warm. Safe. Happy. 

There was scuffling from the kitchen and three bodies sucked in sharp hisses of breath. Myfanwy pulled back to look at them. The scuffling moved from the kitchen down the hall. Myfanwy squinted out into the hallway to see Teddy lumbering after something.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Cat,” Gestalt answered. “Knocked the sauce pan off the stove.”

“Scratched my arm and bit my hand.”

Myfanwy snickered. “Poor baby. Do you need help?”

Gestalt grumbled at her teasing. “No. I’m locking it in the bathroom.”

“Don’t get out of bed.”

Myfanwy smiled and let her fingers wander across Eliza’s bare leg. Up her thigh. Higher and higher. “But I’m wide awake now. Why should I stay in bed?”

Robert’s arms tightened around her waist as her hand found Eliza’s already damp folds. Eliza sat up and pushed Myfanwy’s hand away. Alex grabbed her legs and swung her around while Robert focused on kissing away any and all of her complaints.

Eliza settled between her thighs, her warm tongue twisting coils in her stomach. Myfanwy moaned into Robert’s mouth and twisted her hips toward Eliza. Her fingers were thinner than the boys’. Not as filling. Myfanwy squirmed under her ministrations nonetheless, but craved a more substantial satisfaction.

“Fuck, Gestalt,” she groaned, “I need….” Eliza found her clit then and Myfanwy’s back arched, her words cut off. Alex’s hands gripped her hips to keep her steady. She buried her face against Robert’s neck and let out a high pitched whine.

“What do you need?” Teddy asked, reappearing in the room.

Myfanwy looked up at him from beneath heavy lids, panting hard. “I need….” Shit. What did she need? 

“Yes?” Gestalt pressed, patiently.

Not too patiently. Eliza didn’t stop her maneuverings for even a second. Myfanwy’s eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned again.

Teddy reached down and pet her hair back from her face, tucking a finger under her chin. “What do you need?”

“Fuck,” she cursed again. “I need more. More… you. Just….”

She wasn’t making any sense at all and she knew it. She reached down and pulled Eliza’s face away. Robert and Alex dropped their hold on her so she could sit up and kiss her. She stopped and turned to grab Teddy’s hand urging him onto the bed.

“Please?” She begged.

Gestalt understood. Even if her brain was so frazzled she couldn’t speak in complete sentences, they understood. Teddy fixed a condom over himself and leaned over her as she went right on back to kissing Eliza. She whimpered as he filled her, his hands tight on her hips.

Myfanwy let her lips and tongue wander over Eliza’s exposed flesh. Her neck, her collarbone, her chest. Everywhere. Behind her, Teddy picked up a rhythm that was driving her into madness. Myfanwy dropped her head and let out a cry as shockwaves raked over her body.

She took a few deep breaths as Teddy finished and pulled out of her. She kissed Eliza again before rolling onto her back on the bed. She stared blankly at the ceiling for a long while before frowning.

“What’s wrong?” Gestalt asked.

Myfanwy twisted her mouth in thought. “I don’t understand how she did it.”

There was a beat of silence. “Who?”

“What are we talking about?”

Myfanwy sighed. “Old Myfanwy. How did she fuck you only once?” She sat up and looked down the bed at them. “It’s hard enough to even think about doing anything else ever again. She managed to get up and walk away after?”

Gestalt burst into laughter all around her. Even Teddy. Eliza bent and kissed her lightly before Alex’s hand closed around one of her ankles to drag her under him for another round.

* * *

Myfanwy was sore and sated. She stretched in the beam of sunlight streaming through her window and warming her bed. Robert’s head was pillowed on her thigh. Alex on her belly. Her head rested on Teddy’s shoulder. Myfanwy frowned. She couldn’t find Eliza.

She looked out into the hall relieved to see them walking back into the room holding a coffee mug. She smiled dreamily at her.

“Are you alright?” Eliza asked, handing her a cup of coffee.

Was she alright? She was working very hard not to drag them right back into bed. Round three sounded perfectly ideal. Or maybe it’d be round nine? It was hard to keep track.

“I’d be better if we tried for another round,” she suggested. She arched an eyebrow at them in a weak attempt at seduction as she took a sip of the coffee.

Alex swept her short hair away and kissed the back of her neck. “That good?” Someone took the coffee cup from her hands.

Myfanwy’s eyes fluttered shut. The dreamy smile stayed pasted on her face. “The best.”

Gestalt snickered. “That’d be a bigger compliment if you could remember any of your other sexual encounters,” they joked.

“Not like you jumped into the sack with anyone since the kid erased it all.”

The dreamy smile disappeared. She opened her eyes. She _had_ jumped into the sack with someone since her memory was erased. That was the time she was somewhat unconsciously comparing them with. She felt a sinking pit in her gut.

“What?” Eliza asked, brushing a strand of hair back from her face.

Myfanwy shuffled to the edge of the bed and snatched up her pants. She’d worry about underwear later. She needed to be clothed for this discussion. Especially with how high the possibility was that it went badly.

She yanked one of her shirts on over her head and fixed up the top buttons. Gestalt hadn’t moved. They were all still on the bed around the spot she had just left except Eliza. Their eyes trained on her. All eight brimmed with curiosity and nervousness. They were going to hate her for what she was about to tell them.

“Please, keep in mind that I didn’t know. Not really. I was only there looking for answers. And I almost left. Very nearly. I was in my car, but….” Myfanwy rubbed her hand over her eyes. “Those were my first real flashes of memory. Not just feelings, but real memories. And I thought if I leaned into them I might recover more.”

Gestalt looked completely blank as she babbled. 

“I was only looking for answers.”

“Please,” Eliza managed, “tell me you didn’t.”

“Didn’t know?” Teddy challenged. “I _warned_ you when I caught you digging into his file in the archives.”

“You warned me to stay away. You never told me why and I _didn’t know_.”

“That doesn’t matter. Andrew Bristol breeched the zero contact agreement the minute he let you into his shop.”

“Hey, at least he gave me more answers than you did,” Myfanwy countered defensively. 

“I would’ve told you everything if I’d known!” Gestalt shouted all at once.

Myfanwy flinched.

“You could’ve trusted me.”

“You _should’ve_ trusted me.”

“You ran off to Bristol? Of _all_ people?”

“And _fucked_ him?”

They were all off the bed then. Myfanwy was working very hard not to cry. She understood their anger. She hated herself for it just the same. But she _hadn’t known_. Not really. She knew it was something taboo. Something not to be discussed. But she couldn’t trust anyone. 

“I was told not to trust anyone,” she said defensively though her voice trembled.

“Who told you that?”

“Farrier?”

“_I_ did! Old Myfanwy told me not to trust anyone. There was a list of possible suspects responsible for my memory wipe and you were on it. I didn’t know whether to believe what I told myself or what I felt and I was scared and angry and when I had those flashes about Bristol I just wanted to remember.”

She took a deep breath and held it until she was sure she could let it out without sobbing.

Gestalt stared at her emptily for an eternity. She squeezed her eyes shut and looked away. They all turned away and began dressing. Still, they didn’t speak. They refused to even look at her.

Remarkable how quickly her mood turned from bliss to shit.

She spun for the door and went to barricade herself in the bathroom. She couldn’t stand to feel she had disappointed Gestalt. Hurt them in that way. She sat on the toilet and curled herself up into a ball.

She heard the front door shut a few minutes later and Myfanwy let herself cry. She’d fucked it all up before she’d even known what she was doing. She could have lied. She could have just let them go on thinking they were the only one she remembered being with. She should have.

She just didn’t want to lie to them anymore. Even if it hurt her.

Something cold and wet touched her toe and Myfanwy looked down. The orange cat was sniffing at her. Myfanwy reached down and scratched its head gently. The cat pressed its head more firmly into her hand and Myfanwy felt herself smile unwittingly.

After a while, she uncurled herself from the toilet and started the shower. She cranked the hot water until it was scalding. A small punishment for herself. She scrubbed herself clean and wrapped herself in a warm towel. There was no need to hurry. Gestalt was gone.

Myfanwy opened the door and the cat darted out past her legs. She went to her room to dress and froze. 

“Robert?”

He looked her up and down and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth.

“I thought you left?”

He stood up to limp over to her. “Some of me.”

Myfanwy nodded and looked down at the floor. “Did I tell you I was sorry?”

Robert tucked a strand of her wet hair behind her ear and pulled her head up to look at him. She chewed at her cheek nervously.

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” he whispered.

Myfanwy leaned into him somewhat unconsciously. “Can I at least make it up to you?”

Gestalt smiled. They pressed their forehead against hers. His right hand fisted in her towel. “Does it matter that there’s only one of me here?”

Myfanwy slid her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips to his. “Not so long as you aren’t driving or doing anything else that requires too much focus.”

Robert kissed her back sweeping her towel away from her and laying her back on the bed. “Let me worry about my compartmentalization, yeah?”

Myfanwy wanted to argue, but he was beside her on the bed kissing her. His hand between her legs. Fingers working her from inside and out. Barely a minute had passed before she forgot there was anything at all for her to be concerned about.

* * *

Leave it to Andrew _Fucking_ Bristol to ruin their perfect morning. The cunt was under isolation orders from the Checquy. He’d even been defrocked by the government for fraternizing with a patient. Lost his license to ever practice psychiatry ever again.

Too lenient a punishment if they asked Gestalt. Which they never did. Farrier had only ever ordered them to stay away from the man. Pig. Vermin. There was no one in the world they despised more than Bristol.

Way back at Glengrove, they hadn’t given him much thought. Not until Myfanwy did. They’d felt possessive of her even then. The idea that the old fogey had touched Myfanwy in any way had made them murderous. But Myfanwy was more relaxed than they’d ever seen her.

The pain at knowing someone else was making their Myfanwy happy only amplified their derision for Bristol. But knowing Myfanwy was happy was enough to stop them from acting on it. After the fire they regretted not breaking the man in two when they’d had the chance.

But the chance had presented itself to them once again. And they were barely a fifteen minute drive from his address. So they loaded three of their bodies into the Range Rover and sped off to give Bristol three-quarters of their fury. Painfully fermented for over ten years until it was so potent that barely the mention of the name was enough to send Gestalt into a white knuckled rage.

They were nearly there when Myfanwy emerged from the shower. Back in the bedroom where Farrier had stuck her to ‘recuperate’ after she’d let the cunt wreck a barely eighteen year old Myfanwy who was already dealing with the loss of both her parents.

They pulled to a stop in front of the Bird Cage. Idiotic fucking name for a shop. Eliza went in first. A distraction. The bell rang overhead and they heard him shout from somewhere else that he’d be a minute.

“Did I tell you I was sorry?” Myfanwy asked. She looked so sad and so scared. It broke Gestalt’s heart anew.

They couldn’t say for certain, but were they in opposite positions they might’ve done the same thing she had done. Any memories would be better than none at all. They could understand that. But Bristol had no amnesiac excuses.

He came out of a back room and down the stairs into the empty main floor of the shop. He smiled at Gestalt easily. Clearly he didn’t recognize them. Not that he would. He was too busy fucking poor Myfanwy to notice any of the other EVA youths at Glengrove. Even her best friend.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” he smiled. Gestalt wanted to vomit.

Teddy and Alex moved behind him. They grabbed him by the elbows and shoulders and kicked the backs of his knees so he’d go down. Confusion flashed over his face before recognition dawned on him quickly replaced by fear.

“She came to me,” he argued quickly.

Myfanwy kissed them hard. Desperate. Plaintive. They didn’t blame her. They’d have to show her.

Eliza cranked her right hand back and crushed it into Bristol’s nose. It crunched beneath their hand and a fountain a blood poured from it. Bristol gave a cry and struggled against Teddy and Alex’s unyielding hold.

“I told Farrier. She sent a letter here. I told her!”

Eliza punched him in the mouth this time. A part of them hoped it would shut him up. They didn’t care what he’d told Farrier. They barely cared what he’d told Myfanwy. They only wanted to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her. As much as they hurt.

Eliza rammed her knee into Bristol’s stomach and he keeled over gasping for breath. Alex and Teddy let go of his arms. He wasn’t going anywhere until they were through with him anyway.

“Gestalt,” Myfanwy moaned in their ear. She twisted against them, kissing their neck. Her teeth nibbled lightly just under their ear. A chill ran through all four bodies. “More.” 

“She came to me! She kissed me! I told her to leave.” Teddy drove their foot into his gut. They felt bone break beneath the blow.

They assailed him from all sides then. Anger. Agony. Years of pent up aggression. It was all released in that moment in that stupid shop with the idiotic name. Until they were satisfied. Until Myfanwy’s cries of ecstasy overrode the need for vengeance.

As calmly as they’d walked into the store, they walked out. Eliza’s hand was bloody, but they felt victorious. Teddy got behind the wheel and drove back to the cottage. She was asleep now, but she’d wake again soon. They intended to make her forget everything she’d ever known about Andrew Bristol if they had to fuck themselves to death to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have more chapters in this fic than there are episodes of the Rook.


	10. Pets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy talks to Grantchester.

Myfanwy stretched and rolled tucking herself into Alex’s chest. His arms tightened around her and he nuzzled the top of her head. They’d all come back after barely more than an hour away. She supposed they may have needed time to cool off. Or maybe her apology was just that good. Either way, she wasn’t complaining.

Myfanwy inhaled deeply and let her lips wander. They skimmed across Alex’s chest and shoulders up to his neck. She heard the rumble around her before Alex turned and squeezed her waist. He bent his head and found her mouth with his. His kiss was sleepy. Clumsy. Like they hadn’t quite come back to their bodies.

Myfanwy twisted against them. She freed her hands from where they were pinned between them and struggled to gain dominance. The small battle lasted only a minute or two before Gestalt decided they were perfectly happy to lie back and let Myfanwy have her way with them.

Myfanwy grinned victoriously before she began to kiss her way down Alex’s body. She used her hands to lightly trace the path her mouth was following. She would pause briefly to bite or lick a particular spot before continuing her downward path.

All four bodies were wearing starched white boxers. Apparently too modest to sleep nude as she was. She slid her hands beneath the elastic to wrap them around his half hardened dick. The rumbling around her grew louder. Myfanwy pumped her hands up and down his length a few times until it was rock hard in her hands.

She leaned down to run her tongue up the underside of his shaft. Alex’s hands shot into her hair. His nails bit into her scalp briefly before they loosened their hold. Myfanwy wrapped her tongue around the base and moved upwards before sucking the engorged head into her mouth. Four sharp intakes of breath applauded the maneuver.

“Myf,” four voices rumbled.

Six hands pawed at her body, twisting her around and turning her until they found access to her most sensitive bits. Teddy’s fingers worked at her dampened cleft while Robert kissed and licked her inner thighs. Eliza kissed and suckled at her tight nipples. Myfanwy set a rhythm she could feel Gestalt working to match.

Teddy’s hands moved from her folds to her knees. She would have wondered at that if they weren’t immediately replaced by Robert’s mouth. The scruff along his jaw scratched at the places on her inner thigh he had just been teasing. Myfanwy gasped around Alex’s cock and she brought her thighs in tighter to his face.

Myfanwy’s eyes rolled back as Teddy joined Eliza at her breasts. She was reminded of her wet dream from weeks earlier. She sucked harder at Alex’s cock. His fingers fisted in her hair. They all grunted in pleasure. The noise vibrated against her sensitive flesh sending her squirming.

She twisted and pulled her head away, stroking Alex’s cock frantically. She was panting hard as she worked.

“Gestalt, please,” she begged.

Alex grunted as he came. His spend hit her chest and dribbled down her hands. There were several murmured sorries, but she couldn’t be bothered to care. She pulled Robert’s head up to look him in the eyes.

“Please,” she insisted.

Robert moved forward, pressing her back into the mattress. She nearly cried in relief as he filled her. Myfanwy brought her legs up and locked her ankles around his back. He picked up his pace, his thrusts hard and deliberate as he worked to finish her. It didn’t take long. Her thighs still tingled where his scruff had tickled and scratched her. She let out a moan and threw her head back into the bed.

Gestalt came again as she came down from her little death. It was quiet for a few minutes. They each worked on calming their breathing back to normal. Her chest heaved with exertion. Teddy reached out and cupped her face in one of his large hands. He pulled her forward to kiss her far more gently than usual.

“Good morning,” he greeted with a small smile. He pulled back and looked at her with heavy eyes.

She gave him a shy smile. “Morning.”

Eliza brushed her hair back from her neck and kissed the spot just behind her ear. “How about a bath?”

“Mm. Just give me a minute to find my legs.” She grinned as Alex and Robert each pressed a smattering of kisses from her knees to her ankles.

Eliza nuzzled her cheek before rolling off the bed and heading into the bathroom. Myfanwy listened to the bath water start and yawned again. She pressed her head into Teddy’s shoulder and stared out the window. With a sigh, she kissed Teddy and climbed out of the bed and went to join Eliza.

She arched an eyebrow at Myfanwy as she walked in. “Found them already? I must not be as good as I thought.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and cupped the back of her head to hold them steady as she kissed her. Eliza’s hands fell to her hips and steered her toward the tub. She was careful to help Myfanwy into the tub so they wouldn’t have to break their kiss. She sat on the edge of the tub and found a washcloth before pulling back.

Myfanwy reached up and traced a wet circle around each of Eliza’s exposed nipples. She shuddered as she cleaned the cum from Myfanwy’s chest. The washcloth moved lower and Myfanwy sat up straighter, spreading her knees to either side of the tub.

Myfanwy slid her hand around Eliza’s thigh, tugging lightly at the hem of her boxers. Eliza took a deep breath and moved the washcloth ever lower. Myfanwy wrapped her hand around Eliza’s muscular thigh and pulled, urging her into the tub. She didn’t budge. Myfanwy adjusted her grip and pulled again. She still didn’t budge. She pouted. Eliza smiled.

“I’m trying to clean you up.”

“I don’t want to be clean, Gestalt.” She leaned up and nibbled at Eliza’s collarbone. “I want to be dirty.”

She grabbed Eliza about the waist with both arms and yanked her down into the water. There was a splash and Eliza spluttered for a half second. She twisted in the small tub until she was seated on Myfanwy’s lap. Myfanwy pulled at the waistband of Eliza’s now drenched boxers. Eliza cupped Myfanwy’s face in both hands. “You know I didn’t bring any spares.”

Myfanwy lifted the removed clothing out of the water and squeezed some of the excess out into the tub before tossing the sopping wad of fabric in the direction of the sink. She found Eliza’s center and used her tongue to draw a line across her jaw to her mouth.

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have been wearing them in the first place,” she muttered against her lips.

Eliza pulled Myfanwy’s face tight against hers as her tongue delved into her mouth. Myfanwy hummed in appreciation as she set to getting three quarters of Gestalt off before breakfast. She’d take care of Teddy later.

The tub didn’t allow for much maneuvering. Eliza had to twist at an awkward angle just to get in a position where she could reach Myfanwy’s cunt herself. They were breathing hard again. 

“I’m amazed you aren’t worn out by now.” Eliza ducked her head and nipped lightly at her breast. Her tongue swirled around her nipple expertly and Myfanwy’s head fell back against the lip of the bathtub.

Myfanwy pulled their mouths back together as Eliza’s fingers started working more insistently at her cleft. It became a battle of sorts. Both trying to work the other into a climax while simultaneously holding out on their own.

Gestalt won. Of course they did. They were trained in all manner of seduction and conquests. Myfanwy could understand why. In that moment, she would have told them any secrets they asked for no question. But it was a close second and Eliza fell limply into Myfanwy’s shoulder as they struggled to pull themselves back together. Or push themselves apart again. Myfanwy couldn’t be sure which.

After a few seconds, Eliza leaned away and brushed a lock of wet hair behind her ear. “Hungry?”

Myfanwy grinned. “Ravenous.”

* * *

They were tucked up on the couch after breakfast. If she weren’t painfully human, she would never stop fucking Gestalt. She was, however, exhausted. She lay across three Gestalt laps with Alex stretched on the floor in front of her and an orange tomcat on her belly.

A movie was playing on the television that she was barely paying attention to. She was on the brink of a nap. One hand played idly in Alex’s bouncy curls while the other scratched the cat on her belly. She would happy if her whole life took place in that cottage. On that couch. With those bodies. That person. Forever.

But the real world stops for no one. Least of all them. Robert’s phone buzzed on the coffee table. Alex reached forward, careful not to pull his head away from her hand. He checked the I.D., groaned, and passed it back to Robert.

“Yes?”

Myfanwy sat up to look at Gestalt. The tomcat leapt down and scurried off to hide in the unused third bedroom. She watched Gestalt grit their teeth against whatever it was whoever was on the phone said.

“He breeched the parameters of the agreement.”

Myfanwy shifted herself onto Teddy’s lap. Teddy pulled her into his chest and kissed her neck. He huffed into her shoulder as they continued their conversation with the caller.

“She’s starting to,” Robert said. His eyes flicked over to her and away again.

Myfanwy tilted her head at them. “Is that Grantchester?”

“Mm,” Teddy confirmed into her shoulder.

Myfanwy held her hand out for the phone. Gestalt gave her a wary look. Myfanwy rolled her eyes and leaned forward, almost completely out of Teddy’s arms, after the phone.

“She wants to speak with you,” Robert said before handing the phone over.

Myfanwy leaned back against Teddy with one arm around his broad shoulders. Her fingers toyed with the ends of his hair at the back of his neck. His head was pressed against her cheek, eyes shut. The other three bodies kept their eyes trained on her face.

“What the hell happened to a week or two, Conrad? It’s been nearer a month! I’m remembering aspects of my old life, but this place doesn’t hold many memories for me. I think I should come back to the office. Get as close to my normal life before Nazim as I can.”

“Myfanwy –”

“And you said if I went you weren’t going to fire me. I went, but now I’m tired of being cooped up here. I just want to go home. I want to resume my normal life. I want to help with the Russian problem. I want to help other EVAs. Protect them from getting abducted and auctioned off like I was.”

“Myfanwy, if I could speak,” Conrad said gently.

Myfanwy huffed and waited. Teddy nuzzled her cheek and kissed her neck again. A lingering kiss this time. His hand spread out over her belly sending tingles straight to her crotch. Conrad had better say what he was going to say soon.

“I was just suggesting to Gestalt that we bring you all back to London. The power of your EVA you displayed at the bridge and the bank was more than anything you’ve ever shown before. I want to start you in a training program to retrain you as a field agent. Of course, if you complete the training successfully you would retain your rank and even be sent to aide in asset relocation.”

Myfanwy looked at Gestalt and frowned. “Could you give me just a second?” She didn’t wait for Conrad to reply before she pressed mute on the call and turned her attention to Gestalt.

“Did you tell him about me practicing with my EVA?” She demanded.

Gestalt shook all four of their heads. “You asked me not to.”

She narrowed her eyes at them. “You swear you didn’t tell him about the cat?”

Gestalt smirked and shook their heads again. “We told him nothing.”

Myfanwy took a deep breath and nodded before taking Grantchester off mute again. “Alright, I’ll do the field training so long as Gestalt is the one that trains me.”

Conrad was quiet a beat. “Very well, but you’ll have to test in front of a more senior member of the court. I’m giving you three months. That’s all. Prove to me that you can employ your EVA at will and utilize it in combat situations and we will discuss your future at the Checquy when the time comes.”

“Deal.”

Myfanwy handed the phone back to Gestalt who resumed their conversation for another minute or two before they hung up. 

Teddy turned her head to kiss her. His hand slipped under her loose t-shirt and massaged her breast. Myfanwy was surprised by the abrupt mood change, but she responded instantly. She squirmed in his hold and rubbed the heel of her hand against his hardening shaft.

Around them, Gestalt’s three other bodies rose and began moving around the cottage. One down the hall to each of the rooms and one into the kitchen. She wanted to ask, but Teddy freed himself from his sweatpants and was inside her in seconds. Myfanwy moaned low and dropped her head onto his shoulder.

She took a few ragged breaths before she started to move over him setting a pace that Teddy met then broke pumping into her harder and faster. Soon it was all she could do but hold onto him as he drove her to the edge and dumped her over. She lay limply against his chest after they finished. Her legs trembled with the exertion.

Robert and Eliza came back down the hall fully clothed carrying two bags each. She leaned back and looked between them all. “What’s happening?”

Teddy kissed her chest just above her breasts. “You heard Grantchester. We’re going back to London.”

Myfanwy frowned. “Now? It’s only Saturday.”

They all dropped their eyes shamefully.

“What?”

Alex sighed and set down the dishes he was cleaning. “I’m sort of in trouble.”

Myfanwy wrinkled her brow. “In trouble?” She looked down at Teddy beneath her and paled. “For this?” She made to stand up, but Teddy held her in his lap. “Grantchester is already on the verge of firing me. I can’t do that to you, too.”

“It’s not this. We’ll disclose the relationship when we get back and be done with it.”

Myfanwy’s frown deepened. “Then why are you in trouble?”

Eliza covered her eyes. “Because of what I did this morning.”

Myfanwy stared at them. “What did you do this morning?”

They were only gone an hour. What could they have possibly done in that time?

“Andrew Bristol is in intensive care in hospital,” Teddy mumbled.

“What!?” She twisted out of Teddy’s grip to stand up. “What the fuck were you thinking? Is this because I told you I fucked him? What the fuck? What the fuck!”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been wanting to put the creep in hospital –”

“ – since Glengrove.”

“I’m sorry.”

Myfanwy stormed back into her room and changed into the single set of everyday clothes Gestalt had left for her on the bed. She took a few calming breaths as she did. They weren’t gone long. And Robert was with her the whole time.

She came back out into the living room. Teddy had dressed and was finishing the dishes presumably while Alex dressed himself. 

“Were you fighting him the same time you were fucking me?” She demanded.

“Wasn’t a fight so much as a catharsis,” Teddy muttered, drying a glass and setting it back in the cabinet.

“While you were fucking me?”

Alex came out of the bedroom with his hands in his jacket pockets and his shoulders hunched. “You had my attention the whole time.”

Myfanwy frowned. “I hope not. I don’t want you thinking about me like that while you punch somebody’s lights out. But more than that, what if I messed with your compartmentalization and you got hurt because of me?”

Alex cupped her cheek in his hand and smiled at her. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

Myfanwy shrugged. “Well, I’m also a bit pissed off that you felt the need to beat Andrew Bristol enough to put him in hospital. I told you I was sorry and you said you understood.”

“I do understand. Didn’t mean I haven’t wanted to strangle that cunt to death since we was kids.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and went to the door to slide on her shoes. Alex moved into the living room to straighten it up. The orange tomcat came out of the back bedroom and wove through Myfanwy’s legs after attention.

“What are you gonna do with that?” Teddy asked, nodding at the cat.

Myfanwy frowned and picked the cat up. He hated three out of the four Gestalts. Myfanwy assumed that meant that some man somewhere had been mean to him. Myfanwy scratched its ear.

“Was Old Myfanwy not an animal person?”

Gestalt shrugged. “We’re always just too busy to worry about taking care of pets. You had a pet rabbit called Juniper before Glengrove. I dunno about preference.”

Myfanwy kissed the top of the cat’s head. “Well, I’m taking him home with me. He’s pretty low maintenance anyway.”

Gestalt gave themselves a look, but didn’t try to talk her out of it. They finished their tidying and went outside to meet Robert and Eliza. The boys rode in the Range Rover while Eliza, Myfanwy, and the tomcat rode in the Mercedes.

There was a twinge of sadness as they pulled out of the guard gates for the last time. She’d really started to enjoy her time at the cottage. She reached over and took Eliza’s hand in her own. She supposed it didn’t really matter in the long run. She was taking the best parts with her anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever accidentally end up giving a character a pet? Like it definitely wasn't in your plans. There were no plot points that involved your character getting a pet, but THEN you write a couple chapters and suddenly your character is a pet owner? Tell me that's not just me.


	11. Worn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy takes her retraining seriously. Gestalt takes issue.

“You’re not following through,” Robert announced in a bored voice.

Myfanwy slammed her palms against the mat and let out a snarl. She pushed herself back to her feet and turned to face Eliza again. Eliza sighed and put her hands on her hips.

“Maybe we should take a break.”

Myfanwy adjusted her feet and brought her hands up protectively in front of her face the way Gestalt had shown her. She scowled when Eliza didn’t do the same keeping her hands on her hips instead.

“We just took a break fifteen minutes ago. I don’t need a break. I need to kick your arse.”

Gestalt frowned at her. It was clear they weren’t going to go on the offensive. Myfanwy lunged forward instead. She tried to fake left to catch them off guard, but Gestalt had no ‘off guard’ especially not with a second set of eyes sitting five feet away watching.

Eliza moved quickly and sent her tumbling back to the mats. Myfanwy laid still for a minute. She took a few deep breaths and kept her face pressed into the mats. She felt like she was running up against a brick wall. She was trying her best to keep her cool.

“Are you okay?” Robert asked carefully. He was seated against the wall in an office chair with his leg propped up on a box. He had a tablet in his lap that he was working on. Alex and Teddy were off doing God knows what.

“No,” she said into the mat. She wasn’t hurt. Gestalt was excruciatingly careful not to do any major damage to her. That only pissed her off more. They were fighting her with kid gloves on and still winning.

Eliza knelt beside her and touched her arm gently. “Where does it hurt?”

Myfanwy let out a groan. “My ego.”

She didn’t have to look up to know they were rolling their eyes. Myfanwy sighed and pushed herself onto her butt.

“I thought I was supposed to be working on controlling my EVA. What does any of this have to do with that?”

“Yes, well, you’ve already gotten ahead with your independent study.”

“And if you think I’m going to let Conrad send you out on field missions without tactile combat skills you are sorely mistaken,” Robert added without looking up from the tablet.

“Sore sounds about right,” she muttered.

Eliza stood and reached down to pull Myfanwy to her feet. Eliza’s hands lingered on hers. She stared at them thoughtfully and Myfanwy knew what was coming next. The same argument they had been pressing since they got back to London four days before.

“We can still talk to Grantchester. Talk him into letting you retain your position as a bureaucrat. You’d be safe at least.” She was rubbing her thumbs over the backs of Myfanwy’s hands as she spoke. It didn’t matter how many times they suggested it. Desk duty was not something New Myfanwy had any interest in.

“Safe?” She pulled her hands away. “Last I checked, I _was_ a bureaucrat. I _did_ have a desk job. And what happened? I lost my memories, was pursued by Vultures on three separate occasions that I can remember, abducted, and sold to the Chinese. How ‘safe’ would you say I was?”

Gestalt grimaced and Eliza took a step back. It was a low blow, but Myfanwy was getting tired of them undermining her. She knew they didn’t mean to. She knew it probably wasn’t what they thought they were doing. But she felt frustrated all the same.

“You’re right.”

Eliza took a battle stance and waited for Myfanwy to do the same. This time, Eliza moved first. Myfanwy managed to dodge the first attack, but Eliza was quick. She caught Myfanwy by the elbow and swung her around into a headlock. Myfanwy tried to twist herself free, clawing at Eliza’s arms.

Eliza turned and pressed a light kiss to Myfanwy’s cheek. “Stop flailing like that or you’ll never get free.”

Myfanwy tried to make herself relax, but she kept transporting back to the bank and the Dover Ferry Docks. The smell of Latex was stinging her nostrils though there was none in the room. Her throat tightened until she was struggling to suck in breaths. Her eyes began to water as the feeling of suffocating began to take over.

Gestalt realized something was wrong. They dropped their hold and Myfanwy collapsed to the ground gasping for breath. Three hands were on her then, patting her back and wiping the tears from her face. They looked almost as frantic as she felt.

“I’m sorry, Myf. I didn’t think I was squeezing that hard.”

Myfanwy could hardly breathe, speaking was out of the question. She shook her head. Myfanwy pulled her knees up and ducked her head between them. She wasn’t dying. She was fine. She was safe. She was with Gestalt.

“What happened? What can I do??”

“I want to help.”

Myfanwy didn’t look up. She leaned forward into Gestalt’s chest as she worked to calm herself back down. Their arms went around her immediately. All four. And it worked. She managed to relax enough that her breathing returned to normal. She stayed in their embrace a while longer. Breathing and remembering that she was safe at the Checquy. That she had the power to stop anyone that might try to hurt her. That barring that, Gestalt would – and had – wage wars to save her.

“Maybe we should stop for the day.”

Myfanwy leaned back and shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It was just a panic attack.”

“Just a panic attack,” they muttered mockingly.

Myfanwy stood back up, ignoring the jab. “Teach me how to break that hold.”

Gestalt frowned up at her warily. “I don’t think….”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Gestalt. Both of the times the Vultures got their hands on me, they used that hold. I need to know how to get myself free.” She grabbed Eliza by the elbow and hauled her back to her feet. “You were the one that insisted on my having tactical combat training.”

Gestalt sighed and Robert inched back toward his chair at the edge of the mat. Eliza took a deep breath and wrapped her arms back around Myfanwy’s neck and shoulders. Myfanwy sucked in a breath and held it before letting it out slowly. No Latex. No panic. No fear.

“Alright?” Eliza asked softly.

Myfanwy nodded, gritting her teeth. Eliza shifted her weight between her feet and tightened her grip marginally.

“Alright, there are a couple ways to get free from here,” Robert started, “you can drive your elbow back into the assailant’s gut and twist free when they double over. Grab the elbow and twist free. Tuck your chin in as you move.”

She did as they instructed. They did the maneuver slowly at first, repeating it until she really got the hang of it. They fell back into sparring. Myfanwy grew a little more confident with each successful escape.

By the time she went home for the night she was bone tired. She dropped a cup of food into the cat’s dish and refilled its water bowl. She barely managed to pull off her shirt and pants before collapsing onto her bed. She was out in seconds.

She awoke around two in the morning shaking. Her last few nights at the cottage she thought she had finally overcome her nightmares. Instead, they were only waiting for her at home. She groaned and sat up. She jumped as her hand touched the soft fur of the tomcat. She still wasn’t used to it crawling into bed with her.

The cat stood and crawled into her lap purring loudly. She sighed and leaned back against her headboard petting him.

“I should name you,” she murmured scratching its chin. She leaned her head back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’d say Garfield, but that feels a bit obvious. I’m afraid I’m not very creative.” The cat didn’t seem to mind whether she was creative or not. It was just happy with the attention. And its sudden improvement in living conditions. A steady food source and a home out of the elements complete with a warm bed. “Jon? That was the name of Garfield’s owner in the comic. It’s a bit less obvious I think.”

The cat rolled over on her lap to get her to rub his belly. Myfanwy smiled and complied. It was eking away her nightmare induced anxieties. 

By three am, Myfanwy was asleep again. Not long enough to bring back any of the nightmares. She was up with her alarm at four thirty. She got up to change before Teddy and Alex arrived for their morning jog.

She dumped another cup of cat food into Jon’s dish and cleaned the litter. At five on the dot, her buzzer rang. She grabbed her purse and gym bag to throw in the Range Rover before meeting Gestalt on the sidewalk. They smiled when they saw her before turning to start the two and a half mile jog.

She had to fight to keep up with them. Whenever she fell too far behind, they would turn around and jog backwards yelling what was intended as encouragement at her. It always made Myfanwy want to catch up with them to kick them both in their sensitive bits. She ran, she just didn’t run as fast.

“You know,” she panted, “there are other activities we could do to make up the cardio.”

“Stamina is just as important as cardio,” they retorted without missing a beat.

Myfanwy scowled as she fell behind again. “You saying I don’t satisfy you?” She muttered.

Teddy and Alex pulled up sharply and wheeled around to catch her around her waist. Myfanwy sucked in a deep breath. She had been really pushing herself that morning. She met their eyes.

“No one has ever satisfied me more.”

“Believe me.”

“But running is important tactically.”

“And it’s good for you physically.”

“We’re starting slow. Two and a half miles is nothing.”

“You should be able to run five miles easily to qualify for field missions.”

“And quickly.”

Teddy reached up and touched her cheek with the back of his finger. “But never think that I’m unhappy with you as you are.”

“Say the word and I’ll get Grantchester to give you your old office job back.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and pushed past them to resume her running. “Forget I said anything. I’m too worn out to fuck you anyhow.”

She saw their dejected frowns as they flanked her again before passing her. She couldn’t be certain if the looks were because she was refusing her old job or if it was because she’d refused them sex. She didn’t think on it long before keeping her breathing even became her only thought.

It was six when they reached the Range Rover again. Myfanwy slumped in her seat and began fantasizing about the cool down shower waiting for her in the Checquy locker rooms. She worked her old job until three when she met Gestalt in the training room for a three to four hour sparring session.

Teddy and Alex followed her to the locker rooms. She couldn’t say how she was still moving. Her legs felt more like giant bruises than limbs. 

“We have a meeting at one with our vetting officers today,” Alex reminded her. He shoved his hands down in his pockets and hunched his shoulders up.

Myfanwy nodded, her thoughts on the future shower. Just a few hours of not being covered in sweat. That’s all she asked.

“You do still want to disclose… this. Yeah?” They both looked away awkwardly. 

“It isn’t like we have a choice anymore, yeah?” She was so tired and so sore. She just wanted to sit and sign whatever forms Ingrid put in front of her for a few hours. She didn’t want to think about Gestalt’s fluctuating self-esteem. It was too early.

Teddy pulled at his ear and frowned. “Well, it’s not like we’ve made anything official, yet.”

“What happened at rehab could stay at rehab.”

Myfanwy stared at them blankly for a full minute. She groaned and put her hand to her head. “Gestalt, just because I said I’m too worn out now doesn’t mean I never want to again. What I _do_ want is to take a long shower and sit down for a couple hours before I let you start throwing my arse into the mats again. Alright?”

They smirked and nodded at her. Myfanwy sighed in relief, glad to be done with it.

“Alright. Then I’ll see you at one.” She turned into the locker room before they could think of something more to keep her on her feet.

She’d just started her shower when she felt the unmistakable soft hands of Eliza slide around her waist. Myfanwy sighed and covered them with her own. Eliza kissed her shoulder sliding her hands down to her hips.

“What part of ‘worn out’ didn’t make sense to you?” She grumbled halfheartedly.

Eliza brought one of her hands up to tease at Myfanwy’s breasts. “The part where you said that meant you didn’t want this.”

Myfanwy sighed and turned in her arms. She leaned her forehead against Eliza’s and shut her eyes. She hadn’t been lying about her exhaustion. That didn’t mean that Gestalt was making it easy to refuse their advances. Especially when she realized it had been four days since they last kissed. When they’d dropped her and Jon off at her apartment Sunday evening.

Myfanwy cupped Eliza’s face in her hands and kissed her firmly. Eliza pressed her back against the shower wall and deepened the kiss. Myfanwy let them have their way for a minute before she pulled away.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s frustrating, but I truly don’t have the energy right now.”

Eliza ran her tongue over her bottom lip before tucking it between her teeth. They nodded and leaned their heads together again.

“Just so long as you _do_ still want me?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “Yes, Gestalt. But I’m tired and sore and we still have training later.”

Eliza kissed her. “We could skip afternoon training.”

Myfanwy pushed her back out of the shower stall. “I have three months to prove to Grantchester that I’m still a valuable asset to this agency. Maybe after that we can revisit the bedroom.”

Eliza’s face dropped. “Three _months_?”

Myfanwy shrugged. “Maybe less, who knows? What I _do_ know is that it is not happening today. Tomorrow doesn’t seem likely either.”

They frowned in thought and Myfanwy took the opportunity to return to her shower. She was washing her hair when Eliza pulled the curtain back again. Myfanwy leaned her head back and groaned.

“Gestalt!” She whined.

“I know, I know. I’m leaving. But tell me, would you be open to your previously suggested activities in lieu of running some mornings?”

Myfanwy squeezed the excess water from her hair and looked back at them over her shoulder. “Are you saying that you waited fifteen years to sleep with me and now you can’t wait a few months?”

Gestalt shrugged. “Didn’t know exactly what I was missing then, did I?”

Myfanwy groaned and shut off the water. Eliza handed her her towel. “You were the one who said running was more important.”

“Changed my mind.”

“You let me get dressed and work in peace for a few hours and I’ll consider it.”

Eliza threw up her hands in surrender and backed away. “I’ll see you at one.”

“And not before,” Myfanwy warned.

Gestalt groaned. “You’re impossible.” But they turned away to dress themselves leaving Myfanwy alone.

She didn’t want Gestalt to leave her alone really. She was actually ashamed and annoyed that it had been four days since they’d last kissed. In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t a long time, but Myfanwy was still upset with it. She’d have to remind herself to take advantage of more opportunities.

She groaned as she started up the stairs for her office. Every muscle in her body ached. She’d remember to take those advantages once her body was no longer a walking bruise.


	12. Vetted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt and Myfanwy disclose their relationship.

As it would turn out, signing forms for hours on end was not as relaxing as she’d hoped. Her hand began to cramp up from overuse until she was no longer able to hold her pen. She slapped her hands down on the desk and pushed herself back in her chair.

She shut her eyes and tried to figure out just how she was going to make it through afternoon training. She wasn’t sleeping anywhere near enough to replenish the energy she was exerting daily. Those stupid fucking nightmares.

“Myfanwy?” She inhaled sharply and snapped her eyes open. Ingrid was beside her desk staring at her concernedly.

“Sorry, just taking a small break. I’ll get back to it.” She moved her hands over her desk hunting for her pen.

“No. It’s one.”

Myfanwy stared at Ingrid uncomprehendingly. It’d been eleven just two seconds ago. Besides that, she didn’t have to meet Gestalt in the training room until three. She waited for Ingrid to continue.

“Your meeting? With yours and Gestalt’s vetting officers?”

Myfanwy’s eyes bulged and she leapt out of her seat. Every muscle in her body raged at her. She ignored them and dashed out of her office and to the stairs. She was late. Gestalt was chewing on all four thumbs outside the office along with a pleasant looking woman and a bearded, bespectacled man. They looked up as she careened around the corner.

“Sorry!” She took a breath and walked the rest of the way.

“Are you alright?” Alex murmured as the vetting officers led the way into the office. She nodded breathlessly and headed into the office between Eliza and Teddy and Alex and Robert. 

It was a full house. Robert and Eliza sat on the couch on either side of her while Teddy and Alex stood on the wings. The two vetting officers sat in armchairs opposite them. 

“All settled in?” The woman asked, straightening herself in her chair and flipping open a thick file.

Myfanwy was suddenly nervous. Like being called to the headmaster’s office in school. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but that didn’t stop her from feeling guilty. She peeked over at Gestalt who were all staring straight ahead with serious expressions. 

“These questions may seem intrusive, but remember, our sole interest is in your protection.”

“Protection?” Myfanwy repeated. She hadn’t meant to speak. She sealed her lips together. The woman smiled at her reassuringly.

“Against threats of blackmail or extortion from outside parties or each other.”

Myfanwy frowned down at her lap. She twisted her fingers together nervously. Gestalt would never blackmail her. Especially not with sex. And what good would knowledge of their relationship do for anyone else except serve as a warning? 

“Alright, first question,” the man started, “when did the sexual nature of the relationship begin?”

“A week ago,” Myfanwy said at the same time Gestalt said;

“Five weeks ago.”

Myfanwy snapped her mouth shut and looked over at Gestalt who grimaced. She cleared her throat and nodded. She may not remember it, but there was no denying it had happened.

“Five weeks ago,” she amended.

The woman leaned forward. “Myfanwy, if you’d prefer, we could speak in private.”

She wrinkled her brow at the woman. “I thought both parties needed to be present?”

The woman gave her a patient smile. “I want to suggest we take a break. Just so I can clarify things privately.”

The man nodded and stood. Everybody else stood, too, so Myfanwy grudgingly got back to her sore feet. Her vetting officer nodded her into an adjoining room. Myfanwy cast fearful looks over at Gestalt. She’d read the relationship vetting protocols. This wasn’t part of it. She wondered how she had managed to fuck up in such record time.

“Myfanwy,” her vetting officer started as soon as they were alone, “I’ve been trying to get time with you all week. Ever since I heard about this new development. Tell me, have they forced you into this?”

Myfanwy stared at her blankly. “What?”

Her vetting officer took a breath. “Since you lost your memories, you’ve been in a vulnerable position. Have they taken advantage of your vulnerability to force you into this relationship?”

Myfanwy shook her head. “No! Of course not. No. As soon as they learned about my… problem… they stopped everything. I was the one to start it up again.”

She didn’t look convinced. “Gestalt is trained in all manner of espionage. Are you sure they haven’t tricked you into thinking it was your idea?”

Myfanwy was angry now. She narrowed her eyes at her vetting officer. “Gestalt is not taking advantage of me. I chose them.”

She was finished with the conversation then. She turned and stormed back through to the other room and flopped back down on the couch between Robert and Eliza, crossing her arms over her chest. Eliza reached over and touched her elbow.

“Alright?” She murmured.

Myfanwy finally saw a glimmer of fear in their eyes. She gave them a small smile and uncrossed her arms to take Eliza’s hand in hers. She would have taken Robert’s, too, but it was still wrapped in the cast. She settled for resting her hand on top of it.

“Everything worked out, then?” Gestalt’s vetting officer asked Myfanwy’s. She nodded as she reclaimed her seat. “Let’s move on, shall we?”

“Have you ever taken recreational drugs as part of your sexual activities?”

“No.”

“Have you ever used departmental property vehicles or offices for your encounters?”

Myfanwy started to say no, but she wasn’t sure if the rehab cottage counted.

“Yes,” Gestalt supplied.

Myfanwy watched the two vetting officers tick off boxes in their twin files.

“Have you ever performed or received oral sex?”

Five yeses.

She knew from her research that the questions were going to be invasive. She thought she had prepared mentally. There was no amount of preparation that would stop the humiliation from welling up as the questions went on, growing more depraved as they went on.

“And who initiated the sexual relationship?”

Five voices said, “Me.”

Myfanwy pressed her lips together and looked at her vetting officer who frowned at her. Eliza squeezed her hand.

“I think we can agree it was mutual,” Teddy said. His arms were crossed over her chest and he was glowering at the vetting officers. They shrank beneath his glare and averted their eyes to scribble in their files.

Myfanwy wilted back into the couch as the question ran on. Page after page of everything one could possibly so with a sexual partner. Things Myfanwy was completely sickened by, but answered nonetheless. There were also things that started fantasies in her mind. She worked harder to keep her face clear of emotions. As best she could anyway.

“Have you ever invited a third party into your sexual encounters?”

Myfanwy sat up and stared at them. “You’re joking.”

Gestalt snickered under their breath. The vetting officers stared between them. Myfanwy reveled in the blush that rose on both their faces as they were forced to reconcile the question with the parties involved.

“That’s a no, then?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and flopped back onto the couch and leaned into Robert’s shoulder. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered under her breath. Eliza patted her hand, but she could see them fighting their smiles.

“That’s a no.” Teddy was taking over answering for Gestalt. She wished he could just answer for her, too. The vetting officers seemed afraid enough of him that they never lingered on any question longer than strictly necessary.

There were a few questions Myfanwy genuinely didn’t know the answers to. She often waited until Gestalt answered and just agreed with whatever they said. It was easier than getting into the fact that the relationship had lasted quite literally longer than she could remember.

“Have you ever employed the use of sex toys or other sexual equipment i.e. sex swings, dildos, or anal devices?”

Myfanwy turned her face into Robert’s shoulder. She waited for Teddy’s no before repeating it. She wanted it to be over. They’d been sat on the couch for over half an hour answering the most invasive personal questions ever created.

“How many more questions?” Teddy demanded, reading her mind.

The vetting officers shifted in their seats and flipped through their forms.

“Two.”

Gestalt shifted and huffed. “Get on with it, then.”

The vetting officers read through their question, shared a look, and shook their heads. “Just the last one, then?”

“Do you intend to disclose the relationship or end it?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and faced the officers again. “We wouldn’t have very well sat here answering the worst questionnaire ever established if we were intending to end it.”

The vetting officers looked at Gestalt. “Disclose it.”

They scribbled something else in their files. “Alright, then we just need you to sign the forms.”

Myfanwy took the offered pen and scribbled her name on hers and Gestalt’s files. She waited as all four Gestalt bodies took turns writing their names around the second line. As soon as they were finished, the vetting officers collected the files and stood. Myfanwy and Eliza followed suit. Myfanwy turned and helped Robert back to his feet before starting out of the office.

Alex and Eliza walked her back to her office. “Worst hour of my life.”

“Dunno what you’re talking about. I had a great time.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes at them. She nodded at Ingrid through the glass wall as she started back to her desk and waiting files. Alex’s hand snapped out and hooked her elbow to pull her back around. His other hand cupped the back of her neck as his lips covered hers.

Myfanwy jerked back and looked around at the other workers on the floor. “What are you doing?”

Alex smiled at her. “What did you think the point of disclosing it was?”

Myfanwy’s mouth fell open but no words came out. Alex took advantage of her speechlessness to kiss her again. He backed her into her office toward her desk. She pulled back again.

“We’re at work.”

“I know that. It’s just a kiss.” He shrugged. “A see you later kiss.”

Myfanwy scowled at him. “You know it’s not.”

They licked their lips. “We could always skip training….”

“Goodbye, Gestalt. I’ll see you in the training room in a couple hours.”

Alex took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets to walk away. Eliza stood outside her door for a second longer before starting after Alex. Myfanwy sat down and tried to focus on the files in front of her to little success.

“The vetting meeting went well, I take it?” Ingrid said wheeling into her office with yet another stack of forms.

Myfanwy flushed and stared down at the papers in front of her making no sense of the words on them. “Is that more work for me?”

Ingrid smirked and dropped the stack on the edge of her desk. “You can’t kiss Gestalt like that in front of people and expect them _not_ to ask questions.” She flipped through and pulled out papers to be reviewed and signed.

Satisfied with piling more work onto Myfanwy, Ingrid turned to leave. She stopped at the door back to her office. “I’m happy for you, Myfanwy. It’s awful that it cost you so much, but I’m glad it let you finally let go of everything holding you back.”

Myfanwy nodded mutely. Ingrid was really good at keeping her pity concealed. She never showed it when Myfanwy was around, but she knew it was there. Ingrid had known about her problem long before anyone else. Perceptive to the point of superhuman. 

She wasn’t half done by the time she was set to meet Gestalt for field training. She groaned and rolled her head back to take a quiet beat for herself. She groaned as she stood up and started for the locker rooms with a final wave to Ingrid.

“Did you make up your mind about what we discussed this morning?” Eliza asked as she sidestepped Myfanwy’s attack.

“You mean when you ambushed me in the shower?”

Myfanwy grabbed Eliza into a headlock that she quickly maneuvered out of. She kicked Myfanwy’s feet out and sent her sprawling onto her back. Myfanwy snarled and tried to knock Eliza down with her, but she avoided the attack neatly.

“I wouldn’t call it an ambush.” She reached down to help Myfanwy back to her feet.

“What would you call it?” Myfanwy challenged.

“I just wouldn’t call it that.”

Myfanwy huffed and lunged at Eliza again. She let her get her arms around her, but flipped her over as soon as Myfanwy tried the same. Myfanwy moaned as her body cried out against her. Eliza knelt beside her and brushed back the strands of hair sticking to her forehead with sweat.

“I wish we had another week alone in that house,” Gestalt confessed. Just as Myfanwy felt herself start to melt, Eliza smirked. “We might’ve been able to check off a few more of those vetting questions.”

Myfanwy brought herself up onto her elbows, scowling up at Gestalt. “It wasn’t humiliating enough already?”

Eliza cupped her cheek and stroked her thumb over it. “But it’s over now and we don’t have to hide anymore.”

Myfanwy frowned. “Until I do something else to screw with your compartmentalization and they force us apart.”

Gestalt grimaced. “I’m working on that.”

“You aren’t the only one in training.”

“Mine might even be harder than yours.”

Myfanwy flicked her eyes between the two of them. “Seems unlikely. _You_ still have energy for other things after we finish. I feel like death warmed over.”

“It’ll get easier.”

“Promise.”

“And until then, we can trade-off between activities. Tomorrow, maybe?”

Myfanwy dropped back onto the mat and shut her eyes. “I hate you.”

They were quiet long enough to make Myfanwy open her eyes again. She growled in frustration at their forlorn expressions. They could be so fragile sometimes. It was absolutely maddening.

“Quit it.”

They looked at her wide eyed.

“Try again next week. Maybe my body will have recovered somewhat by then.”

Eliza nodded and stood up. She reached down for Myfanwy who reluctantly allowed them to pull her to her feet. They still had at least another hour of training before she could even think about a bed.

Eliza played with Myfanwy’s fingers as they stood. Myfanwy looked down at their entwined hands and waited for Gestalt to say what was on their mind.

“Am I allowed to kiss you still?”

“When we’re alone at least?”

Myfanwy moved forward and kissed Eliza’s cheek. She tilted her head and gave her a light peck. “Not upstairs.” Eliza kissed her again more firmly. “Too easy to get carried away and I don’t need everyone chattering about it.” Their kisses deepened and Myfanwy pulled her hands from Eliza’s to settle around her waist. Eliza curled around her. Myfanwy pulled away at last. “We’re in the middle of my training.”

“Mm. This is training,” Eliza mumbled moving for her lips again.

An idea occurred to Myfanwy. Perfectly wicked, but she didn’t know when she’d get the opportunity again. She slid her foot behind Eliza’s and moved her grip to Eliza’s elbow and waist. She used more force than strictly necessary remembering how hard it had been to move her into the tub days earlier.

Gestalt blinked up at her from the mat in utter confusion. Their confusion turned to anger and irritation as they realized what exactly happened. Myfanwy grinned at them and reached down to help them up. Eliza spun on her back and knocked Myfanwy’s feet out from under her. She went down hard, but Eliza had rolled her onto her back and was straddling her.

“Cheaters will be punished,” Eliza growled.

Myfanwy grinned at them. “Someone let their guard down. That’s not cheating.”

Eliza grabbed her wrists in her hands and held her arms up over her head. She leaned down and kissed her deeply. Myfanwy struggled against her hold, but Eliza was deceptively strong.

In the end, they did more kissing than sparring. Myfanwy was more worked up than worn down by the time Gestalt decided they could call it for the night and head home. 

She dreamt of Gestalt that night. Gestalt and the cottage. Only there was no room with red velvet curtains on the wall in the cottage and she hadn’t worn a dress like the one in her dreams in her recorded memories. Still, a good dream is a good dream and Myfanwy felt well deserved of hers.


	13. Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt is real bad at dating.

Along with her physical training as a field agent that was overseen by Gestalt, Myfanwy had retraining in Checquy paperwork. This aspect of her training was overseen by Ingrid. In many ways a better teacher than Gestalt. She, at least, didn’t interrupt training to try and coax her into sex.

Myfanwy never remembered any actual work aspect of her life, but she did find memories of Ingrid. Some trivial things like giggling together over something ridiculous and eating lunches together at their desks. Ingrid seemed to think that those few fleeting memories were the equivalent to lifesaving. The way her face lit up whenever Myfanwy shared some tidbit she could recall made Myfanwy wish she could remember more significant events.

“Do you ever think it’s strange that your tastes changed after you lost your memories?” Ingrid asked after Myfanwy took a sip of her coffee.

Myfanwy frowned. She still enjoyed plenty of things Old Myfanwy liked. The foods in the pantry at her flat were still agreeable to her and the things Gestalt told her used to be her favorites were still well liked. “How do you mean?”

Ingrid nodded to the coffee in her hand. “The Old Myfanwy hated coffee. And your fashion choices are different, too. Even more so since you stopped pretending to be her.”

Myfanwy set her coffee down and leaned back thoughtfully. In her few memories of her life before, there was no indication that she might have disliked any of the things she now enjoyed.

“That isn’t to say I don’t love the new jacket,” Ingrid said quickly.

Myfanwy smiled at her. “I don’t think I ever hated coffee, to be honest. I think I avoided it out of fear. It probably reacted poorly with my anxiety medication. Old Myfanwy did her damnedest to keep her EVA at bay.” Myfanwy looked down at herself. “As for the fashion, I think nondescript was her goal. Especially after….” Myfanwy grimaced as she remembered Bristol and all the horrible things she had learned regarding him. Sometimes she was glad Gestalt had beaten him to a pulp.

Ingrid tilted her head at her curiously. She was quiet for a minute. Then a minute more. “Your pronouns might be more complicated than Gestalt’s.”

Myfanwy spluttered out an embarrassed laugh. Ingrid grinned back easily. It was those sorts of moments that broke free hidden memories for Myfanwy. Other, similar moments of laughing along with her friend. Memories going further back. Laughing with her friends before Glengrove.

There was a knock at her door jarring her from her memories. Teddy pushed open her door, but didn’t come in any further. He glanced at Ingrid and frowned. She made no move to leave and Teddy didn’t say anything though it was clear he was trying to intimidate her out of the room. As if they didn’t know Ingrid at all.

Myfanwy glanced at her clock. “It’s not even one yet. I have loads of time before I have to meet you downstairs.”

Teddy shuffled on his feet and cleared his throat. She wondered if he was starting to feel unwell. She’d just been running with them that morning. Surely she would have noticed.

“I was actually wondering….” He pressed his lips together and glared at Ingrid. Ingrid raised her brows and folded her hands in her lap. Away from her wheels. She was staying. Teddy huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Dinner.”

Myfanwy arched her brow at him and licked her bottom lip. “Lunch.” She answered.

“Breakfast,” Ingrid supplied. Just to cover the bases. The girls shared a grin as Teddy ground his teeth together.

“Do you want to?” Teddy grated, holding himself tighter.

“Do I want to what?” Myfanwy wasn’t an idiot. She knew what they were asking. She could easily say yes and leave it at that, but it was so _fun_ to watch them squirm. The way they pushed her during training, she felt they deserved a little payback.

Teddy huffed again. “Do you want to get dinner with me?”

“What? Like all of us?” She had to bite her cheek to keep herself from grinning. Teddy scowled.

“Is that a no?”

“That was a question. How many of you are going? Will it be one on one? Two? All?”

Teddy glanced at Ingrid again. “What answer gets a yes?” They grumbled.

Myfanwy shrugged. “I guess we’ll see when you tell me.”

Teddy stared daggers at her before spinning on his heel and back through her office door. Myfanwy watched him stomp down the office hallway startling some doe-eyed passersby as he went. Myfanwy snickered to herself and took a sip of her coffee.

“Suppose not all your tastes have changed after all. You still love torturing Gestalt.”

Myfanwy sighed and stared in the direction Teddy had gone. “They make it too easy.”

“You are the only one who thinks that. And the only one that can get away with it besides. At least, not without threat of bodily harm.”

Myfanwy scoffed. “_You’ve_ never sparred with them. They’re merciless.”

Ingrid jutted her chin out. “Who says I haven’t? How d’you think I got in this wheelchair?”

Myfanwy glanced down at the wheelchair in question. “I thought that was a phenomenal sexual disaster?”

Ingrid snorted. “Oh, yeah.”

Myfanwy picked her coffee back up and took another sip. Ingrid tapped her finger on Myfanwy’s desk and stared at her lap. Myfanwy waited for her to say what was on her mind.

“Are you going to let them take you to dinner? I know you haven’t been feeling the greatest the past few weeks.” Ingrid was trying for disinterest, but she was painfully obvious.

“Of course. It’s been ages since I felt like a normal human being and not the walking dead. I plan on letting them stew for a while. they’ve been impossible since we got back from the cottage.”

“I’m sure that’s probably because of the probation.”

Myfanwy gave Ingrid a startled look. “Probation?”

Ingrid frowned. “They didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Ingrid swallowed and looked away. “Maybe I shouldn’t.”

Myfanwy grabbed Ingrid’s hand, keeping her from wheeling herself away. “Ingrid, what didn’t they tell me?”

Ingrid sighed. “They very nearly killed Andrew Bristol. Left him broken and bloody in his shop. Six broken ribs, a punctured lung, severe internal hemorrhaging.” Myfanwy nodded. She knew about the beating. Maybe not the severity, but that wasn’t news to her. “Grantchester put Gestalt on probation until Bristol is released from hospital. They have to have a chaperone whenever they leave the office.” Ingrid paused. “Have you really not noticed?”

Myfanwy frowned and shook her head. She ran with Gestalt every morning. Always two on a rotating schedule. She had never noticed a tail. Maybe she wasn’t improving as much as she thought she was.

“So we’re going to have Checquy agents following us to dinner?” Myfanwy grimaced. She hated the idea that anyone would be watching them on their date. She might decline after all.

Ingrid shook her head. “I don’t think so. Pretty sure you qualify as a chaperone based on your rank alone. You just have to report it to Grantchester.”

“Report our date to Grantchester?” Myfanwy repeated. That was almost more humiliating than having a tail.

She left her office ten minutes early to run up to Conrad’s office. He was staring at blueprints on his desk when she walked in. Wulfe was beside him, her hand on his shoulder. They leapt apart when she walked in.

“Myfanwy. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Gestalt and I are going out to dinner tonight.” Myfanwy wrinkled her nose at informing her boss of her personal plans.

“Oh?” Conrad looked at Wulfe and back to Myfanwy. “Congratulations?”

“I know they’re on probation. You’ve got them being ‘chaperoned’ or whatever. I get it. But I’d rather not have any extra company if you know what I mean.” Myfanwy could feel the heat in her cheeks, but she was electing to ignore it.

Conrad swallowed and nodded. “I’ll have the chaperones stick to the bodies you aren’t with.”

Myfanwy narrowed her eyes at him. “Clearly I’ll be with them all.”

Conrad’s brows shot up and Wulfe looked away quickly to hide her embarrassment. “I see. I’ll make note.”

Myfanwy smiled. “Good.”

It was a relief to be back down in the training room. Away from Grantchester. She was getting better. She was even able to best Eliza fair and square once or twice. Although that was when Robert looked away or went out of the room. Still, a win was a win.

Gestalt was still grumpy when they started sparring. Myfanwy let them throw her into the mats a few times before she had enough. She sat on her but and stared up at Eliza.

“Where’re we going for dinner?” She rested her arms on her knees instead of taking Eliza’s outstretched hand.

“What?”

Myfanwy blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. “You said dinner. I’m hungry.”

Gestalt shut their eyes and threw their heads back. “Aw, Myfanwy! It’s too late to make reservations now!”

“Reservations?” She pushed herself to her feet. “Where were you planning on taking me?”

Eliza glowered at her. “Well it doesn’t matter _now_.”

“That’s why I asked earlier,” Robert grumbled behind her.

Myfanwy rolled her head around her neck popping it several times. She groaned and rotated her shoulders doing the same thing. “Why didn’t you make reservations anyway? You could’ve cancelled if something came up.”

Gestalt glared at the mats in silence. Myfanwy sighed at them. She felt a little sour about having teased them earlier. 

“You figure it out. I’m going to shower.”

After several attempted soapy coercions, Myfanwy refused to let Eliza in the locker room while she was in it. They had taken to showering and changing in the men’s room. They booted any straggling retainers that may still be lurking as soon as they arrived.

By the time she came back out, Gestalt was already cleaned and dressed and gathered by the door with very serious expressions on their faces. Myfanwy tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans. Alex glanced over at her and then quickly away.

“What do you say to kebabs?” Myfanwy asked out of desperation. She really wasn’t lying when she said she was hungry.

Gestalt stared at her for a second. “Not exactly a romantic environment in a kebab shop, is there?”

Myfanwy smiled and grabbed two of their hands as she made for the door. “Well, I suppose it’ll be up to us to create the romance, hey?”

Truth be told, Myfanwy wasn’t interest in a long, drawn out romantic dinner. It was quicker to get kebabs and eat them on a nice leisurely stroll. Straight back to Myfanwy’s apartment. Or Gestalt’s. She hadn’t actually been there yet. At least, not that she could remember.

“I should warn you,” Robert started as they climbed into the Range Rover.

“We might have… extra company.”

“Just know that they aren’t watching _you_.”

“Grantchester’s being a bit of a dick at the moment.”

Myfanwy giggled. “You mean the probation?”

Gestalt’s face fell. “You know?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “No thanks to you.”

“Well the whole thing’s bullshit anyway.”

Myfanwy frowned at them. “Is it? You almost beat an unarmed man to death in his own home.”

They pulled out of the parking garage and started for the kebab shop. “I gave a wankstain what was coming to him.” Gestalt grumbled.

“Whatever,” she sighed. “My point is you don’t have to worry about anyone tailing you tonight.”

Gestalt gave her three curious looks while the last stayed focused on the road. “Why’s that?”

“Because I’m your tail for the evening.” She gave them a wolfish grin.

Two faces looked delighted. The other two doubtful. Myfanwy couldn’t fault them that. She wasn’t entirely trustful of Conrad. She wouldn’t put it past him to install cameras in their flats should the mood strike him. But she’d already seen a bit of undisclosed relations and she knew he’d be hard pressed to suffer through the intimacy vetting.

Myfanwy ate quickly. Gestalt mulled their food. She stared at them. She knew they usually ate faster. Now they were stalling.

“Are you not hungry?”

“I’m eating now?” They held up their four kebabs like she couldn’t see them.

Myfanwy growled to herself and crossed her arms. “You know I still have to get home to feed Jon.”

Gestalt nodded and chewed slower. “I hate that you named your cat that. Always sounds like you’re going home to some man.” Gestalt had pouted about her name choice since she’d told them. She rolled her eyes.

“I’d rather go home with you, but you’re insisting on eating like the elderly.”

Like magic, they began inhaling their food. They weren’t half finished when they tossed the rest of their kebabs and dragged her back to the car. She laughed at their frantic energy. Like children. Although they all wore very serious faces to hide their eagerness and excitement.

Myfanwy chewed at her cheek as she thought. Their behavior was different from usual. They hadn’t tried any of their usual seductions. She was still mulling as Teddy stopped the car and they all climbed out.

Myfanwy waited as Eliza unlocked the front door and led her into their flat. It was a large, open place. There wasn’t really a separation between the bedroom and the rest of the flat. She didn’t suppose there was a reason for there to be. The only person there was Gestalt.

“Can I ask a personal question?” Myfanwy started as she stared at their singular bed.

Robert pulled her jacket from her shoulders and hung it in the hall with the rest of theirs. Alex wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

“Ask whatever you like. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

Alex moved down to kiss her neck. She tipped her head to accommodate him. “Why do you sleep in one bed? Isn’t it… crowded?”

Gestalt laughed. Alex’s breath tickled her skin. “It’s more comfortable.”

“And I have a very large bed.”

“Would you like me to prove it to you?”

Myfanwy leaned back in their arms and shut her eyes as their kisses fell on her skin like raindrops in a warm summer shower. They lifted her arms and pulled her shirt over her head. She kept her eyes shut as she found a set of lips to meet hers. She guessed Teddy. They were most forceful with that body.

Eliza’s hands started at her pants. Myfanwy broke away gasping. “I....” She had to take a half second to catch her breath. “I thought you were going to show me your bed.”

Teddy swung her up into his arms and carried her to their bed. He kissed her sweetly before moving down her neck and across her chest. He lifted her hips by his grip on her pants to pull them off in one quick motion. His head kept moving south and Myfanwy began searching for a new pair of lips to occupy her mouth. She found Eliza ready and waiting. She swallowed her whimper as Teddy began working his fingers in and out of her.

“Fuck,” she hissed as they found her sweet spot. “Now, please.”

“Already?” Eliza murmured against her lips. “I’ve waited three weeks to have you in my bed and you want to finish just like that?”

“Mmf. I’ll finish you,” she threatened deliriously. Eliza kissed her again.

“I’ve had three weeks to plan this out, Myf. You’re not getting off that easy.”

Easy was not the word she would use to describe any of the five orgasms she had that night. Somehow she awoke more tired and sore than she had all week with training. But also much more fulfilled than with garden variety exercise.

It was a good thing they had all weekend to workout to their hearts content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have named this chapter Easy ironically. It was the opposite of easy. This chapter was the Andrew Bristol of my writing this fic. No, I don't care that that doesn't really make sense.


	14. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt catches Myfanwy off guard. She has a panic attack. All good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a ginormous dumb dork. Believe me, no one knows this better than i do. So i absolutely know what i named her father. All I can say is it made me giggle.  
If it annoys you, take comfort in the fact that it will likely never be brought up again. ;P  
As always, thanks for reading!

“Is that my coat?”

Gestalt looked over to the coat rack. They’d made breakfast for five though their table was barely big enough for the four of them. Alex was sitting on a stool crammed between Teddy and Eliza.

“You can take it back if you’d like.”

Myfanwy frowned and took a bite of her toast. “Why’d you keep it?”

Gestalt shrugged and averted their eyes. Myfanwy scowled at them. Alex grimaced. “Memento.”

Myfanwy looked back at the grey coat. As far as mementos went, she wouldn’t want to remember wearing that coat. The complete and utter fear at being hunted. Again. 

“Didn’t you get shot wearing that?” She shivered. It had been utterly horrifying to learn that something she had done (whether she remembered doing it or not) had gotten them hurt. She’d known Gestalt less than twenty-four hours by that time. Twenty-four hours and they had been willing to die for her.

“I was rewarded for it handsomely,” Teddy asserted.

“And it was only a sedative.”

Myfanwy wrinkled her brow at them. “Tell me, why did it take so long for you and Old Myfanwy to… get together?”

Gestalt looked completely uncomfortable. Like they would suddenly rather be anywhere except right there. Having that conversation.

“We were friends.”

“We were both comfortable with it that way.”

“That is to say, _you_ were comfortable with it that way.”

“And I didn’t want to ruin the relationship we had by pushing for more.”

“Just being with you was enough.”

“And the Bristol incident left you….”

“God, but you flirted with me.”

“And I couldn’t resist any more.”

“But you kissed me back.”

“You started everything in the coat room.”

Gestalt’s gaze had drifted. Like they were away in their memories. She probably could have disappeared and they wouldn’t notice. Not right away. She took a sip of her coffee.

“So you were scared.”

Gestalt snapped out of their daze and looked at her with a blend of emotions on each face. Teddy looked angry. Robert sad. Alex disappointed. Eliza confused. Myfanwy gave them a soft smile and leaned back in her chair.

“I happen to know that Old Myfanwy was scared, too. More and more every day I know what she – I – was thinking when it came to you. Like how I – she – spent a whole night crying _years_ ago over you.”

Eight eyes widened at the statement. “_Me_?” Four voices demanded.

Myfanwy nodded. Her eyebrows drew together as she tried to dredge up the memory. “Something had happened earlier in the day. Some assignment I think. We hadn’t been at the Checquy long. You had a mission and you ended up sleeping with an asset. You were telling me about it over drinks I think. You were so cavalier about it. Like it was no big deal. And it shouldn’t have been. We weren’t together. We were just friends. But it stung. And I lay in bed thinking of all the ways I could have misinterpreted the signs and signals I thought I had been reading all that time. So that made my decision. I was going to wait on you. See what you would do.”

Gestalt was quiet as they processed. “Years?”

Myfanwy picked at her plate. “It’s sometimes awkward remembering things like that. Like I’m reading someone else’s diary. Other times it’s frustrating. Like looking at something through fogged glass.”

“I could’ve been with you years ago?”

“Things with you are clearer than most other things. There have been one or two memories of Ingrid, Farrier, and Conrad that were pretty clear. Playing chess with Conrad back at Glengrove. Laughing with Ingrid. Farrier smiling at me comfortingly. And then I try to remember other things. Things anyone should know. My parents or my childhood and it’s all a blank.”

“We’d only been at the Checquy for two years when that happened.”

“That’s eight years.”

“I wish I could talk to Bronwyn again. Who the hell knows where she disappeared off to?” Myfanwy muttered into her coffee cup.

“I missed out on eight years of being with you?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “You’ve not heard a word I said, have you.”

“Your memory’s shoddy, same old. I’ve just been told that I spent eight unnecessary _years_ pining for you when I didn’t have to.”

“A bit tough to swallow, innit?”

Myfanwy pushed her plate back and stood up. “You act like it’s not enough to have me now.” She moved to the coat rack. Her finger caught on the tiny hole where the sedative had struck Eliza. 

Teddy’s strong arms curled around her waist. He hefted her back against his wide chest and breathed in her hair. Myfanwy dropped her hands from the coat to his arms. A small smile toyed at her lips.

“You know I love you no matter how many years we wasted,” they rumbled in her ear.

Myfanwy’s heart and stomach lurched. She swallowed hard and tried to speak, but she was at a loss for words. Distant, hazy memories or not, Myfanwy had only known Gestalt for two months. Two months that she could clearly remember. Of course, it was longer for Gestalt. Their love had had ample time to mature and ferment. Myfanwy hadn’t had that time. 

“I have to go feed Jon,” she blurted pushing Teddy’s arms away.

She didn’t look at them as she pulled her black leather jacket on. She didn’t need to look to know the disappointment and hurt on each of their faces. She cared for them. She knew from the moment she saw them in the hallway her first day at the Checquy. She knew she cared for them, but she didn’t know how far that feeling went. The memories she’d recovered felt altogether useless when it came to understanding herself.

“I’ll drive you.”

“It’s okay. I’m going to get in my morning jog anyhow.” She didn’t wait for them to try and convince her to let them drive her. Or worse. Convince her to stay. She slipped her feet into her shoes and made her get away.

Her apartment was three-point-two miles from Gestalts. She unlocked her door and was immediately greeted by Jon. He yowled hungrily and rubbed his face against her legs. Myfanwy took her jacket off and poured a cup of food in the cat dish.

She slouched down on her couch and began berating herself for her rash behavior. Completely unnecessary. So she wasn’t ready to say the ‘L’ word to Gestalt yet. That didn’t mean she had to literally run away from them. She could have explained herself to them. She should.

Myfanwy pulled her phone from her pocket and grimaced at the ten text messages she had. All from Gestalt. She opened the first and wished the couch could come alive and swallow her whole.

**Gestalt  
Are you angry with me?**

**Gestalt  
What did I do?**

**Gestalt  
I’m sorry**

**Gestalt  
I’m really sorry**

**Gestalt**  
**Your mum’s name was Patricia**  
** Everyone called her Pattie**

**Gestalt  
Your dad’s name was Thomas**

**Gestalt  
You had lots of friends**

**Gestalt**  
**You lost your virginity to a**  
** bloke called Jay**

**Gestalt  
I’ll answer anything else I can**

**Gestalt  
I’m sorry**

Jon leapt up into her lap and demanded attention. Myfanwy scratched his chin as she struggled to think of a response that might ease some of Gestalt’s worry. 

**Myfanwy**  
**Not angry. Just needed a bit.**  
** You didn’t do anything wrong.**  
** You don’t have to apologize.**

She dropped her head back onto the couch and groaned. She could be such a fuck-up sometimes.

The awkwardness didn’t last long. By Monday, they were right back to normal. Myfanwy kissed Eliza and Alex when they picked her up for their run. When they parted for the day, they were all smiles. Bizarre behavior forgotten. Though, not the love confession.

The rest of the week went by without a hitch. She spent the next weekend with Gestalt between their places. Friday night they spent at Gestalt’s and Saturday they stayed at Myfanwy’s. No more declarations of love and soon Myfanwy was able to forget her anxieties completely. They were back to just Myfanwy and Gestalt. Gestalt and Myfanwy. Best friends and lovers.

In the month since her retraining had begun, Myfanwy had improved remarkably. In everything. Running, sparring, even her EVA had become more dependable. It was the paperwork where she struggled. She hated it. So static. So boring. The Myfanwy that had wanted that life was dead and buried. The New Myfanwy wanted action.

She was practically falling asleep on her desk again. Not merely due to her routine lack of sleep. The boredom was strong. Like being back in a student lecture. She stared down at the form she was meant to be filling out when Ingrid pushed open the door between their offices.

“Hope I’m not interrupting.”

Myfanwy leaned back in her chair and smiled at her friend. “Of course not. What do you need?”

“I’m just meant to tell you Gestalt is in the infirmary. They w–”

Myfanwy was out of her seat and out of her office in the same second. She didn’t bother listening to the rest of what Ingrid said. Gestalt was in the infirmary. _Her_ Gestalt.

She stopped at the nurse’s station, holding it with both hands. She stared breathlessly down at the nurse who looked up at her wide eyed.

“Oh, dear, you’ll be wanting Gestalt. Room three.” The nurse pointed her in the right direction and Myfanwy hurried on.

There was a buzzing coming from behind the door. Like a chainsaw. She put a trembling hand on the doorknob and pushed it open. A thick, blue curtain hung between the door and the patient bed so Myfanwy still couldn’t see what was happening. The buzzing was much louder and definitely coming from some sort of saw.

Myfanwy felt the fear and panic rising in her chest and swelling her throat. She couldn’t breathe. She grabbed the curtain just as the buzzing stopped. There was a loud crunch and Myfanwy pulled the curtain away to reveal a doctor, a nurse, and Robert Gestalt.

They looked up at her in surprise. The doctor smiled at her. “Right on time!”

The nurse grabbed the doctor’s arm and tugged her past them to the door. “We’ll just give you two a mo’.”

Robert got off the bed and moved toward her. He seemed perfectly fine. Myfanwy’s fears had come suddenly and intensely. It seemed they wouldn’t leave as quickly. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to calm back down.

“Are you alright?” She clenched her teeth to stop her trembling. “Did you run here? I told Ingrid there wasn’t any hurry. You didn’t have to race down.”

“Scared me,” she managed through her teeth.

Gestalt wrinkled their brow. “I told her it was nothing. I explicitly said at your convenience.”

Myfanwy shook her head slowly. “She only said infirmary and I ran. She may have tried to say more.”

Robert reached out and took both of her hands in both of theirs. He ran his thumbs across the back of her hands. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I should have come told you myself.”

Myfanwy nodded. “What was it?” She was finally starting to feel normal again. Gestalt was perfectly alright. No blood or injury. 

Robert gave her an odd look at her question. “Why don’t you take a guess.”

Myfanwy paled. “Oh, God, are you pregnant?” She blurted without thinking. Immediately she realized that made no sense, but Gestalt was already laughing.

“I see we still have a ways to go on your observational skills,” they joked.

Myfanwy took a breath and surveyed the room. The floor was covered in a fine dust. A bit of the bed was covered, too. There was a small, electric saw on a tray against the wall beside four halves of white plaster. Myfanwy looked down. Both of Robert’s hands were free and holding both of hers. Both feet were unencumbered although one was encased in a shoe while the other was bare.

“Did you call me down here because you were getting your casts off?”

Gestalt jutted out their bottom lip and looked down at their joined hands. “Sorry.”

Myfanwy grinned at their downturned head. “Were you that excited to get back to eight legs, you octopus?”

They gave a light laugh and looked up again. “I was actually more excited about the arm.” They brought their left hand up to brush the backs of their fingers across her cheek. “I wanted to make sure the first thing it touched was you.”

Myfanwy flushed a deep red and looked down. “We’re at work,” she mumbled.

Robert leaned forward with a smile. “We’re alone.” He cupped her cheek and lifted her face to his. She looked into his heavy lidded green eyes. Her eyes dropped to his lips. She moved barely an inch and then she was kissing them. Robert moved to cup her face in both hands to hold her steady while he kissed her more deeply. Myfanwy moaned into their mouth and pressed herself closer.

“Somewhere else I’ve been wanting to put this hand,” they rumbled against her lips.

Myfanwy felt their hands moved from her face and slide down her body. They unbuttoned her jeans and slid their hand down the front. Myfanwy sighed and sucked his upper lip between her teeth. She whimpered as two fingers slipped inside her.

“Gestalt,” she sighed. Myfanwy pushed at his pants. Still a pair of Alex’s track suit pants for now.

Robert reached behind her with his right hand and tugged the curtain securely into place around them. Myfanwy pushed them back to the narrow infirmary bed, removing Gestalt’s hand from her as they went. She shucked her jeans clear off and straddled Robert’s lap.

“You have to give me a second,” they panted.

Myfanwy nodded and laced her fingers behind his neck. Gestalt leaned forward and kissed her neck. The fingers from his left hand slipped back inside her. Myfanwy moaned low and twisted down against him. Gestalt chuckled and pressed their right hand to her mouth.

“That curtain doesn’t do anything for the sound,” they chided.

Myfanwy pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut as Gestalt continued to stroke her. She pressed her forehead against his and wriggled her hips down against his hand. They tipped their head and kissed her sealed lips. A whimper escaped her lips as she opened her mouth to kiss them back.

Myfanwy was growing impatient. She didn’t want to wait any longer. She pulled at the waistband of his pants and pulled his cock out to stroke it. She rubbed the palm of her hand over the head and Gestalt sucked in a sharp breath through their nose. She waited for them to break away. To tell her to stop so they could compartmentalize.

They didn’t. 

Myfanwy lifted herself up and Gestalt’s fingers fell away so she could slide herself down over their length. She sighed in relief and clutched Robert’s head in both hands. Her fingers knotted in his short hair.

Everything had gone red and gold again. It was something that only happened with Gestalt. With Bristol it had been duller. More grey. She’d originally attributed it to the fogginess of her memories. The more she was with Gestalt, the more she began to think it was something else. Grey was fear and loneliness and grief. Red was good. Passion. Excitement. Love.

Myfanwy moved against him more fervently as she came to her conclusion. Robert rolled them over on the narrow bed and began driving into her harder. The red and gold were all consuming.

Myfanwy pulled one of the thin, infirmary pillows between her teeth to stifle her cries of pleasure. She dug her nails into Gestalt’s scalp, holding them to her as she came. Gestalt buried their face against her neck and groaned through clenched teeth as they reached their own climax.

Myfanwy gave them a second to come back around. She pet her fingers through their hair gently. They turned their head and tiredly kissed her. They started to pull back. Robert looked down at her through heavy eyes.

Myfanwy smiled softly. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I reference the coat room scene too much? Perhaps. Will I ever stop? Probably not. Hotel? Trivago.


	15. Rage and Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy sees someone from her past.

“I know it’s Monday and we always do lunch on Mondays, but I’m barely going to be in the office today. We’ll probably have to push back your training an hour or two.” Gestalt was babbling in her ear. Myfanwy was trying to stay focused, but her attention was being pulled elsewhere.

She was standing with Alex in the conference room. The court was set to meet in the next couple minutes. Grantchester had started meeting with them every day. Luckily, the meetings didn’t usually last longer than fifteen minutes.

In the office across the hall, two women were seated in a chair. The first, Myfanwy recognized from the office. The second, Myfanwy recognized, but she had no idea from where. Her hair was dark and frizzy. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap and her lips moved rapidly nonstop. 

“Myfanwy?” Alex nudged her elbow lightly.

She looked over at him. “Hm?”

“Did you hear me?”

Myfanwy shrugged. “That’s fine. We can get lunch tomorrow. Or we could just skip it if we need to. I can eat with Ingrid as per usual and I can have one of the other agents work out with me tonight.”

Alex reached out and grabbed her pinky between his thumb and forefinger. Myfanwy didn’t like them to touch her on the office floor. There was zero privacy and it was far too easy to let herself get carried away. All the same, she didn’t pull her hand away.

“Do you suppose it’d be okay if we got dinner instead?” Alex bit his bottom lip and pulled his hand back to shove it into the pocket on his tracksuit jacket.

Dinner _always _meant they’d end up at one of their flats. Naked. Sweating. That was why they only did dinner at the end of the week. Especially with only two weeks before Conrad’s Field Agent test. Unfortunately, Gestalt had used _Alex_’s body to ask and Myfanwy always had a much harder time saying no to Alex than any of the other bodies. He looked like a kicked puppy.

Myfanwy bit the inside of her lip. Her attention was returning to the odd woman across the hall. She sighed. She was never going to say no in the first place. “Fine, but it’s going to have to be takeaway.” Alex beamed. “And we’re going back to _my_ place because I’m not coming to work in the same clothes as today _again_.”

Alex laughed. “I brought you a fresh change while you were in the locker room both times.”

Myfanwy scowled at them. “_My place_.”

He held up his hands. “Alright.” He dropped his hands again and beamed at her. They made it so hard not to kiss them every minute.

Myfanwy turned her eyes away lest she embarrass herself in full view of everyone. Her face fell as she landed back on the strange woman. She knew her. She knew she knew her she just didn’t know _how_. Her breathing was becoming shorter the longer she stared. The harder she tried to remember.

“Myf? What happened?” Alex asked. They jostled her slightly, but it didn’t snap her eyes away from the strange woman.

“I know her,” Myfanwy uttered. She recognized the panic in her chest too late to stop it.

Alex turned to follow her gaze. Outside the conference room, Gestalt’s three other bodies moved to do the same. They had all been on their way into the conference room. Danielle and Claudia paused on their way to the conference room with curious looks at Gestalt’s bodies.

“Who?”

“The one across the hall with the handler. I know her.”

Gestalt turned back to look at her skeptically. “Are you sure?”

Myfanwy nodded firmly. Just then, Grantchester descended the stairs from his office and Gestalt hurried into the conference room to take their seats. Myfanwy grabbed a fistful of Alex’s tracksuit sleeve before he could get around the table. She was shaking even as she tried to calm herself back down.

“Gestalt, I swear I know her,” she insisted.

Alex pulled his arm free gently and wrapped it tightly around her shoulders. “I know. I believe you.” They pressed their lips to the top of her head and rubbed her arms soothingly. It wasn’t working as well as she’d hoped.

Gestalt flinched suddenly and jerked away from her. The lights flickered overhead ominously. Gestalt flexed their hands and Alex rubbed his face. Myfanwy grimaced and dropped into her seat between Claudia and Danielle. Both women looked at her curiously but knew better than to ask especially with Gestalt in the room.

Grantchester descended the steps from his office then. He didn’t make straight for the conference room as they all assumed he would. Instead, he stopped in the office across the hall to speak with Myfanwy’s known stranger’s handler.

She had no clue what look was on her face, but Gestalt turned two of their bodies around to watch the situation with Conrad and the stranger while the other two remained fixed on her. They didn’t reach out to touch her again. Apparently having learned their lesson minutes earlier. However unintentionally.

“Something amuck?” Danielle asked carefully. Her eyes darted between Gestalt and Myfanwy warily.

Myfanwy was about to ask whether she knew the strange woman in the other office. She was sleeping with Conrad. It’d make sense that he would tell her things. Just then, Grantchester excused himself from the other office and walked briskly across the hall with a wide smile on his face. As if he’d won some personal victory.

“Morning, all,” he greeted easily as he breezed into the room. “Spectacular news! We are officially moving.”

“Officially?” Claudia repeated. “How long has moving been on the table?”

Conrad’s smile didn’t leave his face. It was putting Myfanwy off. And she was already off. “It’s been an ambition of mine for quite some time now, but it was put in the works after our assault of the Russian Ambassador’s estate.” He looked pointedly between Gestalt and Myfanwy. Almost daring them to put forth an argument.

“Where are we going? Not outside London. It’s already impossible to keep up with the media outlets at the center of it all,” Claudia complained.

Conrad’s smile grew tighter. Less joyful. “We’ll be… on the outskirts. A private establishment. Privately funded and privately run. Seems the government has failed to see our value. Our importance. But what we do cannot be done by any old government office.” Conrad sighed and placed both of his hands down on the table. “Unfortunately, that means we can no longer stay here.”

“Privately funded,” Myfanwy thought she heard herself say. 

Conrad turned and looked at her. She must’ve truly said it. “Rook Thomas?”

Myfanwy’s brow pulled together in thought. “Privately funded, you say, but how? Who’s money?”

Conrad smiled at her pleasantly. “Technically all of ours. The Court will be the owners and proprietors of the Checquy. I utilized some of the last of our funding to… invest. There was never any danger of losing any of the money, so don’t worry. And in the end, it really is Myfanwy we have to thank for our new acquisitions. With the returns on our investment and the continued expected growth, we will have more than enough money to fund the entire Checquy and Glengrove without any government assistance.”

Myfanwy stared at her hands on the table. The dots were scattered, but she was putting them together. She’d become a near expert at doing so in the past few months. The more she connected these dots, the worse her panic became.

A light went off. “Josie Fairburn.” The name was like a breath from her lips. Two more lights went off nearby.

Conrad cleared his throat and looked at Myfanwy with a hint of fear. Gestalt’s four heads snapped back to her in surprise. They stared for a moment before turning all eight eyes on Conrad. He licked his lips and smiled again.

“She is much more valuable than any of us gave credit to. I am very sorry for what you were put through and that you were discredited without thought, but we have brought her in house permanently from now on. She’ll be working in the finance department so you won’t personally need to see her any more than you’d like.”

Myfanwy ground her teeth together. She worked on reining in the power that was leaping from her skin like frogs from a lily pad. “Excuse me,” she bit out. The danger from being in a room with that many people while feeling as combustible as she did was too great. She wouldn’t risk it. Especially not with Gestalt.

She didn’t look back at Josie in the other office as she moved quickly through the double doors and down the hall for the exit. She needed air. She needed peace and quiet. She needed a place to be alone where she could breakdown and relieve herself of the terrible feelings Josie Fairburn dredged up in her.

It wasn’t Josie’s fault. Myfanwy knew that. It didn’t stop the panic from beginning. It wasn’t until she was alone in the parking garage surrounded by a hundred empty cars all with their alarms going off that Myfanwy realized it wasn’t panic she was feeling. It wasn’t fear. She was _angry_. Angry like she’d been at Van Syoc’s.

She could breathe again. She knew how to handle her rage. She’d managed it before. Her power settled within her. The car alarms didn’t quiet, but she did. She knew who her rage was directed at. Not Josie Fairburn. She was only the messenger. No. Myfanwy was pissed at Conrad. 

What gave him the right to brush off her work and then her fears only to utilize the precipice of both for personal gain? Of course, he’d never call it personal gain. He’d say something like Farrier would have. It was for the good of all the EVAs out there in need of help. And a part of Myfanwy agreed. But another part of her despised them for their easy dismissal of her at every turn.

“Myfanwy?” Gestalt called.

Eliza and Robert walked toward her slowly. They looked a bit nervous. She couldn’t blame them. Not after that shock she’d given them earlier. But she also didn’t want to be near people until she was one thousand percent certain she had herself under control.

“I want to be alone.”

Eliza nodded. “And so we are, love.”

“All alone. Just you and me,” Robert continued.

Myfanwy frowned. They were barely two feet away from her. She knew they knew what she meant.

“I’ve already berated Grantchester. He should have spoken to you before bringing Josie back in.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. She had a feeling that had gotten through Conrad’s thick skull about as far as her finger nail could penetrate the concrete surrounding them.

“On the bright side, you remembered Josie Fairburn. I don’t think you’ve ever remembered something so recent before.”

Myfanwy sighed and shoved her hands against her ears. The screaming car alarms were endless. She growled and stomped back into the building with Gestalt hot on her heels.

“Myfanwy?”

She turned around and dropped her hands. “I’m fine. All under control.”

Gestalt frowned skeptically. Myfanwy rolled her eyes again and held out her hand for them.

“See for yourself.”

Robert reached forward and skimmed his fingertips over her exposed wrist. He bit the inside of his bottom lip thoughtfully. A smile pulled at the corners.

“To quote you, ‘You’re incredible,’” Eliza said with a smile.

Myfanwy felt her cheeks heat. Robert’s hand closed around her wrist more firmly. They pulled her back towards them and pressed her against the wall. Myfanwy licked her lips and stared up at them.

“If you’re still expecting dinner tonight, you’d better let me get back to work. And you should do the same.”

Gestalt pressed their forehead against hers. Eliza set her forehead against Myfanwy’s shoulder. Her hand tangled with Myfanwy’s. “You have far more patience than I do.”

Myfanwy tipped her head to brush her nose against Robert’s. “That’s not true. You waited over a decade for this.”

Gestalt hummed. “Maybe that’s what it is then. Maybe I just ran out of patience.”

Myfanwy tipped her head. They were breathing the same air, but still weren’t kissing. “You know if I kiss you right now, I’ll fuck you right up against this wall where anybody can see us. You want everybody to see that?”

Eliza nipped Myfanwy’s shoulder lightly. “I can turn off the cameras.”

Myfanwy looked over at Eliza. “And guard all six entrances into this hallway at once? Even you aren’t that good, Gestalt.”

They groaned and pushed themselves away from her. Clearly defeated. Eliza leaned over and brushed the hair back from Myfanwy’s ear. Her breath tickled Myfanwy’s neck as she leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“Conrad’s new offices offer much more privacy than we have at present. What are you going to do when you run out of excuses?” Eliza nipped Myfanwy’s earlobe and stepped away.

Myfanwy took a deep breath. “Guess I’ll just get really bad at my job.”

She turned away from them before she could change her mind on her want of discretion and mounted the stairs to her office again. If anything good were going to come of Conrad bringing in Josie Fairburn, the opportunity to fuck Gestalt in the privacy of her own office was an excellent benefit.


	16. Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy's three months are up. Time to put what she learned to the test.

“You have nothing to be nervous about.”

“Mhm.”

“Honestly, this is just a formality.”

“Conrad knows how powerful you are. How valuable.”

“He’s not just going to get rid of you.”

“Oh, good. Glad to know I’m thought of as a commodity,” Myfanwy grumbled.

Gestalt sighed heavily. Alex and Teddy were wrapping tape around her wrists. Eliza moved behind her and began to pull her hair back into a small ponytail at the back of her head. Robert stared at her with his arms crossed. They were trying to help. She knew that. But it was testing day and Old Myfanwy’s anxiety was rearing its ugly head.

“You’re up against three retainers. _Retainers_, Myfanwy. You could beat these guys in your sleep.” Gestalt was changing tactics. Myfanwy wasn’t mollified.

“You took me down last night,” Teddy said. “I’m twice your size.”

“Mm. I cheated.” She hadn’t really. She might have done a little seduction and caught them off guard. Still, it wasn’t as if she were going to stick her tongue down any of the retainers’ throats. 

“Fine. You want to throw the match? Tell Grantchester you forfeit?” Teddy and Alex dropped her arms to cross theirs. 

“Oh, look. Here he comes.” Eliza nodded toward the gym’s door where Grantchester and Wulfe had appeared.

“Go ahead and tell him you’re too chicken shit to do his test.”

Myfanwy glared at Gestalt. “Go away.”

Gestalt frowned at her. “Are you quitting?”

Myfanwy growled instead of answering and shoved her way through them. Conrad was whispering in Danielle’s ear. If they were trying to keep their relationship a secret, they were doing a piss poor job of it. She cleared her throat as she approached.

“Ah, all set?” Grantchester smiled at her easily.

“All I have to do is take down those three?” Myfanwy jutted her chin at the three retainers standing at the edge of the mats.

“Incapacitate them all,” Conrad agreed. “And, because I don’t have all day, you have fifteen minutes.”

Myfanwy swallowed. “Fifteen minutes to take down three grown men?”

Conrad frowned. “In the field you will often have much less time. I need to know you can handle yourself.”

Myfanwy took a deep breath and nodded. She knew that. Gestalt had been drilling things like that into her head since they started training three months ago. The quicker you identify a target the more time you’ll have to react. The more elusive a target the less time you’ll have to take action. Every day for three months.

“Are you ready to begin?” Conrad asked.

Myfanwy bit the inside of her cheek and nodded. She backed up onto the mat and moved to face her three opponents. Gestalt was standing against each wall. Eliza was beside Danielle and Conrad. Teddy was behind the retainers. Robert was behind her and Alex was on her left.

“All right. The match either ends when either party is unable to continue or the fifteen minutes is up.” Conrad nodded at Alex who held up a stopwatch. “Begin.”

Myfanwy waited for one of the retainers to make a move. She was outnumbered. If she lunged for any of them she would leave herself exposed to the other two. The largest of the three lumbered forward. Myfanwy searched for a weak spot just as Gestalt had taught her.

He swung his arms out to catch her, but she dodged at the last second. The same way she’d seen Eliza do time and again. Myfanwy grabbed the man’s elbow and swung her leg at the back of his knees with all the force she could muster. He grunted as he started to fall forward. Myfanwy rammed the heel of her hand into his nose before he could regain his balance and sent him tumbling flat onto his back.

She couldn’t celebrate. The other two had gotten the drop while she was distracted with the first. One grabbed both her elbows and pulled her back making her lose her balance. The other moved in, fists clenched. Myfanwy aimed a kick low. That was another tactic Gestalt drilled into her. Always aim low. Lots of sensitive bits down low and much less guarded. Everybody guards the face.

The man holding her arms jerked her back abruptly causing her body to twist with the force of her kick. She felt something in her shoulder pop as her body turned facedown toward the mat, but her arms stayed in the same place. She clenched her teeth against the pain and twisted back around. 

“Ten minutes,” Alex called.

Myfanwy took a deep breath and used one of Gestalt’s escape methods to free herself from the retainer’s hold. Her right hand was going numb. It felt like when she banged her elbow on the edge of her desk a few weeks back. Tingly in all the wrong ways.

Myfanwy stomped on his foot and aimed a punch to his gut. When he doubled over she rammed her elbow into his face. He gave a cry and fell back holding his face in both hands. She spun to face the last opponent. He held up his fists and hovered just out of reach.

“Five minutes,” Alex warned.

Myfanwy growled and moved forward for the final opponent when a sudden blow to her jaw knocked her off her feet. She lay for a half second on the mats as she tasted the blood filling her mouth. She spit out a mouthful, but it was quickly replace. She grimaced.

“Gestalt!” She heard Grantchester shout above the ringing in her ears. She got back to her feet and took a deep breath.

“Ninety seconds,” Alex grumbled.

Myfanwy dropped her hands and took a slow breath. She had never tried what she was about to do. At least, not that she was aware of. She felt her EVA gather on her skin. The power was growing in comfort the more she used it. Like an old friend, the energy blanketed her body.

All three retainers were back on their feet moving toward her. Myfanwy focused on each of them. She knew exactly what she wanted them to do. And they were going to do it. She ground her teeth together. A dribble of blood dropped from the corner of her mouth and down her chin. Her right hand was more like a phantom limb, but she didn’t need it to stop them.

All at once, the three retainers flew back from her and onto their backs on the mats. She locked up. Worried she might’ve gone too far. She checked Gestalt first before Conrad and Danielle. She drew her power back into her and took a deep breath. 

“Did you kill them?” Conrad asked, perplexed.

Myfanwy moved and kicked the foot of the closest retainer. He groaned weakly and didn’t move further. “They’ll live.”

Gestalt was around her then. Eliza cupped her face tenderly between her hands and turned her face to examine it. “Excessive,” she muttered.

Myfanwy frowned. “I was running out of time.”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t talking about you,” Alex murmured.

“We’re going to the infirmary,” Teddy declared.

Myfanwy nodded even as she turned her head to search for Grantchester. He was already gone along with Danielle. Myfanwy felt that familiar panic rise in her chest.

“Am I a field agent then?” She demanded.

Gestalt nodded, ushering her out the door and up the stairs toward the infirmary. “Of course you’re a fucking field agent. Do you have any idea what you did just now?”

Myfanwy felt the split in her cheek with her tongue. It was deeper than she thought. “Split my face in half?” She muttered. She was becoming more and more aware of how slurred her speech was. She caught a glimpse of her reflection and was horrified to see just how much it was swelling.

Teddy and Robert stormed ahead of them into the infirmary. Myfanwy could hear them shouting at a nurse or a doctor. She wasn’t sure which. The same nurse from two months earlier came bustling over to her. She gave Myfanwy a sympathetic frown and directed her into a room down the hall.

Eliza and Alex were gnawing on their fingernails and staring at her as she sat on the hospital bed. Robert came in followed by the doctor. Teddy brought up the rear looking fully prepared to murder someone in cold blood.

“An eventful morning, Rook Thomas,” the doctor said with a smile. 

Myfanwy stared back at him emotionlessly. Moving her mouth was becoming increasingly painful. The doctor snapped on a pair of Latex gloves. Myfanwy winced as he brought them to her face. She reached her left hand out for Gestalt. Eliza covered it with both of hers and squeezed reassuringly.

“Open, please?” His fingers touched her jaw lightly. Myfanwy opened her mouth as best she could. She watched the doctor frown. He pulled her bottom lip down and Myfanwy whimpered in pain.

“Can’t you give her something? Morphine?” Gestalt hissed.

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. She didn’t need anything so extreme as Morphine. The pain was mostly manageable. The doctor saw the look and raised his brows at her.

“Do you want morphine?”

Myfanwy shook her head.

The doctor sighed and nodded. “Well, I’m going to give you some Novacaine. You’re going to need quite a few stitches.” He hit a button to call a nurse to procure the necessary supplies. “Perhaps you’d like to wait outside?” The doctor hedged with Gestalt.

“I’m staying right here,” Gestalt growled in Teddy’s voice.

The doctor swallowed nervously and nodded. “As long as that’s alright with Rook Thomas, then.”

Myfanwy squeezed Eliza’s hand firmly and nodded. The doctor adjusted the hospital bed and instructed Myfanwy to lean back. She winced as she discovered a new pain. As numb as her right hand was, her right shoulder was positively throbbing.

She took a breath. A problem for later. She eyed the intimidating needle the doctor brandished then. He pulled her lip down again and Myfanwy squeezed her eyes shut as he set to work patching her up.

“Seven stitches to close you up,” the doctor said, patting her sore shoulder.

Myfanwy gave a sharp cry and dug her nails into the back of Eliza’s hand. The doctor stopped and looked down at her again.

“Some other injuries you need to tell me about while we’re here?” He asked.

Myfanwy used her left hand to point to her right hand and right shoulder.

“Thore,” she lisped. “Broke?”

The doctor frowned. “Can you take your shirt off for me?”

Eliza helped her sit up before switching places with Robert to flex her hand. Myfanwy thought she’d at least be able to move her arm enough to take her shirt off, but it didn’t want to cooperate with her. She pointed at Robert who immediately started to help her work her shirt up over her head.

Gestalt hissed in four breaths as her shirt came away from her head and Myfanwy was left sitting in her sports bra. The doctor’s frown deepened. Myfanwy was afraid to look. She did anyway.

Her right shoulder was all wrong. The wrong color and the wrong shape. At least it made sense why her arm wasn’t cooperating. She stared at the grotesque jut of bone and felt her stomach flip.

“It’s clearly dislocated, but I’m going to send you for x-rays before we try to set it just in case there’s any other damage we aren’t seeing.”

Myfanwy grabbed for Robert’s hand. The doctor looked between them.

“They won’t be able to stay in the x-ray room with you, unfortunately.”

Myfanwy looked down at her lap and nodded. Robert pressed a kiss against her temple. “I’ll be right here when you get back.”

A nurse came in with a dressing gown and a wheelchair. Myfanwy eyed the wheelchair with annoyance. Nothing was wrong with her legs.

“Change into the gown there and let us know when you’re ready,” the nurse instructed before both she and the doctor left.

Myfanwy pushed herself to her feet. All the blood went out of her head and she stumbled forward. Teddy’s arms caught her around the waist and held her up.

“Alright, love?” He murmured.

Myfanwy nodded emptily. Seemed she’d be using that wheelchair after all. 

“Pants,” Myfanwy managed through her swollen lips.

Teddy continued holding her up by her waist while Alex pulled her spandex pants down her legs. Myfanwy leaned into Teddy’s chest and shut her eyes. Her face hurt. Her arm hurt. Her back hurt. She wanted a long nap.

“Should’ve taken the fucking morphine,” Gestalt muttered.

“Keep?” Myfanwy asked, pointing at her sports bra.

Alex frowned at the article. She watched his eyes slide back over to her offensive shoulder. They grimaced and nodded. Eliza handed Alex the hospital gown so he could help her into it.

Teddy settled her into the wheelchair while Robert left to fetch the attendant. Gestalt’s cool hands were on her neck. Myfanwy let her eyes flutter shut.

“I want to kill those three for what they did.”

Myfanwy shook her head. “I did worth.”

She could practically hear their smiles. “Yeah, you did. Lucky you never tried that on me.”

Myfanwy reached up with her left hand to cup Teddy’s cheek. “Luh you.”

“I love you, too.”

The nurse came back then and pulled her away and out the door. The next several hours disappeared from her. Something that unsettled her deeply enough that she convinced herself she had simply fallen asleep.

When she came back around, her arm was pinned to her shoulder with a sling and a splint was pinned to her wrist with a bandage. Gestalt was sat beside her holding an ice pack to her swollen face. They smiled down at her when she opened her eyes.

“’Ow bad?”

Gestalt shrugged. “They fixed your shoulder and your wrist was sprained, but nothing was broken.”

“’Ow long?”

“The doctor thinks things should be mostly healed up in two weeks.”

“Yay,” Myfanwy said without enthusiasm.

Gestalt laughed. “Yeah, just in time for the big move.”

Myfanwy shifted before she realized that wasn’t a good thing to do. She whimpered and tried to shift back, but it only back it worse. Gestalt patted her thigh lightly.

“Sorry. They wouldn’t give you morphine since you told the doctor no earlier,” Gestalt explained.

“I even tried threatening him,” Teddy asserted from across the room.

Myfanwy tried to smile and arched a brow at them. She shifted once more, braced for the pain this time. Gestalt watched her with pained expressions. She settled and sighed.

“Hey,” she said lightly, “payback?”

Gestalt stared at her uncomprehendingly. Myfanwy sighed and reached up with her left hand to run her fingers through her hair. Gestalt grinned four wide grins. Eliza sat on one side while Alex took the other. They ran their fingers gently through her hair until Myfanwy’s eyes grew heavy again and she fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt gets to baby Myfanwy now! -^.^-


	17. Physical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt takes care of Myfanwy to Myfanwy's annoyance.

Of all her injuries, she resented the stitches in her mouth the most. It was impossible for her to eat anything other than Jell-O, yoghurt, and custard. All of which get a bit tiring after a while. It also impaired her ability to speak without sounding like a two year old. Most heinously, she was unable to kiss Gestalt without immense pain.

Gestalt made up for this by kissing her everywhere else as often as they could. Conrad sent her home to rest for the first three days of her recovery. She hated it. She couldn’t use her dominant hand which made it difficult for her to do much more than sit on her couch with Jon and watch television.

Gestalt came by frequently throughout the day. Usually only one body at a time which made Myfanwy think they were really meant to be doing other things. They would bring her food and sit with her until she finished eating which was never long because eating anything was so painful it put her off her food.

The doctor had ended up prescribing her pain medication anyway, although it was a low dose. She always took it at exact intervals. Anything to keep the pain at bay.

She encountered a new problem when she went back to work. She was right handed. There was no way for her to sign her paperwork while her arm and wrist were bound up. Ingrid came in handy then. She sat with her in her office and helped forge her signature on the documents that needed to be expedited.

It was all done amidst the chaos that was boxing up the offices. Whole branches had already been moved to the new building across London. One of those branches happened to be the medical wing. Which meant that Myfanwy had to drive across town for her check-ups.

Gestalt took it upon themselves to drive her. Mostly because she couldn’t really drive well without her dominant hand. There was the added fact that Gestalt had been running some of the more sensitive materials to the new offices over the past week so they no longer had to rely on GPS to get them where they were going.

“Maybe when you’re done with the doctor I can show you the new offices. You’ll like them. Lots of windows, too. We’re on the top floor along with the rest of the court. I’m not sure what Conrad plans to do about us no longer being a government facility. Privately owned or not, we relied on cooperation from other agencies for a lot of our work.” 

Myfanwy listened interestedly. Gestalt had taken it upon themselves to fill the air between them with conversation since she couldn’t say much herself. She couldn’t even hold their hand since it was still wrapped up.

Gestalt turned a corner and Myfanwy saw what looked like a glass castle. The windows were two-way glass after the first floor making it a giant mirror reflecting London back at itself. Myfanwy frowned at it.

“What?” Teddy asked as he pulled around the building.

Myfanwy arched her brow at Teddy. “Stones.”

Gestalt chuckled. “Yeah, well, we’ll be extra careful not to throw any.”

Myfanwy snorted incredulously. She’d spent considerably less time at the Checquy to her memory, but even she knew it was unlikely that any of them would go a day without throwing some manner of stone.

“Besides, the glass is bombproof.” Teddy pulled into an underground parking garage and shut off the engine.

“Me proof?” Myfanwy challenged before frustratingly wiping drool from her chin. At least her swelling had gone down over the week. The split in her cheek had gone all the way to the corner of her mouth and she’d actually bit off a piece of her tongue. 

Teddy rolled his eyes at her and smiled. “I don’t think anything is Myfanwy-proof.”

He got out and rounded the car, but Myfanwy opened the door for herself before he could. She watched him shove his hands into his pockets and huff, but he didn’t say anything. She offered him her left hand as they walked into the building.

“Rook Thomas! How do you like the new digs?” The doctor asked jubilantly. 

Myfanwy shrugged.

“She hasn’t seen much of them yet. We came straight here.”

The doctor nodded at Teddy and started to take the sling off Myfanwy’s shoulder. Myfanwy winced as he gently brought her arm down to her side. She ground her teeth together, forgetting that her mouth was injured, too, and winced again.

“Still tender, I see.” The doctor lifted her wrist and began to unwrap the splint. The swelling had gone down considerably. She could even move her fingers with ease. “That’s better. I think you can go without the splint from now on.”

Myfanwy flexed her fingers experimentally while the doctor moved to snap on his Latex gloves. Myfanwy grimaced. She didn’t think there would ever come a day when Latex would no longer give her the heebie jeebies. Not after Lorik.

Teddy slid his hand back into hers as the doctor turned back around with his hands held up in front of him like Victor Frankenstein. He touched her face with the tips of his fingers and urged her to look up.

“Open,” he ordered.

Myfanwy squeezed her eyes shut as he pulled at her cheek to examine how the wound was healing. She tasted fresh iron in her mouth and knew it was still bleeding.

“Mm, I’m not liking the way that’s looking. I’m going to give you an antibiotic to keep any infection at bay.” The doctor snapped his gloves back off and dumped them into the medical waste bin before pulling out a prescription pad and scribbling something illegible on it.

“I had a chance to go over your x-rays more thoroughly,” he said as he brought out the aforementioned x-rays. He put them up on a white board and flipped the backlight on to display part of Myfanwy’s skeleton. She could see the grotesque jut of her shoulder from a whole new perspective. That wasn’t what the doctor pointed at. Instead, he pointed to a spot on her ribs that was lighter than the rest. “This shows remodeling on your ribs here and judging by the amount of healing, I’d put the injury at anywhere from three to six months ago. I’m aware of your… well, memory problems, but I assume the Old Myfanwy would have come to us with health problems like this.”

“Woke up with it,” Myfanwy explained.

“What do you mean?” Gestalt demanded.

Myfanwy glanced up at them before covering her eyes with her left hand and taking a slow breath. Bracing herself for a longwinded explanation.

“When I woke up without my memories. I had a big bruise on my side there. I think maybe one of the Vultures hit me.” There was more blood in her mouth now. She went to the sink and spit it out.

“And you didn’t say anything?” Gestalt demanded. She watched him bring his fingers to his teeth. She scowled at the move, but Gestalt was somewhere else deep in thought.

“Well, lucky for you, it seems to have healed up alright,” the doctor smiled. He brought her sling over to her and began fastening her arm back across her chest. “Another week on the shoulder I’d say. And maybe ten days before we take out those stitches.”

Myfanwy nodded obediently.

“Remember to keep washing with salt water twice a day and steer clear of solid foods.”

Myfanwy started for the door, looking back once she’d reached it alone. She turned around to look for them. They were still there, thumb in mouth, staring into the middle distance.

“Gestalt!” She shouted as best she could.

Teddy dropped his hand and looked between her and the doctor. He cleared his throat and moved quickly to meet her at the door.

“New office?” Myfanwy asked, taking Gestalt’s hand in hers.

Teddy gave her a tight almost smile before leading her to a set of stairs. “We’ve got lifts here, but they aren’t on just yet.”

Myfanwy let them lead her up six flights of stairs before she had to stop and take a breath. Her medication made her lightheaded very easily. Teddy gripped one of the rails in the stairwell and leaned forward to look all the way up to their destination.

She took a deep breath and started up the next flight. Teddy grabbed her good elbow and stilled her again.

“You sure you’re alright? We can just wait until the lifts are running.”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and tugged her elbow free to continue up the steps. Teddy followed after her. She knew they were likely getting impatient with how slowly she was moving, but they stayed behind her.

It took forever to reach the top floor. Myfanwy was covered in a sheen of sweat and panting. Teddy held the door open for her as she gasped for air and struggled to keep her feet.

The floor was wide and open. The surveillance bay was in the middle of the floor with sixteen televisions suspended from the ceiling on four sides for a total of sixty-four televisions. An enormous table was beneath them with four chairs on every side in front each column of televisions.

Myfanwy moved on. There were eight large offices all around the main floor. Each one was completely glass walled. Gestalt moved ahead of her and stopped at a specific office with a large, wooden desk inside. A white chaise lounge was against the interior wall and three fluffy armchairs were stationed around the ample space.

“My office,” Gestalt announced.

Myfanwy nodded before Gestalt crossed the floor to the opposite side and gestured to a similarly sized office. The desk was identical to the one in Gestalt’s office though the furnishings were different. She had a full couch. Grey and suede upholstered. 

“Your office.”

Myfanwy stepped inside. A door connected her to a smaller office to the left of her desk. A small desk was set up sans an office chair. Myfanwy looked over her good shoulder at Gestalt.

She pointed. “Ingrid?”

Gestalt nodded.

Myfanwy moved to the desk. She ran her fingers over the surface and moved to pull open the top drawer unsurprised to find it empty. She looked up and across the floor to Gestalt’s office. They were rarely in their offices in the first place, but the idea of them always being in her line of sight made her happy.

She frowned. “You said there’d be more privacy,” she slurred.

Teddy stuck his tongue between his bottom lip and his teeth and smirked. She watched him move back to the office door and close it. His fingers deftly twisted the lock on the door and the once see through glass became instantly opaque.

Myfanwy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Gestalt moved over to wrap their arms carefully around her waist and kiss her hair. Myfanwy let them back her toward her desk and lift her up to sit on the edge.

“Stupid retainer,” Myfanwy muttered. “I want to kiss you.”

Gestalt grinned down at her before moving their face beside her ear. “How about I do the kissing for now?”

They didn’t wait for her reply before kissing her neck just below her ear. Their teeth nipped lightly at the sensitive flesh. Myfanwy cupped the back of their head with her good hand while Teddy moved his mouth lower. 

Myfanwy stood partially back up so he could push her jeans down her thighs. She sighed as his lips grazed her thighs. She spread her legs wider and Gestalt’s kisses moved higher until she felt their tongue slip between her folds. Myfanwy whimpered and dug her fingers into his thickly gelled hair.

Myfanwy was being driven slowly mad by Gestalt’s lazy stroking. Stroking and sucking and kissing and Myfanwy didn’t know how much more she could take. She tugged at Teddy’s lapel to get him to look up. Myfanwy nodded back toward the couch. Teddy let her slide off the desk and push him back to sit on the suede. Not the best material for a couch in her office. Leather would be much easier to clean.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea with your shoulder,” Teddy started.

Myfanwy struggled at his pants. “Don’t care. I want you now.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Myf.”

Myfanwy scowled at his belt as if it knew it were being difficult on purpose. “Ugh! Take your pants off!”

Gestalt sighed and kissed her neck. Myfanwy squirmed in his lap, but didn’t stop fighting with his belt. Teddy’s hand closed around hers making it all that more difficult for her to get his cock out.

“Give it a week, Myf. Until your shoulder is healed at least.”

Myfanwy glowered. “No.”

Gestalt rolled their eyes and leaned back on the couch. “Honestly, you made me wait three weeks when your body was hurting last time. A couple weeks is nothing, hey?”

Myfanwy frowned and leaned her forehead against theirs. She was inclined to think it was revenge, but she knew Gestalt too well by now to really believe that. She shifted herself over them. She could feel how hard they were. They wanted her, too. It really was just concern for her health.

“Please?” She tried. She looked up at Teddy from beneath her lashes. “Please?”

Gestalt groaned. Teddy’s strong arm went around her waist and his lips seared kisses along the exposed skin of her neck. He lifted her briefly and quickly unfastened his pants to free himself. Myfanwy could have only been satisfied more if she’d been able to kiss them the way she’d been dying to do for a week by then.

She was jostled a bit roughly as Gestalt worked themselves to the finish line. She fell forward against his chest and a sharp pain jolted through her shoulder. She concealed the cry of pain as a cry of ecstasy lest they use it as an excuse for further abstinence.

Gestalt’s lips were at her throat again. Kissing her as their hands rubbed her back in comforting circles. Myfanwy rested her forehead against Teddy’s chest only too eager for her body to finish its healing. She understood with excruciating clarity how Gestalt felt when their cast was removed. The first thing she wanted to do when her stitches were removed was kiss Gestalt until their lips fused together and oxygen became a thing of myths and fantasies.

At least they would have a discreet office or two to do their kissing in from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a direction for the next three-ish chapters. Woo!


	18. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy and Gestalt get an assignment.

“No guard dog today, Rook Thomas? I’m surprised.”

Myfanwy gave the doctor a slight smile that was really more of a grimace. “They’re a bit snowed under with the move and all. And we really need to hurry this along. The first Court meeting in the new offices is this morning.”

The doctor pulled out a pair of Latex gloves from the box on the counter and turned to her with a smile. “Speech is loads better, I see.”

Myfanwy wrinkled her nose at the snap of the gloves. The doctor either didn’t notice or contributed it to something else. She leaned back in the chair. They’d moved her into the dental examination room for this appointment. She was getting those god forsaken stitches out at last.

It took significantly less time to remove the stitches than it had to put them in. Still, any amount of time where Myfanwy had to suffer the smell and taste of Latex was too much for her. She felt constantly on the verge of throwing up as her stomach tossed and turned violently.

“Healed up quite nicely I think. It’ll still scar, of course, but fortunately nobody will see it unless they go looking.”

Myfanwy waited for the seat to rise back to its normal position before turning and placing her feet on the floor. She used her tongue to feel the area. It was still tender, but no more so than if she’d bitten her cheek during a meal.

“Keep to soft foods for now. Sandwiches are alright as long as they’re on the smaller side. No big bites. Otherwise, you should be all set.” The doctor scribbled something on her paper chart. He set the clipboard down on the counter and moved back over to her. “I just want to check how that bruise on your shoulder is doing before I send you off.”

Myfanwy had gone back to the old button up shirts her previous self had kept in endless supply. Just so she didn’t have to lift her hand over her head. The action was still a bit grueling though she had most of her mobility back by then. She often felt guilty how quickly she’d gone back to treating Robert’s shoulder like it was fully healed just because they’d removed the sling.

She unbuttoned only the top few buttons and slid the material over while keeping the rest of her carefully covered. Gestalt had spent her kissless weeks sucking and biting every uninjured part of her. She had a dozen or so bruises and hickeys that had been left from some of their more… aggressive kissing. Sure, they’d apologized, but Myfanwy could tell they didn’t mean it.

The doctor used the side of his pen to touch the sickly yellowed flesh. It almost looked green in some areas. As unhealthy as it looked, it was leagues better than the black and purple that had splattered the area only a few weeks ago. She’d take yellow-green over that any day. Yellow-green meant she could actually use the arm.

“How’s it feeling?”

“Good. Almost normal.”

The doctor sat back and put both of his hands up over his head. “Do this for me?”

Myfanwy mimicked his action. She didn’t even wince. She was proud.

“Alright. I think I can reasonably sign off on your field work.” He turned back for the chart and scribbled something more.

“So I’m clear to leave?”

“Yes, yes. Get to your meeting. Wouldn’t want to keep the King waiting.”

Myfanwy took the lifts up. She was alone inside them so she took the fleeting privacy as a chance to flex her jaw. The soreness got worse the wider she opened her mouth, but it was almost unnoticeable with normal use. She rubbed her cheek and only flinched marginally.

The lift doors opened to the top floor and Myfanwy dropped her hand to step out. The once empty office space now bustled with life. Retainers and Pawns scurried across the floors and up and down the stairs still arranging parts of the offices. The surveillance bay was being carefully monitored by sixteen agents under the careful supervision of Alex Gestalt.

They tried to catch her eye as she passed, but she was on a mission. T-minus eight minutes before they had to be in the conference room for the meeting of the Court. She made a beeline for Gestalt’s office. Robert and Teddy were inside. She had no idea where Eliza was, but two out of four wasn’t bad.

She ducked inside and pushed the door shut before quickly locking it and turning the glass opaque. Robert was the first to rise. Concern on his face.

“Myfanwy? What –”

Myfanwy grabbed his face and shoved her lips against theirs. Their hands alighted on her waist, hesitant at first. She could tell they were trying to work out whether they should be condoning this or not. She pushed them back into one of their armchairs and worked their mouth open with hers.

“Myfanwy….” Teddy grumbled warningly from behind the desk.

“Mm mm,” she answered without breaking from their kissing.

When she finally broke away they were all panting. She took a deep breath and smiled down at them. Robert met her with a dumbfounded look. Like they couldn’t remember where they were just then.

“I’ve been waiting _weeks_ to do that.” She sighed and stood from their lap. “Alright, we have to get to the conference room.”

“I need a minute,” Robert managed.

Myfanwy glanced down at his lap then over at Teddy. “What? _All_ of you?”

She looked toward the surveillance bay where she’d last seen Alex though the opacity of the glass meant she couldn’t see him. When she looked back, Robert and Teddy were both glaring at her.

“Couldn’t you have waited until _after_ the meeting to do that?” Teddy growled.

Myfanwy arched her eyebrow at them. “And how long did you wait after your arm got free of that cast to put it to use?”

Gestalt grimaced. “That’s fair.”

Myfanwy unlocked the door opening the office floor back up. She pushed the door open and turned back to look at them again. “Where’s Eliza?”

“Talking to Conrad. We’re on our way down.”

Myfanwy pressed her lips together. “And what did he think about your sudden distraction?”

Gestalt glared at her again. “He didn’t _say_ anything.”

“Because I wasn’t distracted.”

Myfanwy pouted. “No? Am I not doing it for you anymore?”

“Careful, love,” Teddy warned.

“There’s only so much temptation I can take.”

“Before I have no choice but to give in completely,” Alex finished behind her.

Myfanwy jumped and whirled around to face them again. It was Myfanwy’s turn to scowl. “If you’ve got it in you to scare the shit out of me, then you’ve got it in you to walk your asses to the conference room.”

She shouldered her way past a snickering Alex. The more time she spent with them, the more she understood about their real personality. Not the Checquy manufactured personalities that had been forced on them since birth. The _real_ Gestalt. And the real Gestalt was a joker.

Claudia and Danielle were already in the conference room when she got there. They glanced up when she walked in before continuing their conversation as if she weren’t there. Gestalt trickled in after her and took their seats across from her. Conrad was the last in, but he launched into his speech as if he’d been the one waiting for them.

“As you all know, the Lugat has a new top player.” He looked over his shoulder at the screen behind him just as Gestalt put up a picture of the woman that had run the auctions at the ambassador’s estate. Myfanwy swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat. “Russian born, Britain raised expatriot Sophia Ishova. We have new intelligence placing her in Port Vila, a city on one of Vanuatu’s smaller islands.”

“New intelligence from who?” Myfanwy had been kept mostly in the dark about everything in regards to the Russian investigation. She only knew it was ongoing and that leads were drying up quickly. 

“We’ve spent the better part of the past four and a half months scouring satellite footage and running down every local lead available for information,” Gestalt supplied.

Myfanwy turned her eyes from Conrad to Gestalt. Alex and Eliza kept their eyes on her, but Robert and Teddy kept their focus on the monitor behind Conrad where they were still sharing visual data of their progress.

“Six days ago, a former Lugat associate informed us that Ishova was in the tropics beyond our reach,” Alex continued where Eliza left off.

“Word choice assumed a country that doesn’t extradite which narrowed the search a bit,” Teddy went on.

“We used satellite imaging and facial recognition to track her to Port Vila,” Robert pointed at the monitor where a fuzzy satellite image of Ishova was talking on the phone wearing large sunglasses and a sundress.

“Biding her time until the waters settle is my guess,” Gestalt finished together.

Conrad nodded. “Excellent work, Gestalt.”

Myfanwy stared across the conference table. Of course, she knew they had been working the case tirelessly the entire time she’d known them, but somehow she felt betrayed. She wasn’t sure why, but she’d assumed that if or when Gestalt made a break in the case, they’d tell her. She knew it wasn’t an issue of clearance. Their ranks were the same.

All at once, she felt stupid for feeling that way. It wasn’t as if she’d ever asked about their progress. Maybe they didn’t think she wanted to hear about it.

“A Mr. Adam Zodd, former racketeer, is said to be hosting a gala in Port Vila in four days’ time,” Conrad announced, oblivious to Myfanwy’s internal struggle. “Miss Ishova is said to be on the list as a seller.”

“What is she selling?” Gestalt asked.

“Intelligence. Information the Lugat has been keeping on EVAs including those that work for our agency and others like us. She has the hard drives from the ambassador’s estate tracking every sale and future EVA capture they had planned. Those missing hard drives are why we’ve been in such hot water with the government. No evidence backing our storming the compound.”

Myfanwy stared at the pictures on the monitor. Adam Zodd’s roster included more than the racketeering charge, though it had been the charge he was actually found guilty of and the reason he’d fled the country. Among his other offenses were human trafficking and solicitation of a minor. He sounded like a spectacular fellow.

“But,” Conrad pressed on, growing in excitement, “she has to have the hard drives in Port Vila if she’s planning on selling the information off of them. That gives us the perfect opportunity.”

“We’re going to steal them,” Myfanwy reasoned.

Conrad nodded. “That is the idea. It should be noted that Ishova knows who you are and what you look like. You need to get into the gala and find the hard drives all without her recognizing you. Not an easy task and our future relationship with the crown rests heavily on the success of this op.”

Myfanwy nodded obediently, but she was already scheming. Sophia Ishova featured prominently in her nightmares even before she knew her name. That cold, arrogant smile on her face. Myfanwy would take exquisite pleasure in wiping it clear off.

“Do you mean to say you’re planning on sending Myfanwy?” Gestalt demanded as one.

“Rook Thomas has proven herself to be a supremely qualified field agent. Not only is she capable of protecting herself and controlling her EVA, but she is clearly well-versed in the art of deception.”

Myfanwy winced. Conrad had clearly meant it as a compliment, but Myfanwy still felt guilty about her behavior that first week. Sure, waking up with absolutely zero memories, being routinely attacked by Vultures, and being terrified out of her mind at every turn had been a good excuse, but it didn’t erase her guilt. It hardly even eased it.

“Not to worry, you will be accompanying her, Gestalt. At least, three of you. Teddy will remain behind as a relay and for operational control. If at any time we lose contact via normal means, you will serve as backup. You will also run the op from here.”

Gestalt didn’t look the least bit thrilled with the news.

“Your flight leaves in less than twenty-four hours. I’d get a move on your preparations. Meeting adjourned.”

Conrad, Danielle, and Claudia all filed out of the conference room and back to their individual offices around the floor. Myfanwy stared curiously at Gestalt. They lifted their hands to their mouths and began chewing on their nails. It took her a second to work out what they must have been thinking.

“You think I’m going to fuck it up.”

Eliza dropped her hand and shook her head. “No.” Myfanwy wasn’t the least bit convinced. Eliza reached out for Myfanwy’s hands, but she slid them off the table and into her lap.

Gestalt sighed. “This is an unbelievably dangerous op for your first time out.”

Myfanwy snorted. “Hardly m–”

“It is!”

“You’ll be on a remote island a thousand miles from home.”

“Surrounded by all manner of villainous extremists.”

“Of course, I’ll be there with you, but–”

“If I give the op its necessary attention that leaves you vulnerable.”

Myfanwy scowled. “I meant to say it’s hardly my first time out. I was at the ambassador’s compound, too, if you’ll recall. I was there first, in fact. And between you and me, which of us killed Lorik?”

Gestalt groaned. “It’s not the same thing.”

“_You_ trained me yourself. I don’t see what the problem is. Conrad isn’t just sending me off on my own. You’ll be there the whole time.” She paused as she took in their grimaces. “Or do you really not trust me?”

Gestalt stared at her with four blank expressions. Her heart dropped into her gut. Her mouth fell open.

“Oh.”

Gestalt snapped from whatever daze they’d been lost in. “No, wait–”

But it was already too late. They’d told her everything she needed to know by saying nothing at all. “I see now. You’ll fuck me, sure. You’ll even tell me you love me, but it’s not me.” Her eyes felt hot, but she pushed it away. She could feel a peculiar numbness cloaking her body. “When you say you love me, you aren’t talking to me. You’re talking to the old Myfanwy. That’s who you love. That’s who you trust. Not me.”

“No. Myfanwy.”

“That’s not true.”

She was out of her chair and striding for the door. “Oh, shove it.”

Myfanwy jerked the door open. Gestalt was behind her. Two of their bodies went out the side door and were hurrying to get in front of her. Myfanwy barely gave it a thought as she waved her arm at them. She only meant to wave them off. She hadn’t even recognized the feel of her EVA on her skin.

Teddy and Alex flew back and slammed into the glass wall of Claudia’s office hard enough to shake the glass, but they didn’t break. Teddy hadn’t lied about them being bombproof. Myfanwy flinched at the impact. The two bodies dropped onto the ground.

She hadn’t hurt them. Not really. She’d only stunned them. And maybe made them think twice about pursuing her just then. Robert and Eliza pulled the other bodies back to their feet just as Myfanwy reached her office and shut her door. Gestalt met her eyes through the glass. The devastation clear on all four faces. She turned the lock and blocked them out.

She turned and dropped onto her couch burying her face in her hands and crying quietly into them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the angst train! Choo choo!


	19. What Goes Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy prepares for her very first field mission

Her name was Tiffany LaGard. That was the name on her passport, driver’s license, and all three of her credit cards. It was an easy enough name to remember. Even easier to learn to answer to. It sounded so much like her name already. The Tiffany bit at least.

She’d been sent down to the Research and Development department directly after the court meeting to retrieve her the dossier for her new identity. She was instructed that they would be supplying all of her outfits and necessary gear and that she only needed to present herself at four a.m. to be dressed for the trip.

Myfanwy sat in her office with the door locked and read up on her new life. She couldn’t help but think how convenient one of those files would have been five months earlier. A dossier on Myfanwy Thomas. Her parents’ names, her pets, the school she attended before she was carted off to Glengrove. There were still so many things she didn’t know about herself, but she knew everything about this fictional person she was about to pretend to be.

Tiffany LaGard, heiress. Only daughter to real estate mogul, Eric LaGard. He sadly passed two years before leaving Tiffany with a near limitless surplus of inheritance she was determined to spend. She was a traveler, well versed in the beaches of everywhere from Europe to the Caribbean to South America. Myfanwy had no idea where they’d gotten all those photos of her on various beaches to use for her fake Instagram account. Or how they’d managed to scoop up a few hundred thousand followers.

She procured an invitation to the gala after she heard about the secret auction taking place within it. Tiffany was a collector. She shuddered to think what that meant. Myfanwy rubbed her eyes and sat back in her chair. It was a lot of information to process all at once.

“You alright?” Ingrid asked, wheeling in through the door that connected their offices. She hadn’t locked that one. She never did.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just going over… well, everything.”

Ingrid gave her a small, patient smile. “Want some help? I could ask you questions and you try to remember them.”

Myfanwy broke out a relieved smile and pushed the dossier across her desk to Ingrid. Ingrid flipped through the documents for a few minutes.

“What’s your name?”

“Tiffany LaGard.” That part was easy enough.

“What’s your birthday?”

Myfanwy squeezed her eyes shut. “May…fourteenth?”

“Year?”

“Nineteen eighty…ei- no, seven. Nineteen eighty-seven.”

“Eighty-nine. Nineteen eighty-nine,” Ingrid corrected gently.

Myfanwy covered her eyes with her hand. “Shit.”

“It’s alright. You’ve still got time. Let’s keep going.”

Myfanwy took a deep, slow breath. She was reluctant to show it, but she was actually nervous. So much hinged on the success of this op and it was her first time out. While having Gestalt with her should have given her some relief, she only saw that as another obstacle. She had to be perfect. She couldn’t give them any reason to think she was going to jeopardize the mission.

She straightened in her chair and nodded.

“Where did you go to school?”

“Survall Montreux School for Girls in Switzerland.”

“Exactly right!” Ingrid flipped through the file. “Okay, how did you come by your riches?”

“Inheritance. My father, Eric LaGard passed away two years ago and left me the sole owner of his real estate empire.”

Ingrid smiled at her. “You’re good. You’ve only had the file a couple of hours. I’m sure by the time you land in Auckland you’ll have the rest of it down.”

Myfanwy took the dossier back from her and stared down at the pages. “Auckland?” She looked back up at Ingrid. “I thought we were going to Vanuatu?” Myfanwy hadn’t done a lot of research and her geography skills weren’t perfect, but she knew Auckland was in New Zealand. 

“You’re flight goes to Auckland first. From what I know, you’re taking a boat from Auckland to Port Vila. Alex and Eliza are flying.”

“We’re splitting up?” Myfanwy chewed at her cheek.

“Well, you’re all meant to be strangers, you know? It’d be a bit obvious if you all arrived together.”

Myfanwy worked to tame the pounding heart in her chest. “Right, yeah. Of course. That makes sense.”

Ingrid smiled in reassurance. “It’ll be fine, Myf. You’ll always have at least one of Gestalt with you.”

“Yeah, I- I know. I was just… I didn’t know that was the plan is all. It’s fine.”

Gestalt steered clear of her for most of the day. She actually started to worry she’d really hurt them that morning, but by the time she was getting ready to go home to feed Jon and get a few hours of sleep they were there again.

“About this–”

“I don’t want to talk about this morning, Gestalt. I really don’t. Now, I have to be back here at an ungodly hour so I’d like to go home and get some sleep while I can.”

Teddy stared down at her in that emotionless way they had. “About this _mission_, we’ve all got roles to play. If you ever feel like it’s too much, give me a signal and I’ll get you out of there.”

Myfanwy soured at the prospect of needing Gestalt to bail her out of her first field mission. She moved past them for the lifts without responding. They didn’t let her off the hook so easily. She didn’t think they would.

“This isn’t a sparring session in the training rooms. This is a real mission. You’re David in the lions’ den. The same people you are going to be expected to mingle with and, yes, even flirt with, would just as easily sell you to the highest bidder or tie you up and stick you in their menageries.”

Myfanwy rolled her head back on her shoulders. The lift was being annoyingly slow today. “I’m not an idiot, Gestalt. And you _do_ know I can protect myself by now. Or do you need another demonstration?”

The doors opened and she stepped inside. Gestalt made to follow her. Myfanwy held out her hand to stop them.

“Good night, Gestalt.”

Three a.m. should have been a terrible time to wake up, but Myfanwy was well used to it. She rarely slept past it on the nights she wasn’t exhausted from fucking Gestalt. She dropped a cup of food in Jon’s dish and patted him before locking the door to her flat and heading into the office.

Ingrid was already there when she arrived. Myfanwy worried about her assistant. She was dedicated, but it might have been too much. She deserved a day off or two.

“Key to my flat. I give him a cup of dry food in the morning and a mix of wet and dry food at night. Food’s in the bottom cupboard below the sink.” 

Ingrid smiled at her. “I’m excited to meet the little stinker in person.”

Myfanwy let out a tense laugh. “Yeah, well, just don’t let him bully you too much. I have to get down to R&D. I’m getting a makeover.” She rolled her eyes. Ingrid went on smiling pleasantly.

They waxed every inch of her. It was excruciating and entirely unnecessary if you asked her. At least she thought it was until they showed her the outfit she was meant to wear on the plane.

“What is it? The Met? Who wears ridiculous getup like that for a plane ride?” She demanded as her hair was yanked back into an elegant twist.

“An heiress. You’re playing one of the one percent. They don’t think like we do. This is an everyday outfit.” One of the developers declared impatiently.

As they set to work on her makeup, she was bombarded with instructions on how a wealthy socialite should act. She was pretty sure she’d heard the words ‘confidence’ and ‘charm’ so much they lost all meaning.

The fear still hadn’t set in when they dropped her off at the airport. Other than the inability to walk in the absurd shoes they’d stuck her in, Myfanwy was perfectly composed. The security gate was easy enough. The security agent barely even looked at her. She was sitting at the bar in the first class lounge before she knew it.

It was barely past five in the morning by then, but apparently socialites are all alcoholics. Possibly to deal with the lack of empathy and human decency. Those were the only types of people she could imagine attending an auction selling human beings.

She sipped her gin martini slowly and stared at herself in the mirror behind the bar. She hardly recognized herself all fligged up. A buxom brunette appeared in the mirror beside her. Her breasts practically falling from her loose top. She leaned over the bar exposing herself further.

“Oh, Mr. Bartender! Another sherry, s’il vous plait!” American.

_Of course_, Myfanwy found herself thinking.

“Keep staring at me like that, hon, and I’ll think you want something from me,” the brunette remarked.

Myfanwy realized she’d been staring at her breasts. She shook her head and jerked her head up to the woman’s face and nearly fell out of her barstool. It was Eliza. The dark hair curled lightly around her face. Ruby red lipstick was smeared across her lips. She was beautiful. Not that she wasn’t always.

“C’mon, darlin’, it’s barely five in the morning here.” Teddy appeared behind Eliza wrapping their arms around their waist. His accent was Texan American. Thick.

“You’re no fun, Henry. Maybe I’ll trade you in for this little debutante here,” Eliza teased.

“What…?”

“Sorry about the missus, ma’am.” Teddy reached out a hand for her to shake. “Hank Daley. This little minx is my wife, Jessica Daley.”

It was all Myfanwy could do to keep her jaw from falling clear off her face. She took the offered hand and let them shake her arm. “M- er… Tiffany. Tiffany LaGard.”

“Good to meet ya, Tiff,” Teddy went on as if it were a perfectly normal conversation.

“Uh huh.”

“Oh, Henry, look. You’re scaring the poor girl,” Eliza berated themself.

“Hope I’m not making you rethink your trip,” Teddy suggested.

Myfanwy shook herself and cleared her throat. “No, sorry. Sorry. It’s just a bit earlier than I’m used to. My brain hasn’t had time to catch up to my body.” She gave a small laugh. “Still a bit groggy, you know what I mean?”

She knew what they were doing now. They were testing her. Trying to get her to slip up. Decide she wasn’t ready for a field mission of this magnitude just yet. They wanted her to pack her bags and go back to the office.

“Right, well, Tiff, what is it you do?”

Myfanwy bit the inside of her bottom lip. “For business or pleasure?” All four of Gestalt’s eyes widened. “In terms of business, I’m in real estate. As for pleasure, well…I like to keep my options open.”

A slight flush rose on Gestalt’s cheeks.

“It has been lovely to meet both of you, but I think they just called my flight,” Myfanwy picked up her jacket and purse.

It could have been a graceful exit. Suave and cool and elegant. The type of exit befitting a wealthy, private school educated heiress. If only it weren’t for those goddamn shoes. She had barely gotten to her feet when she lost her precarious balance and pitched forward.

A passing gentleman caught her up in his arms before she face planted onto the lounge floor and embarrassed herself further. The man carefully righted her and set her back on her feet. Myfanwy worked to tame the fierce blush that was heating her cheeks.

“Perhaps you’ve had too much to drink, lass,” a sharp, Irish brogue grated in her ear.

Myfanwy looked up. Her breath caught in her throat. Gestalt had made the decision to dye Robert’s hair, too. A deep, reddish brown. She straightened herself and adjusted the shoulder strap on her ridiculous gown. She gave Gestalt a polite smile.

“Thank you, but really it’s just the shoes. I haven’t broken them in quite yet I’m afraid.” _Confidence and charm._

“You’re on the flight to Singapore, then?”

Myfanwy nodded. London to Singapore, Singapore to Auckland, Auckland to Port Vila. They really were going to be a world away from home.

“What’s say I walk you down? We’ll be sharing a flight after all.” Gestalt offered her their arm.

She hadn’t forgotten her earlier ire. The fact that they had played her for months. All the while, they were pretending she was someone else. Or hoping she was. She should have seen it the first day they’d told her they loved her. She’d been telling them all about Old Myfanwy’s feelings for them. They’d obsessed over it until she became annoyed. Of course they’d been saying I love you to the old Myfanwy. She was so stupid to think otherwise.

Still, it didn’t erase the real possibility that without their help, she may very well snap her ankle in those heels. She scowled and took the offered arm. Gestalt beamed at her. They took almost all of her weight on their arm as they led her to the terminal.

“Sam Casey, by the way,” Gestalt told her as they were seated in first class.

Somewhere behind them were Teddy and Eliza. Myfanwy smiled and shook his hand. They held her hand and stared at her expectantly. She had no idea what they were waiting for. She thought she’d been very clear as to how she felt about them at the moment.

“What?”

Gestalt’s tongue dipped out to wet their lips. They smiled patiently at her. “Your name?”

Myfanwy frowned. She’d already told them her name. She knew she hadn’t imagined that conversation at the bar. Eliza’s cleavage was burned into her memory.

“Tiffany?”

“You don’t sound very sure.”

It clicked then. Because they weren’t Gestalt just then. She’d introduced herself to Jessica and Hank Daley. Not Teddy and Eliza. And this was Sam Casey, not Robert. She had to introduce herself again. She would have to introduce herself a lot over the next few days. And she’d have to be confident about it. _Confidence and charm_.

“Sorry, I just… I thought I’d already told you. I don’t usually let myself get escorted by strange men I’ve just met. I blame the early hour.” She could see they looked impressed by her easy excuse. “Tiffany LaGard. Pleasure.”

Gestalt released her hand and sat back. They were quiet for a long while. The flight attendant stood at the front of the aisle and demonstrated the safety protocols. It wasn’t until the plane pulled away from the terminal that it occurred to Myfanwy that she hadn’t ever been on a plane before.

A sudden panic washed over her. The aircraft was massive. It didn’t make sense for it to feasibly lift into the air. She leaned back in her seat and tried to focus on anything else. The engines kicked up into a piercing roar as they strained into high gear.

The plane took off speeding down the tarmac faster than Myfanwy had ever gone in her life. The small buildings of the airport zipped by her window. Her stomach flipped. It didn’t make sense for a large, heavy metal tube to leap into the sky and stay there. But that’s exactly what it did. The earth fell away from them and the enormous, metal monstrosity lifted higher and higher into the sky.

She felt dizzy. “I’m going to be sick,” she murmured.

“Tiffany?” Gestalt touched her shoulder lightly.

That did it. She wrestled out of her seatbelt and started to stand. Robert tugged her back down into her seat and thrust a plastic lined paper bag in front of her face. Myfanwy gripped the bag tightly between her hands and emptied her stomach.

The nauseated feeling didn’t leave once her stomach was empty. She sagged in her seat as she worked to regain whatever composure she had. It was an age before the plane reached cruising altitude and leveled out again. She kicked off her stilettos and waited for the seatbelt light to go out.

“Maybe you should sleep,” Gestalt suggested.

“Fat chance,” she muttered.

The light went off then and she jumped to her feet to dash into the bathroom. She dropped her used paper bag into the waste receptacle and tried to take a calming breath as she examined the bathroom. It was much nicer than she was expecting. Just one more thing that didn’t belong at thirty thousand feet. A box beside the sink was filled with single use toothbrushes as if they were expecting their passengers to lose their breakfasts.

Myfanwy walked back to her seat and dropped down heavily into the plush armchair. Her mouth was clean, but the strange pressure of the cabin was making her feel like it might all go to waste soon enough. Gestalt’s eyes were full of concern. Myfanwy turned her face away from them.

The window blind was still open. The earth was a dizzying distance away from them. Myfanwy slapped the blind shut and leaned back in her seat with her eyes shut.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine,” she lied.

“Would you like anything to drink?” A flight attendant asked.

“Whiskey for me. Neat.”

And for you, Miss?”

Myfanwy shook her head without opening her eyes. “No, nothing. Thank you.”

“Perhaps some ginger beer,” Robert murmured.

The attendant left for a moment before returning with the drinks. She heard Gestalt thank her before she left to assist the other passengers.

“Are you asleep?” Robert whispered, dropping the Irish brogue.

“No,” she groaned.

Gestalt pressed a glass into one hand and something else into the other. Myfanwy pried her eyes open and looked down. Two white, ovular pills rested in her palm.

“Take those and drink that,” Gestalt ordered.

Myfanwy rankled at being bossed around by them just then. Of course, they were the lead on the op, but she was tired of them convinced they knew better. Treating her like a child. She scowled.

Gestalt took a deep breath and groaned. “Myfanwy, we still have twelve hours on this leg of the flights. Do you really want to spend the whole time in pain just to spite me?”

Myfanwy glared a minute longer. It was going to be a long flight and she had no desire to spend the next twelve hours curled around a plastic bag. She took a swallow of her ginger beer before tossing back the two pills and finishing the ginger beer. She set the empty glass in her cup holder. Within minutes, her whole body grew heavy.

“I want you to know, you were wrong yesterday,” she thought she heard Gestalt saying as she drifted off. “When I say I love you, I’m only ever talking to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See y'all in December if I last that long!


	20. Worse Than This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNING***  
Sexual assault in graphic detail.  
Myfanwy and Gestalt go over the game plan. Tensions are high.

By the time they reached Auckland, Myfanwy hoped to never so much as glance at another plane ever again. She knew her odds were slim to none. They had to get home somehow. 

Gestalt disappeared as soon as they landed. The act was on in full force now. They didn’t know each other. The shared flights were their only reason for contact. She was comforted to know that Robert would be on the boat with her. Or… super yacht. Whatever the hell that was.

One of the one percenters set to attend Adam Zodd’s gala had set up a super yacht cruise for other guests. For a nominal fee, of course. Rich people loved their money. Myfanwy had balked at the ten thousand dollar ‘entrance fee’ when she reviewed her invitation. They were multi-millionaires and billionaires. Surely they could throw a lavish party without such exuberant prices.

Myfanwy had no desire to learn how much they’d paid for four tickets to Zodd’s gala. She had to assume it was much more than the super yacht pre-party fee. She had a private driver to escort her from the airport to the marina. She spied the super-yacht immediately. It was ridiculous. Completely unnecessary in every way. Like someone had taken a cruise ship and shrunken it down to a fraction of the size, but kept all the exorbitant parts.

Myfanwy stumbled her way across the gravel path in her absurd shoes. Her driver followed her with her luggage. Her impulse was to help the poor man carry some of her four bags, but she wasn’t Myfanwy just then. She was an arrogant, self-obsessed heiress who looked down on people like her chauffer.

Crewman hurried forward to take the bags from the chauffer as soon as they reached the ship. And it was a ship. To call it otherwise would be an insult to boats everywhere. Myfanwy showed her invitation to the gatekeeper and started up the gangplank. She misjudged the distance in the step between the gangplank and the deck and stumbled forward, barely catching herself on the yacht wall.

Snickering sounded to her right. She wheeled and caught sight of Robert lounging against the railing with a young blonde woman beside him. She looked Myfanwy up and down with a haughty smirk. Myfanwy righted herself and fixed them both with her meanest glare.

“Leave your sea legs at home, darling?” Robert teased in his Irish brogue.

Myfanwy was working up a biting retort when a hand appeared on her waist. “Mr. Casey, it is not polite to tease a young woman’s missteps. Especially not one so beautiful.”

Robert’s smirk disappeared in an instant replaced with the tiniest glimmer of malice. Unrecognizable to the untrained eye. Myfanwy turned her attention to the owner of the hand on her waist. Hazel eyes raked over her body in a way that she was sure was meant to seem inncuous.

She couldn’t deny he was attractive. Fine, chiseled features had him looking like a greek god with the tanned skin and dark hair to match. He smiled at her and gently steered her away from Robert and his consort.

“Come, amora, let us see if we can’t find your sea legs, hm?”

Myfanwy smiled and let herself be led away. After all, she didn’t know Gestalt and they didn’t know her. Doing anything else would have blown her cover. However, the moment they reached the main deck, Myfanwy quickly and politely disengaged herself from her would-be rescuer’s arms and made for the first group of women she could find.

They were older. In the forties and fifties if she had to guess, but they were drinking and chatting as easily as the younger party goers.

“Well, now, aren’t you a pretty little thing,” one of the women remarked of her. 

“Love that dress. The peekaboo look is so in right now,” another commented.

Myfanwy smiled. “Thank you. This was just one of the many pieces I picked up when I was in Milan last month.”

Everything she said was a carefully scripted response. Where she had been, when she had been there, what she had done. Everything was meticulously thought out.

“You’ve been fortunate in your findings, then. Lately, Milan has just been _ so _ out of touch.” 

The rest of the ladies agreed immediately. Myfanwy felt a flutter of nervousness whip through her. She’d messed up. No. She’d memorized the response perfectly. The R&D department had messed up.

“Lorraine Rochester, dear,” one of the ladies said at last. The first to introduce herself.

Myfanwy took her hand with that confidence and charm she’d been practicing. “Tiffany LaGard.”

“LaGard Developers? So sorry to hear about Eric. I read he’d passed.”

Myfanwy was surprised. She wasn’t sure if Eric LaGard was a character the Checquy had made up or if he was a real person they were abducting post mortem. She didn’t really want to know. Unless it fucked up her cover some how.

“Thank you. It’s been an adjustment since he passed.”

They ladies warmed ot her after that. They chatted wildly about curtains and redecorating their third summer homes and the things their children were up to that Myfanwy was certain were lies. Still, Myfanwy smiled and laughed and nodded along. After a few hours, she no longer felt out of place. Though that might’ve been the champagne talking.

“Have you heard of the secret auction?”

“Hm?” She turned to Sylvia. “Secret auction?”

Sylvia nodded, her eyes wide with intrigue. “There’s a rumor floating around that Zodd is hosting an illegal auction within the auction for the gala.”

“Come off it, Sylvie, there’s not a second secret auction. What would they even sell?” Aislin argued.

Sylvia didn’t back down. “You know those… people. The EVA… things.”

The ladies scoffed. “You know I’m not half convinced those things actually exist. And if they did I would have no interest in being in the same hemisphere as them, let alone theh same building.”

_ What about the same boat _? Myfanwy fought hard to control her emotions. She could feel the course of her EVA welling up.

“If you ladies will excuse me.” Myfanwy kept up her smile as she turned and strode across the deck. The rocking of the ship as it sailed through the waters plus the alcohol made it easier for her to excuse taking off her shoes and continuing on barefoot.

She ducked into the bathroom below deck and threw water on her face. If she could, she would have hidden in the bathroom until the ship docked in Port Vila. Unfortunately, she was working. It wasn’t as though Gestalt hadn’t warned her. She knew to expect people talking about EVAs as if they were no more than livestock or prize jewels. It was the abhorrence she hadn’t expected. The disgust at her for just being what she was.

She waited a few minutes in the bathroom just to regain her composure. Her facade. Not Myfanwy Thomas, EVA. Tiffany LaGard, heiress, debutante, subhuman scum of the earth masking it with booze and lavish parties.

“Too much to drink?” The Greek god stared down at her. They were barely an inch apart in the tight hallway. Myfanwy had learned that his name was Luis Avila. The owner of the super yacht. He was the youngest son of a Spanish pharmaceuticals company. They had dealings in the American government to sell their drugs on their market at four thousand percent more than the drugs were worth.

It was all perfectly legal, but Myfanwy still considered it a crime.

She smiled at him. “No more than usual.”

Luis dropped a hand to her waist. The part bared by the peekaboo in her dress. His thumb slipped under the fabric. Myfanwy kept the disgust from her face. The desire to shove the asshole away and make a run for it. She was pretty sure she could swim if need be. Maybe.

“Perhaps what you need is a lie down,” he breathed.

“I think I’ll wait until I’m on dry land again.” Myfanwy set her hand on his chest, ready to shove him away when needed. Apparently that was a sign of encouragement.

Luis wrapped his arm around her back and clasped her hand in his. “Why wait, amora?”

He moved quickly, taking her a few steps down the hall before spinning them into a room and kicking the door closed. Myfanwy wrestled her hand out of his grip and made for the door. Luis’ hands closed around her upper arms and he threw her onto theh bed. Before she could attempt to flee again, he was on top of her. His hot breath on her neck made her stomach roil.

“Stop, Luis.” She spoke firmly. Like when she was teaching Jon to stay off the counters in her flat. Apparently, the asshole had less intelligence and comprehension for boundaries than a stray cat.

He tugged the wispy shoulder sleeve from her right shoulder exposing the still green and yellow bruise. Luis pulled back and looked at it then looked at her again. A strange, animalistic grin pulled back baring his teeth wickedly.

“You like it rough, I see.”

Myfanwy shoved at him. “No!”

Luis chuckled. Myfanwy was on the verge of pulling up her EVA and throwing the creep off of her, but she knew it would expose her. Even if she killed him. Ishova would hear about it and know Myfanwy was there. She would ruin the mission.

Myfanwy brought her knee up to drive into his sensitive bits, but Luis was prepared for it. Like he was used to trapping women and forcing himself on her as they fought to get him away from them. It made her sick as if his tongue on her flesh wasn’t already enough to make her vomit.

“Get off of me. I’m not playing and I’m _ not _ going to fuck you.”

Luis let a breathy laugh dance over her skin. “You rich bitches are all the same. No means yes and yes means you like it up the ass.”

Myfanwy aimed another blow to his balls only to be thwarted again. “You’re disgusting. Get _ off _ of me!”

She shoved with both hands, but Luis caught them up and pinned her wrists together. He yanked her arms above her head and crammed his mouth against hers. Myfanwy twisted her head and tried to get him away without using her EVA. She worked to remember the hold breaking techniques Gestalt had taught her.

There was a sudden explosion. The crack of wood and suddenly, the weight of his body disappeared from her. Myfanwy lay still on the bed. She didn’t feel her EVA. It was still dutifully contained within her. Slowly, she sat up and looked for Luis’ body.

“I could hear her saying no all the way down the hall,” the thick, Irish brogue carried back to her.

“You have made yourself a very dangerous enemy,” Luis hissed.

“Not half as dangerous as the one you’ve made.”

Myfanwy moved to the edge of the bed and tried to stop her shaking. She’d been through worse than Luis Avila. She’d been kidnapped by the Lugat. Jabbed with bee venom and auctioned off. Scum like Luis Avila didn’t even top her list of horrors. She shouldn’t be shaking like she was.

She pulled the sleeve of her dress back into place. It was quickly becoming a mantra. She’d had worse than Luis Avila. She’d had worse than Luis Avila.

“You alright?” 

Myfanwy looked over to see Robert standing in the doorway. The wood splintered where the latch would be. They’d kicked the door down. She could see something simmering beneath their carefully constructed facade.

Myfanwy smiled. “I’m alright.”

There was more they wanted to say. Robert’s mouth opened and Myfanwy braced herself, but instead, Gestalt turned their back and walked away.

Myfanwy stayed in the room a few minutes longer while she calmed herself down. She fixed her hair and makeup, adjusted her dress, and practiced her smile. Once she was certain she could maintain her confident and charming heiress persona, she made her way back to the main deck.

When the ship docked at Port Vila, Myfanwy was he first one off. Her new chauffer collected her things while she waited in the back of the car. The aristocrats made their ways to their individual cars. The ship’s crewmen helped the drivers with the guests’ luggage. 

It was a relief when she was finally shown to her private cabin at the resort. A few hours where she could relax and drop her assumed identity and have a real moment to process what had happened on the boat.

The concierge unlocked her door for her and handed her the key. They deposited the luggage in the foyer of the cabin and excused themself. Myfanwy waited until the door was closed before letting out the breath she had been holding since Luis Avila had trapped her outside the bathroom.

“Are you completely mad?” Gestalt roared suddenly.

Myfanwy jumped and found Eliza and Teddy standing in her living room. They both looked pissed.

“Excuse me?”

“Were you honestly just going to let him _ rape _ you?” Eliza demanded.

“What the fuck was the point of three months of training if this was what you were going to do with it?”

Myfanwy opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

“And I _ know _you could have used your EVA anytime you wanted.”

“Thrown him off you in a heartbeat.”

“So why didn’t you? Hm?”

“Did you _ want _ to fuck him?”

Myfanwy found her voice then. “Fuck you!” And she lost it again. Her earlier shaking resumed, this time accompanied by the hot tears she had fought so hard against earlier.

Myfanwy shoved past them and threw herself down on the couch.

Gestalt stood with their backs to her for a moment. Still as statues. Myfanwy shoved theh heels of her hands against her eyes and tried to stop the tears that had come against her will. She took in big breaths of air. She’d planned to lose it only when she was alone. Gestalt’s appearance had knocked her off guard.

“Sorry,” Eliza murmured, turning around slowly. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“Leave me the hell alone, Gestalt.”

They grimaced. “I will. Just… we have to go over the plan for tonight.”

Myfanwy stared at them blankly. “Now?”

Teddy shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Not a look she ever thought to see on any of their bodies. He shrugged his shoulders. “That’s the thing about missions like these. Every minute counts.”

Myfanwy swiped away her tears and nodded. “Alright.” She nodded. “What’s the plan?”

Teddy tilted his head at her. “You going to be alright?”

Myfanwy shoved a watery smile onto her face. “Worse things have happened to me than Luis Avila.”

Gestalt grimaced. “Myf, maybe you should-”

“If you suggest that I should sit this out, I will end you. I’ve been on not one, but _ two _ hellish plane rides that somehow were nothing in comparison to the hellish boatride I just took. I’ve been travelling for the past twenty-seven hours. I am not about to sit out now.”

Eliza sat down on the coffee table in front of her and took up both of Myfanwy’s hands in hers. She looked so different with the darker hair. While she had enjoyed the look a day ago when she’d first seen it, now she could only think of Luis. His hot, sticky breath on her skin. The weight of him holding her down.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been keeping a better eye on you. It took me way too long to notice you’d disappeared.”

Myfanwy rubbed her eyebrow and shook her head. “No. No, it wasn’t your fault. And I could have thrown him off me. I just didn’t want to expose myself. The op hasn’t even really started yet. They last thing I wanted was to blow my cover so early.”

“Myfanwy, no op is more important than your safety. No matter what.”

“Easy for you to say. You have nothing to prove.”

Eliza cupped her cheek. “Neither do you. You've already proven yourself to Grantchester. You don’t have to keep going. I can finish the op on my own.”

Myfanwy scowled and knocked Eliza’s hand away. “Stop treating me like I’m incapable. I’ve proven myself to Grantchester, but how many times do I have to prove myself to you?”

Gestalt stared at her dumbfounded. “Myfanwy, I-”

“This is why I thought it’d be best for me to leave. Start anew. This op? Saving other EVAs from the Lugat? _ That’s _why I stayed. To protect kids like Gemma from creeps like Ishova. This is the only reason I’m still here, Gestalt. Don’t you dare take that away from me.”

Teddy moved to the door and opened it. Robert stepped inside and closed the door quickly. Myfanwy crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s the plan for tonight, then?”

Gestalt gritted their teeth. “Zodd has a fetish for married couples. Alex and Eliza will get close to him. Your job is to find Ishova, but _ don’t _ approach her. She can’t know you’re there. Just find her and tell me. I’ll do the rest.”

Myfanwy raised her eyebrow. “That’s it? That’s all I’m here for? To locate a woman you have a picture of?”

“Maybe you’ve been watching too many Bond movies, but the spy life isn’t all glitz and glammer. You’re also here in case we need a distraction. Ideally, we’ll find the hard drive before the gala even begins and be on our way back home tomorrow.”

“Great. Glad I can be here to watch,” she muttered.

“You should shower and change. Let me know if you need help fixing your hair or makeup. Slobs stand out like sore thumbs at these things.”

Myfanwy’s mouth fell open. All three of Gestalt’s bodies filed out of her cabin before she could think up a witty retort. She went to the bathroom to look at her reflection in the mirror.

Her tears had caused her makeup to run. Horrid streaks leaked down her face, swiped and smudged by her hands. Her hair was still a mess from her tangle with Luis though she had done her best to fix it. She grimaced. She’d been determined to keep herself from needing Gestalt’s assitance as much as possible. Instead, it looked like she was going to have to rely on them for everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering how NaNo is going, I've updated two fics in as many days. That should say everything.


	21. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy sees an old friend and makes a new one.

Myfanwy sighed at her fogged reflection. She’d managed to clear away the streaky make-up. She’d even blow dried her hair. She just couldn’t remake the look the R&D hair and makeup department had gotten. So far, she just looked like Myfanwy. Albeit Myfanwy with jagged cat eye and a smokey eye that had turned into a panda eye. 

She wasn’t even certain whether she’d known how to do any of this in her past life. Everything about it felt foreign. She’d been a teenaged girl at one point. Surely she’d picked up a tube of mascara. She’d had girl friends. She remembered them in that hazy, halfway there sort of way that had become so common in her recovered memories.

Myfanwy gave up after an hour of fighting with her reflection and pulled out the wireless comm. No cell phones. It was deemed too risky. The communication between them went back to Alex in London. Or… Teddy in London. Myfanwy was no longer sure which was there and which was here. She put the tooth cap on her back molar as she was instructed. The ear piece was barely more than a sticker. Not the bulky thing she’d used with Monica at the park. Much less conspicuous. She stuck it in her ear canal with her pinky and sighed.

“Hello? Is this on?”

There was a moment of silence where Myfanwy tried to think what she might have done wrong. Because she hadn’t had enough of that.

“What do you need?” Gestalt’s gruff voice came back to her. Dull. Barely there, but she could hear them nonetheless.

“You… you offered to help?” Myfanwy squeezed her eyes shut and sighed at herself. She shook her head. “Nevermind. Forget it.”

She was pulling at the comms and trying to remove them when the backdoor opened. Myfanwy stuck her head out the bathroom door. Alex/Teddy walked confidently through the living room towards her. Myfanwy scowled before she remembered that she had _ asked _ them to come and help her.

“Where’s your kit?” 

Straight to business. She jerked her head back into the bathroom. Teddy/Alex squeezed past her in the doorway and began examining the strewn contents of her hair and makeup kit. She watched them pick up bottles and tubes and jars, read the labels and set them in some order that clearly made sense to them. Myfanwy stood in the doorway and tried to figure out if it was Teddy or Alex.

Their hair was gelled back. That was the main reason she’d assumed it was Teddy. Although now that she thought about it, that was a stupid reason. Anyone could gel their hair back. They wore Wrangler jeans with a wide belt and cowboy boots, but no hat. They were really leaning hard into the Texan American look. Myfanwy couldn’t complain. The jeans made Gestalt’s ass look phenomenal.

“Come here,” Gestalt ordered.

Myfanwy frowned and bit the inside of her bottom lip.

They rolled their eyes. “Please.”

Myfanwy rolled off the door jam and took six small steps over to stand beside Gestalt. They grabbed her waist wordlessly and set her on the bathroom counter like she was no more than a doll. She was simultaneously aroused and annoyed. The annoyance was winning out now that she didn’t have a front row seat to their derriere. 

“Christ, what were you aiming for?” They muttered as they poured some clear liquid on a cotton pad and started pulling the eyeliner and eyeshadow off her face.

“It’s not like I’ve ever done makeup like this before,” she grumbled.

Gestalt rolled their eyes. “Where do you think I….” They stopped and pressed their lips together, turning away. She watched them close their eyes and take a deep breath. Alex/Teddy shook their head slowly before opening their eyes again. They tossed the used cotton swabs into the small trash can set beside the sink.

They brought up another clear liquid and patted it onto her skin gently. They didn’t say anything else. Alex/Teddy shook a bottle of skin colored liquid and Myfanwy could stand the silence no longer.

“You were going to say something about you and Old Myfanwy, weren’t you?”

Teddy/Alex patted the foundation onto her face. Their lips were no more than a thin line. The skin around them was white from how hard they were pressed together. Myfanwy let out a huff of breath.

“You and Old Myfanwy practiced makeup on each other at Glengrove or something, yeah?” 

“Stop talking.” 

Myfanwy glared at them.

Alex/Teddy cleared their throat. “You’ll ruin it.”

Myfanwy closed her mouth again. She couldn’t say for sure if they were talking about the rocky peace they had formed over the past day and a half or the makeup. She picked up one of the bottles of gunk and read the label while Gestalt continued layering makeup on her face.

Myfanwy set the bottle back down and stared up at Gestalt’s face instead. Much more interesting than a foundation label. She tried to find some differentiator that would tell her for certain which Gestalt body she was with. She never really cared. She knew they were all the same person regardless. Still, she felt like knowing the difference was important somehow. Being able to distinguish them should have been easy. Like in her dreams when she didn’t have to look to know. When she could tell with her eyes closed exactly who was touching her where.

Myfanwy reached up suddenly. Thoughtlessly. She took Gestalt’s chin between her fingers. Gestalt froze. She turned their head to her right and squinted at them. A faint, white line dropped down the edge of their right eyebrow. She smiled to herself and dropped her hand.

“Alex,” she whispered to herself.

Gestalt took a step back and stared at her. Something unreadable crossed their face. “You really didn’t know.”

Myfanwy swallowed. “Well, it’s all you anyway,” she retorted, defensively. 

Gestalt twisted their mouth up and moved back to resume her makeover. Myfanwy dropped her eyes. She stared at the grey tile of the bathroom instead of at them. Old Myfanwy had been able to tell them apart. She didn’t have to be told to know. Old Myfanwy had known Gestalt inside and out. And Gestalt had known Old Myfanwy the same way. They had a connection she would never have with them.

A stray tear dropped from her eye before she realized her eyes were full. Gestalt paused in their sponge patting.

“Are you crying?”

Myfanwy shook her head and cleared her throat. Alex’s fingers settled under her chin and pulled her face up more. They carefully dabbed the tear away.

“Don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup.”

Myfanwy let out a short, watery laugh. Alex started on her eyes. Myfanwy closed them and let them work.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Myfanwy opened the eye they weren’t working on. Their focus was exclusively on applying eyeshadow to her lid.

“Probably a bad idea just yet.”

Alex nodded. “Maybe, but you’ll probably see the wanker again tonight.”

Myfanwy frowned. “What do you mean?”

Alex shrugged. “Avila’s a guest of the gala. He’ll be at the party tonight.”

Myfanwy closed her eyes again. Of course they’d think her tears still had to do with her assault. Any normal person would. Instead, Myfanwy was more upset over the idea that her past self was more compatible and better suited to be with her significant other. Others? Other than she was.

Alex moved to the other eye. “I’ll do my best to keep him clear of you.”

“Yeah.” She made to bob her head, but Alex held her chin to keep her steady and avoid smudging. “Yeah, thanks. I, er, I’ll be more careful.”

Gestalt arched a brow, but they said nothing. After a while, Gestalt set down the makeup brush and stood back to admire their handiwork. They sighed and picked up a brush. 

“Alright, I’m just going to do a simple twist in your hair. Nothing too fancy.”

Myfanwy stood from the counter and followed Gestalt out to the living area. She sat on a kitchen chair while Gestalt pulled the brush through her hair and worked it back into a neat updo. Something was there at the back of her head. The action was so familiar.

“I know this,” she muttered softly.

“Hm? What’s that?” 

Myfanwy pressed two of her fingers to the space between her eyebrows. “I know this. I’ve done this before. _ We’ve _ done this before.”

Gestalt was quiet for a moment. “No. No we haven’t.”

Myfanwy frowned and looked up at them, but they had already collected the brush and extra hair clips and were walking back to the bathroom. She stood up and walked to the doorway.

“I remember it. It’s not clear, but I do remember it.”

Gestalt was focused on placing all of her makeup and hair things back into the kit. They shook their head. “Just because you remember it doesn’t mean it was you.”

“What?”

Gestalt huffed and braced their arms on the bathroom counter. “That’s what you’re always saying, yeah? You and Old Myfanwy aren’t the same person. You don’t have the same… whatever. You aren’t the same. So whatever memories you have of the past aren’t yours. They’re hers.” Gestalt glanced at her for a split second before continuing to pack away the makeup. “And you’re not her.”

Myfanwy swallowed. She felt her heart break anew. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I suppose.”

“You should get dressed.” Alex pushed their way out of the bathroom. “You can manage that on your own at least.”

“Gestalt, I-”

“Just-” They paused to take a breath. When they spoke again, it was calmer. “Just let it lie.”

They disappeared back through the back door. Myfanwy had to fight the impulse to rub her eyes. She sat down and took a slow breath. Her torment was of her own making, but she couldn’t seem to stop it. It didn’t help that Gestalt was petty and dramatic.

Myfanwy got to her feet again and pulled out her pre-Gala party dress. A party before the party. Rich people were truly insane.

The dress was just as fluttery as the travel gown. It was Grecian cut with sleeves positioned just right so that her horrendous bruise didn’t show through. Even though it was mostly healed. Myfanwy was glad the R&D people didn’t know that. She could tell from the designs so far that they wanted to put her in something strapless, backless, or otherwise risque.

Myfanwy’s shoes for this outfit were much better. Gladiator strapped with three-inch heels instead of the deadly five from her plane stilettos. She’d be most comfortable in a pair of flats, but she never got what she wanted.

Time moved differently on the island. Or maybe it was just when there was an active mission. Everything seemed to speed up. She’d barely finished dressing when her chauffer knocked at her door. Myfanwy took a deep breath and pulled up the Tiffany LaGard confidence and charm she wished came more naturally.

Her driver was short. At least he was compared to Myfanwy in three-inch heels. She could see the swirling bald spot on the top of his head. Dark grey and white hair disappeared from the crown of his head and out like it was being flushed down a toilet. His face was friendly. The wrinkles in his face curved in such a way that anyone that looked at him could tell he spent a good deal of his life smiling. Myfanwy hated that she couldn’t just talk to him. He looked like the sort of man that would bend an ear to her troubles.

“So nice to see so many people coming to see Port Vila,” the driver said smilingly. “My sister owns a shop in town. Never has business been so good!”

Myfanwy nodded politely as she seated herself in the back of the black sedan.

“My name is Ropata. I do not do this work usually, you’ll have to forgive me. I cook normally. I make the best Laplap you’ll ever have. I sell it all over the city. That’s why I was the perfect choice for this. I know these streets inside and out. Up and down. I can show you the best parts of Vanuatu.”

Myfanwy smiled. She was sure he could do exactly as he promised. Part of her wanted to take him up on it. But Myfanwy remembered Gemma. She remembered being locked in that horrid glass box. Snow White if Snow White were poked and prodded and auctioned off to the highest bidder. “Just to the party, thanks.”

Ropata nodded. “You call it a party, but it you know real parties do not have those attendance lists. What is the biggest party you ever went to? How many people?”

Myfanwy blinked and tried to think of a reasonably large number. “Er, a thousand, maybe?”

Ropata laughed, big and boisterous. “Only a thousand. I have been to marriages with twice that number!”

“Must have been fun.”

Ropata nodded, grinning broadly. “When the island settles back down after you’ve all left we will have an even greater party to celebrate.”

Myfanwy was fighting a losing battle with her smile. “To celebrate what? Not having to deal with us anymore?”

Ropata shook his head seriously. “To celebrate all the money we earn!”

Myfanwy laughed before she could stop herself. She couldn’t help it. Ropata had a charisma that could not be denied. He was certainly the life of every party he attended.

They pulled to a stop in front of what looked like an enormous gazebo. Fairy lights were strung up everywhere setting the whole place aglow. Myfanwy waited for Ropata to help her from the car. He sent her off with a wide grin before taking the car away to the small parking lot a half mile away where he would wait along with the other hired hands.

“Well, now!” Aislin cried. “Miss LaGard, but you do clean up as pretty as a picture.”

Myfanwy beamed at the woman. “I could say the same about you. It’s only been a few hours since the boat. How do you manage to look like you’ve had days to get ready?”

“Oh, don’t tell her that. Her head’s already ten sizes too big,” a girl beside her groaned.

Aislin smacked the girl’s arm lightly. “Don’t be rude!” Aislin looked back at Myfanwy shyly. “My daughter, Tabitha. Ungrateful wretch.”

Tabitha rolled her eyes and sauntered away after fairer game. Myfanwy watched her go and lifted a champagne flute from a passing waiter’s tray. A practiced move she didn’t remember practicing.

She found Gestalt immediately. Even disguised, she knew them across a crowded room. Eliza looked absolutely stunning. A fair, olive gown clung to her in all the right ways. Her bosom was on full display once again with the low cut of the dress. Myfanwy wasn’t the only one looking. 

“What do you think?” Aislin asked from beside her. “French or American?”

“Excuse me?”

Aislin chuckled. “She’s on display. Either she’s French and its artistic expression or she’s American and just begging for someone to relieve her of the rest of her clothes.”

Myfanwy gritted her teeth. “I showed more skin than that on the boat.”

Aislin rolled her eyes. “Yes, dear, but you’ve got considerably less to reveal.”

Myfanwy stared down at Aislin wordlessly. Anything she said was going to completely destroy whatever pseudo-rapport she had established. Myfanwy cleared her throat and lifted her chin.

“Excuse me.” Myfanwy didn’t wait for any sort of reaction before striding away. She knew she didn’t have a reason to worry about Gestalt. Not only could they handle just about anything thrown at them, they also had four times as many eyes to keep a watch on things. Teddy was watching the monitors back in London. They all had pinpoint cameras sewn into their clothes. Myfanwy’s was in the decorative pendant on her right sleeve.

Myfanwy set an empty champagne flute on the bar and lifted her hand to call for the bartender. She ordered a gin and waited for the bartender to pour it.

“You’re a long ways from home.”

Myfanwy turned to her left and looked at the woman beside her. Her mouth fell open. Of her list of people she might run into a thousand miles from home, this wasn’t one of them.

“Linda….”

“Don’t look so conspicuous. Sip your drink.”

Myfanwy did as she was told simply because she had no clue what else to do. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question, though I’m sure I already know the answer.” Myfanwy watched Farrier look discreetly over each shoulder. “You’ve got an escort, hm?”

“I… pardon?”

Linda gave her a ghost of a smile. “Gestalt.”

Myfanwy swallowed.

Linda went back to her drink. “Funny. I remember just how much push back Gestalt used to give when I sent other agents on missions with them. There was a time I thought it was cute.” She took a drink. “The fact that they haven’t ambushed us yet says a lot.”

Myfanwy cleared her throat. “What does it say?”

Linda shrugged. “Conrad made you a field agent. Congratulations.”

Myfanwy took a sip of her drink and nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

“I went by the new facilities. Ostentatious. But then, Conrad has always had something for the dramatics of it all. Never one for politics. He must be swimming.”

“Linda, what are you doing here?” Myfanwy demanded.

“You think you were the only one to suffer at the hands of the Lugat?” Linda stood and turned toward the crowded veranda. “I never got the chance to say, phenomenal job with Lorik. Truly. I can’t tell you how long I’ve wished to see that bastard dead and buried.”

Myfanwy watched as Farrier sauntered off across the floor and disappeared into the crowd. She caught movement from the corner of her eye. She glanced up and felt her stomach twist. Avila was moving toward her sporting what looked like a broken nose and two black eyes. Goodbye Adonis, hello Hephaestus.

She turned quickly, scanning the crowd as she moved. Her EVA jumped to her hands even as her stomach flipped dangerously. Panic welled up in her and she made a break in a direction she assumed had bathrooms. Even if there weren’t, it was away from Avila. She slammed into somebody. Their hands gripped her elbows and held her steady. Myfanwy stared first at the cleavage then up at Eliza’s face. Gestalt beamed at her.

“Hey, what’s the hurry?” 

Myfanwy pulled at her arms. “I’m going to be sick.”

Eliza’s face fell. They ushered her out of the party past the fairy lights and into the trees and bushes. Myfanwy’s head was spinning. She braced herself against a palm tree and emptied her stomach.

Gestalt handed her a handkerchief and a bottle of water. Myfanwy leaned against the tree and shut her eyes, breathing in the hot, island air.

“Do you want to go-”

“Farrier’s here.”

Gestalt paused and glanced over their shoulder to the party. “I saw.”

“I spoke to her at the bar.”

“What’s she doing here?”

Myfanwy shrugged. “I dunno, she wouldn’t tell me.”

After a minute, Myfanwy felt well enough to return to the party. She still hadn’t spied Ishova. She pushed herself off the tree and started for the veranda. Eliza followed at a slower pace. They went their separate ways once they were back in the party. Myfanwy smiled and schmoozed and played her part, all the while looking for the face of the one person alive that was worse than Luis Avila.

“LaGard, hm?” An older man said. His skin was tanned, even beneath the sleeve of his undershirt. He clasped her hand in both of his. “So glad to see your father’s riches are being put to better use.”

Myfanwy fluttered her lashes and smiled. “My father was more interested in business than pleasure. I, on the other hand, skew the other way.”

The older man arched his brow. “Adam Zodd. Truly a _ pleasure _ to meet you in person.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.

Myfanwy fought the urge to flatten him. Getting in his good graces was part of the plan. Maybe it was supposed to be Gestalt getting close to him, but she figured it wouldn’t hurt if she made her own impression.

“I hear there are a few exclusive items for sale privately.” She leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I would _ love _ a sneak preview of the merchandise.”

Zodd chuckled and pulled back to look at her. His hand settled on her lower back. He brushed a knuckle over her cheek and tilted his head at her thoughtfully. Myfanwy kept her face still. Calm. No more thoughts of Avila pushing her into the bedroom.

“Let me think about it, hm?” Zodd dropped his hold on her and turned away to start up a new conversation with another guest.

Myfanwy turned and caught Robert’s eye. She took a deep breath and moved through the crowd again. Everyone was beyond drunk and showing no signs of slowing. Aislin toppled into her, holding a half empty wine glass. Myfanwy struggled to keep her balance and right the woman back to her feet.

“Do you hate me now?” Aislin slurred.

“Excuse me?”

Aislin leaned her head against Myfanwy’s shoulder. “Because what I said earlier.” Aislin poked the space between Myfanwy’s breasts. “About you not having tits.” She gasped and covered her mouth giggling. “Oops.”

“You’ve had a lot to drink. Where’s Tabitha?” 

Aislin waved her wine glass out towards the crowd. “Flirting with the… the uh… boat man.” Aislin straightened herself up a bit and pointed to her own face. “His face got smashed. Tabitha loves a charity case.”

Myfanwy’s stomach sank. “You left her alone with him?”

Aislin shrugged. “She’s a big girl. She’ll be fine.”

Myfanwy growled in frustration and set Aislin on one of the chairs near the bar. She cast her eyes around the floor, searching for Avila or Tabitha. Wishful thinking. Neither were anywhere to be seen. Myfanwy set off from the veranda. She had no idea what she was planning to do if she found them, but she’d be damned if she let Avila assault another girl while she was around.

She had to stop to take off her shoes the further she walked. The heels were really not conducive to walking in the soft beach sand. She was beginning to doubt herself. Maybe Avila had taken Tabitha back to wherever he was staying or she had left. Or maybe they’d gone in the opposite direction.

“Stop!” 

Myfanwy took off running across the beach. She was going to be too late. Her stomach dropped as she remembered the feeling of being pinned beneath his heavy body. His hot breath on her skin. That was happening to another girl. Someone less capable than she was. Someone who probably didn’t have worse things than Luis Avila to deal with. She slowed as she made out the distinct sound of a fight.

“You’ll kill him!” Tabitha cried.

Myfanwy looked over the sand dune and saw Tabitha on the ground. Her gown was torn. She had to hold the material up with her hands lest she expose herself to the six burly men that stood in a semi-circle around a lump on the ground. They weren’t doing anything. None of them were even looking at Tabitha. It took Myfanwy a minute to realize that the lump on the ground was Luis Avila. 

“Tabitha,” Myfanwy called quietly.

Tabitha turned and looked up the dune at her. She looked immediately relieved though Myfanwy knew she didn’t recognize her. Myfanwy moved down the dune to sit beside her.

“You’re my mom’s friend.”

Myfanwy smiled. “Yeah. I’m Tiffany. Remember?”

“You’re alright now, Miss?” One of the lumbering men asked without turning around.

Tabitha looked between their legs at Avila. “Is he dead?”

“No, Miss. Probably wishes he was, though.”

“Last time he touches a woman like that.” Another agreed.

“Thank you,” Myfanwy said. She put her arms around Tabitha. “Let’s go back to the party, hm?”

Tabitha hunched her shoulders and shook her head. “My dress is ruined. I can’t go anywhere like this.”

Myfanwy nodded. “Alright, well, how about I have my driver take you back to your room?”

Tabitha nodded somewhat numbly. She helped her to her feet and led her back toward the veranda. The twinkling fairy lights were their guiding stars, flashing in the distance like fireflies. Myfanwy took Tabitha straight to the car. Ropata opened the back door when he saw them coming.

“I’m going to find your mother. She’s... .”

“Drunk.” Tabitha nodded before casting an uneasy eye at Ropata.

“Would you mind starting the car, Ropata?” Myfanwy asked nicely. “I’ll be right back.”

Ropata jumped into the driver’s seat and Myfanwy hurried back to search for Aislin. She was slumped in her chair. The wine glass was overturned on her lap. The red drink dripped from the fabric of her dress and formed a small puddle on the floor by her feet. Myfanwy took a deep breath and shook the woman.

“Hey, I found Tabitha. She’s waiting for you.”

Aislin looked up at her blearily. “I ever tell you about her father?”

Myfanwy gave her a tight smile and shook her head. “How about you tell me on the way to the car?”

She hauled Aislin to her feet and half carried her out towards Ropata’s car. “It was my second marriage. He looked _ so _ rich. Not a great face, but that much money it doesn’t really matter. We married after six months and it was good for a year or two, but as soon as I got pregnant….” Aislin shook her head. “You know, I heard there was a fetish for pregnant women. Men get off on fucking ‘em. Not Albert. No, no, no. I got pregnant and he started up with the whores and the sluts and anyone else that would have him. Just not me. We got a divorce. He took the house and got a new wife and I got a settlement and a kid. Why’s it always the women that get fucked over, hm?”

Myfanwy opened the back passenger door and settled Aislin on the seat before closing the door. She got in the passenger seat and turned back to Tabitha.

“Where are you staying?”

Tabitha gave Ropata the address and they took off into the night leaving the party behind. They were maybe five miles from the party when Teddy’s voice crackled in her ear.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“Aislin? Are you alright back there?” Myfanwy called. She wasn’t exactly in a position to answer them.

Tabitha patted her mother’s cheek. “Mom?”

Aislin groaned in response. Tabitha sighed and met Myfanwy’s eyes. “She’ll be fine. She’s always like this.”

Myfanwy nodded. “How old are you, Tabitha?” 

“Nineteen.” 

Myfanwy turned back in her seat and stared out the window. Only nineteen. To have something so traumatic happen…. Myfanwy had the urge to go back to the beach and finish Luis Avila once and for all. 

“My grandson is nineteen,” Ropata announced into the silence. “He studies at the university here. He plans on going to America to study in a few years. Wants to be a doctor.”

“You must be proud.”

Ropata grinned. “He’s a good boy.”

They continued on that way, filling the uncomfortable silence with casual chatter. It was only fifteen minutes before they reached the monstrous chalet Aislin had rented out. Tabitha helped her mother from the backseat and they three of them took her in and dropped her on the couch off the foyer. Tabitha stood back clutching her dress to her chest.

“Thank you, Tiffany.”

“Are you going to be alright here?” 

Tabitha smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It reminded her of Robert, back when she’d first lost her memories. When Old Myfanwy became Old Myfanwy. 

“I’ll be fine. Those guys came before he could do much more than ruin a ten thousand dollar dress.”

Myfanwy was going to argue. To insist that she stay with the poor girl at least until her mother was in a proper state to offer consolation herself. Tabitha went to the door and held it open for them. Reluctantly, Myfanwy followed Ropata out.

Myfanwy climbed back in the backseat and rested her head on her hand. Ropata started back towards the party, unusually silent. After a few minutes, Ropata sighed and turned the car around and began driving in the opposite direction. Myfanwy sat up.

“Where are we going?” Myfanwy had to work to keep her breathing even. Nightmares of being kidnapped leapt to the forefront of her mind.

“Nobody should ever leave a party looking so dour. I’m going to take you somewhere that will cheer you up. Don’t worry, it has never failed to get rid of sulky feelings. It is a place of magic.” Ropata smiled at her in the rearview mirror and continued driving.

Twenty minutes later, Ropata pulled to a stop in the middle of a forest. It looked like a dead end. Ropata got out and opened her door. Myfanwy debated her next course of action. She wanted to jump in the driver’s seat and head back to Gestalt and safety as fast as she could. Still, there was something about Ropata that she trusted implicitly. She took his hand and let him lead her into the trees and down a cobblestone stairway.

The path was wooden and the sounds of birds and rustling trees were the only things she could hear. Ropata walked with an easy confidence despite how old and uneven the path was. Myfanwy stumbled several times, but he caught her each time. 

After a while, the path opened up. Myfanwy felt the air whoosh out of her. She stared out at the clear water. It actually _ glowed _ it was so blue. Myfanwy let her eyes drift upwards to the canopy. She’d never seen so many stars. Everything was green and blue and magical.

“Aha! You are smiling again!” Ropata cried. “You see? It never fails to brighten anyone’s mood.”

“Thank you.”

Ropata nodded. “You tell your troubles to the water. They’ll give you your answers.” He pointed her down the dock. “Never fails.” 

Myfanwy grinned at him and moved to sit at the edge of the small dock. She pulled her shoes off and dipped her toes into the water. Only marginally cooler than the warm night air. Myfanwy rested her chin on the wooden railing and stared out at the water.

She was there for a reason. She’d come to put an end to Sophia Ishova and stop the sale of innovent EVAs. It was her big reason for returning to the Checquy. She could have taken off after Lorik. She could have gone anywhere. She could have found her way to Port Vila herself. To this lagoon. If not for Gestalt.

So the question was there. Clear as the water in the lagoon. Did _ she _ love Gestalt or was that just the Old Myfanwy peeking through. And was she really separate from Old Myfanwy in the first place? Was it like Gestalt said? Just because she remembered something didn’t mean they were her memories. Or were they her memories no matter what? Did Gestalt see her with or without her memories or would they always be waiting for the Old Myfanwy to come back. Was she just a placeholder for them?

Old Myfanwy and New Myfanwy were so different. She knew that. Old Myfanwy was meek. She held herself back above all else. She sat behind a desk not because she was incapable, but because she was capable of so much and it frightened her. New Myfanwy was unafraid. Every memory she made had been fraught with danger and pain. She was born into sadness and fear and had managed to turn it to her advantage. She didn’t have the joy and comfort of familial love to compare things to. New Myfanwy was adaptable. Fierce. Strong. But Old Myfanwy had been strong, too. Just in a different way. She wondered if Gestalt could see that.

There were footsteps coming toward her. Probably Ropata telling her it was time to go. Myfanwy took a deep breath. Just the air in the lagoon was calming. She’d found no answers there, but she’d found just a moment of peace she hadn’t experienced before. She pulled her feet up and started to stand. A hand caught her elbow and helped her up.

Myfanwy tipped her head up at them and laughed. Gestalt drew their brows together and dropped their hand.

“Are you alright?” They’d dropped the accent. She supposed there wasn’t really a point. They were alone aside from Ropata on the other side of the lagoon lounging in the small gazebo.

“Magic waters,” she giggled.

Gestalt put their face barely an inch from hers and squinted into her eyes. “Are you drunk?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “God, I wish.”

They pulled back and nodded. “Right, well we should get back. We need to debrief.” Robert grabbed her wrist and started back down the dock. Myfanwy twisted her hand and grabbed their sleeve, pulling them to a stop again. They glanced back at her skeptically.

“Am I a placeholder?”

Gestalt turned all the way back around to face her. “What?”

“Are you just… with me because you’re waiting for Old Myfanwy to come back?” Myfanwy dropped her eyes back to the water. She felt like an idiot.

Gestalt was quiet. Myfanwy dropped their arm and started to walk past them. They caught her around her waist and pushed her back. 

“Just give me a minute.”

“It’s a yes or no question. It shouldn’t be so hard to answer.”

“Myfanwy, just hold on. You’re so impatient.”

“Sorry, Old Myfanwy was more patient, hm?”

Gestalt groaned and rolled their eyes. “Old Myfanwy was a lot of things you weren’t. But you’re a lot of things she wasn’t. It’s not an easy situation, is it? For either of us. It never was, but it’s more difficult now.”

“What’s that mean? What does that have to do with what I asked?”

Gestalt covered their eyes and sighed. “Alright. I grew up in Glengrove, yeah? You know that by now. They trained me to compartmentalize and to fight and track and even seduce. They didn’t teach me love or personal relationships. Old Myfanwy did that. Sort of. She gave me the basics.”

Myfanwy nodded and tried to keep the tears back in her eyes. She wasn’t usually this emotional. Robert grabbed her arms with both of his hands.

“Hey, but you gave me more. It’s strange. It’s different. Old Myfanwy could tell me apart at a glance. She knew me in so many ways and I thought that was love. And it _ was _ . You told me as much.” They moved a hand up to cup her cheek. “But _ you _ , you’ve never separated me. I’m never anyone except me with you. You let me be just me and _ that’s _ love, Myfanwy. And it’s complicated because every time I feel myself falling more in love with you, with _ this _ you, I feel like I’m betraying her. Because I _ do _ love her. I love Old Myfanwy, but I’m _ in love _ with you. No one else. So you aren’t a placeholder. I’m not waiting for her to come back. I’m here for you. It’s always been _ you _.”

Myfanwy stared into their green eyes. More blue in the glow of the lagoon. Magic waters indeed.

Gestalt pulled back and dropped their hands. “But, I know you didn’t stay for me. You aren’t here for me. In Port Vila or at the Checquy. You stayed out of duty. So I understand if you want to end this. I know this life was sprung on you. I know it wasn’t your first choice.”

Myfanwy gave her head a small shake. “That was mean. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Gestalt tucked their hands into the front pockets on their trousers. “Not exactly untrue, was it. You were planning to leave before the whole business with Lorik.”

Myfanwy laughed shortly. “I wasn’t going through with it.”

Gestalt frowned. “What?”

Myfanwy brushed a tear that had escaped away from her cheek. “I couldn’t do it. I was at the terminal and I was waiting for the boat to come in and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About Ingrid and Conrad and Linda, but mostly you. I _ wanted _ to leave. I thought it was for the best. I thought that was what I was supposed to do since I learned that Myfanwy had planned to go away with Bronwyn. When I came out of the bathroom I was planning to get my things and go home. To go back to you. That was when the Vultures grabbed me.” Myfanwy twisted her hands together and shrugged. “I couldn’t leave you.”

Gestalt was kissing her then. Frantic, passionate. Myfanwy dug her hands into their hair and whimpered into their mouth. Their hands were tight and comforting around her back. She remembered all at once where they were. She jerked her head back and looked over to the gazebo expecting to see Ropata. He was gone. Myfanwy looked around the clearing, but evidently Ropata had elected to give them some privacy.

“Everything alright?” Gestalt panted.

Myfanwy gave them a small smile and nodded.

“Do you want to head back?”

Myfanwy pushed Robert’s suit jacket off their shoulders and set her fingers to undoing the buttons on their shirt. She kissed them lightly.

“I haven’t kissed you since-”

“My office.” They kissed her again. “I remember.”

“Mm. I haven’t fucked you since-”

“Three days before we left.”

Myfanwy pushed their shirt off and kissed their neck. “That’s wrong.” Her hands started at their belt.

“What?”

Myfanwy pushed their pants down and smiled at them. “Three days before we left was the last time _ you _ fucked _ me _. The last time I fucked you was two days before Conrad cleared me as a field agent.”

Gestalt snickered. “What is that? The last time you were on top? I don’t think that’s right.”

Myfanwy pushed Robert down onto the pile of clothes. She slipped the sleeves off her dress and let it pool around her feet. Gestalt’s eyes drank her in. She grinned and settled herself over them.

“Mm. No. I mean the last time I was in charge.” She sealed their lips together. Gestalt’s hands splayed over her back, pulling her in.

“You’re _ always _ in charge.”

Myfanwy rocked over them. “Mm. So stop talking.”

Gestalt looked for a second like they were going to say something more, but changed their mind and pulled a nipple between their teeth making her sigh.

They lay side by side and stared up at the stars through the canopy of trees. Myfanwy felt lighter than she had in months. Even with the stress of the mission on her shoulders. She and Gestalt were alright. More than alright.

“I love you,” she whispered with more surety than she’d ever had. _ She _ loved them. No one else but her. The line between her and Old Myfanwy wasn’t a clear one, but she knew that no matter what part of her was gone, her love for Gestalt was constant.

“I love you.” Gestalt paused a second before leaning up on their arm and looking down at her. Straight in the eyes. “_ You _. Alright?”

Myfanwy smiled and nodded. “Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in pieces flip flopping between it and my nano work. I have no idea if it's consistent. I'll check again later.


	22. Change in Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy gets an opening to find find the hard drives and finish the mission.

They took different routes back to the villas. Ropata kept looking at her knowingly in the rearview mirror. He didn’t mention Robert or the fact that her makeup was smeared clear off in some places. Instead, he rambled about the magic waters of the lagoon and how all of his life’s problems had been resolved by talking to the water. 

Myfanwy had a hard time arguing. Hadn’t all her questions been answered in just a few hours? She thanked him again once he dropped her off. She made her way into her temporary home barefoot. She dropped the gladiator shoes near her suitcase and started for the bathroom. 

She stopped as she came into the living room. Eliza and Alex were sat on her couch. She looked over her shoulder at the door. 

“Don’t you knock?” 

“We need to debrief,” Eliza asserted. No amount of fucking could deter them from their mission. Her mission, too, but a minute of privacy wasn’t too much to ask was it? 

“I need to pee.” She fired back, ducking into the bathroom. 

She took her time in the bathroom. Mostly to see how patient Gestalt would be. She examined her face. Her eye makeup had stayed mostly where it was meant to but her lips were smeared across her cheeks and down her chin. She took one of the makeup wipes from her kit and cleared the streaks away. 

Her stomach filled with flutters as she set her hand back on the door handle. They had to debrief, of course, but she could still coerce them into making use of the very large bed in the villa. She stepped out unsurprised to see Robert standing with the other bodies. She went and sat down beside Alex on the couch. 

“Did you talk to Farrier again after the bar?” Eliza asked as casually as if they were talking about the weather. 

“No. I didn’t see her again after that.” Myfanwy frowned and fiddled with her fingers in her lap. “She did say something to me that made me curious.” 

“What did she say?” Myfanwy heard thinly veiled panic in their voices. 

“She said you didn’t like going on missions with other field agents, but that you leaving me alone to talk to her told her something.” Myfanwy sighed. “But she wasn’t clear on what exactly it told her.” 

Gestalt didn’t respond. Myfanwy looked over at Alex. 

“What did she mean?” 

They raised their brows and shook their heads. “I’ve no idea.” 

“What about with Zodd? I saw you dancing with him. What happened there?” 

Myfanwy leaned back on the couch. “I tried to get him to show me a sneak peek of the things being sold at the private auction. He said he’d think about it, but then that whole thing with Tabitha and Avila came up and I didn’t get the chance to talk to him again.” She glanced over at Eliza. “Hopefully you had better luck.” 

Gestalt frowned at the coffee table. “He’s a harder nut to crack than I hoped.” 

Myfanwy chewed at her cheek. “So what do we do?” 

“We still try to find the drives before they’re sold, but worst case scenario, we take them from the buyer. Whoever it is.” 

Myfanwy nodded thoughtfully. “Ishova wasn’t at the party.” 

“No.” 

“Wonder why that is.” 

“She’s probably lying low. She knows she’s in a vulnerable position. She won’t come out of her hole until she has to.” 

Myfanwy stared blankly out the back windows at the waves gently crashing against the sand. She felt her EVA stirring as she remembered the woman’s face in perfect clarity. The bite of the zip ties holding her to the hard, wooden chair. The slow flash of the red light on the camera. If she wanted to live like Lorik then she could die like him too. 

Alex’s hand settled over hers snapping her from her memories. They smiled at her reassuringly. “We’ll get it. Don’t worry.” 

Myfanwy smiled back and nodded. “I’m not worried.” 

Gestalt’s mood turned again. She watched it as it happened. The darkening of their eyes. Alex’s finger rubbed up and back down the back of her hand. They licked their lips. Myfanwy turned her hand and grabbed theirs. Alex took the advantage she’d given them and pulled her onto their lap so she was straddling them. Myfanwy grinned and cupped their face with her free hand. 

“This is wrong,” Alex murmured, their lips brushed hers as they spoke. 

“Why?” Myfanwy knocked her nose against theirs playfully. 

Alex cleared their throat. “Well, I’m a married man, you see.” 

Myfanwy raised her brows innocently. “Your spouse objects?” 

Eliza’s hands slid around her waist. “Not necessarily.” 

Myfanwy sighed into Alex’s mouth. She grabbed their bottom lip between her teeth and pulled lightly. Gestalt groaned and stood, lifting her with them. Myfanwy wrapped her legs around their waist easily and continued kissing them as they brought her into the bedroom. 

“How’s the shoulder?” They pulled away her shoulder strap and kissed the yellowed bruise. 

“Absolutely fine.” She pulled her fingers through their curls as their lips moved across her collarbone. 

They moved back over and nipped at it lightly. Myfanwy leaned her head back in the pillows and tilted her hips up to grind against theirs. Gestalt pulled her dress down to her hips and rolled her nipple between their thumb and forefinger. Myfanwy pulled their head back up and resealed their mouths together. 

“I want you now,” she growled against their lips. 

Alex smiled as they kissed her again. She lifted her hips and pulled her dress down her legs. Myfanwy pushed herself up and started working at Alex’s clothes. The shirt was easy enough. The belt was another matter. The large, cowboy buckle didn’t allow for easy removal. Counter intuitive as far as Myfanwy was concerned. 

“Mm, patience. We did quick and dirty at that lagoon,” Gestalt argued. 

Myfanwy pouted. “Maybe I like quick and dirty.” 

She felt another hand slide up her leg and circle around her thigh. Alex kissed her deeply. One tongue danced with her own while another slid between her folds. Myfanwy groaned into their mouth and wriggled her hips against their tongue. Gestalt hooked their arms around her thighs and gripped her hips with both hands to keep her still. 

“Dirty enough for you?” Robert’s voice whispered in her ear. 

Myfanwy didn’t have words. Eliza was moving their fingers in and out of her rapidly. They rolled her clit between their teeth and Myfanwy came undone. She broke away from Alex’s mouth gasping and panting. She reached down and ran her fingers through Eliza’s dyed brown locks. 

Once she caught her breath, she pushed herself up and rolled onto Alex’s lap to straddle him. She cupped their face between her hands and kissed them. She slipped her hands down their neck, across their chest, and down until she found their pants again. 

“Hate this stupid belt,” she grumbled. 

Alex chuckled and took over unfastening their pants. Myfanwy bit her lip and pressed her forehead against theirs as she slid down over them. A muffled whimper slipped from between her lips. Alex held her face in their hands. Robert rubbed their hands up and down her back while Eliza did the same with her thighs. 

Myfanwy rocked up and back down, clutching more fiercely at Alex’s hair. She hummed softly before picking up the pace and working herself more insistently over them. She watched their eyes flutter shut as she moved. Reveled in the soft groans of pleasure she was wringing from them. 

The bed was barely big enough for the four of them to lie side by side though it had seemed enormous just hours earlier. They panted side by side. Exhausted and exhilarated and just a little delirious. 

Myfanwy rolled to look at Alex. She was finding it a little hard to look at Robert or Eliza at the moment without being reminded of her awful encounter with Avila. She reached up and wound a curl around her finger before releasing it and doing it again. Gestalt stared at her dreamily. 

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to get angry?” She whispered as she played with their hair. 

“Mm, we just made up,” Alex murmured. 

Eliza kissed her neck. “I don’t think I have it in me to get angry with you just now.” 

Myfanwy closed her eyes and breathed in the feel of them around her. “For weeks…. Hm, no…. For months I’ve been having these flashes of us. Mostly they were just feelings. _ Intense _ feelings. I didn’t think they were real. I’m still not _ entirely _ sure they are.” 

Alex brushed their thumb against her bottom lip. “What about?” 

Myfanwy opened her eyes again. “It was… a room. There was wood paneling on the walls and curtains. Red, velvet curtains. And there was you and me and just _ so _ much emotion. Relief and excitement and adrenaline. It’s there almost every time I kiss you or fuck you. But I don’t know if that’s a memory or just an echo of what Old Myfanwy felt for you.” 

Gestalt smiled with an odd mixture of sadness and shyness. “That was the party. You’re remembering the coat room. You’re remembering the first time we….” 

“That is to say, Old Myfanwy and I….” 

“It’s really a memory,” they affirmed. 

Myfanwy leaned forward and kissed Alex again. They were just getting into it when there was a knock at her door. She jerked her head away and looked out the bedroom door and waited. She slipped out of bed at the second knock and grabbed a robe of the hook by the bedroom door. 

Gestalt all moved to covert positions. All with an eye on the door while staying out of sight of the unexpected visitor. Myfanwy tied the sash around her waist and pulled the door open. 

“Can I help you?” 

A young boy stood on her step. He held out a white envelope to her and darted off again. Myfanwy opened the door further expecting to see anyone else with some explanation for the strange visitor. Seeing nothing, she shut the door and took the envelope back to her living quarters. 

“What is it?” Gestalt asked. 

Myfanwy held up the envelope. “Not sure.” She pulled it open and took the letter inside. 

_ Miss LaGard, _

_ I’ve given it some thought. If you are still interested in a preview of the merchandise, find me during the gala and I will be more than happy to give you a personal tour. _

_ Adam Zodd _

“Shit,” Eliza cursed. 

“What?” 

Robert wrapped their arms around her waist. “I’m not looking forward to you being out of my sight. That’s why I wanted to be the one to approach Zodd.” 

“If anything happens to you I’ll be too far away.” 

“You’ll be on your own.” 

Myfanwy dropped the letter on the coffee table. “Well, I’m not turning the offer down.” 

“I wasn’t going to suggest you do.” 

Myfanwy paused and looked back at them. “You weren’t?” 

Gestalt sighed. “As many reservations as I may have about this, it’s still our best chance at getting to Ishova and the hard drives.” 

“Oh.” 

“Unless you don’t want to do this. We can take a different approach.” 

Myfanwy shook her head quickly. “No. I was just… surprised.” 

Alex picked up the letter and read it over again. Myfanwy dropped her robe back on the hook beside her door. She turned around completely bare. 

“Gala isn’t until tomorrow evening, hm? I believe we were in the middle of something.” 

Three sly smiles slid across Gestalt’s faces. Myfanwy walked slowly back towards the bed as they advanced on her. She giggled as Robert’s hands closed around her waist and they lifted her to dump her back on the bed.

* * *

“Remember to give him just enough to keep him interested,” Robert told her as he applied her eyeshadow. “Not enough to break my heart.” 

Myfanwy smiled and rolled her closed eyes. “I have very little interest in whatever Zodd has to offer.” 

Gestalt took her chin in their hand and waited for her to open her eyes. “I mean it. If it turns into another Avila situation use your EVA. Use your training. Use whatever you have to to get out of there.” 

Myfanwy nodded slowly. She chewed at her cheek nervously as they continued to fix her makeup. Once they finished, they gave her a quick peck on her lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Gestalt stepped toward the bathroom door. “I have to go get myself ready. Get dressed and I’ll see you at the gala.” 

Myfanwy slipped off the counter and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was twisted up in the back, but two strands were curled on either side of her face. She looked like someone else. 

“So long, strange Irishman I’ve never met.” 

Gestalt snorted. “Oh, we’ve met by now.” 

Myfanwy stuck her tongue out at them. They laughed again as they left. Myfanwy went to her luggage and pulled out the garment bag labeled ‘Gala’. She sighed and unzipped the bag reluctant to see just what the R&D department decided to put her in tonight. She stared at the dress, if it could be called that. 

It was bright red. The top was more a band of ribbon that wrapped around her chest barely concealing her. The skirt went to the floor, but it tied with a black, silk ribbon at her hip. All in all she might as well have gone to the party fully nude for all she was wearing. Along with a pair of disastrous stilettos. They were softer and more comfortable than the shoes they’d forced her into for the plane ride, but no less absurd. Myfanwy wondered just what exactly they expected her to do should she need to run away. 

She must’ve looked ridiculous because when she opened the door Ropata’s eyes widened and he cleared his throat, but he didn’t speak. He helped her into the car careful to avoid looking at her. Myfanwy felt foolish. She was going to make the R&D department rue the day they signed on to the Checquy when she returned. 

Ropata stopped at the hotel hosting the gala and opened the door for her. He choked out a, ‘Have a good time’ before driving off hurriedly. 

The stares didn’t stop as she walked through the lobby. She had to remind herself to be confident and charming. She was a wealthy heiress. She could get away with anything. Certainly with wearing a dress that was little more than lingerie. 

“My, my,” Aislin remarked, sidling up beside Myfanwy. “This is quite a look. Little bondage Cinderella, if you know what I mean. And it would seem I was wrong about you not having anything to reveal.” She looked pointedly at Myfanwy’s chest. 

“_ Mother _!” Tabitha hissed beside her. The girl turned and smiled at Myfanwy. “Good evening, Tiffany. I love your dress. Don’t listen to my mother. She’s just jealous she can’t pull anything like that off.” 

Aislin pulled back her upper lip. “Don’t you talk about your mother like that.” 

Tabitha rolled her eyes and moved away to take a glass of champagne. Myfanwy followed suit, her eyes already searching for Zodd. She was eager to get the evening over with. The mission, too. All she wanted was to be back home with Ingrid and Jon and even Conrad. To curl up in bed with Gestalt for a day or two and relax. 

As her eyes moved across the room, she noticed that most people were looking right back at her. Music played softly in the background punctuated by the indiscreet whispers of the other guests. Myfanwy steeled herself and walked as best she could to her table. 

“Bonsoir,” a man said in her ear. Myfanwy turned to find a tall, dark, and absurdly handsome man beside her. For a moment, her brain shut off. 

“Bonsoir,” she returned. 

The man smiled at her revealing a set of perfectly white teeth set off in sharp contrast to the rich, dark color of his skin. Myfanwy took a breath and tried to focus again. 

“I’m Ismael. What is your name, beautiful girl? Or should I call you Beautiful Girl?” 

“Muh… Tiffany. Tiffany LaGard?” 

Ismael smiled at her again and took her hand in his. “Tiffany. Would you like to dance, Tiffany?” 

Myfanwy let him pull her to her feet, still caught in the pure poetry that was his face. His hand settled on her waist. On her bare skin. Her stomach gave a jump. She wasn’t sure her feet were really moving or if they were just gliding across the dance floor like the little ice skaters in Christmas decorations with magnets on their feet. 

“May I cut in?” 

Myfanwy tore her gaze away from Ismael to look at Robert. Ismael looked him up and down, frowned, but conceded. Robert fit his hand into hers and continued to twirl her across the floor. Myfanwy did her best not to let the overwhelming feeling of guilt show on her face. 

“Bad enough you’re dressed like every man’s S&M fantasy,” Gestalt muttered. “Do you have to look like you were ready to leave with him right then and there?” 

“I did not,” Myfanwy argued, but she knew it was a lie. 

“Yes, you did.” They snapped. 

Myfanwy let out a heavy breath. Gestalt was quiet a minute. 

“Look, I get it,” they sighed. “Even I got a little moon-eyed when I first saw him.” 

Myfanwy frowned at them in vague disbelief. Gestalt cocked an eyebrow at her. 

“You think you’re the only one that gets to appreciate a beautiful man?” 

“Well, no….” 

Gestalt pulled her in close and put their lips against her ear. “Fawn all you want, just don’t forget who you’re going home with when this is all over.” 

Myfanwy found herself grinning. She caught Eliza’s eye across the dance floor. “I don’t think you’ve ever held me so tightly,” she murmured back into their ear. “I think I like making you jealous.” 

Eliza narrowed their eyes at her. Myfanwy licked her lips and pulled away. The song ended and Myfanwy turned away from them. She lifted a drink from a passing tray and downed it. She was more motivated to find Zodd and be done with the gala than ever before. 

Zodd didn’t show up until the dinner plates were being served. She ate slowly, watching him. He spoke with a man to his left as he ate. Myfanwy ran through the plan in her head. She was going to wait until he showed her the hard drives before using her EVA to knock him and whatever guards were with him out and make her getaway. She wouldn’t kill them unless absolutely necessary. 

Once he stood from his table, Myfanwy excused herself and made her way to him. She adjusted the tie on her hip subtly and made sure her hair was as it should be. He was turned away from her speaking to a few of the guests. She waited patiently at his elbow until he turned to her. 

“Ah, Miss LaGard. Pleasure as always.” He smiled and took her hand in his. She let him kiss the back of it again, but he was a far cry from Ismael. 

“I believe you mentioned something about a private tour?” 

Zodd chuckled humorlessly. “Straight to business, I see. Don’t even give a man time enough to appreciate your dress.” He cast his eyes down her body and back up. “Skew towards pleasure indeed.” 

“You flatter me,” Myfanwy smiled and fluttered her lashes. 

Zodd looped her arm through his and lead her deeper into the hotel. “Tell me about your family, Miss LaGard.” 

Myfanwy caught Gestalt’s eye as Zodd steered her out of the ballroom. “What’s to tell? Everything was rather normal. My father worked a lot especially after my mother passed. He sent me to boarding school as soon as he could and the rest is history.” 

Zodd stopped her inside a lift and slid a card through the panel before hitting a button. Myfanwy felt her heart sink. The doors slid between her and Gestalt and the lift started to move. She swallowed and kept the fear from her face. 

“So you’re an orphan, then.” 

Myfanwy pressed her lips together. “Yes. I suppose I am.” 

The doors opened into darkness. Lights came up as they walked. Then the crying started. Myfanwy saw glass cages like the one she had been kept in. She counted twenty, but only half were filled. In the first cage a boy barely older than five sat bawling his eyes out. 

“This is one of our youngest. Takes a lot to keep him managed. It makes things float. Floated the family car while the family was in it. Hasn’t figured out how to make them land again quite yet, but it’s young. Full of possibilities.” 

Myfanwy stared down at the boy, her heart was breaking for him. Zodd led her on to the next cage. It was an adult this time. He scowled up at the two of them with venom in his eyes. Eight more EVAs shuffled in their cages. 

“Firestarter. Common enough. Still valuable, but I doubt that suits your interests.” Zodd pressed her forward. On and on down the line and Myfanwy found herself growing sicker and sicker. 

They reached the last box and Myfanwy felt the air whoosh from her lungs. Linda stared back at her. A gag was in her mouth and her wrists and ankles were bound together. Myfanwy couldn’t fight the shiver that dropped down her spine. Linda’s eyes widened at her and she shook her head ever so slightly. 

All at once, Linda lunged for her in her cage as something jabbed into the spot between her neck and shoulder. Myfanwy gave a cry and turned to confront the person responsible. Sophia Ishova tilted her head at her as her vision went splotchy. 

“Myfanwy Thomas.” Ishova passed the use syringe to someone and dusted her hands. “We meet again.” 

Myfanwy snarled at her. “I’ll kill you.” 

Ishova tsked at her and shook her head. “No, I don’t think you’ll get the chance. Not all the way in China.” 

Myfanwy tried to work up her EVA, but it wasn’t coming. She wanted to break away from the hands grabbing her and pulling her away, but her body wasn’t cooperating. She felt sluggish. Numb. And then, it was just darkness. 


	23. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy finishes the mission.

Myfanwy knew how long the doses lasted. The handlers had given her an estimate months ago when they’d abducted her the first time. She’d been less capable before. Less accustomed to her powers. She had no training, no memories. Nothing to fight for. 

She was in the back of a van in a glass cage. She could hear the muffled voices of the drivers. She wondered what Gestalt was doing. What they thought happened. She wasn’t even certain how long she’d been gone. 

The van kept driving and she kept pulling at her EVA. She felt like her powers were buried. They were still there. She could feel them. They were just hidden deep down. Dormant. Sleeping. 

Myfanwy was going to wake them up. 

She was living her nightmare. The ones that hadn’t gone away in the months since her tumble with Lorik. When she’d used her powers in her dreams it was always to devastating effect. Myfanwy didn’t want to kill. Not anyone that wasn’t an active part of her abduction anyway. 

Back in London, the van had made pit stops on the way to the handoff, but they’d been driving for a while without any sign of slowing. Myfanwy couldn’t afford to be taken off the island. She needed to get back and free Farrier and the little boy and all those other EVAs being kept and sold. If she had to wait too much longer she would be too late. 

She felt it then. Slowly. Drifting up like it was being weighed down. Myfanwy pulled at it focusing on it so hard sweat began to form on her brow. She heard the handlers behind her. Behind a thin wall. She’d never tried to strike through a wall before. But she’d set a whole building on fire once. Whether she remembered doing it or not. Surely stopping one van was within her capabilities. 

Myfanwy found the familiar EVA in her hands. It tickled her palms and set her hair on end. She cleared her mind of every thought except one. Stop. She thought it over and over again. Her EVA worked itself up on her skin like static electricity, but it wasn’t going anywhere. 

“STOP!” She screamed, throwing her hands palm down in her cage. 

Her EVA shot out of her like a flash. She heard the squeal of tires and the van lurched. Her relief was short lived. The van tipped to one side and then continued over. The glass cage was strapped to the floor of the van, but Myfanwy wasn’t held to anything inside it. She smashed against the top, then the bottom, and the top again. After the van’s third revolution the straps holding her cage gave and the cage crash against the roof of the van. 

The cage broke enough that Myfanwy could get free, but the van kept rolling. When it finally stopped she struggled to catch her breath. She didn’t hear the handlers. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know how to get back to where she needed to be. She took a deep breath and forced the back door open. 

Myfanwy let out a yelp as she stared down the cliff face. The van had stopped midway down on a narrow ledge. She shut her eyes and moved out of the crumpled remains of the transport van and stepped onto the ledge. She looked up and tried to see the road. She wiped her hand across her eyes, confused when it came away stained with red. 

There was no way she was climbing back up the cliff face. The only way out was down. Wherever the hell she was. She kicked off her stupid stilettos and worked to fashion the skirt up into makeshift shorts. Whatever she could do to keep it out of the way while she climbed. In the dark. Down a ninety-degree incline. She gritted her teeth and started down. 

It took around an hour for her to get to ground level. She had no idea which way she had come from or how to get back. She gambled and went the opposite direction the front of the van was facing. After about twenty minutes of walking, she came upon a gathering of people around a fire on the beach. 

The music that had been playing died and the people stared at her. Myfanwy wiped her hand across her face again. The bleeding wasn’t letting up. She could feel it on her neck in various stages of drying. 

“Miss? Are you alright?” A woman asked gently. 

Myfanwy shut her eyes as she tried to remember where she was going. “Port... Port Vila. I have to get to the Ocean and Sand Hotel in... in Port Vila.” Her throat was dry. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had something to drink. 

A hand touched her elbow and she jerked away instinctively. “Miss, I think you need a hospital.” 

“No!” Myfanwy remembered the crying little boy in his glass cage. “I need to get to the hotel. Which direction is it?” 

“Lono, you can take her on your bike, hm?” 

“Yes, Ma,” a man stood. He gave her an uncertain look before leading her up the beach toward a road. 

The bike was actually a motorcycle. Lono held out a helmet for her. “Not that it’s going to help you much now,” he joked. 

Myfanwy took it slowly and tried to get her fingers to work enough to put it on. Lono waited patiently as she worked. All the while looking a bit fearful. Like she would turn at any moment and bite him. 

“Ever been on a motorcycle?” The man asked, straddling the machine. 

“I have no idea, but I’ll take whatever gets me to that hotel.” She sat behind him as the motorcycle roared to life. 

Lono yelled something back at her that she couldn’t make out. He grabbed her hands in his and set them on his waist. Myfanwy made to pull back, but the bike lurched forward and she realized he had been telling her to hold on. 

Her vision was blurring at the edges. Myfanwy put that up to the blood getting in her eyes. She was determined to finish her mission. She was going to save that little boy. She was going to save Farrier and she was going to _ kill _ Sophia Ishova and she wasn’t sleeping until she did. 

“Says it’s closed for a private party, Miss.” Lono stopped in front of the same doors Ropata had stopped at earlier that evening. 

Myfanwy swung herself off the motorcycle and pulled the helmet off. She looked at the glass doors. “Party’s over.” She handed the helmet back to Lono. “Thank you, but you don’t want to stick around.” 

Myfanwy turned for the doors. Locked. She forced them open, shattering the glass as she did. The motorcycle revved behind her and sped away. Myfanwy flung her arm out at the guards in front of the closed ballroom doors. They gave a cry and crumpled against the wall. 

The ballroom fell into silence just the same as the crowd at Lono’s party had. This time, she relished the stunned silence. She felt her EVA everywhere. Adam Zodd stood from his place on the auctioneer’s table. Sophia Ishova was beside him. Myfanwy moved forward. 

“Get her out of here!” Zodd barked. Myfanwy flicked her hands at the guards. She honestly might have killed them, but her focus was pinpoint. The only thing that mattered to her was seeing the end of Ishova and Zodd. 

Ishova jumped up from her seat and made for the exit. Myfanwy felt her stomach twist, but Gestalt was there. Robert aimed a punch at her jaw and dropped her. Myfanwy stopped in front of Adam Zodd. 

“Hello again, Adam,” Myfanwy greeted calmly. 

“Myfanwy,” Zodd said. His voice was even, but Myfanwy could hear the fear. 

“We’re going back downstairs, Adam.” She cocked her head towards the same exit Ishova had been aiming for. 

“Nice try. You wanna kill me? You kill me in front of all my guests.” 

Myfanwy smiled. The way the blood was smeared across her face and her makeup had run under her eyes, she looked like a demon straight from hell. She felt like one, too. Vindictive. Vengeful. Invigorated. 

“I wasn’t asking.” She didn’t have to use her EVA to throw him off the platform and towards the door. Alex and Eliza each grabbed one of his arms and dragged him from the ballroom and to the lift. Robert followed carrying an unconscious Ishova. 

Myfanwy patted down his jacket until she found the cardkey. She slid it down the panel and hit the button for the underground prison. The doors shut and the lift started down. 

“Myfanwy,” Gestalt murmured. Eliza reached out a hand for her. 

“Not now.” She used the back of her hand to wipe away some of the blood from her eye. “You can fuss when this is over.” 

The doors opened again. The lights were still on. Myfanwy grabbed Zodd by his tie and dragged him out of the lift. He choked and clawed at the tightening tie around his neck. Myfanwy shoved him into one of the empty cages and shut him in. 

“Put her in the other one for me, hm?” Myfanwy told Robert. 

She went to the boy first. He stared at her wide eyed, but silent. He wasn’t bawling anymore. Myfanwy tried to remember if that was a good or a bad thing. She opened the cage and reached out for him. 

“Come on, sweetheart, I’m not going to hurt you.” 

The boy found his tears again as he threw himself into her arms. Myfanwy grunted at the impact. She hadn’t been paying much attention, but now she thought she might’ve broken some ribs. She stood, holding the boy in her arms. Gestalt was working their way down the cages. 

Myfanwy went straight down to the end. Farrier stared up at her with an almost knowing look in her eyes. Myfanwy set the boy down, but he clutched himself to her leg while she worked at Farrier’s cage. Myfanwy pulled off Farrier’s gag. 

“We have to stop meeting like this,” Linda smiled. 

Eliza appeared at Myfanwy’s side. She held up a knife and cut through Farrier’s bindings. They helped Linda from her cage. Myfanwy turned and took the boy back up into her arms. He buried his face into her hair and clung to her like a spider monkey. 

“Bronwyn’s locked up somewhere around here.” 

Myfanwy stopped and turned back to Farrier. “Bronwyn’s here?” 

Farrier nodded. “You have your backup. They took her first. I’m not sure where.” 

Myfanwy kicked Zodd’s cage. “Where is she?” 

Zodd glared up at her. “The hippie? I only keep things of value alive.” 

Myfanwy turned and pushed the boy into Alex’s arms. She turned back to Zodd. He let out a satisfying gasp of pain. 

“You didn’t kill her. Where is she?” Myfanwy demanded. 

Zodd didn’t answer so Myfanwy twisted her hands. Zodd writhed in his tiny cage, struggling against the invisible force turning his body against him. 

“Where is she?” Myfanwy demanded. 

“Second floor!” He shouted. “Second floor.” Myfanwy relaxed her persuasion tactics a bit. “There’s a door behind the bar.” 

“Wasn’t hard, was it?” She turned for the lift. “Enjoy your new home, Adam. Give Sophia my best when she wakes up, would you?” 

She waited until the lift was loaded with her new posse of freed EVAs before sliding Zodd’s cardkey and taking the lift to the main floor. She let the EVAs out. 

“Gestalt, take them. I’ll meet you at the villa.” 

Gestalt shook their heads. “We’ll get your sister together and then we’ll all leave.” 

Myfanwy pushed them towards the lobby. “I can handle my sister. I can’t worry about protecting these guys, too.” 

“Fine. I’ll take them, but I’m staying with you.” 

“There’s ten of them. You need as many eyes as you have to keep a watch out for them.” 

“I’ll stay with Myfanwy, Gestalt. Do as she says and get them to safety.” 

Gestalt glared at Farrier. “I don’t take orders from _ you _.” 

Farrier pressed her lips together in disapproval. “I know we may not have parted on the best of terms, Gestalt, but-” 

“But nothing. You tried to _ trade _Myfanwy. You’re not calling the shots anymore.” 

Myfanwy put her hand to her head. “_Gestalt_. In the time it’s taken you to have this spat I could’ve been upstairs and back with my sister. Take the EVAs and _go._” 

Gestalt stared at her. They started to argue again, but Myfanwy jammed the door close button. Farrier leaned back against the lift wall. Myfanwy couldn’t afford to let her body relax. As soon as she did, she was going to pass out. She had too much to do to let that happen. 

“Gestalt’s never really trusted me.” Farrier rolled off the wall as the doors opened. Myfanwy led the way into the private gambling den. It was empty due to the gala. “_ You _, on the other hand have managed to gain their complete trust in, what? A few months? They trust you more than they ever trusted me.” 

Myfanwy found the door behind the bar. She had to use her EVA once again to open it, but that was her limit. She slumped against the door jam and felt her eyes flutter shut for just a moment. Someone shook her shoulder. 

“Myfanwy, come on. We need to meet Gestalt, hm?” Farrier told her. 

Bronwyn pulled Myfanwy’s arm around her shoulders and helped her back to the lift. Myfanwy slid the cardkey again and hit the button for the lobby. It was Ropata that picked them up. He helped her into the backseat with Bronwyn. Farrier got into the front passenger seat. 

“You should’ve come with me when you had the chance,” Bronwyn whined. “Now look at you!” 

“I’m fine, Bron. Just need to get back to Gestalt.” She wasn’t sure if she was speaking or if her answer had just been in her head. Her vision was almost entirely splotches. What she could see was moving too quickly to make out and just ended up making her dizzier. She shut her eyes to block it all out. 

And then she was back and Gestalt’s arms were around her. Myfanwy felt dizzy and barely there. The adrenaline that had been flooding her system was gone. She floated in a dark haze.

* * *

When Myfanwy didn’t come back with Zodd, their panic alarms started chiming. They’d been gone for two hours. Two agonizing hours where Gestalt didn’t know where she was or what was happening. They socialized as best they could. They had covers to keep. Whatever happened, they didn’t want to be the one to fail Myfanwy by sabotaging the mission. 

They watched the door and tried to remember why they had agreed to this plan. The short answer was that expressing any doubt to Myfanwy’s abilities was a quick route to the doghouse. The longer answer involved this being the most direct path through to the hard drives and back home. Not to say they weren’t fond of the island. They just preferred their own bed. And Myfanwy in her own clothes instead of the sorry excuse for clothing the R&D department had dreamt up. 

Adam Zodd came back into the ballroom then. A woman on his arm. Gestalt relaxed for a fraction of a second until they realized the woman was not Myfanwy. It was Ishova. New Lugat leader and number one on Myfanwy’s shit list. Theirs, too. 

They started working against the instinct telling them that something had gone horribly wrong. They’d tell themselves anything at that point. Anything that meant that Myfanwy was alive and safe and focusing on some aspect of the mission they hadn’t been able to think of knowing that she was in danger. 

They made note that the Malian god, Ismael, was nowhere to be seen. They told themselves that maybe Myfanwy had gotten herself sucked under his spell again. If they could make their way to that hallway, they might find her pressed up against a wall with his tongue down her throat. As angry as that made them, it would be a damn sight better than her being hurt in any way. 

They moved their bodies closer to Zodd’s table. He stood then and began the gala’s charity auction. Charity being a woefully misused term that meant nothing more than a couple thousand more dollars to fund Zodd’s exile. Gestalt reluctantly returned to their seats, trying to keep themselves from doing something rash. Like shooting everyone in the ballroom and holding a gun to Ishova’s head until she gave them Myfanwy. 

They were still working out a strategy to approach the pair when the ballroom doors crashed open. The woman that stood between them looked like a nightmare. Carrie at the prom sort of nightmare. Blood marred the right side of her face, gluing her hair to her head in a grisly manner. It took Gestalt a full ten seconds to realize it was Myfanwy. 

Her gown was a shambles. The skirt was bunched up at her hip in some areas and torn in others. Dirt and what appeared to be motor oil stained the red fabric. Blood leaked onto it turning it just a shade darker in other areas. Gestalt felt murderous. 

Myfanwy threw her hand out and incapacitated four ex-military guardsmen in one blow. Ishova made to run, but Gestalt was already standing at the door waiting. They weren’t entirely certain what Myfanwy’s play was, but it wasn’t discretion. They used more strength than strictly necessary to strike down Ishova. 

Myfanwy spoke with an eerie calm. It boded of danger in every word. Gestalt’s hair stood on end even two thousand miles away in London. They followed her into the lift with Ishova and Zodd. She swayed slightly on her feet. Bare and bruised and bleeding. 

Myfanwy stowed Zodd in a glass cage before turning and opening another. This one with a little boy inside. She held her arms out for him and he dove at her. Gestalt watched her cradle him to her chest as they made quick work of the other cells. She made a beeline for the last cage in the row. They didn’t know why they were surprised. Of course it was Farrier. 

Ishova's hard drives were in a safe in the back wall. Thumbprint security. Gestalt would have mocked them if they hadn’t been in a hurry to get Myfanwy to a hospital. They cleared the safe, stowing everything in a small bag and leading the rest of the EVAs back to the lift. 

Myfanwy’s sister was in the hotel somewhere. Just one more stop on her way to the hospital. Myfanwy thrust the child into their arms. The boy stared at them and Gestalt was certain he hated them. He looked over at Farrier for a moment before turning his attention back to Myfanwy who was torturing Zodd for information. They hadn’t taught her that one. 

Myfanwy stopped the lift at the ground floor. They were mildly surprised. They assumed her first stop would be to get her sister. The EVAs scrambled from the lift and Gestalt started after them. They couldn't just let them all go. 

Gestalt wasn’t going to let Myfanwy run off on her own either. Even if that’s what she wanted. They’d made that mistake once already that night and they weren’t itching to do it again. Myfanwy would have it no other way. Gestalt stared helplessly as the lift doors closed on her and Farrier. 

“No!” The boy cried in their arms. He lunged for the lift in their arms. Gestalt had to fight just to keep him from falling. 

“She’ll be back.” Gestalt needed to convince themselves just as much as they needed to convince the boy. “She’ll be alright. She’ll be back.” 

Gestalt ushered the assemblage of EVAs outside where they hotwired three cars to fit the lot of them. It wasn’t ideal, but the only way they were transporting ten EVAs back to the villas was with all of them. They decided to come back for Myfanwy and Farrier. It was the only choice they could make. 

“I want to go home!” The boy wailed in the backseat. 

Gestalt focused on driving. They didn’t know what to say to some scared kid who would likely never see his home again. 

“They ain’t takin’ us home, kid. They ain’t takin’ any of us home.” A man only a few years younger than Gestalt told the boy. “Still, wherever they take you is going to be a damn sight better than what those goons were plannin’.” 

Gestalt stopped at the villa. They weren’t going to be able to stay long. They put it at an hour or two before the local cops came sniffing around after them. And Gestalt wagered Zodd had covered his bases and paid the lot of them off. They moved everybody inside. They started back out with one body when a car pulled up. 

Gestalt pulled out their gun and waited. Both front doors opened and Gestalt sighed and put the gun away. Myfanwy’s driver pulled open the back door. Gestalt hurried over as they pulled Myfanwy from the backseat. Bronwyn glared at them as soon as she saw them. Gestalt couldn’t be bothered to care. 

“Myfanwy?” They cupped her bloody face in their hands. 

“Mm,” she groaned. She slumped forward into their arms. They scooped her up quickly and started for the villa. Myfanwy tucked herself against their chest. 

“Is it later? Hm?” They jostled her to keep her awake. 

“Do I get to fuss now?” 

“Fuzz... my head... stopped too hard,” Myfanwy mumbled incoherently. 

Gestalt laid her on the bed and brought out the emergency medical kit. They used a damp washcloth to clean away some of the blood. The bleeding seemed endless. She had a large gash just above her hairline. Gestalt pulled out a suture kit. It wasn’t ideal, but they weren’t left with a lot of options. 

“Let them take the kids. They’ll be better in the Checquy’s hands.” 

“Better? They’d be better in their families’ hands!” 

“Do you even know _ how _ these kids got here? Hm? Eric’s parents _ sold _ him to the Lugat for ten thousand dollars. They’re terrified of him. And Cynthia? Her parents just kicked her out. Nowhere to go. They don’t have families to go back to, Bronwyn. Let them make a new family with other children like them. Like Nazim.” 

“You aren’t taking any of them,” Gestalt intervened. 

Farrier stared at them with those calculating eyes of hers. There was a time when they were terrified of her. Not long ago at all. But they weren’t scared anymore. Only angry. 

“Where’s my sister?” 

“Sleeping.” 

For some reason, that answer made her angrier. “Sleeping? With a head injury? Don’t you know anything? And how the hell did she get all messed up like that? You’re all spick and span and she’s walking around like the bloody exorcist!” 

“Keeping someone awake with a head injury is a myth. The brain needs sleep to heal.” 

“We need to move. We’ll wake her in a few minutes.” 

Farrier sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know I’m not your boss any longer, but I need you to think rationally. How are you going to get everyone here back to London?” 

“I’ll manage.” 

Farrier pursed her lips. “There are four children here. And I believe you have the Lugat hard drives. You’re coming home victorious any way you look at it. Just let us go. Let us take the rest and get them somewhere safe. The kids just want a home and safety. Everyone else wants freedom. We can both benefit here.” 

Gestalt was about to tell Farrier where she could stick it when Myfanwy whimpered on the bed beside them. It was going to be hard enough for them to focus on anything other than her on the trip home. They ground their teeth together. 

“Leave the kids and go.” Gestalt ground out. 

Farrier’s brows shot up. She had obviously not expected her bargaining to work. Ordinarily it wouldn’t have. 

Myfanwy was in and out of consciousness on the way home. The children bounced around the planes like they were having the time of their lives. The boy, however, sat on Myfanwy’s lap quietly and stared out the window. He only fussed when they made him sit in a seat of his own during take off and landing. 

Retainers met them at the airport. Glengrove retainers loaded the kids into a van. It was the only time they’d seen the little boy throw a tantrum. Gestalt grimaced and clenched their fists as the retainer jabbed an antipsychotic into the boy’s arm and carried him into the van. 

Gestalt took Myfanwy straight to the Checquy’s infirmary. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This felt a little fast paced to me, but I knew where I wanted the story to go and was just so eager to get there. Hope you enjoyed it and, as always, thank you for reading!!


	24. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama drama drama!

"C'mon, Myfanwy. Up and at 'em." The curtains across the room were flung open letting the sunlight stream in. "You're going to be late." 

Myfanwy cracked her eyes open and tried to make out the features of the silhouette before her. "Mum?" 

Her mother stepped over and sat on the edge of her bed. "Oh, honey. Are you feeling alright?" She placed a cool hand to Myfanwy's forehead. "You feel a bit warm." 

Myfanwy blinked hard and stared at the woman before her. She could see the blueness in her eyes that was the same as what was mirrored back at her every morning. The tilt in her lips. The sun-kissed brown of her hair that was almost identical to Myfanwy's. 

"Alright, I'll call the school and let them know you won't be in and be back with a thermometer." Her mother got up from the bed and hastened from the room. 

Myfanwy stared after her for a while. Slowly, she sat up in bed and looked around. Everything was just a little off. A child started to whimper in the next room and Myfanwy crawled out of bed to investigate. A man was cooing to a toddler. Myfanwy was suddenly aware of how very small she was. 

"What are you doing out of bed, Muffin?" The man asked, smiling. He pulled the little girl onto his lap and used her arm to point at Myfanwy. "Mummy says your sister is sick, Bron Flakes. What do you think? Shouldn't she be in bed?" 

Bronwyn nodded. Her eyes were rimmed with red from crying over something. Her mom came back into the room then holding a thermometer. She stopped when she saw Myfanwy standing at the edge of the room. 

"Myfanwy, I told you to stay in bed, sweetheart." 

Myfanwy swallowed only to find her throat sore. "Bron was crying. I wanted to check on her." 

Twin smiles beamed from her parents' faces. "Such a good big sister, but we need to take care of you. Dad's got your sister. Don't worry." 

Her mom shepherded her back to her bedroom and tucked her up under the covers. She fit the thermometer under her tongue and played with her hair while they waited for the results. The thermometer beeped and her mother pulled it from her lips to read it. 

"Oh, dear," she murmured. "Stay in bed this time, hm? Mummy needs to go check something." 

Myfanwy was feeling tired. She didn't think she'd be able to get back out of the bed if she tried. Her mother kissed her sweaty forehead and walked out the door as her eyes grew heavy and closed.

* * *

Myfanwy felt different. She stared up at the inky blackness of the night that poked through the branches of the yew tree. There was a root sticking into her back and no matter how she shifted it didn't go anywhere. She resigned herself to the discomfort. 

"Myfanwy?" 

She turned her head and caught Jay's eye. He was so beautiful. Of course, she could never tell him that. Boys didn't like to be called beautiful. But he was. Beautiful and popular and sweet. She was pretty sure she was in love with him. She'd have to wait and see. She thought she was in love with Kenny Cooper in grade six, but she changed her mind about a week later when she saw him eat a piece of chewing gum that had been stuck to the underside of his desk. 

"Hm?" 

Jay twisted his mouth up. She remembered kissing that mouth just moments ago. How plush his lips were. How warm his tongue. 

"You're alright? I mean... I know it was your first time, but I don't want you thinking it was bad or nothin'." 

Myfanwy smiled and turned to her side to kiss him again. "It was great." 

"Really?" 

Myfanwy nodded. "Would I lie to you?" 

Jay kissed her again briefly before checking his watch and letting out a curse. "We're late!" 

They both jumped up and began straightening their clothes to get back home before their curfews. They kissed again before parting ways for the evening. Myfanwy went to bed soaring.

* * *

"Why's Myfanwy always get to pick?" Bronwyn demanded. 

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. Her sister could be so annoying. Like she was going to have such a miserable time in Lisbon. At least she could spend the days at the beach. 

Bronwyn was woefully overselling it anyhow. Myfanwy only picked the last two years and that was only because Bronwyn refused to decide when it was her turn the year before. Such a baby.

* * *

Myfanwy jolted upright in a blindingly white room. It was the size of a closet. She looked around. The two black and white cameras in the corners stood out as the only features in the room. One of the walls opened and a woman stepped inside. Dark blonde hair coifed around a sharp face. 

"Good afternoon, Miss Thomas. My name is Linda Farrier." 

"Where am I?" Myfanwy pressed herself back as far into the corner as she could get. "What is this place? Where're my parents?" 

Linda Farrier took a deep breath through her nose and laced her fingers together in front of her. "Miss Thomas, are you familiar with the term EVA? Maybe you've heard of people with Extreme Variant Abilities?" 

Myfanwy shook her head hard. "No. Those are fairytales. That's just scary stories people tell their kids." 

Linda Farrier smiled without emotion. "That's only what we want people to believe. In fact, EVAs are very real. You are one of them." 

Myfanwy's face pinched up in disbelief. "I'm not anything." 

"You might be the most powerful EVA that's come through Glengrove in a very long time." 

"Glengrove?" Myfanwy repeated. 

Linda nodded. "That's where we are now. It's a school for children like you. EVAs who need to learn to utilize their abilities. To control them." 

Myfanwy vaguely remembered the roof and the feeling of falling. "My parents? Did they send me here?" 

Linda took another sharp breath. "I'm afraid you won't be able to see your family again. Believe me when I say it's for the best. They don't understand people like us. But I do hope that over time you will be able to call the people here your family." 

The wall opened again and Linda stepped to the other side of it. "We're expecting great things of you, Myfanwy Thomas."

* * *

Myfanwy had gone from the cramped, white cell to a bustling cafeteria. She stared down at the food and tried to remember what it felt like to be hungry. She hadn't eaten in days. A tray dropped onto the table opposite her and then two more on either side of the table to her left. 

"You're new." 

Her mother's voice was in her head reminding her that it was rude to stare. She couldn't help it. The girl next to her had scales where everyone else had skin. Myfanwy was fighting very hard to resist the impulse to touch them. 

"What's your EVA?" The girl across from her asked. Her eyes were a strange yellow color. Like a cat. 

"I'm not sure exactly," Myfanwy admitted. Nobody had told her. 

There was movement across the cafeteria and four impossibly beautiful kids walked in. Three boys and one girl. Something in Myfanwy stirred. A rogue voice in the back of her head said, _ Oh, thank God it's you. I know you. _But she didn't know them. She couldn't. 

"You'd be smart to stay clear of those freaks," Scaly Girl warned. 

"Why?" She couldn't figure out how they were any stranger than someone covered in scales or someone with cat eyes. 

The three kids started eating quickly. "You'll see soon enough."

* * *

She double checked the room number on the slip of paper the administration lady gave her with the number on the door. Just to be absolutely certain, she checked it a third time. She was relaly hoping she wasn't expected to room with Scaly Girl. In a ten minute conversation, it became clear to Myfanwy that she was the last person she'd get along with. 

Myfanwy stepped inside holding the plastic bag that contained three pairs of grey sweatpants, five white t-shirts, and a grey jumper that matched the sweatpants. She was already wearing the standard issue sleepwear. The room was empty and Myfanwy let out a breath of relief. 

Whoever her roommate was, it couldn't be Scaly Girl because she'd seen them head to the dormitories a full five minutes before she did. Myfanwy pulled open the first dresser drawer. A neat row of four t-shirts were aligned at the front. The jumper lay behind them. 

"Who are you?" 

Myfanwy jumped out of her skin and spun around, clutching her bag of uniforms to her chest like a shield. Her eyes landed on the blonde girl of the quadruplets. For some reason that calmed her. Even if the blonde girl was glaring at her with the tightly concealed rage of a recovering addict. There was no doubt in her mind that they could kill her if they wanted. 

"Myfanwy," she yelped, though she didn't feel afraid anymore. 

The blonde looked her up and down before kicking the door shut. She walked over to Myfanwy until she was maybe two inches away. She'd just showered. Myfanwy could smell the soap on her skin. That same voice from earlier piped in again, _ Smells wrong. She's meant to smell sweeter. _

_ " _What are you doing in my stuff, Myfanwy?" The blonde shut the drawer Myfanwy had opened and turned away wringing her hair out with her towel. 

"I didn't know the dresser was taken. I was looking for somewhere to put my stuff." 

"Why?" 

Myfanwy cleared her throat. "I'm meant to stay here." 

The blonde turned around, the fury back in her eyes. "_ Here _?" 

Myfanwy nodded. 

"In this room?" 

Myfanwy shrugged. She would have thought that was fairly obvious. 

Her hand went up to cover her eyes and pinch her temples. "They're testing me." 

"Excuse me?" 

The blonde looked up at her suddenly and narrowed her eyes. The way she raked her eyes up and down her body, Myfanwy was starting to feel unbelievably exposed. And for some odd reason, aroused. The blonde snorted and shook her head, turning away again. 

"They think _ you'll _ tempt me?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"The bottom bunk is mine. Don't touch my stuff. If you throw off my schedule, I will kill you. And...." She glanced back at her again. "Change in the bathroom." 

Myfanwy opened the other dresser and shook the contents of her bag out into the top drawer. She tossed the bag at the wastebasket and shut the drawer. When she turned around, the blonde was sitting on the bed with a book open on her lap and staring at Myfanwy with a look that could only be described as horrified. 

"Now what?" Myfanwy demanded. 

The blonde shook her head slowly. "Aren't you going to fold your clothes?" 

Myfanwy shrugged. "Why?" 

The blonde gaped at her. "You'll be all... wrinkly." 

"Oh my god, Gestalt, lighten up!" Myfanwy bemoaned. 

It was the blonde's turn to look confused. "What did you call me?" 

She actually couldn't remember what she'd called her. Alarming considering she'd only just said it. But it didn't fit the situation. Not really. The line was wrong. 

_ The line was wrong? _

"It's all sweatpants and t-shirts. I won't be looking anything other than schluppy anyway." 

The blonde let out an annoyed groan and dropped her book on the nightstand before rolling onto her side and facing the wall. "They're testing me!" She wailed dramatically.

* * *

Sports were a particular interest of hers. She could kick a football and play cricket like the best of them. She was on the track team at school. Or... she had been. That being said, she was not altogether skilled in the upper body strength area. Rope climbing was a bit out of her depth. 

Myfanwy made it about halfway up the rope. Halfway higher than she'd made it the last time. Her arms trembled with the strain before giving out entirely. She slipped down the rope, squeezing her hands around it tighter on instinct. She hit the floor and felt a charge of something hot and strong sear through her. 

"On your feet, Thomas! Let's go!" The drill instructor barked. 

Myfanwy's head was fizzling. She felt someone reach out to touch her and then the strong heat shot out from her in all directions. She felt on the verge of passing out. Around her, a loud wailing started up. Myfanwy pulled her hands from the rope to cover her ears, but they were skinned clean. 

It still wasn't clear to her how she wound up in solitary for a week.

* * *

"Hey, Liza!" Myfanwy hissed in the dark. 

"Whatever it is, the answer is no," Eliza mumbled. 

"Oh, c'mon, Liza. I know it's your time of the month because it's _ my _ time of the month and we synced up ages ago." 

Eliza groaned into her pillow. "Let me sleep." 

"I want chocolate." 

"I want to sleep." 

"I want ice cream." 

"I want to sleep." 

Myfanwy gasped excitedly. "Oh, oh! Liza! Chocolate ice cream!" 

Eliza was quiet for a moment, but Myfanwy wasn't worried. She had her. It was nobody's surprise when she sat up on her bunk and settled her feet on the floor. Myfanwy jumped off her bunk and grabbed her hand.

* * *

Myfanwy couldn't believe Farrier had decided she needed a psychiatrist. So she wasn't gaining any sort of control over her powers. So what? If she was such a disappointment as an EVA they should just send her back home. It was too late to finish regular schooling, but she could get a job somewhere. Maybe in a shop or something. 

The psychiatrist wasn't even doing anything. He was just sitting there reading her unsurprisingly thick file. Probably littered with all sorts of 'failure to follow instruction' notes. Or 'disruptive behaviour' slips. Myfanwy chewed on her nails. A bad habit she'd picked up from Gestalt. 

Gestalt who she was such a bad influence on that they made her switch rooms and changed her schedule so that she only saw them twice a day. Once in survival training and once at dinner. She wondered if Gestalt was made to go to therapy. Probably not. They were the Checquy's poster child(ren). Myfanwy was the bad apple.

* * *

Sometimes she thought she didn't actually like Andrew. Some days she was positive she didn't. But he wanted her. It felt good to be wanted. To be desired. If she gave herself the chance to really think about it, she knew he wasn't the person she wanted to desire her. But he was the one that was there.

* * *

"You aren't going to sign off on my graduation?" Myfanwy demanded. She didn't think she'd ever felt so angry before. 

"Myfanwy, none of the methods we've tried have had any lasting results. Besides, why do you want to graduate so badly? So you can fetch some stranger coffee? Make copies?" Andrew challenged. 

Myfanwy threw her hands up. "So I can have a bit of freedom!" 

"You have freedom here." 

Myfanwy glared at him. "You can't fool me. You want to keep me here all to yourself. Your wife left you and you think if you do this you can keep me from leaving, too." 

Andrew put a patronizing hand up to her. "Now, that is just wildly untrue. I only care about your well being." 

Myfanwy scoffed. "Oh, sure you do. That's exactly why you've had me cutting myself to use my EVA. Which, by the way, you claimed you had no interest in." 

"You need to calm down. You know what your emotions are capable of." 

"Don't tell me to calm down! I don't want to be here anymore!" Myfanwy started for the door, but Andrew grabbed her shoulder. She shoved him away, but that hot, strong energy filled her fuller than it ever had before. She had no way of stopping it before it shot of from her like a bomb going off.

* * *

"Myfanwy!" Robert looked stunned to see her there. He masked it dutifully, but she could see the uncertainty just under the surface. "Did you just start here?" 

Myfanwy shook her head. "I've been here about a month." 

Robert shuffled the papers on the printer. "And you haven't come to see me yet?" 

Myfanwy rubbed the back of her neck and stared at the floor. "I didn't think you'd want to see me." 

Robert touched her wrist with the tip of his index finger. "Of course, I want to see you." 

Myfanwy blushed and looked out the glass walls at the office full of workers. The last relationship she'd pursued had caused massive destruction and several deaths. She had no right to start up a relationship with anyone else. Let alone Gestalt. Especially not now. 

"I'm glad. I could use all the friends I can get." 

Friends. She'd leave it at that. She didn't deserve anything more.

* * *

It felt like she hadn’t opened her eyes in days. Judging by the familiar smell of the Checquy’s infirmary, she was back in London. She groaned and opened her eyes. She was alone. Her head throbbed dully. An I.V. tugged in her hand. 

"Oh, thank God!" Alex cried. He moved out of his chair so quickly it slid back and hit the wall. They kissed her lightly and brushed the backs of their fingers across her cheek. Myfanwy laid her hand on his cheek and smiled up at them. 

"You're here." 

Alex kissed the knuckle on her hand free of the wires. "Course I'm here. I've tried not to leave your side for a moment. Conrad's been making it a bit difficult, but I wanted to be here when you woke up." 

Myfanwy vaguely remembered a head wound. She reached up and felt the gauze wrapped tightly around her head. "Am I alright?" 

Gestalt scowled suddenly. "The medical staff are being a bit close lipped about your prognosis. They ran about fifty blood tests on you. I don't know what they found, but it's got to be serious. Do you remember them hitting you with anything?" 

Myfanwy squeezed her eyes shut and tried to remember. "Just the... the venom I think. The bee venom. To knock out my powers temporarily." 

Gestalt chewed at their thumb and stared across the room in thought. Myfanwy touched their cheek again. They didn't seem real. That they would be bent over their sick bed waiting for them to get better. It wasn't out of the realm of possibilities, but she was in a long-term relationship with _ Gestalt _. Happily. 

It sounded far fetched. Ludicrous. Impossible. 

Someone walked in then. The doctor. Myfanwy recognized him from when she'd split her mouth and dislocated her shoulder. Barely a week earlier. Maybe. 

"How long was I out?" 

Alex kissed her knuckles again, eyes on the doctor. "Two and a half weeks." 

"Awake, are we?" The doctor gave her a tight smile. 

"What's wrong with me?" 

The doctor's eyes went to Gestalt and back to Myfanwy. "In due time, I'm meant to tell Alex he's needed upstairs. Seems you have a mission." 

Myfanwy frowned and tightened her grip on Gestalt's hand. "They've got four bodies. Surely they can spare one." 

The doctor shook his head. "They've got four missions. Lot's been going on since you got back." 

Alex looked like he was going to argue for a split second, but kissed Myfanwy's knuckles, forehead, and lips with the promise that they'd be back as soon as they could. Myfanwy wanted to cling to them. To refuse to let them go, but she knew better. 

The doctor sat down and wheeled himself closer to her bedside. "How are you feeling, Rook Thomas?" 

"Like I was hit by a van and fell off a cliff. Why?" 

The doctor put his hand over his mouth and stared down at her chart. "We weren't certain what the Lugat had done to you while you were their captive. Whether they had shot you up with some drug or something worse. We ran a full panel just in case." 

Myfanwy pushed herself upright as best she could, but it wasn't very far. She whimpered and slid back down the bed. The doctor patted her shoulder. 

"Careful, now. You've broken three ribs and fractured two more." 

Myfanwy moaned and shut her eyes against the tears that leaked out anyway. "Just tell me what's wrong with me." 

The doctor cleared his throat. "I suppose, technically, you have a parasite." 

Myfanwy opened one eye to look at him. "Like a tapeworm?" Myfanwy massaged her temples as a massive ache set in. "The Lugat put a tapeworm in me?" 

The doctor grimaced. "I'm fairly certain the Lugat didn't give you this particular parasite." 

"So what are we supposed to do? Do I take some antibiotic to kill it?" Myfanwy didn't like the way he was pussyfooting around the matter. 

The doctor cleared his throat again. "Well, because of how far along you are, removing the parasite requires a specific procedure that requires your sign off." 

"How far along I am?" Myfanwy stared at the doctor. 

Myfanwy turned the conversation over in her head. Then she went back further. Her constant vomiting. Her sore feet. She counted the weeks back on her fingers. Then she did it again just to be sure. 

"No," she said against all the evidence to the contrary. "No, I can't be." 

"There are certain rules against this, but you do still have a choice. The Gestalt must not be told under any circumstances. No matter what you choose. The King will be down later today to discuss protocol for this sort of thing. Take some time," the doctor's voice was becoming nothing more than background static in her head. 

It was impossible. She couldn't be pregnant. 

Could she? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you intrigued?


	25. Options

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy always liked options.....

Myfanwy's hands were scabbed up from where she'd scraped them in the accident. She fisted them in the  paper thin sheet that was spread over her legs. She was cold all over, but it wasn't bothering her like it usually did. Her head hadn't stopped spinning since the doctor started talking an hour ago. He was gone now, but Myfanwy was stuck on what he'd said and what  it meant.

The flips in her stomach could be her imagination. The whole conversation, everything since she woke up could just be some messed up hallucination. Hell. Everything from the past six months could be a hallucination. She was in the middle of a really bad panic attack. Or maybe she'd died on the bridge that night and everything that had happened since was just some cosmic joke.

Her hands came to her stomach. It didn't feel at all like it held a child. It felt just like her normal stomach. She felt like her normal self. Her normal self, but dizzier, at least. That, she could hand to the head injury. 

_ Do concussions cause hallucinations _ ? She couldn't remember.  _ Why would I hallucinate a pregnancy? Do I even want kids? Oh. Oh, God. Does  _ Gestalt _ want kids? Do I just get rid of it? Or... no. I should talk to Gestalt.  _

Myfanwy swiped her fingers under her eyes to rid herself of the tears that had fallen. Hormones. That's why she was so all over the place lately. The sudden burst of uncontrollable tears seemingly out of nowhere. The irritability. Everything. It all made sense. And made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

There was a knock at the door to her room, but it opened without waiting for any sort of answer. Conrad stepped inside the room alone looking for all the world like he would rather be anywhere else. Myfanwy looked down at her medical file in his hand. No privacy for agents of the Checquy. She sniffled and double checked that her cheeks her still dry before acknowledging him.

"Good to see you awake again, Myfanwy," Conrad said awkwardly.

Myfanwy nodded. "I would've come to see you myself, but it seems I'm confined to this room."

Conrad cleared his throat and looked at his feet, pulling at the collar of his shirt. She couldn't remember seeing him so uncomfortable before. He was always arrogant and self-assured. Myfanwy didn't think he could even get nervous.

"Yes, well...." Conrad glanced at the door, a sign of desperation in his eyes. He cleared his throat again and brought up her medical chart. "According to Dr. Burke you are somewhere around eight? Ahem. Eight or nine weeks pregnant?"

Myfanwy wove her fingers together and settled them on her flat stomach. Two months. That would put the date of conception two months earlier. Not that that was helping her very much.

"Only thirty-two- ish more weeks to go, then?" Myfanwy said, brightly.

Conrad looked like he wanted to throw up. "Well, that’s why I'm here. To... to talk to you about your options." He steeled his stomach and grabbed the doctor's chair to sit beside her bed.

"My options?"

Conrad was recovering remarkably. "Myfanwy, parenthood is frowned upon in general among our agents, but especially in regards to our EVA agents and our  higher ranking officers. This job is time consuming. It takes a lot of dedication to manage just this. Children bring an added burden on the agents in respects to both time and loyalties. Think about it, Myfanwy, please. You  _ just  _ received your promotion to field agent. Are you really ready to throw all that away to raise a child somewhere?"

Myfanwy stared at him blankly. Those were exactly the questions that had been flipping around in her head for the past hour. Now that Conrad was using them against her, she wanted to make a decision out of spite. A life was too important for that.

"What if I do? What happens then?" 

Conrad looked defeated momentarily before locking it away again. "You would be transferred. We would assign you to an office in one of the other districts, but you wouldn't begin work there for about a year. All communications with agents of this office would be banned. Even myself. You would have a lower rank to ensure you had more time for your matronly duties at home so you would report to a different senior officer. You would never work in the field again."

Myfanwy scratched her eyebrow as she thought. "So... you're just going to get rid of two or... or five of your top agents because of a baby?"

Conrad stared at her for a moment before tipping his head. "Myfanwy, I don't think you understand. You and Gestalt will no longer be permitted to be together."

"Excuse me?"

Conrad rubbed his forehead and shut his eyes shaking his head. "Even if you decide to terminate, I don't see any other option than to keep the pair of you separated."

Myfanwy's mouth went dry. "You're... you're saying either way, you're going to break Gestalt and me up?"

Conrad dropped his hands onto his lap, palms up. "I don't have a lot of options here, Myfanwy! There are rules for a reason!" 

"WHAT REASON?" Myfanwy demanded far louder than she meant. The lights in the room flickered.

Conrad threw his hands up in pseudo-surrender. "Loyalty to the agency is always our top priority. It’s much the same reason we forbid familial contact to our recruits. A child demands a change in priorities and we can't have that. The government needs to know that we can be trusted to put our work first.  _ Always _ ."

"I don't know if you’ve noticed, Conrad, but  _ we don't work for the government anymore _ ." Myfanwy wanted to sit up. She wanted to storm out. Stupid fucking broken ribs. "They threw us out like trash."

Conrad inhaled deeply through his nose and stood up. "As I said, you have a choice to make. Have you child and be sent away or terminate and remain here as a field agent. Shouldn't be too hard to make a choice between the two."

Myfanwy watched him go, seething. Either way he planned on breaking her and Gestalt apart. She stared up at the ceiling trying to work out her next course of action. Whatever she chose was going to mean the end of her and Gestalt according to Grantchester. Grantchester could go fuck himself for all she cared. That man had never loved anybody other than himself.

Myfanwy had Jon and Gestalt and Ingrid and Bronwyn and even Farrier to love. And now, she might have a child. She remembered Bronwyn as a baby. How cute she'd been with her round cheeks and dark hair. She remembered the internet video that showed Gestalt as young children. She wondered if their child would look more like them or more like her.

Which would be worse? To stay with Gestalt and never be able to be with them again or to never see Gestalt again, but have their child forever. She shut her eyes against the throbbing in her head. It was an impossible choice. No matter what she picked, she'd lose. What the hell was the point of those stupid rules anyway? If anything, this whole event made Myfanwy want to pack up her things and catch up with Bronwyn and Farrier. Maybe talk Gestalt into joining her.

It was somehow morning when she opened her eyes again. She didn’t remember falling asleep. She couldn't imagine how she had been able. She couldn't dwell too long. A nurse came in dragging a food cart to set in front of Myfanwy.

"You're awake!"

Myfanwy shoved the heels of her hands into her eyes and struggled up to a sitting position, fighting painful tears the whole way. "What's that?"

The nurse beamed at her and unveiled a full English breakfast. "Breakfast."

Myfanwy was starving. She grabbed the fork and began shoveling the food into her mouth as fast as she could. It felt like months since she'd last eaten. Whoever started the rumors that hospital food was disgusting had never had the pleasure of dining at La Chez  Checquy . At some point, the nurse teetered off to continue her work while Myfanwy ate. She cleaned her plate and sat back feeling sated as a sow.

"Morning, Rook Thomas. Sleep well?" The doctor burst into her room almost a minute after she finished eating.

_ Suspicious _ .

"No."

The doctor's smile faltered. He cleared his throat and put on a more serious expression. Myfanwy watched him move through the cabinets on the far end of the room. The only noise was the opening and closing of the doors and the sliding of glass jars across wood.

"Have you come to a decision?"

Myfanwy curled her hands into fists. 

The doctor turned around to face her again. "I should tell you, based on your trauma the fetus may not be viable anyhow. You might be making all this fuss for nothing."

" _ I'm  _ making a fuss?"

The doctor grimaced and brought a tube of something over to her left side and set it on a monitor. "You were in a serious accident. You were in a coma for close to three weeks and have sustained several injuries. Most fetuses don't survive events like that. Especially so early in the pregnancy."

"Did you tell this to Grantchester?"

The doctor nodded. "I wasn't able to do a full scan because of Gestalt, but I'd like to check now?"

Myfanwy didn't know if she was ready to know that the baby she couldn't decide if she wanted to keep was alive or dead inside her. She didn't know what it would change. She didn't know if she cared. Or maybe she cared too much.

She lay back on the bed. The doctor pulled the blankets down to her waist and lifted her gown to expose her belly. She could see the smallest of bumps at her belly button. A small roundness that hadn't been there before.

The doctor squeezed a generous amount of  ice cold gel onto her belly before pressing a rounded hand scanner to her stomach. He had the screen turned away from her so she couldn't see what he was seeing, but he was frowning seriously. Myfanwy didn't get a good feeling from it.

"What is it?"

The doctor shook his head and continued frowning at the screen as he moved his wand around her belly. Side to side. Up and down. Back and forth. All the while, frowning.

"Is it dead?"

The doctor cleared his throat and turned the screen to face her. "It's got a heartbeat. See?" He indicated a small pulsing on the black screen.

"Then what's wrong?"

The doctor shook his head. "I'm not sure. The heartbeat is there, but it's unusual."

"Unusual how?"

"I'm not sure."

Myfanwy huffed. "How about you  _ get  _ sure?"

The doctor removed the wand from her stomach and used a wad of paper towels to clear the gel from her belly. He put his stethoscope in his ears and put it to her stomach. She held her breath as he listened. He frowned again.

"Well ?" She demanded.

The doctor shook his head again. "You may not have two choices to make if you wait much longer.

He picked up her chart from the counter and strode from the room quickly leaving Myfanwy alone in a panic. It should be evident that nobody should wake up from a coma after suffering a drugging, a kidnapping, a car accident, an attempted rape and be subjected to isolation and fear mongering by the people they're meant to trust.

The scales were weighted against her. Even more so now. Would she give up everything she had in order to try and birth a baby that might die anyway? Or would she give up a baby and the person she loved in order to stay and have a shot at saving the other children that needed her? Two options and neither one was better than the other.

Myfanwy pulled a pillow out from behind her and used it to smother her face. The government's rules were psychotic. The  Checquy wasn't even a branch of the government anymore anyway. That's why they moved to a new building. That's why Conrad brought in Josie Fairburn to help aide in their funding. That's why....

The pillow fell to the floor forgotten. Myfanwy sat upright, barely noticing the pain in her chest. There weren't two options at all. There never were.

There were three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's another cliffhanger. I'm setting up some plot.


	26. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy picks door number three.

There were three cameras in the room. One on the door and two in opposite corners. The only place she could go without being watched was the bathroom. Marginal decency had to be better than none at all, she supposed. How they were keeping surveillance on her without alerting Gestalt was beyond her. She was already thinking six steps ahead. She couldn't afford to look back. Her plan was simple. At least in theory. The execution bit was where it was going to get trickier. 

She was barred from seeing Gestalt. From talking to Gestalt. From interacting with Gestalt in any way. And she was banned from speaking about the pregnancy with anyone beyond her doctor and the singular nurse that had been assigned to her. The cheery one that had brought her breakfast. She was not, however, banned from from Ingrid. Or from having Ingrid bring her the Checquy's handbook on interoffice relationships. If she was going to break the rules, she was going to do it by the book. 

"Before you ask, I'm not allowed to tell Gestalt anything about us meeting. I'm also not allowed to pass any messages from you to them. King's orders." Ingrid was as efficient as ever. 

"I don't need you to tell them anything or to take them any messages. I just need to know when they are back in the building." 

"I don't know, Myfanwy. I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that, either." 

Myfanwy huffed. The act caused a sharp pain in her broken ribs she had to power through. "I need them all in the office for when I call a court meeting," she explained. 

Ingrid stared at her for a moment. "You don't have the authority to call a court meeting." 

Myfanwy pressed her lips together. "Just let me know when they're back and then send out the memo about the meeting." 

Ingrid shook her head slowly. Her eyebrows were knitted together in concern. "I-I... I can't, Myfanwy. This -" 

Myfanwy sighed and took her hands up to hold between hers. "Please, Ingrid. None of this is going to fall back on you. I swear. And if this wasn't quite literally life or death, I would never ask." 

Ingrid looked down at their hands and nodded. "Alright. Only because I let you down before." 

"Ingrid, what are you talking about? You've never let me down." 

Ingrid shook her head. "With your memory. I didn't help. I didn't do anything." 

Myfanwy was already shaking her head. "No. No, Ingrid. I didn't tell you. I didn't tell anyone. I made a choice. That's not on you and this won't be on you, either." 

Ingrid pressed her lips together and stared at the handbook on Myfanwy's lap. "I'm not allowed to ask." 

Myfanwy smiled. "No. But I will tell you if you want to know." 

Ingrid contemplated that for a moment before shaking her head. "Better not. Let's keep the rule breaking to a minimum, shall we?" 

Myfanwy patted Ingrid's hands and nodded. Ingrid turned to go. 

"One thing?" 

Myfanwy pinched the handbook's index between her fingers and looked up. "Hm?" 

"How am I supposed to let you know if I can't let you know?" 

Myfanwy shrugged. "I'm in hospital. Send me flowers or something." 

Ingrid laughed at that and continued out of the room. 

It was a long wait. Myfanwy was rapidly growing stir crazy. She missed Jon. She missed Gestalt. She missed fresh air. In many ways, being held in the infirmary was worse than when she'd been captured by Vultures. At least there she knew who the bad guys were. Here, she really couldn't tell. The doctor came in to draw blood and check her head wound always with an easy smile. Myfanwy knew he was hiding something. Something important. Something about her baby. That was just another thing she couldn't afford to worry about just then. 

On the third day after Ingrid's visit, her smiling nurse sent in a vase of yellow daisies. A get-well card was tied to one of the stems signed with Ingrid's name. 

It was go time. 

Myfanwy didn't have any clothes aside from the hospital gown she was wearing. No shoes, either. Hard to make a run for it without shoes. It made sense when you were holding someone captive. Myfanwy had no interest in leaving the building. She had a singular focus. A self-assigned mission she could not fail. 

Her door was monitored, but the bathroom wasn't. She climbed up onto the toilet and slid away a panel of the wooden drop ceiling. It took a lot out of her to hoist herself up into the ceiling with three broken ribs. She wiped her eyes on her shoulder as she carefully crawled in the general direction of the lifts. She didn't have an exact map. She was just hoping at least one card flipped her way. It was harder to move the panels from the ceiling than it had been to lift it out of the way from below. 

She dropped down into an empty infirmary room and grunted as the shock moved up to her ribs. She leaned against the wall beside the door for a moment to catch her breath before cracking the door and peeking out. The hallway looked empty and Myfanwy could see the exit into the lift hallway. Myfanwy slipped out and walked deliberately towards the doors. If the timing was just right, Gestalt and the other court members would be in the meeting room by the time she stepped into the lift. She'd be nearly there by the time any of the retainers had time to notify Conrad. By then, he wouldn't have many options. Gestalt might be able to be kept busy so they didn't have time to visit her, but this was something else. 

Myfanwy sagged against the lift wall panting as the doors shut. She'd made it. Step one was complete. She should feel satisfied, but the intense burning in her chest was making it hard to feel anything else. The doors opened. Curiously, no one was there. Myfanwy stepped out and walked into the bullpen. The hospital gown drew curious eyes. Whispers hissed across the floor as she moved, but she kept her eyes diligently forward. Gestalt caught sight of her through the glass. Concern, confusion, alarm all raced across their faces. Myfanwy set her jaw and opened the door. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Conrad demanded. 

Myfanwy met his eyes evenly. "Who do you think called the meeting?" 

Conrad was a marvelous shade of red. A vein jutted out on his temple with his hardly concealed rage. "You do not have the authority to do that." 

"Actually, I do." 

"Excuse me?" 

"We all do, as a matter of fact." 

Conrad clenched his fists on the table and stood up. "Myfanwy, I have put up with a lot from you, but this is the final straw." 

"As you all know," Myfanwy continued, without paying Conrad any mind, "the Checquy is no longer a faction of the government. Instead, we are a privately funded organization operating under the endorsement of the government." 

"Myfanwy -" 

She held up her hand and continued. "If we aren't funded by the government, where does our money come from?" 

Claudia piped in then. "Grantchester brought in Pawn Fairburn to fund us." 

"That's right! But Josie Fairburn predicts the stock market and you need money to buy and sell stocks. Where did the money that the Checquy used come from?" 

"The court's last month of pay from the government before they cut us off," Danielle answered. 

Myfanwy smiled. "Exactly so. Do you know what that means?" 

Six bodies exchanged curious looks while Conrad only seethed at her. He knew exactly what it meant. He was counting on no one else working it out themselves. 

"It means that as of those last paychecks that were used to begin funding and continue funding the Checquy and its extended operations, we all became shareholders. Top shareholders. Which makes us not only the Checquy's court and top affiliated agents, but the Checquy's Board of Trustees." Myfanwy had to sit down then. She was quickly running out of breath. 

"Alright?" Gestalt leaned toward her. "Why is this important?" 

Myfanwy took a few extra breaths. "Because us being the Board of Trustees means we have the power to vote on and enforce new policies." 

"You have a specific policy you'd like us to vote on?" 

Myfanwy nodded. "I do." She grimaced as she tried to adjust herself to a more comfortable position. "Articles 18 and 32 of the Interoffice Relationship Guidelines and Policies Handbook." 

Robert brought up the mentioned articles on their tablet. Myfanwy swallowed around the lump of fear that had formed in her throat. She wished she'd had the opportunity to tell them a different way. A better way. Conrad had forced her hand. 

"Article 18 is just policy on disclosed interoffice relationships," Robert announced. 

Teddy leaned over to her. "We could talk about this privately. You don't need -" 

"Article 32," she interrupted. 

Gestalt scanned the online handbook for the mentioned article. "Article 32 is... family planning?" 

Myfanwy held her breath and waited for it to sink in. 

"This is what you've been hiding?" Danielle cried at Conrad. "You made it sound like she was dying." 

Conrad hadn't relaxed so much as an atom in his body. He was still glaring at Myfanwy. Trying to think of his next move, she was sure. 

"No," Gestalt whispered. 

Myfanwy turned her attention back to them. She wasn't afraid of Conrad or of being sent away. She was only afraid of Gestalt and their reaction to the news. She hadn't taken it well when she found out and it hadn't been sprung on her in front of everyone at a court meeting. 

"We were so careful." 

"Current policy stands that EVAs will either terminate or be reassigned to another office and demoted. The couple is always separated." 

Gestalt started. "No." 

Myfanwy smiled and put up a hand to stop them. "These policies were implemented by the crown. Not by the Checquy. As we are no longer employed by the crown, I believe we have an opportunity to make our own policies here. Seeing as those of us at this table are EVAs, most of whom are in long-term relationships, I'm sure it would be beneficial to enact a change in this policy and potentially many others." 

"What do you propose?" Danielle asked, seriously. 

Myfanwy cleared her throat and tried for a deep breath. "For the time being, abolition of Articles 18 and 32. This is all a bit last minute and I just woke up from a coma so I haven't had adequate time or space to write complete alterations. I can probably get a few replacement options to the board by the end of the week. The abolition vote, on the other hand, is a bit now or never." 

"You want to keep it?" Gestalt said beside her. 

Myfanwy swallowed, but couldn't look at them. "I want to have the option to decide to keep or terminate without losing everything I know and love in the process. I've already gone through that once and I didn't care for it." 

"What do we do?" Claudia asked, looking around the table. 

Myfanwy nodded at Conrad. "He's still King. He needs to call the vote." 

Conrad wasn't seething anymore. Myfanwy wouldn't have sprung it on him if she'd had another choice. She knew Conrad understood that. Once he got past his bruised ego, he might even appreciate what she'd done. 

"Those in favor of abolishing Articles 18 and 32 in the Interoffice Relationship Guidelines and Policies Handbook?" 

Seven hands went up around the table. Conrad twisted his mouth up. Myfanwy smiled. She'd done the math over and over in her head the three days she had waited in the infirmary for Ingrid's note. She could have lost Conrad and either Claudia or Danielle and still won. 

"Well, as I am both the lead majority shareholder and the vote stands at four to one, I move to supersede the vote and keep with policy," Conrad straightened his suit jacket smugly. 

Myfanwy laughed. "Four to one? Who taught you to count?" 

Conrad met her eyes again. "Gestalt only counts as one vote." 

Myfanwy shook her head. "Gestalt gets four paychecks. Four paychecks means four cuts of the shares. Four cuts of the shares means four votes." Myfanwy strained out of the chair. "You're overruled." 

Conrad gathered a cluster of papers he'd had spread out before him on the table. "All this and you're going to lose the fetus anyway." He strode off back to his office and locked the door. 

"You're losing the baby anyway?" Danielle repeated. 

Myfanwy pressed her lips together in a tight smile. "It's still got a heartbeat." 

Danielle glanced between her and Gestalt before getting to her feet and tugging at Claudia. "We'll give you some time." 

She was already standing, so she went and locked the nearest door to turn the glass opaque. Even the hint of privacy meant more than having it all bared for office gossip. Now that choice was truly left to her, the adrenaline left her. She wanted a bed. She wanted _ her _ bed. It felt like she had just run a marathon. 

Myfanwy turned around to face Gestalt. Triathlon might be a better metaphor. She'd done the running and the biking. It was time to swim. 

"How sure are we that you are pregnant?" Eliza started. 

Myfanwy shut her eyes and massaged her temples. "One hundred percent." She walked back towards the table. "Dr. Burke did a sonogram after you left. I saw its heartbeat." 

Alex leaned back in their chair and blew a breath out between his lips. "Wonder whose it is...." 

Myfanwy scowled. "Yours, jackass." 

Something wistful danced across their eyes. Alex sat forward and cleared their throat. "I meant which of my bodies." 

Myfanwy twisted her mouth up as she looked between them. "Well, Dr. Burke said I was somewhere around eight or nine weeks. My money's on Eliza." 

Gestalt rolled all eight of their eyes. "Har har." 

Teddy jumped out of their seat and stepped over to Myfawny. Their hand cupped her cheek. "Myfanwy, do you want to keep this baby?" 

She moved her hand from where it was clutching her ribs over to the small roundness near her bellybutton. That had been the question from the moment she woke up. Did she want this baby? 

"I don't really know. I just thought it would be cruel to make that sort of decision without you. Cruel to both of us." 

Teddy kissed her lightly. A bare brush of the lips. They pulled back and looked at her and all she could see was love in their eyes. 

"I love you. I dunno if I'm ready to be a dad." 

"Or if I ever will be," Eliza interjected. 

"But whatever you choose, I'm with you." 

Myfanwy dropped her eyes to the floor between them. "But you don't want me to keep it." 

Gestalt was quiet again. Thinking. Teddy sat down in her chair and pulled her gently onto their lap. Myfanwy wasn't sure she wanted to keep it either. Why did hearing it from Gestalt sting so much? 

"Somewhere out there is a universe where there is just you and me. No EVAs. No Checquy. No Glengrove. The you and me in that universe already have a hundred kids." 

"But not this one," Myfanwy concluded. 

Gestalt let out a soft groan. "I'm not opposed, Myfanwy. I have... apprehensions. Doubts. You have them, too, or you wouldn't be asking my opinion on whether or not we should terminate." 

"But _ why _? Why do I have these apprehensions? Why do you? Why can't we just... have a kid?" She knew why. She just couldn't quite reach it, yet. 

"Glengrove," Gestalt said together. 

"EVAs don't normally have children. Especially not with other EVAs. That baby...." 

Teddy put their hand over hers on her belly. "Our baby, is more than likely an EVA. It won't matter what sort of parents we are. What we want. This baby could still be taken away whether you give birth to it or not." 

Myfanwy shut her eyes and rested her forehead against Teddy's. "Is it worth the risk?" That was the bottom line. Not whether or not they wanted a child. Whether or not they could bear having a child – loving a child – only to have it ripped from their arms by the very agency they were meant to serve. 

"I think it is," Robert announced across the table. Myfanwy blinked over at them, but their eyes were back on their screen. 

"We changed one policy today. According to you, we have the power to change even more," Eliza picked up where they left off. 

"You... you want to keep the baby?" Myfanwy clarified. 

Teddy kissed her sweetly. 

"If its mom would crawl through a ceiling with three broken ribs, two fractures, and a head injury just to make sure she could give birth to it, its dads should be able to move a few mountains to keep 'em safe," Alex declared. 

Myfanwy swiped at the tears on her cheeks. She shouldn't be crying. She was happy. Relieved. And Gestalt hadn't looked up from their fucking screen the whole conversation. She picked up a pen from the table and chucked it at Robert. It bounced off their head and rolled under the table. 

"What are you doing that's more important than this?" She demanded. 

Robert grinned at her as Teddy kissed her teary cheek. "Looking at houses." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you guys were worried I wouldn't be able to figure this out.


	27. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy and Gestalt talk about their future, their past, and what would have beens.

Conrad was regretting his choice in floor plan. His thought had been to centralize the essentials on one floor. The news and gossip in one corner, surveillance hub in another, and all the court member offices on the same floor. That was before Myfanwy Thomas had gotten too smart for her own good. Or too pregnant. He didn't see the thrill in a baby anyway. Squalling and sticky and smelly. They always needed something. And those were just the normal babies. If they got better with age, Conrad might be able to reason it out, but they became toddlers and teenagers and other adults. Disgusting.

"Why wouldn't you tell us what our self-funding enterprise meant when you brought in Josie Fairburn months ago?" Danielle didn't knock anymore. There were secrets between them still, yes. But no privacy.

"To avoid this. This... policy change. This complete and utter disregard for the rules and why they were established in the first place."

Danielle moved to the window and put her back to him. "We know why they were established."

"Loyalty."

"Control."

Danielle turned to look at him. She frowned. "You believe that forcing a mother to kill her child ensures loyalty?"

Conrad rolled his eyes. "She could have still had the child if she chose."

"But she would have been sent to Siberia or some other unsavory destination, demoted, and ostracized." Danielle moved over to lean against the wall. Her arms crossed over her chest. She was preparing for a fight. "How do you think Gestalt would have taken the news that Myfanwy had been discreetly sent away?"

Conrad rubbed his eyes and groaned softly to himself. "Gestalt is a model agent. They would have pushed back a bit in the beginning, but they would come around and move on."

"Did you see their faces in that meeting? When they found out? That's not the face of someone who could easily move on from a relationship. That was not indifference."

"They were horrified," Conrad argued.

"Yes! They had to find out their girlfriend is pregnant in a meeting about her being able to keep or abort the baby on her own terms."

Conrad shook his head and clasped his hands together in front of his mouth. "Gestalt has no interest in parenthood. They'll either talk Myfanwy into terminating or the couple will break up and Myfanwy will decide to transfer anyway."

"If you truly believe that why would you keep them apart? Why keep it a secret from them? It would have been easier for you. If it worked out as you say."

Conrad was as hardheaded as he'd ever been. "Policy states - stated - that the fathers are never to be informed."

Danielle pressed her lips together and she gathered her next assault in her mouth. "It's a wonder you have such a power that you can make anyone tell you the truth if all you're going to do is lie to yourself anyway."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" Conrad leaned back in his chair and turned his head up toward the ceiling.

"You always liked Myfanwy. Why would you do this to her? You knew we had the ability to change policy."

Conrad slammed his palms down on his desk. "What I want is for the  Checquy to be a part of the government again. For us to have government protection again. If the  Vanuatuan government had caught Gestalt or Myfanwy at any time while they were away, we would have been stuck. We have no assistance. No guarantees. Nothing. If we start changing policies whenever we don't like it, the crown will never take us back."

Danielle gave him a pitied look he hated. "Conrad, they're never going to take us back anyway. They blame us for inciting an international war. Whether it's gone anywhere or not, they blame us." She  moved to stand on the opposite side of his desk. "We have their endorsement and their cooperation. That's all we need. Everything else we can handle ourselves."

Conrad rubbed his temples again. "It doesn't excuse what Myfanwy's done."

"Oh? You mean when she made us a democracy? I think it's the most Myfanwy thing she's done in months." Danielle looked down and trailed her fingers across the edge of his desk. "Besides, what would you do if it were me?"

"Excuse me?"

"What if I were pregnant?" 

Conrad felt his stomach bottom out. The blood drained from his face. "Are you?" He aimed for calm.

Danielle was quiet a moment. Reading him in a way that usually aroused him. Today it was only unnerving. "No," she said at last, "but if I were, you are the last person I would tell."

He watched her storm out and disappear into her own office, locking the door. Conrad cradled his head in his hands and took a deep breath. His day couldn't get any worse.

* * *

"How are you feeling?"

"We should go back to the infirmary."

"You might've hurt yourself worse."

Myfanwy tightened her grip on Gestalt's arm. "I don't care if you make me lay in bed for the next month, but it's going to be my bed, Gestalt. The last thing I want is to be locked up again."

Alex pulled her in to hug her gently. Carefully. "I'd never let them lock you up again."

She sighed. "Some things are even beyond you, you know."

She'd be up to arguing until the day was long ordinarily. Gestalt was just as bullheaded as she was. At the moment, she was barely keeping her feet. It felt like she wasn't getting enough air. A doctor might benefit her, but it was too soon for her to consider going back. There wasn't much that would stop her from snapping Dr. Burke's neck with her mind.

Gestalt took her home. Her home. Her bed. Her cat. The flat was spotless. She remembered a time when she'd been pissed to learn that Gestalt was letting themselves into her home while she was away. Going through her things. She'd been embarrassed and ashamed and annoyed. Myfanwy let out a small giggle.

"What?" 

Myfanwy shifted carefully against her pillows until she was comfortable. "Last time I was away from home for a while, I stomped on your foot for tidying up."

Gestalt looked between their bodies. "You know, soon it won't be your place or my place. Won't be able to get angry then."

"Who says I'm angry?"

Eliza slid onto the bed beside her. Myfanwy turned her head to press their foreheads together. "I wonder if we should get married."

Myfanwy snorted. "In what universe would we be able to get married?"

Gestalt was serious. Eliza fidgeted with the hem of the t-shirt she'd changed into in the locker rooms before they left. They stopped and slid their hand flat over her belly. "You could marry whichever of my bodies fathered this baby. The rest of me will just be...."

Myfanwy tucked her finger under Eliza's chin and pulled their face up to meet her kiss. She made to roll toward them and succeeded in sending a sharp, shooting back across her chest and through her body. She groaned and returned to her back, rubbing her ribs and wincing. Eliza tucked a pillow between their bodies before nestling their head on her shoulder. Myfanwy put her fingers in their hair. Jon jumped onto the bed and settled himself on her legs.

"If I marry one of your bodies, Conrad is going to use it as an excuse to keep me away from the other three bodies."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous. He's done far worse and we both know it."

Alex leaned against the doorway to her bedroom. "What do you mean?"

Myfanwy's stomach gave a sudden lurch. She jolted up from the bed. If it weren't for her broken ribs, she was confident she would have made it to the toilet. She leaned against the wall next to the bathroom and tried to stop the sudden room spinning. She couldn't tell if the nausea was from her head trauma or the baby.

"Get back in bed," Gestalt ordered gently. Alex grabbed her elbow and steered her back to the nest of pillows and blankets.

Myfanwy shook her head and stepped into the bathroom over her mess shutting the door behind her. Between his awkward ramblings and continued  insistence that she  choose to terminate her baby, the doctor had told her the soreness in her ribs should subside within a month. Now that they'd decided to keep the baby, she wondered what other sorts of soreness she had to look forward to. Myfanwy wiped her mouth and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Almost half of it was a faded, yellow bruise. A long cut dropped down the middle of her eyebrow almost completely healed over. Most of her injuries were almost completely healed. She'd managed to sleep through the worst of it.

She grabbed a towel out of the cabinet and opened the door to clean up her mess to find it had already disappeared. Gestalt was seated around the small room except for Teddy who was somewhere in the kitchen. Robert and Alex jumped up and guided her back to the bed with feather light touches. Eliza adjusted the pillows around her and smoothed her hair back from her face once she was seated.

"You don't have to fuss. I'm fine," Myfanwy assured them.

Gestalt gave her a hard look, but said nothing. They continued to bustle in and out of the room and stroke her hair and whisper sweet things in her ear. Myfanwy smiled and shut her eyes at a memory.

"What?" Eliza asked, braiding her messy hair back from her eyes.

"Nothing."

Gestalt pouted.

Myfanwy sighed and glanced at them out of the corner of her eyes. "It was just an errant thought I had."

"Tell me?" 

Myfanwy pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and gave a slight shake of her head. "I was just wondering what it would have been like if I'd let you fuss over me sooner."

Eliza finished the braid and tied it off. "What do you mean?"

Myfanwy would have loved to shrug, but her body was already aching. "Um... remember when I got stuck out in that storm waiting for what's his name from... oh, I can't remember what agency. Anyway, I had to wait for about two hours in a heavy downpour for the agent who ended up cancelling his plans anyway and then I spent the next week fighting the flu?"

Eliza sat up on their elbow and looked down at her. "Of course, I remember that. You remember that?"

Myfanwy nodded. "I was just wondering how much differently that week would have gone if I hadn't turned you away at the door." Myfanwy rolled her head back into the pillows for a second as she thought. "How much differently everything would have gone if I had just let you up."

Eliza played with her fingers while they quietly deliberated. "I can't believe you remember that."

"Several good conks on the head seems to have jarred free a number of old memories," Myfanwy admitted.

Gestalt was aiming for indifferent. And failing miserably. "Memories like what?"

"Mm... like my mother's smile and my father's laugh and my sister's tantrums. Like...." Myfanwy smiled and twisted her hand until Eliza's was locked in her clutch. "Like you telling me I couldn't tempt you and then ordering me to change in the bathroom."

Gestalt blushed brighter than she had seen them in her new life. "You remember the first time we met?"

"I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on you," Myfanwy corrected. "I remember thinking you were the most fascinatingly beautiful people I had ever seen. I remember the excitement that bloomed in my chest when I learned you would be my roommate. I remember the first time I thought I loved you and I remember deciding you would be better off without me."

Eliza's hands grabbed her face and kissed  her hard. She'd never tire of kissing them. Especially now when she had just come so close to never kissing them again. Gestalt pulled back and stared down at her with a strange expression.

"If you can remember all that, then you should know that I've never been better than whenever I'm with you."

Robert was knelt beside the bed on her other side. They took her hand in theirs and kissed it, just as they had when she'd woken up in the infirmary four days earlier. "Although, knowing you have such a large part of your memories back makes me feel a bit better about having this baby with you."

Myfanwy ran her fingertips over their stubble. Longer than they normally let it grow. Alex and Teddy hadn't been completely clean shaven either. "What do you mean?"

Teddy stood in the doorway holding a tray of something. "I mean, it's one thing to have a baby with someone you've been officially dating for five months. It's another thing entirely when you've only known each other for six." They continued into the room and settled the tray over her lap. A warm vegetable broth with bread and a hot cup of tea sat before her.

"I've been in love with you since I was sixteen and in denial until five – six – months ago. Nothing about this seems fast to me." She took a sip of the broth and frowned. "At least, not anymore."

* * *

Myfanwy let them baby her for the next four days. Occasionally, they would head into the office for the day, but they would always leave a body behind with her. One the fifth day, they insisted she go in and get herself checked out by the doctor. She had started  vomiting multiple times a day and they were getting worried. She could see their anxiety every time she argued about going in. It took another three days for her to finally agree to it. And only when they promised to keep all four bodies in the room with her at all times.

Dr. Burke gave her a chastising frown when he saw her. She didn't see Gestalt's faces, but whatever they looked like, the doctor paled and led them into an exam room hurriedly.

"I heard you changed those rules you broke. Clever girl. You didn't do yourself any favors breaking out of here the way you did."

Myfanwy sat back on the exam table with Gestalt flanked around her. "I beg to differ," she replied evenly.

The doctor cleared his throat and flipped through the pages of her chart nervously. "And the,  er , bodyguards are staying, I take it?" 

"Yes."

He swallowed and nodded. "Alright, then. Have you been experiencing any bleeding the past few days? Unusual vaginal discharge?"

"No."

"Good. That's good." He rolled through a few more standard questions. "How often is the  vomiting ?" 

"Not that often," she started.

"Three or more times a day," Teddy answered.

Myfanwy scowled at the back of their head.

"That's troublesome," the doctor muttered. "Are you keeping down water at least?"

Myfanwy nodded.

The doctor cleared his throat. "I want to do an MRI to make sure the swelling has gone down in your brain. If it hasn't, it might be the cause of some, if not most, of your nausea."

"And if it has? Does it mean something bad about the baby?" 

The doctor pulled off his wire frame glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I'm not an obstetrician. This is nowhere near my field of expertise. I've told the King as much weeks ago. He was supposed to call Dr. Ogler over from New  Glengrove back when I first discovered your condition." The doctor glanced between Gestalt's towering bodies before landing on her again. "I sent her your sonograms myself. I couldn't figure out what was so unusual about the fetus and was hoping she might shed some light. I haven't heard back."

"Dr. Ogler?" Gestalt repeated.

"She's still around?" Alex asked.

The doctor kept his eyes on Myfanwy and nodded. "If your MRI comes back normal, I suggest you take a trip to New Glengrove and talk to her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Conrad POV came out of the clear blue sky, but I wanted to explain his side of things a little bit.


	28. A Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy and Gestalt meet with an OB/GYN who gives them a lot to fight over.

New  Glengrove was barely a nudge in Myfanwy's recovered memories. A faint whisper of the front doors and absolutely nothing beyond them. She assumed that meant the nervous flutters in her gut were strictly baby related. Myfanwy freed one hand from Gestalt's and pressed it against her stomach. 

The roundness was rapidly growing more pronounced each day. It had been two weeks since that first sonogram. She looked constantly bloated. Or like she was purposefully puffing her stomach out. She'd been looking at websites that show week-by-week pregnancy expectations. She'd be about ten weeks if Dr. Burke was right about how far  along she was. That meant her baby was the size of a strawberry so it didn't really explain why her belly was so round already. Unless she really was bloated.

The foyer was as unassuming as anything else about the building. Only a large, wooden reception desk served as the sole ornament with a bespectacled older woman sat behind it. She smiled at each of Gestalt's bodies and then at Myfanwy.

"My, my!" She cried. "So many Rooks here all at once. Must be some baddie you're bringing in here."

Myfanwy's brow wrinkled. "Baddie?"

Gestalt cleared their throats in succession. "No. We're here for an appointment with Dr. Ogler."

The receptionist gave them a curious look, but pressed a button on the side of her desk. Gestalt steered Myfanwy over to a section of wall that split apart to reveal a heavy, metal door behind it. Gestalt slid one of their  Checquy identification cards through the reader. The door buzzed loudly and swung open.

Gestalt steered her down the labyrinth of halls until they reached a door with the word 'Infirmary' in bronze across the top. Myfanwy stepped up to the nurse's station and waited for the man to finish whatever it was he was doing on his computer. Finally, his eyes turned to her for a brief moment before flicking over to Gestalt. He jumped out of his chair and back about a foot.

"Rooks Gestalt! What – what – what can I do for you?"

Myfanwy looked back at them over her shoulder. "I'm the one with an appointment, actually."

The nurse glanced at her then up to Teddy. He sidestepped toward his computer and clicked the mouse a few times. "Who are you here for?" He kept his eyes on Gestalt as if they were going to jump the counter and assault him.

"We're here to see Dr. Ogler," Myfanwy explained to the terrified nurse.

He moved back to his computer, but didn't sit down. "Myfanwy Thomas?" He paused. "Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Rook Thomas?"

Myfanwy nodded and smiled reassuringly at the man. He led her into an exam room and pointed to a smock with a quiet instruction to change.

"Oh, just...." The nurse looked desperately between Myfanwy and Gestalt's four bodies. There was an internal battle as he weighed his professional duties and his fear of Gestalt. "Typically it's just the... the patient."

Myfanwy gave the poor man her nicest smile. "It's alright. I'm more comfortable with Gestalt in the room."

The nurse started to pull the door shut. "Hard to believe anyone feels comfortable around those people," he muttered.

Myfanwy began unfastening her coat. "What the hell did you do to that poor man?"

Gestalt took her coat from her and folded it over the back of a chair. "Nothing."

Myfanwy frowned at them. "You did something. He's  _ terrified _ of you." Myfanwy groaned as she pulled her shirt up over her head. It had been much easier to put the t-shirt on than it was to take it back off. Gestalt grabbed the hem and helped lift it the rest of the way free. She grinned up at them and leaned forward expectantly. Teddy chuckled and dropped a kiss obediently onto her waiting lips. "Did you hit him?"

Teddy scowled at her. "Course not."

She unfastened her jeans and picked up the smock. "Did you threaten him?"

Robert grabbed the bunched-up jeans from the floor and folded them neatly along with her shirt. She could tell from their silence she was on the right track.

"Why are you threatening nurses?"

Gestalt groaned and sighed. "I only expressed the importance of him preforming his job to the highest caliber and the costs that slacking off have. Particularly in careers with the Checquy."

"Well –"

"Alright. I get it," Alex moaned.

Myfanwy cocked her head at them. "Get what?"

"I shouldn't be so harsh with the help or whatever."

Myfanwy shook her head. "I wasn't going to say that."

"You weren't?"

"No. I understand. He's a medical professional. Lives are on the line if he doesn't do his job properly."

Gestalt straightened a bit. "Oh."

Myfanwy pulled herself up onto the exam table and tried to fight the flutters in her stomach. They were growing more and more pronounced as she waited. She felt her breaths growing shorter and tried to even them out.

"Gestalt?" Myfanwy started a little hesitantly. She smoothed her hands over her belly over and over.

Eliza grabbed one of her hands and squeezed it with a reassuring smile. "Alright?"

Myfanwy looked down at her knees. Bared from how the smock bunched as she sat on the exam table. "I know we've talked a bit about... about keeping the baby. I know you don't think you want to be a parent. I don't know how great of a mom I'll be, either. I just...." She took a slow breath. "I think I've let myself get a little optimistic."

Eliza grinned at her. "Thinking about midnight diaper changes and sleepless nights?"

Myfanwy forced a small laugh out and tried to share in their ease. "I'm... I'm a little scared." She glanced at them and then quickly away. "Dr. Burke is an idiot, but he's made it sound like this baby doesn't have a chance in hell of surviving to term. Maybe I should have just had the abortion before I started getting attached."

Eliza and Alex hugged her gently from either side. "Myfanwy, where is this coming from?"

Myfanwy covered her eyes. "I don't know. As long as I was working with someone like Dr. Burke who didn't really know what he was talking about, I was confident about everything. Now, I'm worried this Dr. Ogler is going to tell me the same thing he did. Or something worse."

Gestalt kissed both of her temples. "Whatever happens, we can handle it. And we _will_ handle it."

"Together," they said in stereo for emphasis.

There was a knock at the door and an older woman came in with a metal clipboard in her hand. She smiled at Myfanwy, channeling Gestalt out entirely. "Rook Thomas, it's been a while."

Myfanwy nodded. "Longer for me than you, I'll bet."

Dr. Ogler gave her a funny look before realization dawned on the woman's face. "Ah. You don't remember me." Dr. Ogler waved a dismissive hand through the air. "No matter. I've known you since you first came to the  Checquy . I've done your yearly  gynecological exams since then. I've done all the women in the  Checquy , of course."

"And you have experience with pregnancies?" Myfanwy confirmed.

Dr. Ogler smiled patiently. "Before the  Checquy recruited me, I was an OB/GYN. Had an article in Good Health magazine naming me the number one OB/GYN in the country. Now I teach Sex Ed to touch starved teenagers and perform routine exams on a limited number of patients." Her eyes moved over to Gestalt with a pointed look. "Apparently, Gestalt here needs another lesson."

Gestalt coughed demurely and averted their eyes. Myfanwy grinned at them. She'd never seen anyone other than herself make Gestalt look so bashful.

Dr. Ogler picked up a large envelope and slid out the scans Dr. Burke had done. She stuck them up on an x-ray reader and turned on the light. "These scans aren't as clear as I'd like them." She pointed to the mass Myfanwy remembered was supposed to be her baby. "Do you see how fuzzy the edges are? Like it's layered." She shut off the light and turned back to Myfanwy. "Normally, I'd like to put a couple of months between sonograms for the health and safety of both mother and child, but since you went through a trauma, we need a clear picture of the baby to determine a number of things."

Myfanwy took a deep breath and nodded. Her grips on Gestalt's hands tightened.

"We'll go down the hall to the sonogram and then we'll come back and do a pelvic exam and maybe discuss the next few months, hm?" 

Dr. Ogler was not what she was expecting. Perhaps because her only remembered experience with a doctor had been Dr. Burke who was as much an unfeeling idiot as he was a qualified  practitioner . Maybe because nobody else seemed genuinely optimistic about her pregnancy. 

"Alright, then. Let's take a walk, shall we?" Dr. Ogler led the way to the door. She stopped a few steps into the hallway and turned around. "I will say, the room the sonogram is in is very small. As in, not big enough for six people, small."

"Oh," Myfanwy squeezed Gestalt's hands again. She may have felt more comfortable with Dr. Ogler than she had with Dr. Burke, but it didn't go deep enough to erase her desire to keep Gestalt close. She took a small step back into the room. Her back met with Robert's chest. Their hands settled on her hips immediately, keeping her from moving back any further.

"Maybe just one of you?" Dr. Ogler suggested to Gestalt without noticing Myfanwy's apprehension. "Two at the most, but I know you can make due with one."

Robert tightened their grip on her hips and urged her forward. "I'm not going anywhere," they murmured in her ear. 

She let go of Alex and Eliza's hands and followed Dr. Ogler down to the end of the hall and into a small room. Very small. Three people was pushing it. Two people might've been pushing it. Although, Myfanwy didn't suppose it was used too often in the first place. Myfanwy sat in the reclined chair and tried to steady her breathing while Dr. Ogler set a rough paper over her lap and pulled her smock up to show her belly. Growing in its roundness every day.

"This will be a bit cold here," Dr. Ogler warned before dropping a pile of gel onto her belly as Dr. Burke had done weeks earlier. It wasn't as cold as it had been in the  Checquy's infirmary and she didn't use  as much. Dr. Ogler used the wand to spread the gel around her belly and turned the screen to face Myfanwy and Gestalt. Myfanwy could see the heartbeat Dr. Burke had pointed out to her. She felt some relief knowing it was still alive.

"Oh," Robert murmured at her side. Myfanwy looked over at them. Their head was tilted to the side as they squinted at the screen.

"Oh, is correct, Robbie," Dr. Ogler confirmed. Myfanwy looked back at the screen. "Depending on your outlook, I either have very good or unfortunate news."

Myfanwy's heart dropped. Her nails dug into Gestalt's hand. "What is it? Is it dying? Is it sick?"

Dr. Ogler smiled and patted Myfanwy's thigh. " _ They  _ are fine."

Myfanwy stared at her for a moment. "What?"

Dr. Ogler smiled patiently as she picked up a stylus to mark on the screen. She drew a yellow circle around a mottled grey lump beside where Myfanwy was looking. "This is one baby." Myfanwy squinted and could see the small thrumming of a heartbeat there as well. The doctor wasn't finished. She drew another yellow circle around the other grey lump. "This is another baby." She frowned thoughtfully and drew another circle overlapping the second circle. "And, if I'm reading this right, there is a third baby hiding back here behind it's sibling."

Myfanwy stared at the monitor. At the yellow circles. She yanked her hand out of Gestalt's and used it to swat the back of their head. Robert winced and grabbed the back of their head as if she'd used a sledgehammer.

" _ Three _ ?" Myfanwy demanded. She knew it was ridiculous to blame them, but three babies were a lot to have in someone's body at any given time.

"Why'd you hit me?" Gestalt whined.

"Who else got me pregnant?" Myfanwy fired back. She grimaced. "With triplets."

The doctor began moving the wand on her belly again drawing Myfanwy's attention back to the screen. Dr. Ogler frowned seriously and pulled up a measuring tool. "Burke said eight to nine weeks?"

"That was about two weeks ago," Myfanwy confirmed.

She shook her head. "Idiot. Size alone tells us you're closer to twelve."

"Twelve weeks?"

"Almost through your first trimester." She shifted the wand again. "All the heartbeats are very strong. Do you want to hear them?"

Myfanwy swallowed around her dry tongue. "Uh...."

Dr. Ogler didn't wait for a reply before flicking a switch. Rhythmic pulsing echoed around the small room. Myfanwy stared at the screen in wonder. Her anger and irritation melted away as quickly as it had come. Those were her  babies' heartbeats. Her babies that were alive and well.

The doctor set the wand down and wiped off her belly with the rough paper on Myfanwy's lap. "They look good. We'll go back to the room before we talk more, alright? Roomier in there."

Gestalt had to help Myfanwy up from the chair. Her eyes watered from the ache in her ribs and she had to take a second to get her breathing back under control. The doctor waited patiently for her to get her  bearings back before teetering along back down the hall. 

Myfanwy had to lay back down on the exam table once they reached the room for the pelvic exam – which she hated – and took another few minutes to catch her breath again. Dr. Ogler left for a few minutes while Myfanwy redressed in her street clothes. 

The doctor came back in and pulled up a chair while Myfanwy remained seated on the exam table. Gestalt flanked her. Eliza sat at the edge of the exam table with their arm around her back and hand resting on her hip.

"I'm not sure how much knowledge you have about pregnancies, but multiple births tend to complicate things. Especially given how rare your circumstances are."

"What do you mean? Because we're EVAs?"

Dr. Ogler shook her head. "I mean for anyone." She put up a still of her sonogram on the x-ray board. One with the babies circled. "This one has its own placenta here, but these two," she pointed at the overlapping circles, "share a placenta. A natural birth is out of the question." She scribbled something on her chart. "Not that a natural birth was ever in question for you, Thomas."

Myfanwy was caught for an extra moment staring at her grey, blobby babies. "Sorry? What do you mean?"

The doctor looked at her pointedly. "A little lapse in your self-control endangers not only your babies, but every member of the birthing staff we have. Potentially every person in the building. Even if you were only having one baby, you would have to be put completely under for safety."

"But... but I need to be awake."

Dr. Ogler smiled peaceable and patted Myfanwy's knee. "I promise I have both yours and your babies' best interest in mind. As well as that of every person within firing range."

Myfanwy laced her fingers over her belly. A pseudo-shield protecting her babies from the  Checquy . If they knocked her out when she gave birth, they could do anything they wanted to her babies before she could do anything about it. She chewed at the inside of her bottom lip as she thought.

"Myfanwy," Alex murmured at her side, "I'll be right there with you."

She tried to find comfort in that. Reassurance.

The doctor led them out to the nurse's station. "I'd like to see you again next week. Just to make sure everyone's health continues to improve. After your accident, everything could turn on a pin."

Gestalt pulled up the calendar on their phone. "We should be able to make Friday work."

The doctor nodded at the timid nurse from earlier. She closed the metal clipboard and set it beside the nurse on the desk before turning to Myfanwy. "I don't want to give you any added stress, but twenty-four weeks from now isn't as much time as you think. Your body is going to change a lot. Rapidly." She held out a business card. "Don't be afraid to call if you have any concerns and can't make it here."

Myfanwy took the card and nodded. She pressed her free hand against her belly. Gestalt led her back into the hall toward the exit. She was still reeling with the  triplets news. The fear that they would be taken away from her before she could even hold them. Gestalt said they were probably EVAs. What if they came out with some obvious EVA? Something that couldn't be hidden. She'd never know them. She didn't know if she could handle that.

"I don't see why you're so worried. My mother carried all four of me and she was fine," Gestalt told her as they drove back towards her flat. She knew they were thinking her panic was reserved to the number of babies in her belly.

Myfanwy swatted the back of Teddy's head. Eliza leaned forward from the backseat and grabbed her wrist.

"Would you stop hitting me?" They snapped. "Use your words."

"Asshole," Myfanwy spit. She yanked her wrist free and crossed her arms over her belly. "Your mother was some sort of superwoman. Can you imagine how big I'm going to get in six months?"

"I'm sure you were going to get big with one baby or three," Gestalt reasoned.

Myfanwy started to swing for Teddy, but turned and slapped Eliza's arm instead. "Hey!"

"You act like you had no part in this!"

Gestalt displayed an array of emotions on their faces. Shame, regret, frustration, concern. "You could have terminated. I'm sure you still could if this is too much for you."

Myfanwy stared at them blankly for a moment. "It's that easy for you?"

"What?"

The car gave a stutter. Myfanwy felt her EVA pooling in her hands. She curled them into fists and focused on calming back down. 

"Well, now why are you angry?" 

"Honestly, Gestalt. That you have to ask me that!" The car stuttered again and she took a deep breath. The sudden pressure on her ribs sent a shooting pain through her body and she pressed her lips shut around a whimper of pain.

Gestalt pulled to a stop in front of her building and shut off the engine. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry. If I could go back in time and... I don't know. Make sure the condom was secure or something, I would."

Myfanwy stared at them in disbelief. They'd talked such a big game a few weeks earlier. Jumping into looking at houses and declaring they'd move mountains for their child. At what point had it all changed for them exactly? She felt her EVA in her hands again. She unfastened her seatbelt and got out of the car before she could do or say something she'd regret.

She heard the car doors opening and closing behind her as she marched into her building. She scanned herself in and hit the button for the lifts. Gestalt jumped the turnstiles and cornered her. Myfanwy elbowed her way past them and into lift. Of course, they jumped in with her.

"I'm sorry. What am I supposed to say?"

Myfanwy crossed her arms over her stomach and watched the numbers rise. The lift stopped at her floor and she stepped out. Gestalt on her heels.

"Myfanwy, could you please just talk to me?" Gestalt begged.

"Not right now." She set to putting a kettle on for tea.

Teddy pulled her by her hips and turned her around. Robert took over fixing the tea. "Yes, right now. This isn't going to work if you don't start telling me what you want from me."

"Oh,  _ that's  _ why this isn't going to work?"

Gestalt threw their heads back and groaned. "Please, just tell me what you want. What do you want?"

Myfanwy scowled at them for a moment and then down at the floor. Teddy shook her gently.

"What do you want, Myfanwy?"

"I want you to be as invested in these babies as I am!" She cried a bit louder than she was expecting. "I want you to  _ care  _ if they live or if they die. I want you to be worried that something is going to go wrong or that the  Checquy is going to take them away from us the minute they're born. I want to not be the only one of us that  _ cares _ !"

Gestalt stared down at her. "You think I don't care?"

Myfanwy threw her hands up in the air. "I don't know what else to think. You were in that room with me. You heard their little heartbeats. I don't know how you hear that – how you see that – and then advocate for killing them less than an hour later."

Gestalt's mouths fell open. "I was just trying to be supportive. You haven't seemed very happy since the doctor told us we were expecting three instead of one."

"You think I wouldn’t be crushed if you changed your mind now?"

"I agree, three is a lot to handle all at once, but there's five of us and I'm sure we can handle it."

"The  _ only  _ reason I suggested you could still terminate is because I thought you were angry about it being triplets." Eliza leaned back against the kitchen counter and looked down at her belly. "I was excited."

Teddy moved his hands up from her hips to cover her belly. "And you smacked me."

Myfanwy covered their hands with hers. "I'm sorry." She leaned up and kissed them lightly. "I shouldn't have done that. I was in a bit of a shock."

Gestalt smiled at her and kissed her again more deeply. "You're forgiven."

"Besides, I personally can't wait to see what you look like in twenty-four weeks. You've always been thin as a rail even without dieting."

Myfanwy slapped Teddy's shoulder lightly. "Don't be an asshole."

Gestalt laughed. "We're going to have to rent a forklift just to get you to the operating room, you know."

Myfanwy pulled back with a scowl. "You remember I can kill you, right? Painfully. I can kill you painfully. And as slowly as I want. Really stretch out the painfully bit."

"Okay, okay. Not a forklift." Teddy kissed her neck just below her jaw.

"A tow truck should suffice."

Myfanwy pushed Teddy away and stepped back only to be caught by Alex. "You are going to die so slowly and so painfully."

Alex nipped at the tender flesh of her neck. "Just not before I get to see our babies, hm?"

"We'll see how well you mind your tongues."

Alex dragged his tongue up the column of her neck and nipped her earlobe. "I think if you're up to it, I can show you just how well I can mind my tongues."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that old saying, 'Go big or go home.'


	29. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy and Gestalt go house hunting.

Myfanwy's flutters were getting more painful. Not that she'd let on. Especially not to Gestalt who had gone into some weird mother hen mode. They'd hover near her office on occasion to ensure she was drinking enough water or sitting still. 'Relax,' they'd say. As if their hovering somehow lessened her stress. She'd caught them reading pregnancy books on a number of occasions and apparently now they thought they were experts.

So far, she had managed to keep the more unsettling parts of her pregnancy from them. The twinges of pain she'd started experiencing weren't going away. Nor were the nosebleeds. They hadn't caught that yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. They were verging on obnoxious with their constant surveillance of her.

"How are you feeling today?" Ingrid asked, stopping at Myfanwy's desk and dropping a file of papers on it.

Myfanwy glanced across the floor where Gestalt was busy with some actual work-related surveillance. "Everything aches," she confessed.

Ingrid was sympathetic. "Has Dr. Ogler  prescribed you anything to help?"

Myfanwy shook her head and shuffled through the documents, signing what needed signing and annotating what needed correcting. "Just the normal prenatals."

"Well, this is, what? Week fifteen?"

"Eighteen."

Ingrid's eyes raised. "Well, that means only a few more weeks left."

"Twenty-two." Myfanwy sighed and leaned back in her chair. Her back screamed. "Sixteen if Ogler has her way. Apparently, the longer we wait, the more risks. She wants to have them delivered at thirty-four weeks."

"Isn't that a good thing? Less suffering on your part."

Myfanwy scribbled her signature on another document. "I don’t mind a bit of suffering for them." She rubbed her blooming belly lovingly. "I'm afraid of what happens after."

"Parenthood?"

Myfanwy swallowed and kept her eyes down at her desk. "Glengrove."

Ingrid collected the signed documents back into the folder. She frowned thoughtfully. "Gestalt won't let that happen."

Myfanwy glanced at them. Their office had gone opaque. "I'm worried even they won't be able to prevent whatever happens."

Ingrid sighed and started back to her own office. "I'm going to head home soon. Need anything else?"

"No. Thank you, Ingrid."

Myfanwy set to work writing an addendum to the family planning section of the policy book. She had three for the court to vote on so far. Danielle had been very enthusiastic about Myfanwy's motherhood. Claudia, for the most part, pretended it wasn't happening. As long as Myfanwy being pregnant didn't interfere with Claudia's job, she didn't care. 

"We need to leave early today," Teddy announced from the door.

Myfanwy glanced at the time on her computer before saving her documents and turning her screen off. Teddy grabbed her elbow to help her up. Myfanwy glared at them.

"I can stand on my own, Teddy. I'm not an invalid."

Gestalt sighed heavily and waited for her to get her coat on and grab her bag. Teddy held his hand out for it, but Myfanwy clutched it to her chest and glowered at them. They gritted their teeth and turned away from her. She followed them down to the Range Rover. Robert held the door open for her. She didn't complain about that since it was something they had done before she got pregnant.

"Alright. This one has everything we need. The master bedroom is more than big enough for a bed with ample closet space. Six bedrooms, four on one level including the master bedroom. The back garden looks like it needs a little work, but that's just a weekend project we can do ourselves." Eliza passed her the tablet with pictures. It looked beautiful.

"As far as this realtor knows, you and I are married," Teddy asserted. "My siblings are going to move in with us to help with the babies, which is why we need so much room."

Myfanwy scrolled through the pictures until she got back to the first one. She passed the tablet back to Alex quickly concealing a grimace as a belly flutter turned into a sharp pang.

"And we aren't wearing wedding rings because...?"

Teddy held up his hand to show a gold wedding band. "You aren't wearing yours because your fingers are swollen."

Myfanwy looked down at her hands and pouted. "They are not."

Gestalt rolled their eyes. "That's what we're going to  _ say _ ."

Teddy stopped in front of the house. From the outside, it looked just as it did in the pictures. Myfanwy unbuckled her seatbelt. Alex held the door for her and Teddy came around to take her hand. She didn't realize how sore her feet were after a day at work until she set them on the pavement again. The realtor opened the door to the house and came out to the step beaming.

"The whole family is here!" She enthused. "Perfect!" Her eyes fixed on Myfanwy and her rotund belly. "I hear someone's got one-two-three buns in the oven!" 

Myfanwy's upper lip curled back. She glanced up at Teddy who gave her a minute shake of the head. The realtor moved forward and laid her hand on Myfanwy's stomach. Myfanwy scowled and let a smidge of her EVA jump from her skin to the woman's who recoiled and held her hand in shock.

"Oh. You shocked me." 

Myfanwy pressed her lips together. "Sorry," she managed over her repressed giggle. "Must be the static electricity from shuffling my feet everywhere."

The realtor shook off the incident and led them into the foyer. Myfanwy looked around interestedly. She liked the feel of the house. It was the seventh or eighth house Gestalt had pre-approved before showing it to her. She'd vetoed every one of them so far.

"So, there's a breakfast nook in the kitchens and a large dining hall just off from that and a very impressive family room."

Myfanwy moved through the empty house and imagined it with furnishings. She started up the stairs to the first floor. The master bedroom was enormous. It would easily fit the bed – or beds, as it happened – that they would need. The other rooms were plenty large enough to suit each of the babies. They had decided to keep them all in one room until they were one or two and didn't need quite so many midnight runs.

The second floor hosted another two bedrooms and another room that could serve as a study or a playroom. Myfanwy walked back to the ground floor and met with Gestalt and the realtor in the back garden. She could see what Gestalt meant by it needing some work. The shed was a pile of lumber amid long unmowed grass.

"What do you think?" Teddy asked, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"I like it."

"Really?" They sounded skeptical.

"I do. It's roomy and somehow cozy." She leaned into Teddy's side. "I like it."

"Oh my god!" The realtor cried, suddenly. 

Gestalt swarmed her. Teddy pulled her face up to squint at.

"What?" Worry and the babies twisted in her stomach. "Oh, god. Is it a bug? Is it a spider? Is it big? Get it off!" 

Teddy pulled out his handkerchief a dapped at her upper lip. Myfanwy felt herself start to blush despite knowing that was only going to make it worse. She grabbed the handkerchief from Teddy's hand and stepped back into the house. Her stomach  twinged again. Myfanwy cleaned her face at the sink in the ground floor bathroom. She sat and peed, hoping that would relieve some of the pressure in her belly. It didn't.

"Can we stop for food on our way home?" Myfanwy called as she walked back from the bathroom.

"-draw up the contract and you can come in and sign on Monday."

Alex came over when she stepped back into the foyer. "Alright?"

Myfanwy smiled and nodded. "Just hungry."

They fixed her with a scrutinizing stare for a moment. "Okay. We're just finishing up here. Why don't you go sit in the car? We'll be just another minute or two."

The urge to sit down outweighed her impulse to argue with them over bossing her around. She made her way to the SUV and around to the passenger seat. It was getting colder out, but Myfanwy felt like she was burning up. As soon as she was back in the car, she shut her eyes in relief. Her feet were unbearably sore.

The sudden pangs in her stomach had her doubling forward as far as her stomach would let her. She squeezed her eyes shut and massaged the spot the pain had started. She told herself they were just normal baby kicks. Her triplets were stretching their arms and legs. All normal. No matter how  it hurt.

The doors opened and Myfanwy put on her brave face. Gestalt barely even glanced at her as they started the car and pulled away from the house. Myfanwy leaned back in her seat and rubbed the sore spot on her belly as subtly as she could. They stopped at her building almost twenty minutes later. The whole drive was silent.

Myfanwy unbuckled her seatbelt and cracked the door open. She frowned when none of Gestalt's bodies moved to do the same. She shut the door and waited for them to look at her.

"Are you angry at me?" 

Teddy looked at her with simmering eyes. "Yes."

She couldn't account for it. She'd told them she liked the house. She assumed they did, too, or they wouldn't have shown it to her. She hadn't even argued with them about ordering her about. What did they have to be angry about?

"Why?"

"Why?" Eliza cried from the backseat.

"That wasn't the first nosebleed you've had. And don't think I haven't seen you wincing and rubbing your stomach."

Myfanwy pressed her lips together. "It's not like any of that is uncommon during a pregnancy."

"I  _ know  _ that!" Gestalt snapped.

"Then why are you yelling at me?"

"Because you didn't tell me! I had to find out about your nosebleeds during a viewing." 

Myfanwy threw her hands up. "Because they aren't a big deal! I don't even notice them most of the time."

Gestalt huffed for a moment. "We should still tell Dr. Ogler."

"She already knows. I messaged her about it a week ago."

Their irritation didn't abate. She watched them huffing and gearing up for their net verbal assault. It was starting to seep into Myfanwy. She shoved her door open and stormed out. Gestalt didn’t follow her. She made it up to her apartment where she was met with Jon's hungry yowls. She was hungry, too. Gestalt had neglected to stop for food on their way home. She dropped a cup of dry food into the cat's dish and opened her fridge.

She had just settled onto her couch when her buzzer rang. Myfanwy groaned and shuffled back to the door. "Yes?"

"The Gestalts are here to see you, Miss Thomas," the doorman announced.

Myfanwy sat back from the control panel. She didn't feel like fighting again tonight.

"They say to tell you they have dinner," the doorman added.

She sighed heavily. "Alright, let them up."

Myfanwy grabbed the bowl she'd fixed herself and leaned on the kitchen counter while she waited for Gestalt to reach her door. Jon rubbed himself against her legs and purred. She hummed to herself as she ate and waited. A few minutes later, Gestalt knocked at her door.

"I'm sorry," Gestalt said the moment she opened the door.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I'm just tired." She picked up her bowl and walked back to the couch. Gestalt followed her, setting the takeaway bags on her counter.

"What are you eating?"

Myfanwy held up a fork and stared at the slice of strawberry on the end. "Strawberries and hot sauce."

Gestalt grimaced. "Why on Earth?"

Myfanwy shrugged and took a bite. "I wanted strawberries, but they were too sweet so I evened them out with the hot sauce. It's really not bad."

Gestalt pulled out a tin tray and brought it to her. "I picked up Italian."

Myfanwy took the tin and opened it on her lap. Gestalt found their own food tins and sat around her small living room. It only seemed smaller since seeing the house earlier. They ate in silence for a while.

"Monday we need to meet at the realtor's to sign for the house."

Myfanwy was back to her strawberries after having drenched her pasta in the last of her hot sauce. "Are we buying it?"

Gestalt stared at her. "You said you liked it."

"I do."

"Right. So, of course we're buying it."

Myfanwy finished her strawberries and set the emptied bowl on the end table. "How much is it?"

"A little more than two and a half."

" _ Million _ ?"

Gestalt nodded. "Not like we can't afford it."

" Of course we can't afford it!"

Gestalt squinted at her. Alex settled his hand on her knee. "You know you had about a quarter million stashed in your emergency funds alone. I get four paychecks. We could afford a house twice as expensive if we needed. You didn't like the one I found in Chiswick."

Myfanwy's eyebrows shot up. "That house was  _ five million pounds _ ?"

"Relax,  Myf . We'll sign for this house on Monday and start moving in at the end of the month. Then we can start setting up for the babies. Cribs and rockers and everything else they'll need."

She had to admit, that sounded nice. Especially if Dr. Ogler got her way and the babies were born in less than four months. It would be nice to decorate a nursery. To have one house to return to after work instead of dividing their time between flats.

Her stomach panged again. She winced, forgetting all about hiding it from Gestalt. Robert moved behind her on the couch and settled their hand on her belly. She covered their hand with her own and shut her eyes as she leaned into them.

"I think we should go see Dr. Ogler tomorrow."

Myfanwy shook her head. "I'm fine. We're not scheduled to see her for another week."

"Myfanwy, sweetheart, I know you want to tough it out, but what if there's something wrong with the babies? You shouldn't be in this much pain."

Myfanwy pressed herself back into Robert's chest. They were very quickly learning just how to use the babies to get her to do things their way. She couldn't argue when it was a potential issue for the babies. She sighed and conceded.

"Fine. We can go see Dr. Ogler  _ if _ you massage my very sore feet." Two could play that game.

Gestalt took up each foot in a separate set of hands. Myfanwy could have died of pleasure. She didn't remember moving from the couch to her bed, but she woke up there just the same. Jon was snuggled beside her bulging belly snoring. Myfanwy sat up as slowly as she could to prevent waking him.

"Get dressed while I finish  breakfast.  We're meeting Dr. Ogler in an hour," Gestalt announced once she peeked her head out her bedroom door.

Myfanwy muttered a curse at them to the effect of what she'd theoretically do to them if they kept bossing her around so much. She jumped into the shower to wash her hair. Her vision suddenly went splotchy and she just barely caught herself against the wall of the shower. She took a few even breaths and the dizzy spell went away again. She finished cleaning herself and dried her hair. She wasn't going to be able to avoid Gestalt fretting over her anytime soon.

They'd made her beans, toast, and eggs. Myfanwy ate quickly. Maybe the vertigo was just because she hadn't eaten yet. Her entire pregnancy occurred in a constant state of doubt. At every turn, it seemed the fates were against her. First with the kidnapping and subsequent car accident that resulted in her coma. Then with the  Checquy trying to force her into an abortion. She'd managed to turn every down point to her advantage, but then the news that it was triplets came and now she was aching in ways she knew weren't just normal pregnancy symptoms. Maybe she wasn't meant for motherhood. No matter what she did.

The receptionist at New  Glengrove was long used to seeing the group of them arrive for their appointments. She buzzed them in barely glancing up from her book. Myfanwy was becoming more nervous the closer they got to Dr. Ogler. She felt that the only thing that was waiting for her in the infirmary was more bad news.

The door swung open before the reached it and a kid walked out holding a bandaged hand. A kid Myfanwy recognized.

"Nazim!"

He looked up and over at her. His face brightened marginally. His eyes were still rimmed with dark shadows. He wasn't sleeping like he should be. She could understand that. She still had her nightmares. More so now that it was becoming more and more difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

"Myfanwy?" His eyes dropped to her belly. "What are you doing here?"

Myfanwy jerked her head towards Teddy and Alex. "Gestalt dragged me in."

Nazim narrowed his eyes at them. "Bad enough you take babies from their cribs. You're even taking the unborn?"

Myfanwy giggled and shook her head. "No, Nazim." She put one hand on her belly and the other on Alex's shoulder. "They're the father."

Nazim looked positively repulsed. "Willingly?"

Myfanwy narrowed her eyes now. "Don't be mean."

Nazim looked back at her surprised. "Sorry."

Eliza leaned in to whisper in her ear, "We need to get moving."

"I want to see your mice some time." She took a step towards him. "You said you're getting really good at it."

"Professor Ewing wants me to start working with dogs. I think they are too big."

"How about a cat?" Gestalt offered gruffly.

Myfanwy fixed them with a stern glare. "You leave Jon alone."

They shrugged innocently. "What? You tested your powers on it and you were much more likely to kill it than he is."

Nazim stared down at his bandaged hand. "A cat might do."

"What happened to your hand?" Myfanwy asked, aware that Gestalt was growing impatient.

Nazim hung his head. "Nothing really."

Myfanwy set her hand on his shoulder. "Nazim, whatever it is, you can tell me." 

He looked up at her from beneath his shaggy, black hair. She smiled at him reassuringly. "I got into a fight."

Myfanwy's face fell. She swatted his shoulder. "What were you thinking?"

Nazim winced and rubbed his shoulder. "Pauly Overfield is an asshole."

"That's not an excuse to hit someone."

"I know that, but he wouldn't stop mocking Olivia and pulling on her horns." Nazim rubbed the back of his neck. "I got angry."

Myfanwy frowned. "Oh. Well, in that case, I'm sorry I hit you."

Nazim grinned at her. He suddenly seemed much more his age. Less like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. It disappeared suddenly. He leaned in. "Has Monica...?"

Myfanwy shook her head. "She's back in America under the care and supervision of her own Agency, but as far as we know, she's still sleeping."

"Myfanwy," Gestalt insisted, pulling at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, I'm coming." She pulled Nazim in for a quick hug. "Take care. I'll see you soon."

Myfanwy let go and turned around to start for the infirmary again when the vertigo came back. She stumbled again, swinging her arms out wide for anything to keep her from slamming into the ground. Gestalt's arms went around her, holding her up. She leaned into their chest as they righted her. The spots didn't clear as quickly as they had in the shower.

"Can you walk?" Gestalt murmured, softly.

She nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I'm okay."

Gestalt put two arms around either side of her waist to walk her into the infirmary. The same nurse from the first visit was at the station again. He jumped up when he saw them and led the five of them straight into an exam room. Gestalt helped her onto the table and surrounded her on either side as if she were going to simply roll off.

"Hello, again," Dr. Ogler greeted, coming into the room. She pulled a pair of latex gloves from the box by the door and walked over to Myfanwy on the table. "I seem to remember telling  _ you  _ to call me if you felt poorly. Why is Gestalt ringing me at five in the morning to insist that something is the matter? I thought you might be dead."

Myfanwy rubbed her left eye and nodded sheepishly. "Gestalt might've made it seem worse than it is."

"Severe abdominal pain?" Dr. Ogler asserted.

Myfanwy nodded. The doctor put her gloved hand on Myfanwy's right side by her ribs. Myfanwy gritted her teeth.

"Here?"

"Usually."

The doctor frowned deeply. "Any other symptoms I should know about? Nausea? Blurry vision? Headaches?"

That she was calling them symptoms was worrying. Myfanwy pressed her lips together. "Yes."

She took a deep breath and nodded to herself, pulling her stethoscope from around her shoulders. "Lift your shirt, please."

They waited in complete silence while the doctor listened to the heartbeats in Myfanwy's belly and then to Myfanwy's heartbeat in her chest. Satisfied, she pulled the stethoscope from her ears and draped it back around her neck. She sat back down in her chair and gave Myfanwy a tight smile.

"Are you familiar with a condition called pre-eclampsia?" 

Myfanwy shook her head. Her mouth was dry.

"Part of it is high blood pressure. That's why you're getting dizzy, having nosebleeds, and headaches. The other part is that you are losing too much protein from your kidneys."

"What can we do about it?" Gestalt asked. She was finally glad for them hovering. She couldn't do much more than sit as her head spun with the new bad news.

"I'm recommending strict bedrest until we get you in the delivery room." Dr. Ogler stood and walked over to grab a prescription pad.

"We have to sign for the house on Monday," Myfanwy murmured.

"That's fine, dear," Dr. Ogler said as she scribbled, "I just don't want you out of your bed for more than an hour a day." She ripped the prescription from the pad. "You can use the bathroom and shower, but stay in bed in a reclined position. This is a prescription to help with your blood pressure."

"We're moving," Myfanwy said. She felt numb. She knew it wouldn't be good news.

"Gestalt can take care of the moving. You need to stay in bed. For now, your babies are still growing. But the only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivering the babies and they aren't ready to come out yet."

Myfanwy laced her fingers over her belly. She nodded stiffly. 

"We'll see you back here in three weeks. Call if the symptoms worsen."

Gestalt helped Myfanwy from the exam table. "I left my tablet at the office. And how am I going to sign off on the expenditures if I can't go to the office? What if Conrad takes advantage of this? Uses it as an opportunity to... I don't know. Fire me?"

Gestalt kissed her cheek. "He isn't going to fire you. First and foremost, that's illegal. Secondly, you're a chairman of the board. He couldn't just fire you without a vote anyway. And I wouldn't let them vote you out of your position at  any time , least of all while you're on medical leave."

"Medical leave," Myfanwy muttered. "Figures."


	30. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies are told and truths come out.

The new house was even lovelier after Gestalt was through with it. It was like  _ Better Homes & Gardens _ threw up in it. If Myfanwy had to be confined anywhere, she could think of plenty places worse than the new house. Jon seemed to share her opinion. Or maybe it was just because Gestalt had gone ahead and bought him his very own cat tree.

She felt like a whale. Her belly had grown so big she couldn't see her feet around it. She had started counting down the second day of ordered bedrest. She was six weeks from Dr. Ogler's goal and eight from hers. Myfanwy knew the doctor was going to win in the end, but that knowledge wouldn't stop her from trying. Even if she was so big that walking the short distance from her bed to the kitchen knocked the wind out of her.

Gestalt was extra attentive. Myfanwy didn't think they could get worse than they had been after her sparring mishap. If she were a little less headstrong, she might even enjoy the way they catered to her every need. As if they had purchased Buckingham Palace and not their pretty house on the outskirts of town. Being treated as royalty would be nice if it didn't interfere with her plans.

Despite all the alterations and safety nets she'd written to protect her family and keep it all together, Myfanwy still worried that they could be snatched away from her at the slightest notion. She found herself panicking that her babies might come out with an obvious EVA. Something that would have them locked away in  Glengrove until they were old enough to be of use to the agency. She was making contingencies. Last resorts. Just in case.

It'd be a lot easier if Gestalt weren't hovering over her at all hours of the day and night. And if not them, Ingrid. She meant well, but she was just as overbearing as Gestalt at times. She  bode her time and counted down the months, weeks, and days.

There was one event that would call all her guards away for several hours. One which Myfanwy herself could not attend in her present state. It was laughable all things considered. A year before, she'd had her very first romantic liaison with Gestalt and now she was very, very pregnant with their children. A year ago, she'd snuck away from Gestalt hoping the other lingering guests wouldn't notice when they emerged from the coatroom a few minutes after her. Now, she was planning on sneaking out of their house for a secret meeting with someone else.

"Call me if there is any problem. I don't care how much Grantchester starts bitching, I will come straight home," Eliza swore as they fixed their hair, finally restored to its gorgeous color and length after Port Villa.

"I'm positive that I can last a few hours without your smothering," Myfanwy said from her spot on the bed, propped in a nest of pillows.

Alex arched their brow at her curiously. They were sat beside her on the bed. He was the body that needed the least time to get ready. Teddy and Robert were in the bathroom trimming Robert's beard. Annoyingly high  maintenance .

"'Smothering,'" Alex repeated.

Myfanwy coughed and shook her head. "Mothering. I said mothering."

Alex gave her a lopsided grin and settled their hands on either side of her enormous belly. Myfanwy pressed her lips together against a smile as they leaned forward and pressed a trio of kisses to the firm, roundness. 

"Mm, fathering, I think."

Myfanwy cracked a smile and swatted Alex's shoulder lightly. "You wish."

They leaned forward and caught her smile with their own. "I do wish the roles were reversed."

She leaned back and gave them a puzzled look. Eliza turned around, pretty as a picture. Teddy and Robert were still fussing.

"I don't like seeing you so miserable. At least if it were me, I wouldn't be completely confined as you are," they explained.

Myfanwy frowned and ran a hand down her belly. "And the doctors wouldn't have to worry about you killing everyone in the area when you gave birth."

Alex snatched her hand up in theirs. "Hey, that's not going to happen. We won't let it."

Myfanwy pulled them down for another kiss before flopping back into the pillows. "Go on. Have fun. Look pretty."

They all pounced on her then, smattering kisses on her cheeks, her belly, her neck. "Never so pretty as you."

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. "It's still not funny the thousandth time."

Gestalt gave four heavy sighs and clambered off the bed. "I mean it,  Myf . Anything you need. Call, text, whatever. I'll be right back here."

"I know. I told you, it's unnecessary. I'll be fine." She nodded towards the door. "Now, get."

Alex smirked at her, but the other three bodies held nothing but concern and worry. Sweet, but aggravating. "I love you," all four told her.

She smiled. "I love you, too." Her expression turned stern. "But, please, leave."

In the quiet minutes that followed their departure, Myfanwy began to doubt her ability to complete the task she'd given herself. She waited an extra fifteen minutes, just to be sure they were really gone before throwing back her blankets and working her way out of bed. She caught herself on the wall beside the bed to catch her breath as her head spun.

It was a challenge to get dressed. Even her biggest, loosest dress was small on her. She tried to shove her feet into her flats, but they wouldn't fit her swollen feet. Instead, she put on a pair of sandals and waddled downstairs. Myfanwy stopped at the bathroom before grabbing her keys and climbing into the driver's seat of her Mini-Cooper.

She hadn't driven in so long. Gestalt had stored the car away in the garage along with their second Jeep. Myfanwy turned the engine over, relieved that it started immediately. She sighed and shifted the car into reverse, stopping just short of crashing into the still closed garage door. She cursed her own stupidity before hitting the button for the garage door.

She was halfway to her destination when she remembered she'd received no confirmation for the meeting. She might have gone to all the trouble for nothing. Potentially endangering her babies while she was at it. The very opposite of what she wanted to do.

Turning back wasn’t an option for her. She knew she'd never get another opportunity. A full hour and a half later, Myfanwy pulled into the old, familiar driveway of her childhood home. The house was completely dark. Hers was the only car in the driveway.

Myfanwy steeled herself as she cut the engine and got out. It was no easier climbing out of her car than it had been climbing out of her bed. She took great gulps of breath. She hadn't been in the fresh air outside her own quiet garden in so long. She squatted slowly and carefully to retrieve the spare key from beneath the pot on the back step and let herself in.

The house was dusty. It hadn't been touched in months. Possibly since the last time she'd been here. Myfanwy found the couch in the sitting room and stretched herself out on it. Relieved to be horizontal again. Gestalt would likely be away at the Founder's Feast for another two or three hours. She could wait an hour. Maybe an hour and a half, before she'd have no choice other than to head home lest Gestalt sound every emergency alarm available to the Checquy.

Her eyes fell shut and she felt herself drifting off as she waited. She was always so tired lately. Some minutes later, a door opened. Myfanwy blinked her eyes open and actively reminded herself where she'd gotten off to.

She sat up as footsteps came through the foyer toward her. A sudden fear that it was a Vulture instead of her sister dredged its way into her chest. Her EVA jumped into her hands and all over her body. The lights flicked on. Myfanwy hadn't even bothered to try the lights.

Bronwyn smiled as their eyes met before her gaze fell to Myfanwy's obvious growth. Bronwyn's dark brows knit together as she came further into the sitting room.

"Bron, I was worried you hadn't gotten my message."

Bronwyn tipped her head at her curiously. "Course I did. What have you been eating?"

"What?"

Bronwyn sat down in an armchair and stared openly at her full belly. "It looks like you swallowed a house."

Myfanwy soured. "I'm pregnant, you brat."

Bronwyn sat back and met her eyes again at last. "Pregnant?"

Myfanwy nodded.

"With a baby?"

"With three babies."

" _ Three babies _ ?" Bronwyn cried. "No wonder you're so fat!"

"Hey! I am not fat! I'm pregnant!"

Bronwyn's look darkened. "It was  _ them,  _ wasn't it?" It wasn't really a question. Myfanwy knew that.

"It was," she answered nonetheless.

"They're using you as a breeding machine for a new army of their... whatever the fuck they are."

Myfanwy pushed herself upright as best she could, working on her argument as she caught her breath. Bronwyn was too quick.

"That's why you wanted to meet. You're finally ready to leave. You escaped from them. Realized they were using you all the while. I mean, I always  _ knew  _ they were using you, but this is just sick. Perverse. Who the fuck uses women this way? Uses  _ people  _ this way?" Bronwyn dropped to her knees beside Myfanwy and scooped her hand up between hers. "Don't worry,  Myf , I can get you away tonight. We can drop these  hellspawn off at an orphanage or a... an asylum. I'm sure the freak factory will have them low jacked by now."

Myfanwy snatched her hand from Bronwyn's and put both of hers over her belly protectively. "I'll thank you not to call my children hellspawn."

Bronwyn sat back on her heels. Confusion evident on her face again.

"I did not call you here to steal me away or threaten to send my babies to asylums. Or insult me, for that matter. Or Gestalt."

Bronwyn stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, why did you call me here, then?"

Myfanwy rubbed her temple tenderly and groaned softly.

"Well?" Bronwyn insisted.

Myfanwy held out a finger to her. "Just... let me think."

"What? Like you forgot?"

Myfanwy met her sister's eyes darkly. "Wouldn't be the first time, now, would it?"

Bronwyn grimaced and dropped her eyes.

"They might take my babies away. Two EVAs having a child together, it's almost certain to be an EVA itself. Given the circumstances, mine are very likely to be themselves. Now, I've been working on changing the rules. Making sure our babies stay with us, but nothing is certain. I don't need you to smuggle me out tonight. Hopefully, I never will. I just need to know that if the day ever comes, I can rely on you to keep my family together." Myfanwy pressed her hand to the back of her neck. She was flushed. She'd been exerting herself too much. "And, should something happen to me and Gestalt, I'd like you to take care of your nieces or nephews."

Bronwyn stared at her, slack jawed. "Take care of?" She shook her head. "I'll... I could find them a nice home. A good family to... to look after them."

Myfanwy scowled. "They  _ have _ a good family to look after them. You're their aunt. If something happens to their parents, I want  _ you  _ to take care of them. Not some strangers."

"I can't look after  _ babies _ , Myfanwy! I don't know the first thing about babies!"

"And you suppose I do?" 

Bronwyn backed up until her back hit the mantle. "I can get them somewhere safe."

"Bronwyn, after everything you conspired to do behind my back? You owe me this much. You know you do." Myfanwy groaned as she picked herself off the couch. "Besides, aren't you the one always insisting how important family is to you?"

Bronwyn stood  frozen, her eyes trapped on Myfanwy's belly again. "I...."

"Bron." Myfanwy pulled her sisters eyes back to her own. "This is a last resort. End of the line. They have  _ five _ parents who would do absolutely anything for them. I only need to know that I can rely on you for this is it comes all the way down to it."

"Five parents...."

"That is five people who would have to die for you to see one ounce of responsibility."

"Mhm."

"Oh, and Linda can't know."

"Linda?" Bronwyn blinked. "Can't know? Why?"

Myfanwy sighed. "She is still very connected to the agency. There's no guarantee she doesn't decide they'd be better off at Glengrove."

Bronwyn swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah."

"I have to leave now. I'd like to see you again after they're born. I'm sure Gestalt won't mind." Myfanwy stopped in the foyer and turned back. "Even if they do. I'd still like to see you."

Bronwyn nodded again, staring emptily at the floor.

"Great! I'll contact you again and we can arrange another meet-up."

Myfanwy stopped her car outside her flat and climbed out an hour later. She reached into her purse after her access key only to find it missing from its usual spot. She frowned and went to the counter to dump out the contents, certain it was simply misplaced.

"Miss Thomas?"

The doorman was stood in front of her on the other side of the counter. She smiled politely up at him. "Just seem to have lost my key. I'll just be a mo'."

"Miss Thomas, you moved out months ago."

Myfanwy stopped and stared at the litter she'd spread over the counter. "I...." She shook her head and forced herself to smile again. "Of course. You're completely right. Sorry. Just... forgot." She swept her belongings back into her back and waddled back out of the lobby feeling utterly humiliated. 

She sat behind the wheel in her Mini-Cooper again and turned the car back on. She reached for the gearshift, but fell short of putting the car into gear. She had no idea how to get home. Her heart dropped into her gut. She'd been in this position before. She scrambled for her phone and found Gestalt's phone number quickly as the hysterics were rising in her chest.

They answered on the second ring. "Everything alright, love?"

Myfanwy sucked in a shuddering breath. "N-no!" She sobbed.

She heard something clatter on the other end of the phone. "What happened? What's wrong? I'm on my way home now."

Myfanwy shook her head and sniffled. "I'm not at h-home."

"What?" Gestalt cried. "What do you mean you're not at home? Where the hell are you?"

"Um... my old flat. M-my old building. I'm... mm... I don't know the way home."

Gestalt let out a frustrated snarl before sighing. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be there in ten minutes."

It was less than ten minutes, actually. Robert and Eliza jumped out of the Range Rover and opened her door to move her to the passenger seat. She pulled Eliza into a hug and sniffled into her hair. Robert rubbed her back soothingly.

"C'mon, let's get you sat back down, love."

Eliza moved around to get into the driver's seat while Robert got into the back seat behind her. Myfanwy sniffled and worked at calming herself back down. A feat she hadn't been able to accomplish while she was waiting for Gestalt to come fetch her.

"What on earth were you doing?" Eliza demanded as they started away from the curb.

"Um... I was hungry and we were out of hot sauce. I didn't want to trouble you over something like that so I thought I could nip out to the shop and be back in no time, but.... I forgot...." Myfanwy pressed her fingers against her temples and squeezed her eyes shut. "I just... totally forgot. Again."

"Where is it?" Robert asked from the back seat.

"Where is what?"

"The hot sauce. You said you went to the shop. Where's the hot sauce?"

Myfanwy sucked her bottom lip in and covered her eyes with the heels of her hands. "I forgot!" She sobbed.

"Whoa, okay. It's okay!" Robert rubbed her shoulder and Eliza reached over and grabbed her hand. "We'll be back home in no time, alright? Everything's okay."

"No, it's not!" Myfanwy through her head back against the headrest. "I look like a swallowed a house! My feet are too swollen for my shoes! None of my clothes fit! I can't even get myself across town without getting hopelessly lost. I'm a pathetic mess and I'm going to be a failure as a mother and our kids are going to hate me because I have the memory of a goldfish."

" Wha \- where is this all coming from?" Eliza asked, looking over at her.

Myfanwy threw her hands up. "It's all true. I'm a cow and you're gorgeous and you probably had somebody much prettier in the coatroom when I called you and now you have to deal with me and I can't even stop crying!"

Eliza pulled the car into the garage and shut off the engine. They were quiet a moment. Myfanwy was certain they were going to say something. Anything. Instead, they got out and pulled her from the car. They didn't say a word as they fixed her up back in bed.

"You're mad at me, now, aren't you?" Myfanwy sniffled. She was finally running short of tears.

"How about you just get some sleep? Hm?"

"You are mad at me! And now you're going to leave me for your pretty coatroom girl. Or guy." Myfanwy sniffled. "Probably a guy. Wouldn't have to deal with this from a guy."

"Could you stop? I wasn't with anyone else. I have no plans to be with anyone else. I don't appreciate you belittling my feelings like this," Robert said.

"I don't know how many times I've said I love you. That I don't care what you look like or anything else. I love you. There's no one else. And that you think I would ever abandon you or my children is downright insulting."

Myfanwy pressed her lips together to trap a sob that made its way out anyway. "I'm sorry! I just wish I were more competent. Monica! Monica was competent. Remember Monica? She was beautiful and capable and you probably would have done much better to be with someone like her."

Gestalt went quiet again. She'd just kept putting her foot in it. Somehow her one lie had released a dam's worth of subconscious truths from her. Nothing would stop them from spilling out.

"Monica's in a coma," Gestalt managed.

Myfanwy frowned at them. "I know that. Still, you have to admit, you thought about it. You must've. I'm not blind."

Gestalt grimaced. "How long have you known about it?"

Myfanwy sniffled and adjusted herself on her pillows before folding her hands over her stomach. "Well, you're both so capable and attractive. It was more of an assumption than anything."

They tilted their heads at her. "You're not angry?"

Myfanwy shrugged. "Why would I be?"

Their shoulders sagged. "Right. Because it isn't as though we were together at the time."

"Not that we weren't not together, either. It was just... very complicated. I'd only just found out about your memory problem."

"And Monica was trying to wrap her head around what Marcus had been a part of and we were both just very hurt."

"Confused. We were hurt and confused. But it didn't really mean anything. Not like with you."

Myfanwy frowned between them. "What?"

Gestalt stared at her.

"You... you're saying...." Myfanwy's eyebrows shot up. "You  _ actually  _ slept with Monica Reed?"

Gestalt's eyes widened. Their mouths fell open. "You said you knew."

"I said I assumed you had  _ thought  _ about it!"

Gestalt's faces fell.

Myfanwy stared down at her hands. At her belly containing their children. "Which?"

"What?"

"Which body? Bodies? Which of you did you use to fuck her?"

"C'mon,  Myf , you don-"

" _ Tell me _ ."

They put their hands on their foreheads and grimaced again. "Alex."

"Alex." Myfanwy repeated. " _ Just _ Alex?"

They nodded.

"Just the once?"

"Please, can we drop it?"

"So, more than once." Myfanwy nodded to herself as her thoughts raced. Reeled. Rewound and repeated.

"Myfanwy."

"Were you ever planning on telling me? What if Monica woke up from her coma and I went to see her? You'd just let me get egg on my face like that?"

"I wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how to. I was sure the slightest provocation would send you running a million miles away again." Gestalt shuffled at the foot of her bed. "I didn't relish the feeling of not knowing where you'd gone, if you were safe or if you were hurt, of thinking I would never see you again. I thought that was my punishment for spending the weekend with Monica instead of trying to fix things with you."

"A whole weekend!" Myfanwy exclaimed. "My, my."

Gestalt winced. "Fuck."

"You know, I think you were right earlier. I do need some rest. And I think you might be needed back at the office. Or... somewhere that isn't here."

Gestalt sighed. "I'm not going to just leave you here on your own again. Especially not after what happened earlier."

"I've asked nicely." Myfanwy pulled the comforter over her and rolled onto her side putting her back to them. "I really can't stand to look at you just now. The next time I ask won't be so nice."

They were quiet a moment more before they finally left the room with a few quiet curses under their breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30!? THIRTY!? FUCKIN THIRTY?!?!?!?!


	31. Broken Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy has visitors.

The sunroom was her favorite part of the new house. Gestalt had set up a daybed for her there during the first few weeks of her bedrest. It was where Myfanwy spent most of her days. Lounging with a book in her hands or watching something on the television. When the weather was nice, she kept the doors open to the backdoor.

Sundays were the only days she was able to spend with Gestalt. Usually. She woke alone that Sunday. She waddled to the sunroom alone, too. She had just settled onto her daybed when someone rang the doorbell. She groaned and strained back up to her feet. The blood drained from her head and she thought she might faint for a moment, but the spots cleared and she was able to make it to the door.

"Ingrid," she greeted. "I wasn't expecting you today."

Ingrid wheeled herself inside so Myfanwy could close the door. Two bags hung from the back of her chair and two more were on her lap. She picked up the one nearest her knees and held it up for Myfanwy to take. She waddled to the kitchen and pulled out a Tupperware container from the bag.

"You might not remember the Founder's Feasts, but I know the roast was always your favorite."

A sudden excitement filled her as she cracked the lid to peer inside. "You're a godsend, Ingrid. Truly."

She opened the refrigerator and frowned. She hadn't been lying the night before when she'd told Gestalt they were out of hot sauce. She stuck the container on one of the shelves deciding to eat it when she had the right condiments to go with it. Myfanwy shook off the disappointment and led the way back into the sunroom.

"Where's Gestalt? I'm amazed they've let you out of their sight. Judging from the way they took off from the party last night, I thought the worst."

Myfanwy leaned back against her pillows. "Cowering somewhere with their tails between their legs."

Ingrid's thin, perfect eyebrow arched in interest. "Can I ask what happened?"

Myfanwy pulled at a tassel on her afghan. "Did you know they slept with Monica Reed?"

Ingrid was quiet. Myfanwy looked up to see her lips pressed together in a thin line.

"You did? You knew about it?" 

Ingrid grimaced. "It's not like I  _ knew  _ knew. I had my suspicions. The way they were swaggering around that Monday morning before they got your letter. I thought  _ you  _ knew. I thought maybe they'd told you or maybe you'd caught them in the act. Something."

Myfanwy huffed and shoved the heels of her hands into her eyes. "No." She shook her head. "No, this isn't your fault. There's no way you could have known they were keeping something like this from me."

Ingrid reached out and put a reassuring hand on Myfanwy's calf. "From what I know, it happened before you were together. Or... really together. That has to count for something."

Myfanwy dropped her hands onto her lap palms up. "It would've counted for everything if they hadn't been so busy lying and keeping it a secret. It's been almost a year since we got together. They could have told me at any time. They could have told me when I confessed to sleeping with Bristol. They chose to lie."

"You slept with Andrew Bristol?"

"And I told Gestalt about it on day two. Or... I don't actually know what day to consider the official start of our relationship. Fact is, I told them about Bristol. I thought after all the lies I had put between us that first week of my life, we could afford to be more honest with each other. I suppose I was the only one who thought so."

Ingrid folded her hands on her lap. Her brows knitted together as she worked through the appropriate course. "But they  _ did _ tell you about it. Eventually."

"By mistake."

Ingrid tilted her head at Myfanwy. "Mistake?"

"I had a... minor meltdown last night and in my momentary hysteria I mentioned that I assumed Gestalt had fantasized about Monica. They thought I meant that I knew they'd slept with her."

Ingrid took a deep breath and stared at her hands. "Well... no one's ever said Gestalt  _ weren't _ total idiots. Especially when it comes to you."

"Is that meant to make me feel better?"

Ingrid gave a small shake of her head. "I don't know,  Myf . I'm not exactly an expert in this field."

Myfanwy grunted in pain as the babies adjusted themselves in her belly. "Just what I need," she muttered.

"Hm?"

She gave a tight smile to Ingrid. "Just the babies adjusting."

Ingrid's eyes brightened. "Oh, right! Speaking of, I've got gifts."

"Oh, Ingrid, you really don't have to get me anything."

Ingrid held out the first bag on her lap. "I didn't get  _ you  _ anything. The babies on the other hand...."

Myfanwy rolled her eyes and dipped her hand into the bag. An off-white blanket, onesie, and hat were tucked around a package of wet wipes and bottles. 

"Your refusal to ascertain the genders has made shopping a bit difficult. I've kept to more neutral colors. White, yellow, and gray." Ingrid held out the other two bags, identical in their contents aside from the colors.

Myfanwy's eyes were watering again. "Thank you. I haven't been able to get out to shop for them. I'm sure Gestalt has been doing plenty. They set up the cribs and changing tables weeks ago. I've just been stuck here all this time."

"You've been working, too. Just... from home."

Myfanwy sighed heavily and rubbed her belly. "And Gestalt gets to run around like an action hero."

"Given the option, I'll bet they'd trade with you for a day or two. They're exhausted. No matter how much they try to hide it."

Guilt was instantaneous. She'd been so consumed in her own  self pity . Her pain and her agitation that she hadn't been considering Gestalt in all of it. She pushed it away while Ingrid visited. They spent the next hour gossiping and tossing baby names back and forth. Something she'd been doing with Gestalt but couldn't ever land on a single one.

She knew she owed Gestalt an apology. Not for getting angry about the Monica thing, but for callously ignoring their own needs. Four bodies should have provided them with ample time to rest, but they still weren't able. And she could only imagine it would get worse. 

The house was still empty of them even after Ingrid left. She wondered when they planned on coming home. And where they'd gone to hide out. Maybe they were getting some well-earned sleep.

* * *

Gestalt couldn't sleep. They wandered the shops aimlessly. It wasn't as if they were the only ones to sleep with someone else that first week. Myfanwy had openly admitted to sleeping with Andrew Bristol of all people. She could have fucked anyone on the planet and they could have stomached it better than that. She could have fucked  _ everyone _ on the planet aside from the bird cunt and they could have stomached it better.

They'd gotten used to the new Myfanwy. The Myfanwy they didn't have to tiptoe around so much. The one with a harder shell. All the books said pregnancy hormones could cause more extreme switches in emotions. She was always irritated anymore. Everything bugged her. From the way her shirts felt on her skin to the sound of their breathing. They were used to it by now.

The crying was another matter. They'd never gotten very good at handling a crying Myfanwy. They weren't really great at handling a crying anybody. So a crying  _ and  _ angry Myfanwy was an enigma they were ill equipped to handle.

Not that they didn't understand why she was upset. They'd been so upset to find she'd slept with the bird  cunt, they'd actively sought him out to put him in the hospital. And been thoroughly reprimanded for it after. And they never once regretted their actions.

They picked up a maternity dress and frowned at it thoughtfully. She'd been raving about her clothes not fitting. They felt the fabric between their fingers. She wouldn't like the feel of it on her skin. They settled it back on the rack and shoved their hands in their pockets.

"Shopping for your wife?" A salesperson asked.

They nodded their head once. The salesperson smiled at them warmly. "How far along is she?"

"Twenty-eight weeks."

The salesperson frowned at the dress they were just looking at. "That's three months yet. Are you excited?"

Gestalt slid around the clothing rack to look at another dress. "Six weeks."

"Pardon?"

"She's giving birth in six weeks." They felt the texture of the fabric and frowned.

"Why so soon?"

Gestalt pressed their lips together and met the salesperson's eyes evenly. They didn't say a word. They rarely needed to. One sharp look was generally enough to get anyone to back off.

"How bad is it?"

They chewed at their thumbnail as they stared at the array of bouquets. "How bad is what?"

The florist smirked at them. "She got you sleeping on the couch?"

Gestalt glared at the flowers now.

"For minor disagreements, small bouquet. For a bigger argument, bigger bouquet. Anything worse than that, you'll need more than flowers."

They put four bottles of hot sauce into the cart and continued down the aisle. It was hard not to think everything was just a huge overreaction on Myfanwy's part. If they had waited until after she'd given birth and started feeling more like herself, they were certain she wouldn't be so upset. She might even understand.

They grabbed another set of cloth  diapers . Their number one concern should be the impending babies. If Myfanwy were thinking  clearly, she'd know to table it until things calmed down again. They were about to be very busy. Who they did or didn't sleep with before they were even really together was low on the totem pole of concerns.

* * *

Knocking at the door disturbed Myfanwy from her cat nap. She groaned and rolled to her side to sit up on the daybed. Jon yawned and stretched beside her, but made no further move to get up as she did. She waddled to the door thinking maybe Ingrid had forgotten something or Gestalt had left without a key. She pulled the door open and felt the blood drain from her face.

"Conrad."

He nodded politely at her. "Myfanwy. May I come in?"

She nodded numbly and stepped aside to let him pass. She wiped the drool from her cheek and pulled her fingers through her hair while he looked around the wide rooms of her new house. She shut the door and cleared her throat.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

Conrad turned to face her again. His eyes dropped down to her stomach. Then lower, to her feet. He gave her a tight smile.

"Perhaps we could just sit down."

Myfanwy took as deep a breath as she could and led Conrad to the sitting room. Much darker than the dayroom. The walls were a deep brown. The windows resigned to one wall instead of three. It was the sort of place Conrad would appreciate. She sat in one of the armchairs while Conrad occupied the other.

"I've been feeling terribly as of late, Myfanwy."

Her brows drew together. "Have you been to the doctor?"

Conrad shook his head. "I meant in regards to you and me."

"Oh."

"I'm sure you don't remember, but we used to be quite close. One might have even called us friends. I've known you since you were a teenager. Young, impulsive, and too smart for your own good. I taught you chess. Do you remember that?"

Myfanwy smiled. "I remember playing it. But, no. I don't remember the lessons."

Conrad took a deep breath and nodded. "You're good at it. You excelled quickly. You beat me on our third game and I'm not an easy person to beat and I'm not the sort to throw games."

"I do remember winning a game," Myfanwy admitted. She wasn't sure where this conversation was going. Something told her it was going to be along the lines of a dismissal.

Conrad smiled an easy smile. "You are a dangerous enemy to have."

Myfanwy frowned. Her hands settled over her belly. "As are you."

"Together, we are much more dangerous. The sort of dangerous very few people would want to trifle with."

Myfanwy said nothing. She had no idea where he was going.

"You realize, of course, that you cannot continue going out into the field with three new babies to care for. And I know you don't want to return to your old job of paper pushing and filing."

"Is this you firing me?" Myfanwy asked, to get to the point. She was growing uncomfortable in the chair.

"This is me promoting you."

Myfanwy stared at him emptily for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"The  Checquy has been without a full court for some time now. Not since the fiasco with Linda and your memories. As Queen, you'd enjoy a pay increase and the comfort in knowing you will seldom, if ever, be sent out on potentially  life-threatening missions."

Myfanwy stared at the man for a long few moments. "What's the catch?"

"Pardon?"

"You aren't the sort to give something for nothing. What are you gaining from this?"

Conrad wrinkled his brow at her. "I thought I'd already made that obvious."

Myfanwy shook her head and shrugged.

"You."

"Me?"

"As an ally. I've seen some of what you're capable of and I don't relish being on the wrong side when I learn the rest." Conrad stood. "Don't answer now. You still have a few months before you're back to work anyhow. Do let me know what you decide."

Myfanwy watched him leave. The discomfort she'd felt a few minutes before was gone. She ran her hands gently up and down her belly as her thoughts surged. She knew things between her and Conrad had been  tense in recent months, she never imagined this would be how he would settle the matter.

She had no idea how long she sat there before she heard the door open. Footsteps made their way to the dayroom. Another set started up the stairs. Gestalt was home. She should get up and talk to them. She could only sit and stare into the middle distance while she considered the future.

"Myfanwy?"

She blinked and looked up. Eliza leaned against the archway holding themselves tightly.

"What are you doing in here?"

She looked around and frowned. "Conrad stopped by."

"Grantchester? What did he want?"

Myfanwy wrestled herself out of the chair. "To sell me to the circus," she muttered.

"Well, he's not trying to take the babies. Right?"

Once she was back on her feet, she huffed and waddled past them towards the kitchen. She didn't see why she should tell them anything. They hid things from her all the time. Her security clearance would be higher than theirs as the queen. They wouldn't be able to hide anything work related from her then. And she could have some control as to where they went on assignment.

Myfanwy grabbed a bottle of water and waddled back to the dayroom to sit back down. She stopped in the doorway. Red and blue bouquets swathed the room. Roses and forget-me-nots. She swallowed and continued to the daybed to sit down.

"I know you're still angry with me,  Myf . I get it." Eliza sat on the edge of the coffee table and took her hand in theirs. "I haven't slept with anyone but you since we really started dating. And I meant it when I said that what happened with Monica didn't mean anything."

Myfanwy squinted at them and pulled her hand away. "I'm not angry that you slept with Monica."

Eliza's shoulders sagged. Myfanwy took a sip of her water and picked up her book.

"You seem angry."

Myfanwy pressed her lips together. "I am."

They leaned back. "You just said you weren't."

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. "Eight ears and you still don't listen to a word I say."

Gestalt scrubbed their hands down their face. " _ Why  _ are you angry?" They demanded with biting patience.

"I'm angry that when we started this relationship, the only one of us that decided that it should be done honestly was me."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

Myfanwy slapped her book shut and dropped it onto the floor. "Forget it."

"No. Tell me what you  meant by that."

Myfanwy threw her head back and groaned. "I'm tired."

"You've been doing next to nothing all day every day for months. You can handle a conversation."

Myfanwy felt her EVA on her skin. " _ Next to nothing _ ? I've been growing  _ three _ humans in my stomach for the past six and a half months."

Gestalt groaned. "I  _ know _ ."

"And you've been lying to me that entire time! You've been acting as if I'm the one that's putting the strain on our relationship. Like I'm crazy or pathetic or something. You've been lying. And what's worse, is when the truth did come out, you acted like it was all my fault!" Myfanwy's breathing was coming short now.

"I didn’t lie. It never came up before." 

Myfanwy snarled and struggled back to her feet, determined to leave before the argument escalated any further. She'd planned on a bit of a cooling off period before getting back into it. They were both dealing with a lot. They were both exhausted. She took one step towards the door before the room spun and snapped to black. 


	32. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt watches on helplessly as Myfanwy is rushed to the O.R.

All they'd had to do was remain calm. To accept Myfanwy's manic tirade for what it was. A pregnancy induced bout of lunacy. Instead, they'd pushed. Agitated her. Got her all worked up when she was already under enormous stress.

It took Teddy and Alex to carry her to the  Range Rover. Just a few short months ago, they were joking about needing a tow truck to move her. It wasn't so funny now.

"What happened?" Dr. Ogler demanded as soon as they made it past the secretary's desk. She had a stretcher and two orderlies with her. Gestalt settled Myfanwy onto the bed carefully.

"She fainted."

They followed after as Dr. Ogler led the way into the emergent care facilities. "She  fall out of bed, then?"

"She was standing."

Dr. Ogler glared at them the way she'd done when they were snot nosed teenagers. It still instilled the same feeling of shame deep within them. She was a kind woman, but she was not to be tested.

"I need a head C.T. and an ultrasound STAT," the doctor barked, turning her eyes away from them. Gestalt watched helplessly from the edge of the room as Myfanwy was moved from the stretched to the C.T. machine.

They hated the machine. Not as much as they hated some of  Glengrove's other tests, but the whirring gave them headaches in all four heads every time. At least Myfanwy was unconscious for this bit.

"Head scan is clear. No sign of concussion or  hemorrhaging," a tech reported.

Myfanwy was moved again. Dr. Ogler moved her shirt up over her swollen belly while a nurse dragged a travelling ultrasound machine into the room. They stared at their babies on the screen, floating in black and white.

Dr. Ogler cursed under her breath. "Prep for surgery," she barked. "These babies are coming out today."

"What?" Gestalt demanded, forgetting to compartmentalize and separate their voices.

Myfanwy was loaded back on her stretcher and pushed from the room. They followed after with two bodies, leaving the other two to demand answers. Teddy grabbed Dr. Ogler's arm and pulled her to a stop.

"She's only thirty weeks. She's got another month and a half before she's even close to due." They were trying exceedingly hard to remain calm.

"Maybe if she'd stuck to bedrest, but your babies are suffocating right now. Either they're born today or all four of them are going to die very soon."

She didn't mince words. They appreciated that about her. Even as children. Now, they supposed they could have used a little sugarcoating. Teddy dropped her arm and watched as she hurried off after Myfanwy. 

Her face was pale. It had been pale for a while. They hadn't really noticed too much. They assumed it was a result of the pre-eclampsia. Maybe that was wishful thinking. Maybe Myfanwy was much more drained than she let on.  Than they had noticed. She'd been terrified when she'd found out it was triplets. They could only think it had been with good reason.

_ You have to live, Myfanwy. You and all of our babies. _

* * *

"I know your secret." 

Gestalt looked down at the woman in her wheelchair. Myfanwy's new  assistant or secretary or something. Inez? Gertrude? Something old fashioned. She was tapping away on her keyboard and had hardly looked up at them. She must've mistaken them for someone else.

"Excuse me?" 

The secretary paused in her typing and smirked at them. As if she really did know something about them. They were using Teddy's body to drop off some files for Myfanwy. Not many people were brave enough to hold a conversation with their Teddy body. If they weren't so annoyed by her knowing smirk, they'd almost think they liked her.

"Nothing in any of the handbooks says two agents can't date," the assistant reported to her computer screen.

Gestalt blinked at their own screen. They couldn't help glancing over at Myfanwy hard at work in her own office. They used Eliza's and Teddy's eyes. A blush started to form on their necks. They ground their teeth together.

"I'm not interested," they said, gruffly. "No offense."

The assistant looked up at them again and  _ rolled her eyes _ . She was extremely bold. Which meant she must be very good at her job. Good enough to make her invaluable.

"I wasn’t talking about myself." The woman nodded her head subtly towards Myfanwy. "Do you think she'd find the  multiple bodies thing unappealing? Because that's the same woman that has ordered three full meals from three separate restaurants on a lunch break because she couldn't make up her mind which one she wanted most."

Gestalt slapped down the file on the assistant's desk. They gave her their hardest, meanest, coldest look. They were trying to scare her, but she seemed indifferent to it.

"Is that what they pay you for? Giving out unsolicited  advice on other people's sex lives?" They leaned down onto the desk to look the woman in her eyes. "I didn't ask. I'm damn sure Myfanwy didn't ask. So, how about you focus on your  _ job  _ instead of imaginary relationships."

The secretary frowned at them silently. They held their stare for another ten seconds before righting themself and heading for the door.

"I'm paralyzed. Not blind," the woman muttered.

Gestalt ruffled their Alex hair and huffed out a sigh as Eliza's eyes took in Myfanwy's oblivious form. She had a pen tucked between her lips. Her brow was furrowed as she thought about something. 

Ingrid. The secretary's name was Ingrid. She wasn't wrong. Or blind. Gestalt wasn't blind either. And they knew Myfanwy wasn't blind. She had to know how they felt. Even if they tried to hide it. She had to know she was everything to them. She was the sun to them. They orbited around her.

Someone came into their office while someone else walked between Eliza and Myfanwy's office. They shook themselves as if that would rid them of their errant thoughts. All consumed by Myfanwy.

They'd find someone else to take home this weekend. Let off some steam. Forget Myfanwy for a few spare moments. They could hope even if they knew it wouldn't happen. The forgetting Myfanwy bit, anyway. Finding someone to shag was a cakewalk.

* * *

Thirty weeks wasn't too early. A  thirty week old baby could blink its eyes. Its brain was starting to mature and wrinkle. Its digestive tract was beginning to develop enough to take milk. They have a  ninety -eight percent chance at survival. The babies were going to be fine.

Gestalt watched them load Myfanwy onto a sterile surgical table. A cluster of nurses handed them smocks while Dr. Ogler ordered them to stay against the wall in between barking orders at the rest of the medical staff. Myfanwy's stretched belly was shown between the sheets of sterile, blue paper while a nurse coated it in iodine.

They winced as Dr. Ogler brought the scalpel to her orange belly to make an incision. Their own stomachs ached in a strange way. As though they could feel some part of her pain. But Myfanwy was unconscious. A ventilator was strapped to her face ensuring she both breaths and remains sedated for the duration of the procedure. She couldn't feel any pain.

"Alright, I've got the first one," Dr. Ogler announced, her hands deep in Myfanwy's body. Her blood soaking her up to her elbows.

Gestalt held their breath as the infant was drawn from her body. Covered in Myfanwy's blood and barely the size of their Eliza hand. It was quiet. Too quiet. Their hearts dropped. 

Dr. Ogler clipped the umbilical cord and passed the infant to a nearby nurse waiting with a blanket. She started for the door and Gestalt immediately went on high alert. They stepped in front of her and stared down.

"Where are you taking it?" 

"I didn't special order a fucking NICU for you to give my nurses a hard time about using it, Ted," Dr. Ogler announced, distractedly. "Go with her if you don't trust us, but time is of the essence."

Gestalt stepped out the door and let the nurse out after them. They were glad for something to do. Some way to help. The nurse tucked the baby into an incubator and began pulling down tubes and wires while another nurse came over to help.

"Why isn't it crying?" 

The other nurse pulled up a stethoscope and settled it on the baby's chest. "Who's this?"

The first nurse came back from fetching blankets in the cupboards. "The father."

The other nurse frowned and nodded. "Congratulations, it's a girl. Now, I think you'll find the waiting room a bit more comfortable." The other nurse nodded down the hall.

Gestalt narrowed their eyes. "I think you'll find me a bit hard to remove."

The baby stirred in the incubator and twisted against the ventilator they had just put on her. The nurse let out a huff in Gestalt's direction and settled into adjusting the baby's apparati.

In the operating room, Dr. Ogler removed the second baby. This one at least gurgled if it didn't full out cry. Gestalt used another body to follow this one. They watched as they tucked it into another incubator just beside the first. The snotty nurse looked up at their Alex body.

"Who's this one, then?"

"The father," the newest nurse replied. 

The snotty nurse looked between their bodies. They could see thoughts churning. A wondering. Fortunately, their babies were taking priority. 

"Shit," Dr. Ogler cursed. A nurse brought the suction tube forward to clear Myfanwy's blood away again. Whatever it showed, didn't make Dr. Ogler any happier. "Shit."

Their eyes hadn't left her face since they'd stepped inside the O.R. She hadn't stirred. Nothing in her had changed. Not visibly. They prayed that meant everything would be alright. 

* * *

All four of their bodies were seated inside the executive office. The one reserved for Farrier. The current head of the  Checquy . They knew they were in trouble. Their usual reprimands came from the scientists or teachers. Never from the King herself.

"A year ago, you were model students," Farrier started. She was pacing the room in front of her wide windows. "Excelling in all your classes. Exceeding every expectation set for you." She stopped pacing and looked down her nose at them. "What changed?"

It was asked in the tone that meant she already knew, or at least assumed, she knew the answer. Gestalt pressed all four of their lips together. They knew what had changed. But they weren't going to say it.

"Perhaps kitchen duty will loosen your lips? And, because I know how easy any  task I give you will seem, you can perform all janitorial tasks on the main floor for the rest of the month."

"What?" They spoke with four bodies by mistake. They didn't make mistakes. They were trained not to make mistakes.

Farrier narrowed her eyes at them. "I had you pegged for field agents, Gestalt. I thought it was what you wanted yourself. Instead, you seem to be backsliding instead of progressing."

Gestalt locked their jaws. It was their dream to become a  Checquy field agent. To be able to utilize their many learned skills to the very best of their ability. They hated that the King was dangling that carrot and trying to entice them into giving up their friend.

Farrier sat behind her enormous desk and folded her hands together. "It's Myfanwy. Isn't it."

Gestalt looked at the floor. They hadn't said anything. She really had just known.

"Why do you always do what she says, even when you know it will get you into trouble?"

Gestalt scrambled helplessly through all four of their brains for any excuse. Anything that would spare them and Myfanwy. At the very least Myfanwy. They were coming up empty.

"You care about her, don't you?" Farrier tilted her head at them. Her eyes were full of pity. "Maybe you even love her?"

Gestalt felt a blush spread across all four faces. Foolish. They were idiots. Completely daft.

"You know nothing good could come of a relationship between two potential  Checquy agents. Let alone two incredibly unique EVAs." Farrier sighed at their continued silence. "I'm going to do you a favor here, Gestalt. Even if you don't think it is. I'm going to change your room assignment and modify your class schedules to limit your interactions with her."

Gestalt's eyes widened. They opened two mouths to protest, but Farrier held up her hand. "This is going to both save your futures and the inevitable pain and heartbreak that would come  from any relationship pursued with a fellow student."

* * *

They had two daughters. Beautiful,  _ beautiful _ daughters. Even if they were the size of their hands. Even if they couldn't quite breathe on their own just yet. Two beautiful, strong daughters. 

_ Eat shit, Farrier. _

Two babies and another one any moment. Dr. Ogler was elbow deep in Myfanwy's body. They cringed to watch it. Even if Myfanwy's face displayed no displeasure. 

"Got him," Dr. Ogler announced. "I've got him." She pulled the smallest baby from Myfanwy's body. His mouth opened and closed silently. The most movement they'd seen from any of the trio. They followed the nurse out with him. Their son.

"Let me guess," the snotty nurse started, "the mother?"

"No, that's still the father," the first nurse corrected.

The snotty nurse stared between their bodies. Complete confusion plastered over his face.

Dr. Ogler continued working on Myfanwy. A lot of the nursing staff had cleared away. Only the anesthesiologist remained at her head. They moved over on stiff legs and smoothed her hair back from her face. They knelt, unnoticed by the medical staff concerned with whatever was happening on their end.

"Our babies are here, Myf. Three beautiful babies," they whispered. She probably couldn't hear them. But they needed to tell her. They wanted to shout it from the rooftops. "Two girls and a boy. I'm with them right now. I won't leave them for a moment. Just like I won't leave you." They pressed a kiss to her temple. "I'm sorry," they whispered. They flicked their eyes up to the anesthesiologist who was turned away reading the monitors. "Just... I'm sorry."

A machine began beeping angrily beside them. A nurse shouted something to Dr. Ogler, but she may as well have been speaking Greek for all they understood her. Dr. Ogler did. She let out a string of curses between demanding new tools and assistance. Gestalt was doing their best not to cry. Not in front of all these people. Not when they had their babies before them. Their first experiences shouldn't be grief.

"Robert, I need you out of here. You're obstructing the field," Dr. Ogler shouted.

"I'm not leaving her," the replied, evenly.

"You aren't helping her!"

"I'M NOT LEAVING HER!" 

The O.R. was painfully quiet, but Dr. Ogler didn't stop working. The silence dragged a few minutes more as Gestalt pet Myfanwy's hair as whispered, 'I love you,' over and over.

"Good for you, Robbie," Dr. Ogler said, quietly.

Their unease grew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! DADDY GESTALT!


End file.
